I'm already stressed about school!

[MightyMom]

Just hear me out please.

DS8 is going into the 3rd grade. He has cerebral palsy and is physically disabled.... but his cognition is at or above average. He is the only child in his 2nd grade class to get all A honor roll for the entire year...... and there are NO modifications to his academics.

He does not arrive at school until 11:30am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. He attends physical, occupational and speech therapy for 3 hours those mornings before school. On Wednesday he goes to one physical therapy session after school. (this is a hard day because he is exhausted afterwards) We are required to make up all the work he misses those days..... so he always has LOTS of homework!

Last year I ended up in the superintendents office fighting for his right to attend a medical appointment without being counted absent. We were going to be charged with truancy because he was counted absent on the days he went to therapy.

School starts later this month. DS will still be attending therapy on Tues and Thurs. mornings. I spoke to his teacher already and she said, "Well, that might be a problem because we are taking the TAKS (state test) this year."

DS is having surgery on Aug. 20th. He will miss Meet the Teacher Night on Aug. 22nd. I asked the teacher if I could show up on one of her work days to move in his equipment (seating system, gait trainer...etc) so it would be in place the first day of school .... and she said...... " Could you not have scheduled the surgery earlier in the summer??"

I haven't even MENTIONED our WDW trip planned for mid Sept..... or the major orthopedic surgery he'll have this winter. He'll be missing a lot of school for that surgery. He'll probably end up on homebound services.

So, how would you handle all this?

I'm so stressed out about it.

I've considered canceling our trip to WDW. We had this trip planned before we found out about the surgery he would need this year. I really want him to have this trip because no 8 year old boy should have to put up with the crap he endures.

How do I handle the teacher? I want a good working relationship with her..... so I'm not opposed to kissing her butt.

 

[badblackpug]

That's a hard one? Considering he will be missing so much time in the classroom this year is there any way you can rescedule your trip during a school vacation?

 

[shaunaday]

My advice is to talke to her/him as soon as possible. Let her/him know you value your child's education and you would love to find ways to work with her/him on this so that your child can continue to experience the same success he has in years past.

Be sure to let the teacher know that you are willing to do what needs to be done to help make sure that any work that is missed is made up at home. Let the teacher know that you are on the same team as her/him.

My guess is that she/he will be happy to work with you on this.

I currently teach a child who has cancer. He has missed most of his schooling. Our district has done all that they can to help his family and to support his recovery. I cannot even imagine NOT being understanding about the missed school work.

As far as the trip goes, just be honest about the importance of this trip with all that your son has already endured and will endure this year. But ask for make up work and be prepared to have him do it.

Good luck!!!

 

[kpm76]

The surgeries, moving in the equipment, leaving school for the therapies, all that is reasonable and understandable and accomodations should be made for your son. The trip to Disney...well, I hate to say it, but I think that needs to be re-scheduled. That is not a necessity given the amount of classroom time your son is already expected to miss with the upcoming surgeries. Though your son is doing well academically, think about the social aspect of missing so much school. He'll miss his friends and everything that is going on. You don't want him to feel left out because he's out of sight out of mind KWIM? Good luck and hope all goes well for your son

 

[abdmom]

It does sound like your ds will be missing a lot of school this year. Have you discussed it with the principal? Does your ds have an IEP? The principal is the one who can help arrange for absences/IEPs/homebound services. Or at least they know who can. The teacher doesn't really have any power in such things. As a former teacher and wife of a pedi surgeon, I know that surgeries can have a long recovery and you don't always know how it will go until it happens. I also know that teachers and administrators like structure, and don't like surprises. I would set up an appointment with the principal NOW to discuss what his schedule is likely to be and accomodations can be made for your ds for the school year. It is sooo much better to be proactive with the schools than to surprise them.

Standardized tests are a big deal in schools. Sometimes the teacher's pay depends on how well the students do. Often times the principal's JOB depends on how well the students do and how many of them are present for the test. Again, if they know far in advance when ds will be absent, they can work with you, but if he misses too much school or is absent for the tests, and things haven't been set up beforehand, their own job security/paycheck can suffer. It's not fair, but that's how schools are run now.

 

[MightyMom]

That's a hard one? Considering he will be missing so much time in the classroom this year is there any way you can rescedule your trip during a school vacation?

I thought about it. We don't get a fall break. He will be getting the major orthopedic surgery during winter break. Spring break is in March and he'll just have come out of his casts and will be in no shape to take a vacation. Next summer he has to do intensive physical therapy to give him his best chance at walking independently.

My advice is to talke to her/him as soon as possible. Let her/him know you value your child's education and you would love to find ways to work with her/him on this so that your child can continue to experience the same success he has in years past. Good luck!!!

I guess as a parent of a child with special needs we tend to be jaded when dealing with the school. I wish every teacher was as understanding as you seem to be.

The trip to Disney...well, I hate to say it, but I think that needs to be re-scheduled. That is not a necessity given the amount of classroom time your son is already expected to miss with the upcoming surgeries. Good luck and hope all goes well for your son

I know.... it really sucks when I think about canceling a trip! I haven't made the decision yet... but I will have to soon.

 

[Ohio Disney Girl]

You have a great "case' for therapy and surgery time away not being penalizing. If you can't get a better schedule for therapy and/or surgery and you must miss school, then that's what must be done. You definitely need to sit down with the teacher and/or principal, and teh rest of his team and let them know what his schedule looks like and ask how everyone can best work together and what you can do at home to see that he makes academic achievement gains appropriately given these constraints. It can be done!

The Disney trip...well, I am an avid Disney fan and we do pull our now 1st grader from a week of school every year for Disney. BUT, other than another day or 2 a year for an unexpected flu, she is in school all day, every day. It's a "hard sell" to say that your child needs everyone working together because his medical needs cause him to unfairly miss so much school and then, BTW, we're also going to Disney for a week.....I can completely understand why you would feel that you need to go and value season is much cheaper, but in this particular case, this makes it a hardship academically for your son when combined with the other school he MUST miss.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck and can only say as both a special needs teacher and a parent of a child with special needs, do whatever you can to stay positive and focus on the "team" approach as everyone working with your son wants what is best for him and it is SO much easier to work together than distance each other! Good luck!

 

[MightyMom]

It does sound like your ds will be missing a lot of school this year. Have you discussed it with the principal? Does your ds have an IEP? The principal is the one who can help arrange for absences/IEPs/homebound services. Or at least they know who can. The teacher doesn't really have any power in such things. As a former teacher and wife of a pedi surgeon, I know that surgeries can have a long recovery and you don't always know how it will go until it happens..

Yes he has an IEP. The IEP committee is aware of his weekly schedule with therapy. Our annual IEP meeting is soon.... and at that point I will mention the surgery in the winter and we will make arrangements for homebound services.

My issue is more with the teacher because it is so important to me to have a good relationship with her. I want her to know I take DS's education just as seriously as I take his medical issues.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Last year my neice broke BOTH HER ARMS!! After something like 15 days of missed school, they sent her teachers at home (at the schools expence) so she could keep up with her work - is that available at your school? Atleast that will help with the time he will miss due to surgery. I don't know what to tell you about Disney... it doesn't sound like the best idea to me, but hey, its Disney!!!!

 

[Temair]

I'd go for the Disney trip. What other fun thing does you Son have to look forward to. It sounds like he will have a rough year, he might as well have a week of fun in there. Then in the winter and spring he can look back at the pictures and remember what fun you had.

As for the teacher. I would have a conference so she understand how important the therapies are. It sounds like to her the state test is more important than the kids. If after talkign to the teacher things are not looking better, I'd ask for a different teacher, one who understands your childs needs. Therapy and surgery are excusable absences and don't let the school tell you otherwise. You might have to get Dr's notes to prove it, but no one can force a special needs child to miss or reschedule therapies just to suit a teachers preference.

Good Luck,

Joanne

 

[pigget74]

Yes he has an IEP. The IEP committee is aware of his weekly schedule with therapy. Our annual IEP meeting is soon.... and at that point I will mention the surgery in the winter and we will make arrangements for homebound services.

My issue is more with the teacher because it is so important to me to have a good relationship with her. I want her to know I take DS's education just as seriously as I take his medical issues.

In his IEP under additional services--you can add his PT and OT---if it is in his IEP they CANNOT count those as time missed--at least we don't. Also our school does not count medical days against the student if a Dr.'s note is sent. Does your school not have an OT, PT and a speech path on staff? It seems to me that the school should be serving him there. Ours has a speech path, OT and PT that comes to the school to serve the kids 2x a week if needed and at seperate times. There are some kids that can't be served at school due to conflicts and they are seen privately at the schools expense.

As far as home bound goes--they can't deny you this or count it against you. You need to have this set up prior to surgery--which I am sure that you are aware of.

Regardless of his cognitive ability he is still served as a child with a disablility due to his IEP.

Go to disney and have a great trip. He needs something to look forward to!!

From a Special Services teacher the teacher had no right ask why the surgery was not done over the summer. I would think that if it could have been set up then it would have--not all Dr.'s can work around the school schedule. There should not be a problem with you setting up his stuff!! I look at it this way--either you come early or take away class time to get it done. Which would she like.

Wanted to add--let her know that you want to work with her on what is best for your son. That you want to make him successful this school year and that is your ultimate goal.

 

[dogodisney]

Is homeschooling a possiblity for this year?

 

[mom2my2gr8kids]

I thought about it. We don't get a fall break. He will be getting the major orthopedic surgery during winter break. Spring break is in March and he'll just have come out of his casts and will be in no shape to take a vacation. Next summer he has to do intensive physical therapy to give him his best chance at walking independently.




I guess as a parent of a child with special needs we tend to be jaded when dealing with the school. I wish every teacher was as understanding as you seem to be.



I know.... it really sucks when I think about canceling a trip! I haven't made the decision yet... but I will have to soon.

I think you should talk with the teacher and principal, but I wouldn't cancel the trip! My niece is a heart child and my kids and I take every vacation we can with her, but life is short and who knows what can happen. She is 3 and has had 3 open heart surgeries, has heart buddies that were fine one day and gone the next. The vacation is something that you as a family need! JMO

 

[PA Princess]

I know with all you already have to handle that the suggestion of homeschooling may seem like more than you can do, but I would serioulsy urge you to consider this option. Even if you do not feel like you can handle the teaching alone, there are services (cyber schools, video programs, co-ops, etc.) that you could utilize to meet your sons needs. With the surgeries and the eventual need for homebound instruction, homeschooling may be a better fit for this coming school year.

You wrote, "I really want him to have this trip because no 8 year old boy should have to put up with the crap he endures," and this made my heart ache for both of you. No mom lovingly guiding her 8 year old son through all of this "crap" should have to feel additional stress from an unsupportive school/teacher. I pray you find the right answer for your situation.

 

[Minnie]

There is a disabilities board on the Dis. I'd post this question there and I bet you find other parents that have been in similar situations that might be able to advise you

 

[fraggie]

As a former teacher and now administrator in the State of texas, i know how stressed 3rd grade teachers are about the TAKS test. The teacher also should know and understand how important it is to follow your DS's IEP. She has no choice. In the annual ARD/IEP meeting, discuss the surgeries and the trip. Let them know that no school work will be missed and you will make sure he is where he needs to be as far as his school work goes.

Also remember when making a decision about the trip, he must pass this year's TAKS test or he will not move on to 4th grade. In his situation, the ARD/IEP committee will make the final decision, but if by chance he dosn't pass, they will look at all the school he has missed when making their decision.

good luck with the surgeries, the teacher, and the trip decision.

 

[Rylee]

Hi,

Our DS7 has special medical needs, but since our school has been great about working with us, I'm not really up to date on the laws. Plus, I live in NY, so they may be different.

Our son's condition is very rare, so we belong to a listserv through Hospital For Sick Kids, in Toronto. It gives us the opportunity to talk (through email) with other families dealing with the same situations, surgeries and concerns. The information and support is very helpful. Do you belong to or know of anything similar, as it really does help to talk with others experiencing the same fears, problems, emotios, etc.

We take our son to Children's Hospital, Boston, and through the hospital, they have a child life specialist, social worker, support group, etc., to help communicate and deal with the school, regarding our son's needs and rights... do you have any similar services available?

For our son's next surgery, he will need to be hospitalized for 3 weeks, live in the Boston area for another week, and won't return to school for about 2 months after that. When I spoke with the principal, (a casual conversation) he said they would provide him with a tutor. My DH and I have discussed it and we already know, we won't have the surgery at the beginning of summer, making him lose out on everything he loves... baseball and swimming. We plan to try and schedule the surgery so he either misses the end of one year or the beginning of the next, only cutting into one of his summer vacation months.

Dr.'s try to treat the "whole patient" but their first concern needs to be their health and medical issues, and teachers... the same thing, except they have to focus on education, but as the Mom, we have their entire "well-being" to worry about.

Try talking with the teacher and principal again, making sure you know your son's right, before making a decision about the Disney trip.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[weesignlanguage]

I'm in Alabama not Texas but I agree with the pp that said that your son should be getting OT, PT, speech and any other services he needs at his school. However, I have heard that in more rural areas that qualified OT, PT, etc. employess are hard to find/keep and so sometimes the county/systems have to contract with outside businesses to provide the services listed in IEP. In that case, there is NO REASON why they should count your son absent. Your son has the right to free appropriate public education (FAPE is what we call it around here) and if his physical, occupational or speech issues affect his learning at all then the system MUST provide him with help and certainly not mark him as absent.

I think the homeschool idea is wonderful for your situation b/c then you could pace your son according to his ups/downs with surgery and all....PLUS...you could take the week off for DISNEY!! Whoo!

Nevertheless, if homeschooling isn't for you and you do have to deal with your school system, then your son's current teacher needs to wake up and get with the current laws. I am appalled that she would have a problem with you coming in on a workday while she is there anyways. I mean all you have to do is set up some equipment and such...it's not like you are going to yit yat at her all day! Honestly, as a teacher for the deaf/hard of hearing, I make it a point to discuss my students needs with their principals (I serve many schools) at the end of each year so that the principals will consider the type of teacher they place my students with each year. Perhaps this teacher is one who is not a "special needs friendly" teacher. Sadly, there are many of these out there...you know...the kind who seem miffed if there is a kid that just can't "keep up" or "take care of things on his own." God forbid the teacher have to make accomodations or use some special equipment. For me, I have kids who wear FM systems for amplification and you would be shocked how many teachers are nearly offended that I tell them that have to wear a small lapel microphone so the student can hear through their FM system. Tragic! If your son's teacher seems to be one of these (only you will be able to decipher that) then I would move quickly now to the prinicpal in private and express your concerns and see if there is a way to have your son moved to a more "special needs friendly" teacher.

As for the testing, when is it?? Maybe I missed this in your original post. Will he be homebound by then or is it when you are on vacation?? If not, then what's her beef??

And finally, I say this over all....GO TO DISNEY!! Forget about what anyone else thinks! You and your son deserve a break! Gosh...as much as I value education, nothing replaces the time we need with our family. Like others have said, you never know what tomorrow will bring and one thing is for sure...you should live your life with no regrets. One day your son WILL have an education and from the sound of it...he will be a successful and smart adult...regardless of whether or not you missed five days of school. BUT your son and you will always remember and look back on your trip to Disney with fondness and love. That makes it worth it to me! God bless and good luck to you and your child! You seem to be a wonderful mother!

 

[sk!mom]

I want her to know I take DS's education just as seriously as I take his medical issues.

I know how difficult your situation is as I have grown up with a family member with CP. I appreciate the challenges of fitting in all of the therapys and surgeries.

Having said that, I do not think that it will be possible to convince the teacher that you take his education seriously since your actions do not demonstrate that. I can understand that therapy must continue during the school year but couldn't you have scheduled this first surgery over the summer?

Given as much time as he misses for medical reasons, missing for a vacation seems out of the question if you truly take his education seriously. The only exception to me might be if this is a "once in a lifetime- first trip to WDW."

Have you considered home-schooling since you want to be able to vacation during the school year?

Best wishes for your son!

 

[elbigvato]

I'm also a teacher in Texas, and I totally agree with fraggie. Have all your documentation ready for that ARD meeting!

Good luck in the upcoming year.