If your child turned 18 as a h.s. senior

[yoopermom]

MI has a Dec 1 cutoff date for school enrollment, so many of DS's friends are already 18 or soon to be. We moms have considered starting a support group, because our seniors tend to think 18=wild,crazy,fancy free. DS turns 18 at the end of this month, so I want the DIS's help with what will change, how to deal with it, house rules to keep/set, etc, etc. I like to think we've done a good job of honest, open communication with him so far, but...

So how did you deal with your 18 year old senior?!?

Please share!

Terri

 

[jgh]

I'm just confused as to why will they automatically start acting "wild, crazy, fancy free" at 18? I understand that "legally" 18 makes you an adult...but I think that (in my experience, having graduated HS in 2010), kids have ways of doing bad things before they turn 18 anyway. As an example, some siblings of friends of mine in HS had no problems getting their hands on fake IDs, alcohol or cigarettes before they turned 18.

I was a very good child. No...really...I was a lame and boring high school student. So technically I guess I don't know the in's and out's, but that's just what I observed.

 

[yoopermom]

Oh,believe me, the partying started months ago for most of them , but we parents are hearing more and more, "Once I'm 18..." or "Now that I'm 18....". Of course we parents keep saying, "You are living in our home, and so will follow our rules" but....

Terri

 

[SaraJayne]

I was 18 my entire senior year (late Aug bday) and nothing changed.

It will be the same for my DS when he turns 18 halfway through his senior year ~ 18 or not.

 

[bgirl29]

We kept the same house rules all the way thru senior year. Just because he turned 18 didnt mean he had to start acting crazy and thinking it was going to be ok all of the sudden. That worked just fine with my son a couple years ago and I expect it will be just fine come april when my DD turns 18 a couple months before graduation.

 

[Hannathy]

Nothing changed except joy, joy that she could sign herself in or out of school! and sign her own permission slips

We always treated our kids as independent people with control over themselves. They never had bedtimes or curfews. When they would be home would depend on what they were going to and she would always call if she was going to be out late. since she was living at home and going to school she still would clear things with us and had to ask for the car. As long as they are in high school they get treated like a high schooler.


Other than not having to go into the office if she needed to leave or come to school I didn't notice any difference. Oh I forgot 1 she could buy her own Sudafed and spray paint!

 

[JVL1018]

My kids are in 5th and 7th(11 and 13)..but I have already thought about this. LOL They'll both turn 18 shortly after they start their senior year.

I had a Dec 31st cutoff when I was in school, my kids had an October 1st date.

I was 17 all through my senior year(turned 18 September of my first year of college), so I have no experience.
But for example..my 18 year old senior friends, were able to(and did) sign themselves out of school, no call to parents, if they cut school they could call themselves out, that kind of thing.
No one ever did it to their detriment, we were good kids generally..but I am aware that my kids can do this. maybe? maybe they've changed things in the last 25 years to make it so that students still need parental permission for things like that...

 

[Southernmiss]

MI has a Dec 1 cutoff date for school enrollment, so many of DS's friends are already 18 or soon to be. We moms have considered starting a support group, because our seniors tend to think 18=wild,crazy,fancy free. DS turns 18 at the end of this month, so I want the DIS's help with what will change, how to deal with it, house rules to keep/set, etc, etc. I like to think we've done a good job of honest, open communication with him so far, but...

So how did you deal with your 18 year old senior?!?

Please share!

Terri

Oh,believe me, the partying started months ago for most of them , but we parents are hearing more and more, "Once I'm 18..." or "Now that I'm 18....". Of course we parents keep saying, "You are living in our home, and so will follow our rules" but....

Terri

DS turned 18 in June, just after he graduated. Things have gradually changed. Because we are still responsibe for his basic survival, he respects us and would come home at a reasonable hour, etc.

Now that he's had freedom at college, I think this is when things will really change. He knows that he still has to maintain his GPA for his scholarship, so hopefully, that will help to keep some of the "wild and crazy" in check.

We shall see what happens over Thanksgiving and Christmas break.

 

[VickiVM]

My son (who's a college freshman now) turned 18 last December and nothing changed for him and how we parented at that time. But after graduation, we pretty much cut the apron strings altogether. He didn't have a curfew, but he didn't abuse his privelege either. We didn't force him to go to church on Sunday mornings with us, but he felt obligated to go any way most Sundays.

It's wise to put in a lot of time in parenting prior to 18, then you won't be terribly disappointed after 18. So far, so good...but I still have a 16 and 14 year old coming up...both girls!

 

[bgirl29]

My kids are in 5th and 7th(11 and 13)..but I have already thought about this. LOL They'll both turn 18 shortly after they start their senior year.

I had a Dec 31st cutoff when I was in school, my kids had an October 1st date.

I was 17 all through my senior year(turned 18 September of my first year of college), so I have no experience.
But for example..my 18 year old senior friends, were able to(and did) sign themselves out of school, no call to parents, if they cut school they could call themselves out, that kind of thing.
No one ever did it to their detriment, we were good kids generally..but I am aware that my kids can do this. maybe? maybe they've changed things in the last 25 years to make it so that students still need parental permission for things like that...

I still had to sign permission slips and call my son out even after he turned 18. I remember thinking it was crazy that I had to sign permission slips for him to watch movies in high school when he was old enough to go watch whatever he wanted to.

 

[mamacatnv]

MI has a Dec 1 cutoff date for school enrollment, so many of DS's friends are already 18 or soon to be. We moms have considered starting a support group, because our seniors tend to think 18=wild,crazy,fancy free. DS turns 18 at the end of this month, so I want the DIS's help with what will change, how to deal with it, house rules to keep/set, etc, etc. I like to think we've done a good job of honest, open communication with him so far, but...

So how did you deal with your 18 year old senior?!?

Please share!

Terri

My DS turned 18 in November of his Sr. year. Our school district treated all students the same regardless of age.
If we wanted things to change school wise, the school required that parents fill out a form to allow their "adult" students to write their own notes, call in an absences and release themselves from school. This form was purely optional, I don't know of any parents in my social group who signed it.

I did not sign the form. Turning 18 in high school caused me a lot of trouble DS didn't push the point at all. We made it pretty clear that nothing was changing.

No change in the rules, he was still in high school and turning 18 was not some magical turning point other than I constantly reminded him that any missteps on his part could have major consequences unlike when he was a minor.

The only change that really came about was that DS no longer was subject to city wide curfew laws and could go to a midnight movie or bowling etc. on the weekends.

He still had to take out the trash and occasionally chauffeur his sister around as well as keep us informed of his whereabouts, ask permission to take "his" car etc.

 

[yoopermom]

This is all so interesting, thank you! I think that we've all been good parents, tried to make minimal but necessary rules, etc, but...

Here's an example: DS knows that I'm a worrier when he's out late at night, just because of drunk drivers/deer/etc. So even though he doesn't have a curfew, per se, he knows that out of respect he should text if he's going to be out past ten, and approx when he might be home, or if he's staying all night somewhere.

I do know that the school will no longer be contacting us, he'll be able to check himself out, etc, etc. We do have Powerschool, so I can still see his grades and absences, though.

One of the parents is in law enforcement and has warned all the kids about the difference between doing something illegal as a minor vs doing it as an adult. Can be very serious...

Terri

 

[Southernmiss]

This is all so interesting, thank you! I think that we've all been good parents, tried to make minimal but necessary rules, etc, but...

Here's an example: DS knows that I'm a worrier when he's out late at night, just because of drunk drivers/deer/etc. So even though he doesn't have a curfew, per se, he knows that out of respect he should text if he's going to be out past ten, and approx when he might be home, or if he's staying all night somewhere.

I do know that the school will no longer be contacting us, he'll be able to check himself out, etc, etc. We do have Powerschool, so I can still see his grades and absences, though.

One of the parents is in law enforcement and has warned all the kids about the difference between doing something illegal as a minor vs doing it as an adult. Can be very serious...

Terri

We do/expect the same of DS. He happened to be home overnight last Friday and had some friends over. They left and went to Taco Bell and Walmart and then came home and played Apples to Apples and watched a movie until 3 a.m. For my piece of mind, I encourage him and his friends to come hang out here.

We have also told DS about the minor vs adult thing in the eyes of the law.

He also has a friend whose dad is a police officer and they have been warned from our house as well as the friend's parents.

You sound like a great mom. Don't let it stress you! It will get easier as they face situations and come home in one piece!

 

[Mandychelle79]

Nothing changed except joy, joy that she could sign herself in or out of school! and sign her own permission slips

We always treated our kids as independent people with control over themselves. They never had bedtimes or curfews. When they would be home would depend on what they were going to and she would always call if she was going to be out late. since she was living at home and going to school she still would clear things with us and had to ask for the car. As long as they are in high school they get treated like a high schooler.


Other than not having to go into the office if she needed to leave or come to school I didn't notice any difference. Oh I forgot 1 she could buy her own Sudafed and spray paint!

My mom would have been excited about the signing my own permission slip thing except I had been signing her name for so long that the school thought my signature was hers ( only with permission of course, mom would forget when appointments were or leave and forget a permission slip)

 

[2Kds2K9]

Mine tried the "I'm 18 and can do what I want" until I reminded him that he drives the car I paid for and is in my name. That I pay the insurance and gas. He eats the food I pay for and sleeps under the roof I pay for as well. That pretty much shut him up and he proceeded to take out the garbage!!!!

 

[Arielle22]

DD19 was 18 her entire senior year. DD17 is a senior now. DD19 was a homebody and told me others had offered her drugs/alcohol. She told her friends, if you can give me one good reason to try it I will. No one could give her a good reason so she never tried it.

I am unsure if DD17 has ever experimented. I would not be surprised either way. My nieces also talk to my daughters. They are in their mid twenties and one was very wild as a freshman in college. She explains what she did and why it was such a bad idea.

DD17 drives and is allowed to use my car while I take the commuter train. She gets upset when she has a 10pm curfew but if she can tell me why she wants to stay out later (and it isn't a school night) she may be allowed to. However my car's 10pm curfew is very strict.

DD17 wants to be a teacher so we have had many talks about getting in trouble as a young adult and having it follow her when she tries to find work.

OP, DD17 has tried to tell me "just wait until I am 18". My response to her is that if she goes crazy to realize at 18 my husband and I have no legal responsibilty to pay for anything for her or help her get into college.

I am all for allowing my children to grow up and make their own mistakes. However that doesn't mean they get to take advantage of me.

 

[Skatermom23]

My DS was 18 his entire senior year of HS. We had some issues, prior to him turning 18, with attitude. I reminded him often that my legal responsibility to him was over at 18 and anything beyond that was icing on the cake. When he turned 18 he also turned into the most amazing, thoughtful child! It is like someone switched the light on! He is now a senior in college and has had a 3.8 GPA the entire time and has a job lined up after graduation! Yes, I have paid his full tuition!

 

[disykat]

This is a good topic! The only time I've seen it brought up is on redshirting threads when I've brought it up as a "do you really want a 19 year old in your home still in high school?" point.

I think often families have sort of a "cultural" thought on this. Either they think 18 is an adult, or they don't. DH and I don't because we went to college and sort of slowly became independent. We expect our kids to do the same and still consider them dependents during college. Most of DH's family consider 18 and adult though because they were on their own early, married, having kids, etc.

Since my oldest son's birthday is near mine (this week!) and he went to school a full year later than I did, I've been really aware of this all along. I've never used 18 as a marker for extra priviledges, I've always used after they graduate from high school.

When DS's older cousin was 18, and being allowed to make all his own choices because he was 18, and getting into to trouble - DS saw first hand why we always said that. We talked about it. The parents were disappointed, but sort of shrugged their shoulders like "what can we do? He's an adult and can do whatever he wants."

We had no problems at all.

We have "after hs graduation" and "when you are on your own" discussions. In our home, 18 was no different than any other birthday where you're gradually getting more mature.

That said, I think my younger son will have more issues because he's itching to have the freedom his brother has.

Talk, Talk, and talk some more!

My older son was always good about talking to us about things so things were pretty smooth. My younger son (17)not so much - but there's hope. He has started talking and he told me last week "I told xx she needs to talk to her mom like a human being. Things got so much easier when I started talking to you like we were both adults."

 

[MrsDuck]

I turned 18 when I was a senior. Nothing changed...

I *may* have said "I'm a legal adult!!" quite often to my parents but truly nothing else was too different.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I turned 18 in January of my senior year. Nothing changed at all.