If you're going on a trip and invite others should they help with gas?

[NMAmy]

DH's family is very much into "paying your share". Every meal at SIL's or MIL's everyone is presented with what their share is. For example at Thanksgiving they'll say "okay, your share is $24.21". Down to the penny. So I guess that's why DH felt comfortable mentioning it. We're not going to insist, it was just a casual thing.

For heaven's sake, that would make my head explode. The dinner thing is just awful. I guess if that's the way his family operates, I can a little better understand the whole situation.

 

[Stacerita]

I wouldn't have asked for gas money. But they should have offered.

 

[JimmyPicker]

You have to pay for your Thanksgiving dinner?!?!?! I would have been ostracized from that family long ago due to my inability to keep my mouth shut.

 

[luvmy3]

Actually the conversations went like this:

Months ago:

"we are planning our annual mountain trip, let us know if you want to go along this time". It was a very casual conversation and offer.

Then yesterday:

SIL "so are you guys still going since gas is so high?" DH "yes we're still going, if you guys ride with us maybe you could help with gas". Very casual, and only mentioned when SIL brought up the cost of gas.

DH's family is very much into "paying your share". Every meal at SIL's or MIL's everyone is presented with what their share is. For example at Thanksgiving they'll say "okay, your share is $24.21". Down to the penny. So I guess that's why DH felt comfortable mentioning it. We're not going to insist, it was just a casual thing.

I'm confused, if your dh had this conversation and she agreed to go and ride with you after the fact, then in a way she already agreed to pay for some of the gas. If she said we aren't going to pay and you still offered to give her a ride, then I don't think you can expect them to pay (or even offer), KWIM.

 

[lecach]

Almost all dinners, not just Thanksgiving. I have only eaten with IL's maybe 5 times since I met them that I didn't pay. BUT my MIL and FIL do have a tight budget and will drop anything to help take care of DS. I would never ask them to pay for anything - I feel like we're even since they are so giving of their time. It's still weird though. DH is embarassed by it and knows it bugs me. So usually the money transactions dont happen in front of me.

 

[C.Ann]

It would be nice if they offered, but I would never, ever "ask" them for gas money..

 

[Belle1962]

If I invited them I would expect pay and probably not accept thei offer. However--if someone invites me then I do offer to pay (double standard here???). If not, I treat to a meal on the road or wherever we're going.

 

[SC Minnie]

Almost all dinners, not just Thanksgiving. I have only eaten with IL's maybe 5 times since I met them that I didn't pay. BUT my MIL and FIL do have a tight budget and will drop anything to help take care of DS. I would never ask them to pay for anything - I feel like we're even since they are so giving of their time. It's still weird though. DH is embarassed by it and knows it bugs me. So usually the money transactions dont happen in front of me.

Well, with the family dynamic (paying for holiday dinners) and the way the 'invite' and acceptance came about then they should cough up some for the gas.

 

[MushyMushy]

I would never ask someone I invited to pay for gas, but on the other hand, I would always offer gas money.

Are you the one who posted before about having to pay for home dinners at the in-laws? I think that's a whole odd situation in itself, so I can see why your husband would have been okay with bringing it up. I'm surprised the SIL reacted the way she did. Maybe she's tired of ponying up for meals.

 

[lecach]

I would never ask someone I invited to pay for gas, but on the other hand, I would always offer gas money.

Are you the one who posted before about having to pay for home dinners at the in-laws? I think that's a whole odd situation in itself, so I can see why your husband would have been okay with bringing it up. I'm surprised the SIL reacted the way she did. Maybe she's tired of ponying up for meals.

Yes, that's me!

And for the record we would normally never ask for gas money. It's just that she brought up the subject so DH suggested that she could help. But it wont be mentioned again. If they offer, great. If not, oh well.

 

[Wishing on a star]

DH "yes we're still going, if you guys ride with us maybe you could help with gas".

To me, this says that it had not yet been agreed for them to ride with you... the 'IF' says it all...

Personally... if I already had three people, and all of their luggage in my vehicle, then I would not offer to drive them and their luggage as well... unless you drive some huge vehicle.. I really don't see how it would be work out well.

We just got back from a weekend at the mountains yesterday... Just one weekend... our luggage, a cooler, etc... I see NO way that two other people and their luggage would have been feasible unless we had somebody hog-tied up on a luggage rack!!!

Not to mention that you will be literally and physically joined at the hip.. and if they do not have a car, they will be wanting to use your vehicle, or wanting you to drive them here, drive them there, etc...

Personally, for me.. It would never have been 'would you like to come with us'... It would have been "would you like to join us".

I don't care what all the previous posters have said about never 'asking'...
Times are different now.. gasoline is a huge expense!!!! I think that it is perfectly fine to bring up the subject of this expense. If fuel costs, for example.. end up being $200.00... a casual 'here's a $20.00' while at the gas pump is a joke and an insult. If they are eager to inconvenience you so that they can have a free ride... That is inappropriate and rude.

The bottom line is that this is your husbands sister/brother... Let him handle it, and accept it however it works out.

 

[northcapemaymom]

If the SIL was asking if you were still going on the trip due to the price of gas, obviously she knew it would be a significant amount. If they don't want to contribute they can drive themselves there. Then they'll know firsthand how much it really costs! Or do what his family does, take them up there and at some opportune moment tell them what their share of the transportation is, down to the penny of course. Don't forget to include wear and tear on the vehicle, too! Good luck! Tightwads always get my briefs in a bunch.