I'm just so sad....

[minnie56]

My Mum passed away on October 30th from a heart drug complication. I came to these boards and asked for prayers and received an outpouring of support....it just wasn't enough to save her.

I am finding it so hard to come to terms with the failure of her Physicians and her needless passing. The last three weeks of her life were spent on a ventilator. We couldn't talk (not really) and she longed for a cup-of-tea (She was very British). She did learn to mouth "I love you" really well though.

I am the youngest of four children....although at 46...I feel so cheated of the gift of time for myself and my two daughters...age 16 (Mum died the day before her 16th birthday)and 18.

How do you go on without a Mother. I miss her with all my heart and I feel like such a part of me has died also.

Any words to help me cope would be appreciated..I am feeling pretty lost right now....

 

[Boots]

{{{{HUGS}}}} My mother died a little over four years ago when I was 45. I am an only child. She went in on a Monday for some routine surgery and died on the following Friday morning from a blood clot. I miss her each and every day. You will never get over the hurt of her not being here and the missing her. I guess you just learn to cherish the beautiful memories you have of her. There is so much I regret that I didn't do and would love to go back and do. But I thought that we had all the time in the world. We didn't. I truly do know what you are going through. My DH was wonderful through it all and let me talk and cry. My children were a great support to me too. Plus I have a wonderful church family who have always been there for me. Until my dad remarried I fixed his evening meal for him and took care of him. He remarried a little over two years after my mother passed away. That was hard for me but I gained a wonderful stepmother who is very good to me. If you ever want to PM or email me I will be glad to listen to you and be of whatever help I can. I do know how you feel. Plus you have your DIS family here with you too. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} and then some more. Ellen

 

[helenabear]

I am so sorry about your mom. I wish I had good words of advice or anything to tell you but all I can say is that I know how you feel. I lost my mom nearly 9 years ago (will be 9 years on the 15th of December) and I was only 16 years old at the time. I did feel so terribly cheated at the time. She would never see me graduate high school, go to college, get married, buy a house, have kids... you get the picture. I felt like I was cheated by not getting any of that! It does make for some holidays to be bittersweet I will say but my personal beliefs help me to deal. I believe that she is up above, watching down on me at all times. And whether she is there physically or just there in spirit, she is still there and I carry her with me at all times in my heart. My children (if we have any) may not be able to know her personally but they will know her through me since she is a part of me. I do hope that some day you will find peace with this and I hope you find it sooner than later. My heart does go out to you and if you want to talk more, feel free to PM me. {{{hugs}}} to you and your family.

 

[C.Ann]

Oh dear.. Reading this has brought me to tears..

I think I know a bit about how you're feeling though.. I was extremely close to my Dad - "Daddy's little girl" - and when he died after a 3-month battle with colon cancer I honestly and truly did not feel as though I could go on without him.. For weeks I had to fight the urge to go back to his hospital room - just to "check and see if he was there.." For months I would spot a man from behind and my heart would soar because I thought it was my Dad.. I went to his gravesite every single day and cried..

But - with time I came to accept that he was gone.. I also got over the anger I felt towards the doctors who misdiagnosed his condition for 10 months..

This is all terribly fresh for you right now and it's no wonder you're having such a difficult time.. To add even more heartache, you're about to approach all the "firsts" without your Mom - first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first New Year's, etc.. That's a tough pill to swallow and I will not lie to you and tell you that it's going to be easy..

Evenutally it will get easier though - bit by bit.. You'll never stop missing your Mom - and you'll never stop feeling as though you were "cheated" - but it definitely will become less painful as time goes on..

Right now you just need to acknowledge your feelings - accept them for what they are (rather than try to fight them) - and do whatever you feel is necessary to get you through each day.. Cry, scream, throw temper tantrums, "talk" to your Mom, talk to others - whatever it takes..

I wish I could say something that would take away your pain, but I can't.. It's something that you have to work through a day at a time..

The most I can do is offer you support, lend an ear if you care to PM me, and pray that you find the peace you're longing for..

Hugs,
C.Ann

 

[Dan Murphy]

A part of you did die with your mum's passing, Minnie, but so very importantly, a part of your mum lives on in you, her caring, concerned soul. You are a product of your mum, Minnie, and dad also, and you live their legacies. Sad it was he passed away at such a young age, but your mum carried the torch for almost 30 more years, raising the wonderful family she did, in spite of all the trials you told us about. As you said, she was able to say, 'I love you'. What a wonderful memory for all your life to cherish, Minnie. She asked you to say a prayer......you did, we did. And we will coninue to, Minnie, for her (though she needs it little now as she is with God) and for you, and your family. God bless your mum, you and your family


{{{Hugs}}}, Minnie,

Dan

<center>A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.
- Washington Irving </center>

 

[disfanatiks]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am at a loss for words right now as I can not imagine the loss of my mother. I have just gone through a very serious illness with my father for the past five weeks and we were told that he would not survive. He did. But I must tell you that these last weeks I have come to realize how very very short life is. One night I just kept telling my husband how I could not understand how 38 years had just gone by so fast.

I keep my grandparents alive through pictures and lots and lots of stories that I tell my daughter about them. She has some small memories and I keep their memory alive by talking about them. In the beginning, it was hard but as years have passed it has become a little easier to remember all of the wonderful times I had with them.

My thoughts and love are with you at this time. I again am so very sorry for your loss.

Teri

 

[imgoingtodisney]

My Dad died 8yrs ago when DS was only 2. I felt (and still feel) that he was cheated out of his grandfatherhood. He did have DSs first 2 yrs to share w/him and he did it well. DS was his only grandchild (and is still the only one.) Im my Dads only child to have gotten married and buy a house. We moved into our house 6mos before Dad died and he helped get us settled. A month before Dad died my car was totaled. Dad helped us find another. He died the night after my mother's birthday - he knew he didnt have long (even though he died quietly in his sleep) but waited so it wasnt on my mothers day.

 

[imgoingtodisney]

My Dad died 8yrs ago when DS was only 2. I felt (and still feel) that he was cheated out of his grandfatherhood. He did have DSs first 2 yrs to share w/him and he did it well. DS was his only grandchild (and is still the only one.) Im my Dads only child to have gotten married and buy a house. We moved into our house 6mos before Dad died and he helped get us settled. A month before Dad died my car was totaled. Dad helped us find another. He died the night after my mother's birthday - he knew he didnt have long (even though he died quietly in his sleep) but waited so it wasnt on my mothers day.

 

[Kitty 34]

{{{{{HUGS}}}} to you. I don't know what else to say. Some nice words already said here.

 

[snoopy]

My mother died before I was 30, and when my oldest was just an infant. I do know how you feel having felt cheated. Since my mother was only 51 and such a vibrant person, I have never quite gotten over her death. I doubt I ever will. That coupled with the fact that I lost my father when I was 25, I do feel cheated knowing my parents never knew my children.

I can say that in time you will learn to live with your loss, if not totally accept it.

{{{hugs}}} to you. I feel your pain.

 

[Michelle]

{{{HUGS}}} to you minnie56. My father died when I was 21, long before I was married and had a child. It IS sad when someone you loved so much is gone so early in your life. All you can do is hold tight to the loving memories and with time, it does become easier.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. We all have big shoulders so please lean on us, we are here for you.

 

[Dream]

I am so sorry about your Mom. You will be sad for awhile...lost too...no way around this one when you are as close to your Mom as it sounds like you were. Please know that the pain does ease over time...you just have to be patient with yourself. Treat yourself well!!!! Everyone greives in their own way and at their own pace but the rawness you are feeling now won't last for long. Lean on those around you for support and strength...let them take care of you for awhile. Please pm me if you ever need to talk...I have been where you are and it DOES help to talk it thru. Hope you find some peace soon.

 

[TimeforMe]

minnie56--My sincere sympathy on the passing of your mom. I lost both of my parents while they were relatively young. Dad was 53 and mom died 6 years later after just turning 60. Having my dad pass was truly heartbreaking, but having my mom die was without question, the worst time of my life. My kids were babies 2 1/2 and 1 year old--and I really still NEEDED her very much. The only thing that will help heal the intensity of your pain and loneliness is time. Just yesterday I burst out crying and calling my mom and she died 11 years ago. I still miss her tremendously. Just take it one day at a time and remember that a part of her lives through your children. Pray, talk, cry, try therapy (I did) and above all give yourself time to grieve. I truly do understand what you are going through. If you need a shoulder or an ear, please don't hesitate to PM me.

 

[Goofball]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the hurt you are feeling. I will be praying that your pain will be eased. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[bsnyder]

Hugs, Minnie. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. I still have my mother, I don't know what I would do without her. I can't imagine your grief.

 

[Serena]

I lost my mom about 9 years ago. Right close to mother's day. All I can say is that it's okay to feel what you are feeling. Whatever that is.
At first I expected the world to stop so I could catch my breath. I needed time and the world didnt cooperate. I had things I had to take care of.
You need to find someone to talk to, someone to take over when you need an hour to cry or just feel. I wish I had someone at the time.

{{{hugs}}}
I'll tell you it's okay to laugh and have some fun when the chance comes. You don't have to feel guilty for being here when she can't be.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[AR]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom and will pray for comfort and strength for you. So many comforting words have already been said - I think this board is just wonderful and full of compassion. I hope it helps you.

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs}}, Minnie56. I think it's very normal for you to be mad at her doctors, I'm sure they did all they could, but it's very normal to feel like more could've been done. Most of the time we all cope by being mad because we're tired of being so sad. {{hugs}}

Have you tried to sit down and write a farewell letter to your mom? That might help to release some pent up emotions.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am so sorry for your loss. I do not understand your pain but from what I gather it sounds like you miss her so much and I could understand that.
{{{HUGS to you and everyone here}}}