If you are an adoptee....

[Luv'sTink]

Do you disagree with adoption? Would you ever consider adopting?

Trying to understand from an adoptees point of view, not that I will ever really understand what it is like to be adopted.

 

[Laura66]

I'm adopted! I'm all for it - although I personally am not a fan of open adoptions.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm adopted! I'm all for it - although I personally am not a fan of open adoptions.

As a parent in an open adoption, I'm curious why you feel this way.

 

[Laura66]

I'm all for adoptive parents and birth mothers meeting, for adoptive parents sending photos and written updates until the child is an adult. I think it's okay for them to get in touch at that point if both parties are agreeable.
I think - and this is only what I think would be best for me - that the adoptive family needs to be the only ones responsible for raising and discipline their child as they see fit.

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm an adoptive mom; my son arrived from Korea at the age of 7 months.

Our lives wouldn't be the same without him. It was one of the wisest decisions we've ever made.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am an adoptee and I am totally against closed sealed adoptions- I feel you have the right to know your history. I would adopt but I would never ever give my own flesh and blood up for adoption. My adoption was closed- took me many years but I finally got the info I needed to complete my search and got a wonderful new family out of it- birth mom, her husband, my 2 siblings! My mom was cool about the whole thing, she even invited my birth mom to my baby shower and they exchange Christmas cards and have spoken on the phone-my sister lives not far from me so she has been here for the holidays and I have been there.

 

[LisaR]

Do you disagree with adoption? Would you ever consider adopting?

Trying to understand from an adoptees point of view, not that I will ever really understand what it is like to be adopted.

What exactly are you trying to understand from an adoptees point of view? Do you disagree with adoption or do you know someone who is adopted and disagrees with it? Your wording seems odd to me and I am trying to understand what you are getting at.

 

[superme80]

I am an adoptee who is also considering adoption in a few years. I am also against open adoption. For me I have 1 mom. The woman who gave birth to me I am eternally grateful for. If she sought me out I would be willing to meet with her. I don't need her in my life. I have my mom. I know it sounds harsh, but I personally feel that open adoptions would and can cause a huge problem. I have seen meeting biological parents go really good. I have seen it go really bad. I don't need to meet any of my biological family. I have 1 family. I am good with that.

 

[DawnM]

I am an adoptee who has adopted.

 

[AndreaDM]

I'm adopted and would love to adopt someday although DH feels 3 kids is enough. I was adopted over 40 years ago, so things are different these days, for one, more info and support is provided to adoptive parents. Mine was a private adoption and one day as a two year old I was just dropped off at my parents and that was that! My brother & sister were adopted through Catholic Social Services, so they did home visits and provided my parents with some more info than they'd had when they got me.

I met my birth parents as an adult but have no relationship with them. I got some answers to some questions I had (mostly medical) but really never felt the need to "know" them.

 

[Luv'sTink]

What exactly are you trying to understand from an adoptees point of view? Do you disagree with adoption or do you know someone who is adopted and disagrees with it? Your wording seems odd to me and I am trying to understand what you are getting at.

Are you an adoptee? I want to know how adoptees really feel about adoption. Who better ask than the people it truly affects.

Besides no one has to answer, it is completely up to them to do so.

 

[EmJay2001]

I am not adopted but my DH is. We have talked a lot about it over the years and we would have adopted if we could not have had kids (I have had 4 m/c's over the years). As far as he is concerned, his parents are his parents. I love them and they are the best ILs ever! He does not know his birth parents, but we are starting to think about finding them to get some health details etc. My DD has asthma and allergies and that is highly hereditary (I have no one on my side with them). Ironically I look like his parents and he looks like mine . So our DD is the spitting image of my mom minus the red hair that both my mom and DH have. So basically, yes we agree with adoption (we were thinking of it before surprise number 3). He did totally luck out in the fact that his parents are awesome and love him and his adopted sister so much and now me and the kids .

 

[Laura66]

I want to add - I love my parents and consider them my parents! Truth be told - my mom and I really don't get along but that has nothing to do with me being adopted. I know she feels the same! If my adoption was open I can totally see my spoiled, self-centered self (at the time) in my teenage years complaining to my birth mother every time I felt something was unfair! I think I was a pretty good kid - but if I'm honest - I can so see myself threatening to go live with my "real" mom if I didn't like rules that I felt were too strict!
My parents were always very open about what they knew about my birth parents (adopted through Catholic Charities in in 1966) and supported me when I searched and found them!
I have a friend who's adopted child's birth mother has severe mental issues. They met her and send updates but it would definitely not be in the child's best interest to meet her until he is an adult!

 

[LisaR]

Are you an adoptee? I want to know how adoptees really feel about adoption. Who better ask than the people it truly affects.

Besides no one has to answer, it is completely up to them to do so.

I never told you you couldn't ask the question and I am fully aware that people can answer or not. I am simply trying to get an understanding of what you are looking for because I have never run across anyone who "disagrees with adoption" as you stated in your OP.

 

[AndreaDM]

I am not adopted but my DH is. We have talked a lot about it over the years and we would have adopted if we could not have had kids (I have had 4 m/c's over the years). As far as he is concerned, his parents are his parents. I love them and they are the best ILs ever! He does not know his birth parents, but we are starting to think about finding them to get some health details etc. My DD has asthma and allergies and that is highly hereditary (I have no one on my side with them). Ironically I look like his parents and he looks like mine . So our DD is the spitting image of my mom minus the red hair that both my mom and DH have. So basically, yes we agree with adoption (we were thinking of it before surprise number 3). He did totally luck out in the fact that his parents are awesome and love him and his adopted sister so much and now me and the kids .

Hopefully you didn't marry a cousin!

 

[EmJay2001]

Hopefully you didn't marry a cousin!

Hmm....both our mom's are Irish . (that is the only thing we know is his birth mom is Irish too ).

 

[Wishing on a star]

What exactly are you trying to understand from an adoptees point of view? Do you disagree with adoption or do you know someone who is adopted and disagrees with it? Your wording seems odd to me and I am trying to understand what you are getting at.

I was wondering the same thing....
Maybe this was based on Chris Powell's Extreme Weight Loss Makeover????

I wanted to watch, but had to miss it.
Wasn't that about an adoptee how seemed to think she had severe problems 'because she just gave me away'.

Maybe if I had watched I might understand better.
But, NOPE, I don't get that whole abandonment scarred and damaged me for life thing.

I have known several people on both sides of adoption, and I do not think that this is common. Lots of positive stories.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm all for adoptive parents and birth mothers meeting, for adoptive parents sending photos and written updates until the child is an adult. I think it's okay for them to get in touch at that point if both parties are agreeable.
I think - and this is only what I think would be best for me - that the adoptive family needs to be the only ones responsible for raising and discipline their child as they see fit.

As a parent in an open adoptive relationship, I'm absolutely the only one responsible for raising and disciplining my child. (note: I'm a single mom, obviously married couples share this). My son's birth family interacts with him much the way that my mother and siblings interact with him. They might come to a school concert, or ask about his grades, or slip him a $10 bill for his birthday, or fix him a plate if he's at a barbecue at their house, or hold his hand crossing the street to the park when he was little, just like my mom might, but they aren't responsible for him, and they don't make decisions for him.

The closest any of his birthfamily has come to "disciplining" him is that his birth grandmother likes to tell him he should sit down and let her clear the table and fetch him drinks, and I tell him that under no circumstance should he listen to her and let an 80 year old woman wait on a healthy young man, and make sure to ask him grandmother if he can bring her a drink while he's up.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I could not, and would not, do that kind of open adoption.

 

[mom2girls1974]

I am adopted, I would adopt (had I not had bio children) BUT I would have wanted some serious info on the birth mother. My own childhood was pretty scary being raised with a brother with FAE, and I would try hard to avoid that if at all possible. I did not adopt so did not have to worry about that.

I am all for open adoption, but perhaps it only being open to the point of letters going back and forth between adults, I personally would have been very confused by it all -but would have loved a lot more information about where I came from -why I was given up ect. I think also that ALL adopted kids should have at least some counselling to help them to understand what happened, but that is just my own thought, from meeting enough attachment disordered adoptees to think it is something that should be done. ( I am one as well)

I also would never give a baby up, nor would I want one of my children's babies to go into the "system". Having had the childhood I had, I would not want to spend a lifetime wondering what became of my baby/grandbaby ect.