It has been a long time since I have been back here. Sort of avoiding WISH because I know I wasn't doing anything healthy. I felt too guilty. I had made the decision to get going again and thought I would get my cholesterol test done and then cut out fast food and see how much better my numbers were 2 months later (sort of a reverse on the movie supersize me). I had my lab appt yesterday. The cholesterol wasn't so bad, thyroid and blood chemistry panel are fine, it is my blood pressure that is awfull!) It was 140/102!!!!!!! It had been high 2 years ago when I saw her, but like I said I really haven't been consistent or putting a lot of effort into getting healthy and now I am paying for it. She wanted to start me off on BP meds right away. I told them that I wanted to wait at least 2 weeks and check my BP throughout that time. Then if it wasn't better I would start. I feel so stupid right now. Why on God's Green Earth did I do this to myself? I am a nurse and work with heart surgeons. Every weekend we do bypass surgeries. I see with my own eyes what this does, but why haven't I done anything about it???? I am terrified to tell my DH. He has been trying unsuccessfully to motivate me for years. He has been a strong support for me, but lately he was just getting frustrated and disgusted with what I was eating. CHips and dip daily, Mcdonalds daily, sometimes 2-3X a day. I know he is just going to say "I told you so". We have so many other issues going on at home right now. Financially we are getting better, our debt is getting paid off, but we still don't own our own home and it is very depressing for both of us. So, I hate to add something else for him to worry about. I am in tears right now. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't eat fast food. I have to admit I struggled all day, but I didn't go. Today it is easier, but I still haven't eaten as healthy as I should. Why is it so hard? The resolve is stronger, I don't want to die, or have a stroke. HELP!