If you've ever thrown a kid's birthday party....

[Becky2005]

We are having a party at the Arboretum on the 11th, and I am holding the entry tickets hostage for RSVPs.

I always call, either way, and it bugs me others don't.

That's one way to do it. My son is there today. We have never gone but I know my niece & nephew go all the time.

I've also heard of people just sending the invite with the date only but no time or place & people have to call to find out.

I've also heard people putting "call for a special prize" or something like that...basically bribing them to do the RSVPs.

You would think these other people have never held parties before or something.

AND speaking of all of this -- I need to RSVP for my uncle's birthday party (they didn't put a deadline date on there though to call by!).

 

[diznygirl]

That's one way to do it. My son is there today. We have never gone but I know my niece & nephew go all the time.

I've also heard of people just sending the invite with the date only but no time or place & people have to call to find out.

I've also heard people putting "call for a special prize" or something like that...basically bribing them to do the RSVPs.

You would think these other people have never held parties before or something.

AND speaking of all of this -- I need to RSVP for my uncle's birthday party (they didn't put a deadline date on there though to call by!).

A friend discovered this by accident when she left the time off the invite. She received so many calls asking what time the party was! Now it's something we do when we have to know for sure how many people are coming.

 

[tink20]

At my DS party last year, noone RSVP from his class of 25. 8 kids came from his class, some with siblings, my neighbors and family where there too. But he would have been really sad if noone from his class came. I was getting a little worried because noone called. I am ready to quit having the big parties, and just do a family party. Hope I can do that on his next birthday.
Good Luck with your party!

 

[squirrlygirl]

DD just had her 7th birthday party. She invited 6 friends: I received 3 yes, 1 no, and 2 we never heard from. That was a pretty good showing for around here. One little girl at the party said last year she invited 8 kids and only one showed up. Either she didn't invite my daughter (her best friend? odd..) or the teacher never handed out her invitations like she was supposed to It's the norm to have the teachers take the invites and send them home in Friday folders to avoid hurt feelings for those not invited.


DS will get a party in the spring. I don't expect issues because he's been friends with the same circle of kids for a couple of years now and I have access to all the parents so I can follow up.

 

[panfan]

A lot can happen with the birthday parties during the school year. If the invitation comes home in the school bag, there is the possibility the parent never sees it or puts it with school papers and then it is forgotten. ( Didn't say that was a responsible possibility, but it happens)

If the child has a few siblings, especially older ones, they might be at the mercy of sports schedules within the family, or their own. Sports schedules have been known to change at the last minute.

Or if you run into a family like us, both parents work Saturday and Sunday during "prime birthday party hours" most weeks and between juggling that, sports and other obligations , it isn't possible to attend every birthday party even if we wanted to.

Sometimes, we don't know what our weekends look like until late Friday night and I know we aren't the only ones like this.

Just some "food for thought"

 

[Chrisbeary]

This seems to happen to me all the time as well. No one RSVP's so you assume they are coming and go out and spend money on extra party favors and a big cake. Then they don't show up. I've decided now that DS can just invite a couple of kids. I want to be able to call the parents directly and ask if they can come to the party. What's even better is when your child has gone to a classmates birthday party and then when you invite that child to your child's party the parents don't even bother to RSVP or show up. Very frustrating!

 

[luvsJack]

Very rarely does anyone around here RSVP. DD got one invitation that said "please call and let us know if you are coming by X day so that your child will have a guaranteed spot", this was for a laser tag party. I think she still had kids show up that had not RSVP'd. When I call to let someone know that dd will be there the parent always acts shocked that someone called!

The parties we have done had a set amount that had to be paid before I would have gotten the RSVP anyway. For instance, a skating party where you have to pay for 10 kids (smallest party) to get the room, I just paid for 10 ahead and then paid at the end of the party for whoever extra showed up.

I didn't do party favors--just did candy bags; party favors are too expensive for stuff that just getsthrown away anyway. And the same size cake, too--only the slices would get bigger or smaller.

 

[mjkacmom]

This seems to happen to me all the time as well. No one RSVP's so you assume they are coming and go out and spend money on extra party favors and a big cake. Then they don't show up. I've decided now that DS can just invite a couple of kids. I want to be able to call the parents directly and ask if they can come to the party. What's even better is when your child has gone to a classmates birthday party and then when you invite that child to your child's party the parents don't even bother to RSVP or show up. Very frustrating!

Actually, if someone does not RSVP, I assume they are not coming.

 

[AndreaDM]

We just had my dd7's birthday party. We gave out invitations to her entire class, and two days before her party, one person rsvp'd. This person didn't even come. Two boys that didn't rsvp came, that was all. I bought all the favors, a big cake, etc. because there are 20 kids in her class. I've never seen my DD so upset and heartbroken before. It was heartbreaking to watch. She asked, "When are the rest of my friends coming?"

Aw, I feel bad for her, and this is why we stick with just family parties, or my daughter picking one friend to take to a fancy restaurant, movie, etc. I don't think it's because the kids don't want to come, like someone else said, a classmates bday party is on the low end of the social ladder. My husband works most weekends, I have 3 daughters involved in different actvities, plus I work all week, so weekends are my time to clean, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. Most of the time if we don't go to a friend's bday party is because of time and other obligations. My daughter has 17 other kids in her class, there is NO WAY we could go to 17 parties a year (plus family ones) assuming we were invited to all, so I guess I feel like I'm doing the parents a favor by NOT having a big birthday party. I think it's so much different then when we were kids where a birthday party was a big deal because other than church and school, we really didn't get to go very many places. I even remember getting a new dress for one classmates party. Now parents and kids are so over extended with everything, that it is just one more thing to squeeze in. However, that doesn't excuse not RSVPing. I myself have been guilty of not RSVPing until the last minute, because honestly, I just didn't know.

 

[Becky2005]

Actually, if someone does not RSVP, I assume they are not coming.

I think that is where the confusion lies. Some people think to call only if they ARE coming; others only if they are NOT.

Frankly...my theory is just call me either way so I get a head count, really I'm not going to be upset if you can't make it. I know how that goes. I always feel like I should put a note on there *Really, I won't drill you and ask why you can't make it, so don't feel bad if for whatever reason you can't, just PLEASE let me know so I can have an accurate count.

It's just one reason I have read through the years that people don't like to call to RSVP especially if they can't make it. They feel guilty for having to say no to it & are afraid they are going to be grilled onto why they can't come. I always just say, Oh, too bad we will miss them but thanks for letting me know. That's it. I know there are times my kids can't make others parties as it just doesn't work out with what we already have scheduled.

Why they don't call if they are coming, I have no idea.

I'm going to be planning my youngest party pretty soon & it's his first kid party. It's Kindergarten parents. One never knows how that party will go for RSVP's, especially with 1st time parents with their oldest. I'm actually going to have it after his birthday since the school directory comes out after his birthday will have passed. They won't hand out invitations at school and without addresses, makes it difficult. I did get a class list & looked up several but there are several I couldn't find or have more than 1 person by the last name in our town. So, to save myself grief & have their phone numbers...we will wait. Now, let's hope they all said YES for being in the directory. If they are new, they may not know that directory is your lifeline for the kids. I know in the past, I had a mom say afterwards, she didn't realize just how important the directory was & she wished she had included herself in it. She used it a lot herself, so the next year her info was in there.

 

[NotUrsula]

A lot can happen with the birthday parties during the school year. If the invitation comes home in the school bag, there is the possibility the parent never sees it or puts it with school papers and then it is forgotten. ( Didn't say that was a responsible possibility, but it happens)

If the child has a few siblings, especially older ones, they might be at the mercy of sports schedules within the family, or their own. Sports schedules have been known to change at the last minute.

Or if you run into a family like us, both parents work Saturday and Sunday during "prime birthday party hours" most weeks and between juggling that, sports and other obligations , it isn't possible to attend every birthday party even if we wanted to.

Sometimes, we don't know what our weekends look like until late Friday night and I know we aren't the only ones like this.

Just some "food for thought"

Then the kind thing to do would be to call up the parent and explain this. Tell the person that your child WANTS to attend the party, but you don't know if work obligations will arise to prevent it. Then the person knows to check back with you at the last moment.

If you have too many invitations to attend them all, then your child needs to learn that regrets are regrets -- kids need to learn that you have to decide when the invitation comes if it something that you wish to attend or not, and respond accordingly. It isn't kind to withhold a decision while you wait to see if something more fun comes up.

 

[EthansMom]

Then the kind thing to do would be to call up the parent and explain this. Tell the person that your child WANTS to attend the party, but you don't know if work obligations will arise to prevent it. Then the person knows to check back with you at the last moment.

If you have too many invitations to attend them all, then your child needs to learn that regrets are regrets -- kids need to learn that you have to decide when the invitation comes if it something that you wish to attend or not, and respond accordingly. It isn't kind to withhold a decision while you wait to see if something more fun comes up.

I agree. I have had one parent call up with "maybe". I'd rather get a "maybe" than get no call at all. At least I know that the invitation got to the intended recipient and they know about the celebration.

 

[Katy Belle]

I have been on both ends. My DS12 is terrible at leaving invitations in his bag/locker/desk. I've been embarrassed many times from a call asking if he's coming to a party...a party I had never heard of! Also, I'm a huge procrastinator, so now I try to call right when we get an invitation. And if we say we come and something else comes up, we still go to the first obligation.

Having 3 boys and living far from family, we have hosted LOTS of parties. Usually its a trick to get people to respond. I've had good luck using evites. People can see who else is invited, its easy to respond to and most people check their e-mail.

This year I had two parties that EVERY single guest RSVPd for!!!! TWO!! One was a murder mystery party, for my 12 yr old. They had to respond in order to get their character name, script and costume suggestions! Everyone e-mailed back a YES! The other was my DS14 surprise party! The e-mail went to the parents and told them if they thought their kid couldn't keep a secret to not tell the kid until after school on Friday. Most did that, and e-mailed me ahead of time to tell me that their kid would come, but hadn't been told about the party. they were all very excited about it, I think that made a difference.

I've also had fairly good luck with texting a few days after invitations went out. Just a "will your child be coming to Sam's party?"


At least all of us will respond promptly!