If you have experience, please help in dealing with an autistic student. UPDATE p.6

[Mouse House Mama]

No one knows in a classroom who has IEPs. That process is invisible to children. So classmates just have to get used to the idea that some kids are going to be doing different things at different times and for different reasons.

I agree with you -- the child, his classmates and the teacher are being put in a horrible position here.

You are right, nobody knows if a child has an IEP but children do know if a child has a special chart and accomodations made for them. They are very observant. I know I am not explaining this well but let me try. Let's say a child comes home from school everyday complaining that a classmate was acting out. The parents listen and keep hearing the same thing over and over again. They ask questions about if the child gets in trouble, what the teacher says during this etc. As a parent it would seem to be annoying that this child gets in trouble every day and is still picked for everything. As a child that is magnified by a million. Now as a parent I would not convey my annoyance to my child but I would try to find out more so it would make sense. My children have had kids that have had accomodations made for them in their class and in their life. They understand it and it is no big deal to them. No, we were not informed about it but we were able to put the pieces together etc. We always stress that everyone learns differently at different paces and that is what makes everyone so interesting etc.
Now, when you have a "typical" child in a classroom that the school is doing nothing about - as is evidenced here - even with parents complaining, teachers complaining etc. it is very hard for children and parents to get on board with treating the child to what is perceived by children as a reward. Asking a 6 year old to run an errand for the teacher is a big deal. Letting them help pass out supplies is a big deal. When your child gets in trouble for speaking out of turn but S gets to take 2 minutes to pull himself together it simply will not go over well for children and parents. Do you really think that other parents at the school don't know that S has problems and his parents are doing nothing about it at the cost of their child? Stuff like that travels fast at school. People are sympathetic, people understand accomodations. They however are not when the parents do not do anything and their own child now suffers. If a parent is trying other parents are very understanding.

I feel bad for S because he needs help. His family is failing him. The school is failing him. I think it is wonderful that he has a teacher that wants to help. I just think that the Admin needs to do more. Their hands aren't tied. They don't want to actually take a stand for this child which would help the whole classroom.

I hope I am explaining this right. I am not saying the child can help himself but in the eyes of a 6 year old- getting constantly "rewarded" for poor behavior is not going to help any classroom run smoothly. At that age they have a very strong sense of right and wrong.
Does that make any sense?

 

[debbi801]

Great suggestions earlier, and great followup post!

Thanks!

This is very helpful, thank you. Lots of other great suggestions, too, that I can try to implement without too much disruption to the rest of the day. Thank you.

No problem. Glad I could help a little.

I agree, you are in a terrible spot! And the child, and his classmates.

Labels shouldn't drive the services, however (at least in the U.S.) Needs drive the services.

Where on earth is the social worker in your school?? It is just shocking that after these circumstances the team can't put something in place at least provisionally.

No clue about Ember's school, but I know DS's previous school didn't have one. They were absolutely not capable of dealing with any sort of special ed situation other than a child maybe needing remedial reading. When my older kids attended the schoool, it had an excellent special ed program. But, due to education budget cuts (and I guess a declining special ed need), it had gotten rid of its special ed department. There was one part time special ed teacher that dealt with kids that were behind in a subject. There was an OT that was there 1 day a week, a speech therapist there 2 days a week, and a school psychologist there one day a week. No social worker at all. The school couldn't even get funding for DS to have a one-on-one without a lot of fighting over it.

 

[Ember]

Just wanted to post an update.

Yesterday I spoke with my principal, again. I tried to be as honest as possible with my concerns and frustrations. I also found out that a few days ago S hit a child on the bus and the parent contacted the assistant superintendent for our district (this was the first I heard about the incident)... The parent wants S out of the class.

Today, I has S's mum in as a classroom volunteer. The principal took the opportunity to speak with her (seeing as she won't respond to requests for meetings). I also spoke with her candidly at recess, which the principal also joined us for. Mum is adamant that her child stay in the regular classroom. End of story. She has agreed to limited testing - the results of which probably won't be back until March or April. I asked what she would like us to do in the mean time. I felt mean and horrible, but I told her flat out that her child has needs, needs that I couldn't meet. This recent complaint about the hitting has escalated things rather a lot...

Because she refuses to do the testing that is actually needed S will begin being suspended for each infraction. This makes my heart hurt. He'll basically be suspended every day... Once we have enough suspensions he'll be moved to the B.I. classroom.

S is not a behavior child, he's a special needs child. He needs help, not punishment. But mum has tied our hands. I think he's getting more and more frustrated. Because we can't accommodate for his actual needs, he'll be treated as a behavior student.

I feel like such a failure as a teacher... To everyone who tried to help, thank you. I appreciate the help and the chance to get everything I was feeling out.

 

[SmallWorld71]

I am sorry to hear that things are continuing to worsen. I will keep the little guy (and you!) in my prayers.

 

[Gantu]

Oh, your so not a failure! Please dont think that~

 

[DizBelle]

You are SO not a failure. There is only so much you can do and you are doing just that.

The sooner he gets suspended and/or expelled, the sooner he will get the attention he needs from his parents. They won't have any choice but to address the issues.

Please keep us posted.

 

[we3are1]

Wow what a tough situation! There is a DVD that I would recommend to all teachers F.A.T. City. It really explains why special need kids do what they do and how we (as teachers and parents) make it tougher for them. If he continues in your classroom I would ask for more parental help (volunteering) ask when S does this what works or doesn't work. Maybe if the parent sees on a regular basis the differences between s and the other children maybe they would do the testing . The scheduling is a must. Children in the autism spectrum don't just love consistency they require it. Including their 'likes' in work is great too. When doing a writing activity let S write about the subject he/she loves so much, when doing art let them include that in their artwork, etc. I would agree with whoever said that gym is probably overwhelming. If there is any to warm up, activity, then cool down this might help or an activity that would allow S to get rid of energy but not over stimulate - fast walking, jump rope. etc. Also keep it as positive as possible - the accelerated reading was great and S does this and that, what can I do to help the situation. Don't focus on the label (even if that is what you really need for the services), keep your words on what will help, advance S. Who doesn't want the bed for their kids.

I know for those that have "normal" kids this may seem like a lot of work focused on 1 child BUT if this 1 child would get things that would help him in class then it would pay off for all the children. I do agree the parents are at fault for not getting the help that is needed. Some parents have a real issue labeling their child. This is a label that will never go away. I wanted the label whatever it was just to get the services my son needed, BUT not all parents agree.

Please remember those of us with special kids would love to have your normalacy for 1 day. It isn't easy from this side of the fence either.

mom from VA with a great special unique son that has autism

 

[2Kds2K9]

Ember,

First of all, you have not failed this child, the parents have. Please keep up with all your good work. I've found that outstanding teachers like you are a true gift to our children.

I've not sat and read all the responses, but I can't help but wonder about the parents perspective. Has the whole process been explained to the parents? Do they understand that by having their child tested, and a diagnosis made, that their child COULD still remain in the mainstream classroom, but with an assistant. Do they think that he is going to be labeled and put into a special classroom and lose out on the entire school experience? I think that those questions need to be asked of the parents. What are their fears?

Having gone through the LD process, I can understand some of their fears. When my DS was diagnosed with a LD issue in first grade, I was devastated. When they requested that he repeat first grade, I did not sleep for 3 months. I had horrible fears of my child being teased by his classmates. I was just remembering from my childhood how hurtful those issues can be to a child. Luckily, my son had a great teacher and and great transisition. The other kids looked up to him as they felt he could teach them the ropes about first grade, since he'd done it before.

But I digress. I think that both parents have great fears that need to be addressed and explained. I know that schools today are better prepared to help kids with many special needs and the parents need to be educated on that. It could be the father that is also having a hard time accepting this his son is not the chip off the 'ol block that he expected.

Good luck and please don't let this get you down. You have been trying your hardest to be a hero to this child! He needs one!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Don't beat yourself up, Ember. You are doing the best you can.

It might take the suspensions for this child to wake up the parents to his condition. So it may be the blessing in disguise. Sad as it is.

I don't know how you have done it for as long as you have. I'm sure you have gone through a range of emotions about it. You have done the best you can and that is all you can do. The rest is out of your hands because of circumstances. Nothing that happens from this point on is for lack of trying on your part.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You haven't failed this child. You are the only one who seems to be championing for this child. What did the mother say when you all pointed out the differences with her child? Is she a boys will be boys parent? Does she think that the school is supposed to be magical and teach her child everything with little or no support? I simply do not understand parents who refuse to do anything to help their own child.

 

[debbi801]

Just wanted to post an update.

Yesterday I spoke with my principal, again. I tried to be as honest as possible with my concerns and frustrations. I also found out that a few days ago S hit a child on the bus and the parent contacted the assistant superintendent for our district (this was the first I heard about the incident)... The parent wants S out of the class.

Today, I has S's mum in as a classroom volunteer. The principal took the opportunity to speak with her (seeing as she won't respond to requests for meetings). I also spoke with her candidly at recess, which the principal also joined us for. Mum is adamant that her child stay in the regular classroom. End of story. She has agreed to limited testing - the results of which probably won't be back until March or April. I asked what she would like us to do in the mean time. I felt mean and horrible, but I told her flat out that her child has needs, needs that I couldn't meet. This recent complaint about the hitting has escalated things rather a lot...

Because she refuses to do the testing that is actually needed S will begin being suspended for each infraction. This makes my heart hurt. He'll basically be suspended every day... Once we have enough suspensions he'll be moved to the B.I. classroom.

S is not a behavior child, he's a special needs child. He needs help, not punishment. But mum has tied our hands. I think he's getting more and more frustrated. Because we can't accommodate for his actual needs, he'll be treated as a behavior student.

I feel like such a failure as a teacher... To everyone who tried to help, thank you. I appreciate the help and the chance to get everything I was feeling out.

This is so sad. It makes my heart hurt for S, too. I wonder, based on what I bolded, if his mother doesn't understand that he would most likely continue to be mainstreamed, just with supports in place? It almost sounds like she thinks that if he has a SN label, he's automatically moved to a SN classroom.

 

[golfgal]

WOW what is up with this mom??? I just don't understand parents that won't do what needs to be done to make sure their child gets what they need. I would guess she sees it as a personal failure if her child isn't "perfect".

Why would the test results take so long??? Something is wrong with that too.

Is there a Dad in the picture? If so, maybe you need to contact him and see if you can't get somewhere there??

 

[debbi801]

WOW what is up with this mom??? I just don't understand parents that won't do what needs to be done to make sure their child gets what they need. I would guess she sees it as a personal failure if her child isn't "perfect".

Why would the test results take so long??? Something is wrong with that too.

Is there a Dad in the picture? If so, maybe you need to contact him and see if you can't get somewhere there??

Thorough testing takes time. We started the evaluation for my son in October. We went through a pediatric neuro-psychologist. There were a ton of questionaires that DH and I had to fill out, his pediatrician filled out, his teachers filled out. There were evaluations with an occupational therapist, a pediatric psychologist, a pediatric psychiatrist. There were in class observations, there was testing. In March we got a tentative diagnosis that turned into an official diagnosis in May.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I still have to wonder if there are Educational Neglect laws in your state that can be used to help this child. I found these general definitions (bolding mine):

Educational neglect is defined as parents failing to ensure that their children are provided an education consistent with standards adopted by the state. Some acts which are considered educational neglect include failure to enrol or register the child in school, inattention to special education needs, and allowing chronic truancy.

The Department of Children and Families in Connecticut defines it in the following statement:

"Educational neglect occurs when a parent of a child , age seven through fifteen, interferes with the ability of the child to receive proper care and attention educationally.

Educational Neglect

Although State statutes and policies vary, both parents and schools are responsible for meeting certain requirements regarding the education of children. Types of educational neglect include:

Permitted, chronic truancy—permitting habitual absenteeism from school averaging at least 5 days a month if the parent or guardian is informed of the problem and does not attempt to intervene.


Failure to enroll or other truancy—failing to homeschool, to register, or to enroll a child of mandatory school age, causing the child to miss at least 1 month of school without valid reasons.


Inattention to special education needs—refusing to allow or failing to obtain recommended remedial education services or neglecting to obtain or follow through with treatment for a child's diagnosed learning disorder or other special education need without reasonable cause.

In fact looking at definitions from various specific states it looks like this is a factor in every one of them. I really think that a call to the local CPS may be in order.


Mom can bury her head in the sand all she wants, but this situation is only going to get worse and worse and worse as the child gets older, bigger, stronger and more frustrated.

You have done all you can Ember. My heart breaks for you, because I know how you feel. I swear the ones with some of the biggest problems are also some of the sweetest ones that just touch your heart in so many ways.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Also, does mom know that he will be moved to the BI class after x number of suspensions? It sounds like her focus is on keeping him in the "regular" classroom so this is contrary to what she wants. Maybe that will be the smack on the head she needs?

Please continue to keep us updated. I am keeping you and this child in my prayers and really hope that Mom comes to her senses.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Also, does mom know that he will be moved to the BI class after x number of suspensions? It sounds like her focus is on keeping him in the "regular" classroom so this is contrary to what she wants. Maybe that will be the smack on the head she needs?

Please continue to keep us updated. I am keeping you and this child in my prayers and really hope that Mom comes to her senses.

That's a really good point. Terribly sad situation all the way around. I feel sorry for the mother too. It would be so helpful if you could get to the bottom of what is holding her back. Hard to do. Delicate situation. I think it might be fear (stigma, shattered dreams, I don't know).

I hope there is a positive resolution soon. I too will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[TurboKitteh]

I can sympathisize with the parents to some degree.

I mean, "autism? Like the guy in Rainman? My kid's not like *that*!!! And, she doesn't sit in the corner, banging her head against the wall all day long, she doesn't have autism!!"

It is so hard to let go of all the daydreams you had for your perfect child, that started before they were even born and admit there may be something wrong.

Also, in my family, there was still shame in admitting relatives have autism. I had no idea my cousin has a son who also has autism and that it runs in our family further back because people were ashamed.

I hope S get's the help and services he needs and is entitled to to help him thrive. But, please put down the pitchforks for his parents. It's a giant jagged pill to swallow to recognize your child isn't perfect...

 

[minkydog]

You haven't failed. You've documented and done your best to communicate with his parents. They have failed to do anything about your concerns.

You know, it might actually be a good idea if this child goes to a BI classroom. I would imagine it is smaller and the teacher may be able to implement the things that you would love to do, if you had the time and not as many other students who also need your attention. My Dsis has also taken the no-testing stand with my also-got-to-be-ASD neice. She has had so many meltdowns at school and been sent to the principal enough times that this year the school recommended*practically forced* DSis to put Niece in the EBD classroom. Dsis is devastated--her special snowflake is NOT emotionally or behaviorally disturbed. Except she is and everyone else knows it. However, the move has been very good for Niece. She's doing better in school and she loves school, a big change for her. She still participates in mainstream band, home ec, chorus, PE, etc, so she really doesn't feel isolated. And her behavior is so much better.

Try not to beat yourself up. These parents are going to have to come to some conclusions soon. They are dropping the educational ball, not you.

 

[MM27]

Another good strategy is the "imaginary errand" - it's not imaginary to him, of course, but you have a pre-arranged someone in the building who you often have to send important notes to. When you see his situation is about to go over the edge, send him on this errand. Sometimes just the walk is enough for kids to pull themselves together. (This of course depends on a sympathetic co-worker whose own work will not be too disrupted - but even a mailbox can work for some kids.)

We do this in my school with some kids, but we usually have them go to several teachers. This allows them to get rid of the extra energy or just allow them to move around a little which tends to relax them. There are a few of us that will work together and we'll send the student to "borrow" something from another teacher. Unfortunately, that teacher doesn't have it so they send the child to someone else. It works wonders and it keeps us on our toes. I had to really think when a student came to my room and said, "Mrs. X wants to know if you still have her paper stretcher (or some other crazy item)?"

I wanted to bring something up. Please do not send this child on errands or give them special "jobs." While as an adult I understand why you are doing that the other children in class will view it as a reward for this child's poor (even if he can't help it) behavior. Kids that young love to get picked by the teacher to do special jobs like run errands or help in the classroom. They will see S acting up and getting all the "special" jobs and you will create an unhappy classroom overall.
Just something to think about.

Sure your child may think it's not fair for this child to go out on errands, but it actually makes the learning environment that much better for your child and the rest of the class. If I see a student getting antsy or frustrated (I have one this year that punches things when he has work that he doesn't understand or that frustrates him) it is better to get them out of the room for a few minutes to refocus. I don't always use these students for errands or jobs. There will be opportunities for the other kids as well to do the "fun" things.

WOW what is up with this mom??? I just don't understand parents that won't do what needs to be done to make sure their child gets what they need. I would guess she sees it as a personal failure if her child isn't "perfect".

Why would the test results take so long??? Something is wrong with that too.

Is there a Dad in the picture? If so, maybe you need to contact him and see if you can't get somewhere there??

Testing takes a long time in my district too. Last year I put in referrals for 4 kids in September. They start with the initial meeting to come up with strategies to try in the classroom that may help the child. They give it a few weeks to see if that helps. We meet again, more stategies. We discuss what worked, what didn't. By April two of the kids were tested and found to need assistance. They had an IEP by May.

My biggest problem this year is that one of my classes is an inclusion class. If I were to be absent, they would get a sub for me and the inclusion teacher would still be there to work with her students. This week, the inclusion teacher has been absent. They don't get a sub for her. So these 5 kids that need that individualized attention all of a sudden are expected to work and function alone. I don't think it's fair to them, I would assume that it's not legal but when I questioned my VP, she claims that they don't have anyone to cover.

I spent a lot more time with those kid this week but it's at the expense of the other kids in the class. The problem is, two of the boys really need that support or they fall into behaviors that are not pleasant.

 

[Wishing on a star]

She has agreed to limited testing - the results of which probably won't be back until March or April.

That does not even sound legal. (according to Federal IDEA)
Once a parent signs to request or agree to testing, is there not a required time limit.

This does not sound right at all.