I'm already stressed about school!

[GhostLady]

Having said that, I do not think that it will be possible to convince the teacher that you take his education seriously since your actions do not demonstrate that.

I must have missed the part where you stated how you knew this family personally and that you had been following her son's progress through school.
Otherwise, I don't see how you could possibly know what her "actions demonstrate." None of us can know this from the little info we have read in this thread. I got the impression that she DOES take her son's education very seriously.
Why???
1. She posted this b/c she is concerned.
2. She has been talking to and trying to work with the teacher.
3. She is willing to do whatever is necessary to get along with the teacher.
4. Her son has been a straight A student. (very few students without involved parents make straight A's)

Unless I missed it, she has not stated why surgery could not be done over the summer but she shouldn't have to. It's not anyone else's business and it really doesn't matter. All that matters is that it will be done during the school year and what can be done to accommodate her son's educational needs during that time. It could be that the Dr. did not have an opening during the summer or it could be that she did not want to take time away from her son's summer vacation (which I totally understand). I'm sure there are many other possible reasons but I would be willing to guarantee that it's NOT b/c she doesn't care about her son's education.

As for the vacation, when I first read the original post, my first thought was that I would probably reschedule the vacation but after reading further, I changed my mind. I think she should continue the vacation as planned. She has already stated that b/c of the surgeries and recovery time, that they would not be able to take the vacation for a long time. I agree with other posters that this little boy and his family need a vacation and something to look forward to during this difficult time. The only thing I would do is to find out the dates of the testing (if you don't know already) and make sure it is not during the vacation. If it is, maybe you can just change the trip to a different week but not cancel it.

It sounds like this little boy needs a bit of "magic" and I'm sure any caring teacher will understand that. Vacations can be very educational, especially Disney and time with family is VERY important.
I take my kids education very seriously but sometimes there are things that are more important.

To the OP: I know that you will make the right decision for your family b/c YOU and only YOU know what that is.

Good luck to you and your son whatever you decide

 

[perkinsrose]

Just hear me out please.

DS8 is going into the 3rd grade. He has cerebral palsy and is physically disabled.... but his cognition is at or above average. He is the only child in his 2nd grade class to get all A honor roll for the entire year...... and there are NO modifications to his academics.

He does not arrive at school until 11:30am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. He attends physical, occupational and speech therapy for 3 hours those mornings before school. On Wednesday he goes to one physical therapy session after school. (this is a hard day because he is exhausted afterwards) We are required to make up all the work he misses those days..... so he always has LOTS of homework!

Last year I ended up in the superintendents office fighting for his right to attend a medical appointment without being counted absent. We were going to be charged with truancy because he was counted absent on the days he went to therapy.

School starts later this month. DS will still be attending therapy on Tues and Thurs. mornings. I spoke to his teacher already and she said, "Well, that might be a problem because we are taking the TAKS (state test) this year."

DS is having surgery on Aug. 20th. He will miss Meet the Teacher Night on Aug. 22nd. I asked the teacher if I could show up on one of her work days to move in his equipment (seating system, gait trainer...etc) so it would be in place the first day of school .... and she said...... " Could you not have scheduled the surgery earlier in the summer??"

I haven't even MENTIONED our WDW trip planned for mid Sept..... or the major orthopedic surgery he'll have this winter. He'll be missing a lot of school for that surgery. He'll probably end up on homebound services.

So, how would you handle all this?

I'm so stressed out about it.

I've considered canceling our trip to WDW. We had this trip planned before we found out about the surgery he would need this year. I really want him to have this trip because no 8 year old boy should have to put up with the crap he endures.

How do I handle the teacher? I want a good working relationship with her..... so I'm not opposed to kissing her butt.

Certainly financially not an option for everyone...
but I once had a student's (5 year old with autism) parent hire an child advocate attorney. The advocate accompanied the parent to IEP and seemed to be the assertiveness that this softspoken parent needed to get some basic things met for her son.

 

[perkinsrose]

I think you should talk with the teacher and principal, but I wouldn't cancel the trip! My niece is a heart child and my kids and I take every vacation we can with her, but life is short and who knows what can happen. She is 3 and has had 3 open heart surgeries, has heart buddies that were fine one day and gone the next. The vacation is something that you as a family need! JMO

I agree. DON'T CANCEL the trip. As a teacher and a parent, I believe life experience is AS IMPORTANT as classroom education. A week of joy is necessary medicine!

 

[Rylee]

I can understand that therapy must continue during the school year but couldn't you have scheduled this first surgery over the summer?

I'm not the OP, but choosing the timing of surgery is usually not the patient or family's decision. Most importantly, the patient's health and medical progress determines the timing, then the Dr.'s schedule, the OR schedule, hospital room availibilty, etc. Also, I believe the OP said, in a different thread, for her son's comfort, summer and the Texas heat, would not be an ideal time to have cast on.

We didn't get to choose the timing of surgery for our DS7. With all 5 past surgeries, when the Dr.'s felt he was medically ready, they were scheduled... we had to make the timing work for us. We hope to choose the timing of the next surgery but that may not be an option.

 

[sk!mom]

I must have missed the part where you stated how you knew this family personally and that you had been following her son's progress through school.
Otherwise, I don't see how you could possibly know what her "actions demonstrate." None of us can know this from the little info we have read in this thread. I got the impression that she DOES take her son's education very seriously.
Why???

The actions that I was referring to were the fact that the OP stated that even though her son is going to miss a great deal of school due to his medical issues- time every week plus extended time for two surgeries- she also has plans for taking him out of school for a vacation. To me that doesn't indicate that education is anywhere near the top of OP's list of importance and I don't think there is a way to convince a teacher otherwise. This is especially true since the OP that she previously has had trouble with the school over the weekly appointments. If that's the case, I doubt they will think a vacation shows the proper concern for his education. That is my opinion and you are entitled to yours.

I thought I remembered previous threads where the OP had chosen this time for the surgery but maybe I've confused this OP with another.

 

[MightyMom]

The actions that I was referring to were the fact that the OP stated that even though her son is going to miss a great deal of school due to his medical issues- time every week plus extended time for two surgeries- she also has plans for taking him out of school for a vacation. To me that doesn't indicate that education is anywhere near the top of OP's list of importance and I don't think there is a way to convince a teacher otherwise. This is especially true since the OP that she previously has had trouble with the school over the weekly appointments. If that's the case, I doubt they will think a vacation shows the proper concern for his education. That is my opinion and you are entitled to yours.

I thought I remembered previous threads where the OP had chosen this time for the surgery but maybe I've confused this OP with another.

You are wrong.... but you're entitled to your very wrong opinion.

1: I did homeschool DS for 2 years because both his medical issues and education were equally important to me. I do value his education. He has won the science fair 2 years in a row and went on to district competition. He's a straight A student. This is a child who is very "involved" physically.... has a visual impairment and numerous sensory issues. Do you have ANY IDEA how difficult it is for him to perform at the top of his class with all these added challenges????? Do you think this happens because I don't value his education?

#2: I'm sorry my son's eye muscle couldn't have slipped a little earlier in the summer to make it easier on the teacher and the administrative staff at the school. We travel 3 hours to take my son to see this eye doctor..... and we'll have to travel 3 hours for his surgery. This is my son's 4th eye surgery. (I've lost count of all the surgeries he's had in his 8 years) I've scheduled the surgery for the last week of summer break. (The soonest I could possibly schedule it) My son is giving up his last week of summer break to have surgery! That sucks for a kid! He will not be missing ANY school for this 1st surgery even though they will be cutting through is eye muscles and stitching the muscle back together. He will only be missing Meet the Teacher Night. I asked the teacher if I could go in on one of her work days to take in his equipment to make things easier on everyone.... especially my son.

His second surgery will be during winter break. Merry Christmas and Happy New year to him! It really sucks having to have your bones broken and re-fused back together during the holidays. I did it so he wouldn't miss school. He'll go into homebound services after the procedure... so technically he won't be missing any school here either.

#3: The school doesn't provide physical therapy or speech therapy for my DS. I was told that therapy is only offered to children based on the academic model. In other words...... my son doesn't have to know how to walk in order to learn..... he can learn just fine from a wheelchair.... so there is no need for physical therapy. Pulling him out for medical appointments is his right. No one can question that.

#4: Honestly.....kids with CP have a shorter life expectancy than typical children.... especially when they have other complications. (My son has breathing issues as well as kidney issues) I want him to live a long life as a productive member of society....... but I also don't want his entire childhood to be spent at therapy clinics... doctors offices.... and school. So forgive me for wanting to take my son on vacation.

I know I posted something very personal in a public forum... and I asked for advice.... so I should be prepared for attacks. But I will not tolerate someone questioning my parenting because my DSs are the MOST important thing to me.

I've lost sleep over my son's schooling, his surgeries, therapy and this vacation. We decided to go to WDW in September because my youngest son has autistic behaviors and peak season is not good for us. (We've tried it twice in June) I thought it would be better for my older son to miss school in the beginning of the year before all the state testing takes place.

I'm beating a dead horse......

Thanks everyone for your honest opinions. I appreciate it.

 

[carj]

You are wrong.... but you're entitled to your very wrong opinion.

1: I did homeschool DS for 2 years because both his medical issues and education were equally important to me. I do value his education. He has won the science fair 2 years in a row and went on to district competition. He's a straight A student. This is a child who is very "involved" physically.... has a visual impairment and numerous sensory issues. Do you have ANY IDEA how difficult it is for him to perform at the top of his class with all these added challenges????? Do you think this happens because I don't value his education?

#2: I'm sorry my son's eye muscle couldn't have slipped a little earlier in the summer to make it easier on the teacher and the administrative staff at the school. We travel 3 hours to take my son to see this eye doctor..... and we'll have to travel 3 hours for his surgery. This is my son's 4th eye surgery. (I've lost count of all the surgeries he's had in his 8 years) I've scheduled the surgery for the last week of summer break. (The soonest I could possibly schedule it) My son is giving up his last week of summer break to have surgery! That sucks for a kid! He will not be missing ANY school for this 1st surgery even though they will be cutting through is eye muscles and stitching the muscle back together. He will only be missing Meet the Teacher Night. I asked the teacher if I could go in on one of her work days to take in his equipment to make things easier on everyone.... especially my son.

His second surgery will be during winter break. Merry Christmas and Happy New year to him! It really sucks having to have your bones broken and re-fused back together during the holidays. I did it so he wouldn't miss school. He'll go into homebound services after the procedure... so technically he won't be missing any school here either.

#3: The school doesn't provide physical therapy or speech therapy for my DS. I was told that therapy is only offered to children based on the academic model. In other words...... my son doesn't have to know how to walk in order to learn..... he can learn just fine from a wheelchair.... so there is no need for physical therapy. Pulling him out for medical appointments is his right. No one can question that.

#4: Honestly.....kids with CP have a shorter life expectancy than typical children.... especially when they have other complications. (My son has breathing issues as well as kidney issues) I want him to live a long life as a productive member of society....... but I also don't want his entire childhood to be spent at therapy clinics... doctors offices.... and school. So forgive me for wanting to take my son on vacation.

I know I posted something very personal in a public forum... and I asked for advice.... so I should be prepared for attacks. But I will not tolerate someone questioning my parenting because my DSs are the MOST important thing to me.

I've lost sleep over my son's schooling, his surgeries, therapy and this vacation. We decided to go to WDW in September because my youngest son has autistic behaviors and peak season is not good for us. (We've tried it twice in June) I thought it would be better for my older son to miss school in the beginning of the year before all the state testing takes place.

I'm beating a dead horse......

Thanks everyone for your honest opinions. I appreciate it.

It always amazes me that people can be so nasty to someone that they have never met. Having the other poster suggest that you don't value education was absurd. It is hardly worth acknowledging.

When I read that response, it made me angry and then sad that someone who clearly has no useful advice, decided to jump in to a thread merely to be mean.

I know that you don't want to cancel your trip. I can only imagine how hard that decision is for you. This is what I think that I might do in the same situation. I would postpone the Disney trip until a school break. Take a smaller, short weekend trip locally. Make it a whole weekend of fun and togetherness. He is going to be missing a lot of school and though the medical absences would be excused, the vacation absences would not. (We are in Texas too and I think that is the policy throughout the state, but I may be wrong.)

I try my best to schedule medical appointments around school and we don't miss school for anything else other than illness and medical appointments. Ultimately you are the mom and you need to make the decisions that you feel are best for your son and family. My son has a different medical issue that requires appointments during the school day, though not nearly as often. We go probably 7-8 times during the school year. He will need surgery again in a few years but his is a surgery that we can plan ahead for and arrange around breaks. I know that all surgeries are not like that.

We don't take off from school for vacations but I don't think that choosing to do so means that you do not value education. I wish you the best of luck with your decision. I know that it is a hard one.

 

[Rylee]

You are wrong.... but you're entitled to your very wrong opinion.

1: I did homeschool DS for 2 years because both his medical issues and education were equally important to me. I do value his education. He has won the science fair 2 years in a row and went on to district competition. He's a straight A student. This is a child who is very "involved" physically.... has a visual impairment and numerous sensory issues. Do you have ANY IDEA how difficult it is for him to perform at the top of his class with all these added challenges????? Do you think this happens because I don't value his education?

#2: I'm sorry my son's eye muscle couldn't have slipped a little earlier in the summer to make it easier on the teacher and the administrative staff at the school. We travel 3 hours to take my son to see this eye doctor..... and we'll have to travel 3 hours for his surgery. This is my son's 4th eye surgery. (I've lost count of all the surgeries he's had in his 8 years) I've scheduled the surgery for the last week of summer break. (The soonest I could possibly schedule it) My son is giving up his last week of summer break to have surgery! That sucks for a kid! He will not be missing ANY school for this 1st surgery even though they will be cutting through is eye muscles and stitching the muscle back together. He will only be missing Meet the Teacher Night. I asked the teacher if I could go in on one of her work days to take in his equipment to make things easier on everyone.... especially my son.

His second surgery will be during winter break. Merry Christmas and Happy New year to him! It really sucks having to have your bones broken and re-fused back together during the holidays. I did it so he wouldn't miss school. He'll go into homebound services after the procedure... so technically he won't be missing any school here either.

#3: The school doesn't provide physical therapy or speech therapy for my DS. I was told that therapy is only offered to children based on the academic model. In other words...... my son doesn't have to know how to walk in order to learn..... he can learn just fine from a wheelchair.... so there is no need for physical therapy. Pulling him out for medical appointments is his right. No one can question that.

#4: Honestly.....kids with CP have a shorter life expectancy than typical children.... especially when they have other complications. (My son has breathing issues as well as kidney issues) I want him to live a long life as a productive member of society....... but I also don't want his entire childhood to be spent at therapy clinics... doctors offices.... and school. So forgive me for wanting to take my son on vacation.

I know I posted something very personal in a public forum... and I asked for advice.... so I should be prepared for attacks. But I will not tolerate someone questioning my parenting because my DSs are the MOST important thing to me.

I've lost sleep over my son's schooling, his surgeries, therapy and this vacation. We decided to go to WDW in September because my youngest son has autistic behaviors and peak season is not good for us. (We've tried it twice in June) I thought it would be better for my older son to miss school in the beginning of the year before all the state testing takes place.

I'm beating a dead horse......

Thanks everyone for your honest opinions. I appreciate it.

Sometimes, those with the most advice, have the least amount of experience.

Try not to let what some poster think, bother you.

I know your heartache, I know your fears. Like most mothers, and as the mother of a special needs child, I know we do want the absolute best medical care and the best education for our children, along with focusing on their emotional well-being, and trying to give them a life as normal as any other child their age. Do whatever you feel is best for your son and family.

All the best.

 

[MouseLover]

I would contact the special ed. supervisor at your child's school ASAP.

The IEP may need to be modified. As a former sped teacher in a rural district, we did not provide OT/PT, but IEPs were worded for those that needed those therapies that the school would provide the "time and place" for the therapies. So it was part of that child's academic day and could be done on campus.

If have taught children with various disabilities whose medical needs required them to be absent more than the allowed days, and as long as it was addressed in the IEP it was not an issue.

I wouldn't worry about the state test either. I have yet to have 100% attendance during our state test. They can and do get made up.

As far as vacation, that's a tough one. Just do what you feel you need to do for your child. Obviously, if he is on the honor roll with all those other issues, one week's vacation shouldn't hurt him academically. By the way, it seems to me there maybe should be some academic issues addressed in his IEP. I would think he would at least have shortened assignments for some of those absences.

Good luck!

p. s. I think the teacher has a lot of nerve asking why you didn't schedule the surgery in the summer.

 

[SueM in MN]

From what you wrote, my guess is that the teacher is feeling totally overwhelmed. And people who are overwhelmed often don't make good decisions. I'm not sure if she already knows your DS or not from what you wrote. If she does know him, she probably already has some 'baggage' to deal with that might have nothing to do with your child. If she hasn't met him yet, she's probably has heard about him (and maybe not the good things - but the parts about fighting the superintendent's office to attend therapy sessions).

From the teacher's standpoint, she has a student who:

1. is going to be taking the very important TAKS tests this year.
2. will be missing every Tues and Thur morning. If school begins at 8:30am and ends at 2pm (with 1/2 hour for lunch), he's missing 6 out of 25 school hours a week (almost 25% of the school work week). She may be looking at that and going into panic thinking about how she is going to deal with catching him up with whatever is taught during that time period. Add that to the standardized tests, which teachers don't feel like they have enough time to prepare for anyway and I'm sure she feels very stressed.
3. I don't know what is happening in the classroom when he comes back, but she may be concerned about how an interruption of a child returning to class will impact the class. It could be that coming back 10 minutes earlier or 10 minutes later will not interrupt something, but will come at a time when they are changing subjects/activities anyway.
4. if she doesn't already know how to use the gait trainer and whatever other equipment you are bringing in, she's probably worried about how to use it and how she's going to fit using it into her day. Even if he's not getting active therapy thru the school, they should have an OT/PT to do teaching of staff and supervise use of equipment. If the teacher doesn't have a para because your child doesn't need any help academically, she may be feeling like she can't take care of your DS's needs and the rest of the classroom.
5. Wants to bring in equipment on a work day. I don't know why she would not agree to have you bring the things on one of her work days, but it's probably not because it would inconvenience her (my guess is that she feels like she will have to 'accept' a lot of responsibility for using it without feeling like she has support). Also, IMHO, it would be more disruptive to everyone for you to bring in the equipment during Meet the Teacher night - she will be busy with other things/many people, etc.
6. may need a lot of extra work on the teacher's part

I don't know if the teacher has any support for all this, but it sounds like she may not have. (Since you posted the therapy appointments had gotten to the point of the Superintendent last year; that should not have needed to go that far, IMHO, and should have been able to be settled on a school level.
Since the district decided the therapy was not 'academically necessary', is it even written into his IEP (which would at least give you some safeguards)?

There could be other things about the therapy that have nothing to do with your DS - like, when I was a school nurse eons ago, the school attendance day that counted for getting your district's share of state funds was Tuesday. That could definately color their view of him being gone every Tuesday morning. Since attendance was taken in the morning, kids who were at school when it opened and left at 10 am were counted; kids who were absent in the beginning, but came in at 10:30 didn't. There could also be something about what goes on during Tues and Thur mornings that makes it more difficult for the teacher if he is gone then than at another time. You may not be aware of a whole bunch of 'Tuesday and Thursday elephants in the living room' that they are looking right at and getting mad at you for not knowing about. (I realize that times for therapy are often not in your control. When we took our DD to outside therapy, we basically had to take what was available. School may not be aware of that and may 'think' you are purposely picking a bad day).

Who knows, since you have already homeschooled in the past, the idea may be that if they make things for you too uncomfortable, you may go back to homeschooling.

And, finally, you may just have a bunch of dinks at your school.
We had one school meeting where the District Director of Special Education told the Principal that what he was proposing was against the law. He said no one could tell him how to run his school and stormed out. She apologized to us. The staff at that school were great, but the Principal was a real dink.

I don't know if you are aware of advocacy services, but here are some links for you:
PACER Center is based in Minnesota, but is a national resource for children's education rights. They have a lot of links and information that is national in scope.
Texas in the Region 3 Parent Technical Assistance Center.
If you scroll down a bit, there are links to specific centers serving different needs/areas of Texas. I don't know if they all provide advocates, but we used the Advocates in Minnesota several times over the years. I never had one accompany me to an IEP meeting (you are allowed to bring a support person of your choice), but it was nice to have someone who knew the laws in my state to bounce things off. I'm not sure about Texas, but in Minnesota, use of an Education Advocate was not a service we were charged for; it was a free service, paid for by tax dollars.

It sounds like right now, the teacher is seeing you as an adversary and your child as a potential burden. Hopefully, you will be able to get that turned around before school starts.

 

[MightyMom]

And, finally, you may just have a bunch of dinks at your school.
We had one school meeting where the District Director of Special Education told the Principal that what he was proposing was against the law. He said no one could tell him how to run his school and stormed out. She apologized to us. The staff at that school were great, but the Principal was a real dink.

Thanks for that.

It's hard to play devil's advocate when it comes to an issue with your child. Last year when we ended up in the superintendents office it was after a meeting I had with the district special education director.

The school didn't know how to handle the temporary absences despite it being clearly spelled out in the Texas Education Code and Texas Administrative Code. We were sent to the Special Education Director to discuss addressing it in his IEP.

I left that meeting fuming mad. The director told me... and I quote this because it is forever burned into my brain.... "When my daughter was in elementary school I wanted to take her to piano lessons. Would it have been appropriate for me to pull her out of school for piano lessons the way you plan on pulling your child out of school for physical therapy?"

I still can not believe she compared physical therapy to piano lessons.

I'm gonna call up to the school tomorrow morning and (hopefully) schedule an appointment with the principal before DS's surgery on August 20th. I'm gonna go into it with an open mind instead of with my boxing gloves on. The 1st day of school is August 25th..... I just want everything resolved by then.

 

[kpm76]

I know how difficult your situation is as I have grown up with a family member with CP. I appreciate the challenges of fitting in all of the therapys and surgeries.

Having said that, I do not think that it will be possible to convince the teacher that you take his education seriously since your actions do not demonstrate that. I can understand that therapy must continue during the school year but couldn't you have scheduled this first surgery over the summer?

Given as much time as he misses for medical reasons, missing for a vacation seems out of the question if you truly take his education seriously. The only exception to me might be if this is a "once in a lifetime- first trip to WDW."

Have you considered home-schooling since you want to be able to vacation during the school year?

Best wishes for your son!

Are you serious??? If you actually think that a patient can schedule surgery whenever is convenient for them, you obviously have no experience in the medical field. My FIL is a surgeon and I can tell you it is he and his team that does the scheduling based on OR availability etc. I am not going to respond to the rest of your post because I will likely get points of banned.

OP...my heart goes out to you and your son

 

[SueM in MN]

Thanks for that.
It's hard to play devil's advocate when it comes to an issue with your child.

That's why I tried to play it for you. It's much easier for a third party to look in and try to see both sides.

The director told me... and I quote this because it is forever burned into my brain.... "When my daughter was in elementary school I wanted to take her to piano lessons. Would it have been appropriate for me to pull her out of school for piano lessons the way you plan on pulling your child out of school for physical therapy?"

I still can not believe she compared physical therapy to piano lessons.

I can believe it.
We had a situation where gym class included swimming.
Because DD's cerebral palsy involves athetoid (writhing movements), extension (straightening of extremeties) and flexion (bending), her swim suit does not always stay in place on the bottom and some girl parts, which shall not be named on a family board, become exposed.
We settled that by providing her with a one piece swimsuit and a coordinating pair of swim shorts. I instructed her para on how to dress her for swimming, wrote a note to the gym teacher with my name and number to call with any questions. I thought that was the end of the problem until the first day of swimming, when she came home with a wet swimsuit, but dry swim shorts.
I called the para to find out what happened and she said the gym teacher would not let DD wear the swim shorts and made the para remove them before getting DD into the water.
I didn't know what to make of that and called the gym teacher. She first told me that short were not allowed in the pool because "if we allow shorts, someone might think it's OK to wear cut-off jeans." I said, "I would not want cut-off jeans in the pool either, but these are not cut-off jeans. They are shorts that are made for swimming in."
Then she said she could not allow DD to wear her swim shorts because "all the girls would want to. What will I tell the other girls who maybe think they are fat and want to wear shorts to cover more of their body?"
I told her that was not my problem, but I thought that 6th graders could probably look at DD and understand that parts of her would be uncovered without the shorts - in fact, some of them had probably already seen the un-named girl parts when DD was swimming earlier that day!
She said that she would still have a problem because the other girls might ask why they could not wear swim shorts. I said, "The answer is simple; you tell them that my DD is disabled and can't keep her swimsuit covering herself. If you had that problem, you could wear swim shorts, but since you don't, you can't."

She would not give in, so I went the next step up, the assistant principal for that grade. I got to talk to her the next day, after I had talked to an advocate at the PACER Center (so I felt prepared).
She gave me the same arguements. I had the same answers.
She said our choices were to have DD swim without the swim short or skip swimming. I said our choice was to have her go swimming with the swim shorts since wearing them was a reasonable accommodation for her disability and not swimming would be a violation of her ADA/IDEA rights.
She came back with this situation putting her in a bad 'place' with the gym teacher, who she needed to keep a working relationship with. I came back with her working relationship needed to include telling the gym teacher when she was wrong.
She came back with "What will I tell the parents when they call and ask why only one child is allowed to wear shorts?" I said, "You can tell them that she needs them for privacy needs related to her disability and in-ability to keep her swim suit in place."
I asked her, "What will you tell the parents who call and complain because their child told them they saw DD's unnamed private parts? And, what will you tell the lawyer from the Disability Law Center when he calls and asks why you refuse to make an accommodation?"
(I had already called the Disability Law Center and spoken to a lawyer).
That made her see reason and we didn't have any problems with the swim suit after that!

 

[carj]

Thanks for that.

It's hard to play devil's advocate when it comes to an issue with your child. Last year when we ended up in the superintendents office it was after a meeting I had with the district special education director.

The school didn't know how to handle the temporary absences despite it being clearly spelled out in the Texas Education Code and Texas Administrative Code. We were sent to the Special Education Director to discuss addressing it in his IEP.

I left that meeting fuming mad. The director told me... and I quote this because it is forever burned into my brain.... "When my daughter was in elementary school I wanted to take her to piano lessons. Would it have been appropriate for me to pull her out of school for piano lessons the way you plan on pulling your child out of school for physical therapy?"

I still can not believe she compared physical therapy to piano lessons.

I'm gonna call up to the school tomorrow morning and (hopefully) schedule an appointment with the principal before DS's surgery on August 20th. I'm gonna go into it with an open mind instead of with my boxing gloves on. The 1st day of school is August 25th..... I just want everything resolved by then.

That is truly disturbing! Piano lessons and physical therapy?? I am so disappointed to hear that comparisson being made by a special ed director.

You mentioned that the teacher wasn't receptive to the idea of bringing in his equipment on her workday. Just from my own experience, our workdays are often not our own. We are sometimes required to be in 10 different places. She may not want to commit to meeting you on that day because she doesn't know what she will be doing. One year, I was even told on the workday, the day before school started that my classroom was moving!
Also, there are always parents who can't make meet the teacher for whatever reason. It is hard to make exceptions for one and not make them for others. I do realize that your situation is different. I'm just saying that she may not be trying to make life hard for you.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Wow, what a hard place to be in.

As a special educator, and a parent, I'd try approaching this with the teacher one more time. Go into the situation on the assumption that she's a kind, rational human being and that if you give her all the info she'll understand why you've made all the difficult decisions you have. (Note: I'm not saying this is true, but sometimes if you treat people with high expectations they rise to them -- so at least for now treat her as if she's the teacher you want her to be). If you can set up a meeting, that's great. Otherwise, send her an email giving her some information about your son and your family. Reassure her that you value his education, but also tell her a little about your son and some of the reasons why you make the decisions you do. Explain to her about your son's academic strengths, and let her know what you've done in the past to make sure he keeps up academically so that she doesn't feel like worrying about the TAKS is her responsibility alone.

And then go to WDW, absolutely without a doubt do not cancel that trip -- your son deserves it so much, and time with family is important too. If she tries to stop that trip then schedule a meeting with the head of special ed or whoever else you think is appropriate, but do not let them talk you out of it. And have a fantastic trip while you're there.

 

[SnowWhite607]

That's why I tried to play it for you. It's much easier for a third party to look in and try to see both sides.

I can believe it.
We had a situation where gym class included swimming.
Because DD's cerebral palsy involves athetoid (writhing movements), extension (straightening of extremeties) and flexion (bending), her swim suit does not always stay in place on the bottom and some girl parts, which shall not be named on a family board, become exposed.
We settled that by providing her with a one piece swimsuit and a coordinating pair of swim shorts. I instructed her para on how to dress her for swimming, wrote a note to the gym teacher with my name and number to call with any questions. I thought that was the end of the problem until the first day of swimming, when she came home with a wet swimsuit, but dry swim shorts.
I called the para to find out what happened and she said the gym teacher would not let DD wear the swim shorts and made the para remove them before getting DD into the water.
I didn't know what to make of that and called the gym teacher. She first told me that short were not allowed in the pool because "if we allow shorts, someone might think it's OK to wear cut-off jeans." I said, "I would not want cut-off jeans in the pool either, but these are not cut-off jeans. They are shorts that are made for swimming in."
Then she said she could not allow DD to wear her swim shorts because "all the girls would want to. What will I tell the other girls who maybe think they are fat and want to wear shorts to cover more of their body?"
I told her that was not my problem, but I thought that 6th graders could probably look at DD and understand that parts of her would be uncovered without the shorts - in fact, some of them had probably already seen the un-named girl parts when DD was swimming earlier that day!
She said that she would still have a problem because the other girls might ask why they could not wear swim shorts. I said, "The answer is simple; you tell them that my DD is disabled and can't keep her swimsuit covering herself. If you had that problem, you could wear swim shorts, but since you don't, you can't."

She would not give in, so I went the next step up, the assistant principal for that grade. I got to talk to her the next day, after I had talked to an advocate at the PACER Center (so I felt prepared).
She gave me the same arguements. I had the same answers.
She said our choices were to have DD swim without the swim short or skip swimming. I said our choice was to have her go swimming with the swim shorts since wearing them was a reasonable accommodation for her disability and not swimming would be a violation of her ADA/IDEA rights.
She came back with this situation putting her in a bad 'place' with the gym teacher, who she needed to keep a working relationship with. I came back with her working relationship needed to include telling the gym teacher when she was wrong.
She came back with "What will I tell the parents when they call and ask why only one child is allowed to wear shorts?" I said, "You can tell them that she needs them for privacy needs related to her disability and in-ability to keep her swim suit in place."
I asked her, "What will you tell the parents who call and complain because their child told them they saw DD's unnamed private parts? And, what will you tell the lawyer from the Disability Law Center when he calls and asks why you refuse to make an accommodation?"
(I had already called the Disability Law Center and spoken to a lawyer).
That made her see reason and we didn't have any problems with the swim suit after that!

THis swimming incident reminds me of what my special ed mentor told me on my first day (I was a SPED teacher for 7 years before I had DD).......if one child is choking and you know CPR, you should give it to him, Dont worry about not giving it to the others and trying to be "fair" (like why cant they all wear swim shorts)..... Should you just say "Sorry Kid, that you are choking but if I give CPR to you, I will have to give it to the other 20 kids so I can be fair"?? You give a kid what they need when they need it. Obviously your DD needed swim shorts. Some people are so caught up in being "fair" all the time. Ya know life is not fair and sometimes, people need a little extra help.

OP, I dont know what to say but I wish you luck with your DS this year.

 

[SueM in MN]

THis swimming incident reminds me of what my special ed mentor told me on my first day (I was a SPED teacher for 7 years before I had DD).......if one child is choking and you know CPR, you should give it to him, Dont worry about not giving it to the others and trying to be "fair" (like why cant they all wear swim shorts)..... Should you just say "Sorry Kid, that you are choking but if I give CPR to you, I will have to give it to the other 20 kids so I can be fair"?? You give a kid what they need when they need it. Obviously your DD needed swim shorts. Some people are so caught up in being "fair" all the time. Ya know life is not fair and sometimes, people need a little extra help.

OP, I dont know what to say but I wish you luck with your DS this year.

LOL
Yep.
Whoever said life was fair?

 

[SnowWhite607]

When I was a kid and used to whine "Thats not fair!!" my mom would tell me, "but we're not AT the fair!!!"

"Equal" does not always means the same as "FAIR". Equal means doing the same and giving the same to everyone. Fair means doing or giving what the child needs at the time.

 

[pigget74]

I do inclusion and this one teacher kept telling me what I was doing was not fair to the general ed students. I looked at her and said--I am not worried about fair--is it fair to the parents that they have to deal with teachers that refuse to obey the laws and help their kid. Is is fair that they have a kid with a disability!! She never once mentioned things being fair again.

TO THE OP take your trip and have a great time. You have to do what is best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY!!!!