He's not just talking military, he wants to go to West Point and be an officer in the army. College is high on his radar, he just wants it to be a military college instead of a public or private one. He can see the opportunities he would have if he made it through West Point.
Then he needs to know that his behavior has to be above reproach. If he had done this to a stranger, he'd have lost any chance for getting into any military academy.
I just left his bedroom before I read the updated posts. He is starting to feel remorse moreso than just feeling sorry that he got caught. He is starting to find things he can ebay to earn money to pay us back. He also wants to advertise about doing odd jobs for neighbors to earn some money.
Well, remorse is good. I always hated when I disappointed my parents. Honestly. Having them say "We are disappointed" was worse than getting screamed at or grounded.
Volunteering would be a learning tool, from our perspective. Our DS has a ton of opportunities in his life that others don't have. He needs to see how the poor struggle from day to day to better appreciate the things that he has.
I agree.
Making the punishment fit the crime is the hardest part of this entire equation for us. That's why we asked for everyone's opinions. I appreciate each and every one of them.
My BIL is a state trooper. I already told my DH that he needs to schedule a long conversation between he and our DS. The good thing is that they are playing golf tomorrow so they'll have several hours to discuss what our BIL, from a police perspective thinks about the situation, too.
BIL may be able to give you some excellent insight. He may also be able to give DS a glimpse into what life is like for a thief...especially when they get caught.
It crossed my mind that this could be part of the problem. His uncle is more generous than anyone I know, but he rarely takes credit for anything he does. He is very humble in that regard. My DS also sees me, especially, but DH, too, doing things to help others, whether financially or with our time. But, it took years for us to be able to financially help others, as it did with his uncle, too. I wonder if he's just trying to speed his ability to help others up?
A stretch.
One thing I have not done is yelled at him over this. I've spoken very matter-of-factly, but I've not yelled or screamed. I didn't think that would help. I have cried several times, too, because my heart is just so broken by this betrayal.
Has he seen you cry? Because that would be very effective.
Why would you not hide cash? Should we have left it out on the dresser or counter top? Money is kept hidden so that others who come into the house don't take it.
In hindsight, people are telling me about their suspicions. My mother said that she was going to mention it to me that my DS always had a bunch of cash on him. In hindsight, I'm recalling some things too, but on a daily basis, my DS covered his tracks very well. He'd never done anything else wrong and we trusted him. He told us that he and his friends shared expenses or that they picked up the tabs on different occasions. No one let on until this week what was going on in the big picture and when they did, several people mentioned things to me. The final puzzle piece came last night when I was talking to his friend's mother.... then my DH checked the cash on hand and everything pulled together.
The whole respect thing is exactly what I've been mulling over and over in my head. How little do you respect someone who loves you unconditionally that you would steal from them? I'm having a very hard time wrapping my brain around that
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