If going to family that live near you for the holidays, how long do you stay?

[MELSMICE]

No, you are not alone!! When we go to my parents house we are there 3 hours or less. When we go to my in-laws we are there at least 8 hours! 8 very long, painful hours!! They have 2 huge dogs that WILL kick you off the couch (one is 120lbs, he will move you!) and they don't care. They also smoke like chimneys and I have such a hard time smelling all that smoke for so long. Other family members smoke too, so 6-10 people smoking and it's not like we can open a window! We are having a big snow storm so Christmas has already been postponed to Sunday.

I feel for you with this scenario. My IL's are former smokers (thank goodness they have quit) & it was horrible going to their house at any time. We would come home & have to undress in the garage & shower before heading off to bed.

Try to enjoy yourselves, but I know the feeling - it's not a fun time!

 

[DMickey28]

I guess it depends.

We live about 2 hours from my parents. We are going down tomorrow afternoon and staying until Saturday AM. My brother lives 30 minutes away and he is coming tomorrow night as well. I don't know if he is going home on Friday night or Saturday.

My MIL lives about an hour and 15 minutes away, we only go there for a few hours at a time.

For the last 5 years we have had to fly home for the holidays so we always stayed with my parents for about 10 days. We aren't ready to give up the BIG family morning yet so we are going down for two nights.

 

[Terry36]

We are driving 1 1/2 hours away. We will get there around noon and leave around 6. It is going to be the extended family so there will be over 60 people there.

Ditto...this is our Christmas routine as well.

I agree 9 hours is WAY too long especially if you aren't that close to them.

 

[Disney Doll]

We'll get to my brother's for about 1pm and probably leave about 5 or 6 pm.

 

[MichelleVW]

No way would I be there at 11 a.m. I would roll in around 2:30 or 3 and be done with it. It is your holiday too!

Same here...no way would I spend 9 hours somewhere on Christmas Eve...

 

[lecach]

Plus it takes a long time to open bacon, right?

I'll be sure and post an update to let everyone know if DS get bacon this year. I'll make very sure to take good post-able pictures too . They havent really asked me what DS would like so that's a bit concerning. Actually, bacon would come in handy this year since we're having waffles and bacon for Christmas morning breakfast

 

[Handbag Lady]

A whole lot of sitting around or stuff I dont like . The Wii will probaby be there (dont really care for it and dont enjoy playing with people that are "experts" on it). And they'll play a card game called Skat that I dont like. A football game will probably be on.

It is too long and plus, they do nothing that YOU enjoy which makes it worse.

Since you are stuck, plan on reasons to keep it short for next year and bring something YOU enjoy. What card games/board/games/video games do you enjoy.

I think this family is like mine. They would be more than happy to do what you want, as long as you suggest it early enough and explain the rules. They just want your presence.

 

[Kae]

So can ask you a question, When your son grows up what if he wants to spend christmas with his family only? Just something to think about. And what if your are the "Bacon giving" MIL

I like the suggestion of bringing some of your own things to do to add the the celebration.

Kae

 

[Becky2005]

That's pretty long. I don't even stay at my parents house that long! I would think 4 hours maximum...depending on how long it takes us to eat, etc... I was thinking 2 - 3 is more typical but occassionally it might run a little longer.

 

[sue1013]

DD hosts Christmas Eve for DH's side. That starts at 6 and only lasts a couple hours due to small kids and after too long together there is always some drama in DH's family. The shorter the visit the better. Christmas Day we go to my sisters we arrive around 12 and usually don't leave until 8 or 9. We live close to each other and see each other often but don't get a chance for all of us to get together often we really have a nice relaxing day.

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

Can you just tell them your child needs a nap and 1 would be better? And then show up closer to 2!

 

[aprilgail2]

9 hours is way to much, but I don't understand the ones saying 2 or 2 1/2 hours. I would feel bad about all the work that goes into a meal like that and you then just eat, open gifts and run. In that short time the person hosting gets no time to even sit down. I think 4 -5 hours is more doable. I ask my family to be here a couple of hours before we are due to have dinner. ?

I would hate putting in a full day of all that cooking to have people walk in 30 minutes before its time to eat-eat, open gifts and leave---I think that is a bit rude!

They also smoke like chimneys and I have such a hard time smelling all that smoke for so long. Other family members smoke too, so 6-10 people smoking and it's not like we can open a window! We are having a big snow storm so Christmas has already been postponed to Sunday.

That one would be the deal-breaker for me..we would not be going there at all. I could not be in a house with someone smoking- BLECH! Thank goodness none of my relatives is a smoker and I won't make friends with anyone who is a smoker so even when we go to friends homes there is no smoking there!

 

[antmaril]

Way too long in my opinion.

My late husband's family is coming to my house tonight - they live five miles from me. They will arrive by 6:00 p.m. and will probably be gone by 9:00 p.m. They have a two year old daughter. We will eat shortly after they arrive (heavy appetizers), visit with each other and open gifts. It will be plenty of time. There are only seven of us.

I will be going to their house on Christmas Day. I will arrive at 1:00 p.m. and will probably be home by 4:00 p.m.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Our gathering today is from noon-7pm. However we are going to open gifts BEFORE dinner this yr.

Our family always hangs out together so length of stay is not an issue for us. I plan on kicking my sister's can in Euchre.

 

[mjkacmom]

We are going to my parents home (2 minute drive) at 2, and will stay until about 8. Tomorrow, my parents and IL's will come over about 11 am, and stay until about 3. The reason we're going so early today is that my cousin and his family live 2 hours away, and have 4 children, and my other cousin and aunt/uncle live over an hour away. Around here, even an afternoon bbq will last 6 - 8 hours!

 

[crz4mm2]

Several hours. If we have lunch, we usually get there around 1030 or so. Then stay until mid afternoon, say 2-3.

If dinner, we get there about 3 or 4 (dinner at 5-5:30) and stay until 8 or so.
NOT the whole day though.

 

[lecach]

Thanks everyone. Glad to see that 9 hours is NOT the norm. My objection isnt to going over there. It's the length of time. 9 hours is just really long and it's not like we dont see them regularly. And as for Christmas Day, it's not that I mind seeing them. But if we are together for 9 hours today I just dont see why we cant have time to ourselves tomorrow. My MIL likes to say "sometimes you just have to do stuff you dont want to do". But we are grownups and have our own family now and sometimes we should be able to "do what we WANT to do".

 

[MIGrandma]

For me the shoe is on the other foot, we don't go anywhere for Christmas, they all come here. We do a very casual, laid back lunch buffet (ham and turkey sandwiches, meatballs, cheesy potatoes, salad, cheese/crackers, veggies/dip, etc. etc.) and we start at 11:00 with gift opening and then I set the food out about 1:00 and people start leaving in the late afternoon. Usually by 5 - 6:00 everyone is gone, and I like it that way! It's nice to have the evening to relax, after all the festivities.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Ugh. I am so sick of fighting over this. This is the worst fight my fiance and I have ever had. It’s awful. I should stress that we have no kids either.

He’ll be with extended family and I’ll be with my best friend on Xmas eve and then he will come to my house later.

Our plan is wake up at 7:30 am on Xmas day.

Then drive all the way (over an hour) to his parents house.

They don’t even put up a Xmas tree or exchange gifts. Literally all they ever do when we are there is sit around watching poker on tv. I sometimes have trouble staying awake. Xmas will be no different. I won’t get to watch the Christmas parade. Anyway… we will be doing this until “brunch” at 11. Breakfast foods generally make my stomach turn. I can’t handle the smell of eggs. I don’t eat bacon. Apparently the initial meal was cheese omlets so I planned to just not eat, cause sorry---I’m not making myself ill on Xmas. So FI told his mom and she is now making pancakes and I feel guilty.

He works with his mom and lives with his 3 brothers. So he sees them every day. They all meet at his parents around 11 but we are going early because we have stuff to do.

At 11: 30 we are drive an hour and a half to my brothers to get there for 1:00 lunch. While there we will give my neices (2 and 4) their gifts from us and finally get some Xmas music and a pretty tree. We will eat roast beef and ham and desserts.

I work with my brother so I see him every day but not his children. I see them maybe 5 times a year.

At around 4:30 we will go to my parents house. They live 10 mins from my brother. I see them maybe 5 times a year also. Xmas is my mom’s favorite time of year. This year is my FI first year with my family and my mom spent a ton of $$ (not a big deal to my parents) and more importantly TIME AND EFFORT getting him close to 50 gifts. (nice gifts, like Wii games, concert tix, she even arranged tix for him to meet his favorite band). My parents have been a big help to us financially and are paying for 50% of our modest budget wedding (they are giving us $2500). My mom lives for the holidays. The tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving and the presents start piling up shortly thereafter. The TV stays off on Xmas except for to watch the parades and Xmas movies.

We will stay at my parents as long as possible.

FI and I had a nasty fight because he “doesn’t even want” the gifts my mom got him and is po’d at me for “dragging him away from his family on Xmas so quickly”.

Am I wrong to be annoyed with him? How can anyone be ungrateful that their future in laws spent a fortune to try and get them every thing they wanted all year long??

My parents care more about Xmas than his do. Obviously, his parents don’t even decorate/put up a tree. FI himself has said his mom is a scrooge. Xmas at their house will be just like any other day we visit there. And also, my parents went out of their way to help us with wedding $$ and not only give us a ton of gifts but also, they actually get into the Xmas spirit. They have a huge tree, tons of lights and music. It’s like a winter wonderland at their house. Am I wrong for wanting to spend slightly more of our time with them??

Then he got mad that he has to skip seeing his aunts/grandparents. He is seeing them on Xmas eve instead. The reason we are skipping this on Xmas DAY is because I want to see my 2 and 4 year old neices. Shouldn’t children take priority?

The whole thing is making me debate whether I even want to stay with him. What a miserable way to spend Xmas.

 

[MELSMICE]

Ugh. I am so sick of fighting over this. This is the worst fight my fiance and I have ever had. It’s awful. I should stress that we have no kids either.

He’ll be with extended family and I’ll be with my best friend on Xmas eve and then he will come to my house later.

Our plan is wake up at 7:30 am on Xmas day.

Then drive all the way (over an hour) to his parents house.

They don’t even put up a Xmas tree or exchange gifts. Literally all they ever do when we are there is sit around watching poker on tv. I sometimes have trouble staying awake. Xmas will be no different. I won’t get to watch the Christmas parade. Anyway… we will be doing this until “brunch” at 11. Breakfast foods generally make my stomach turn. I can’t handle the smell of eggs. I don’t eat bacon. Apparently the initial meal was cheese omlets so I planned to just not eat, cause sorry---I’m not making myself ill on Xmas. So FI told his mom and she is now making pancakes and I feel guilty.

He works with his mom and lives with his 3 brothers. So he sees them every day. They all meet at his parents around 11 but we are going early because we have stuff to do.

At 11: 30 we are drive an hour and a half to my brothers to get there for 1:00 lunch. While there we will give my neices (2 and 4) their gifts from us and finally get some Xmas music and a pretty tree. We will eat roast beef and ham and desserts.

I work with my brother so I see him every day but not his children. I see them maybe 5 times a year.

At around 4:30 we will go to my parents house. They live 10 mins from my brother. I see them maybe 5 times a year also. Xmas is my mom’s favorite time of year. This year is my FI first year with my family and my mom spent a ton of $$ (not a big deal to my parents) and more importantly TIME AND EFFORT getting him close to 50 gifts. (nice gifts, like Wii games, concert tix, she even arranged tix for him to meet his favorite band). My parents have been a big help to us financially and are paying for 50% of our modest budget wedding (they are giving us $2500). My mom lives for the holidays. The tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving and the presents start piling up shortly thereafter. The TV stays off on Xmas except for to watch the parades and Xmas movies.

We will stay at my parents as long as possible.

FI and I had a nasty fight because he “doesn’t even want” the gifts my mom got him and is po’d at me for “dragging him away from his family on Xmas so quickly”.

Am I wrong to be annoyed with him? How can anyone be ungrateful that their future in laws spent a fortune to try and get them every thing they wanted all year long??

My parents care more about Xmas than his do. Obviously, his parents don’t even decorate/put up a tree. FI himself has said his mom is a scrooge. Xmas at their house will be just like any other day we visit there. And also, my parents went out of their way to help us with wedding $$ and not only give us a ton of gifts but also, they actually get into the Xmas spirit. They have a huge tree, tons of lights and music. It’s like a winter wonderland at their house. Am I wrong for wanting to spend slightly more of our time with them??

Then he got mad that he has to skip seeing his aunts/grandparents. He is seeing them on Xmas eve instead. The reason we are skipping this on Xmas DAY is because I want to see my 2 and 4 year old neices. Shouldn’t children take priority?

The whole thing is making me debate whether I even want to stay with him. What a miserable way to spend Xmas.

Two people "becoming one" is not always fun & games & the holidays can make it extremely stressful.

It only took DH & I a few years together to learn that we had to make our own traditions & do what was right for us. We each had to deal with our own side of the family, we had to compromise & someone was probably going to be upset (a parent, not us). We decided Xmas Eve was with my family & Christmas Day was with his. My MIL was not overly happy, gave her opinion, but accepted our decision. We have done this now for over 20 years.

As far as the number of gifts & amount of money spent, this does not matter to a lot of people. Your fiancee may feel that he is indebted to your parents because they have given him so much. You know that this is not the case, I'm sure your parents really just want to give him things they know he would not or can not buy for himself. In his mind, however, he might be a little resentful knowing that while he wishes he could afford these things he knows he can not & feels like he's relying on someone else to provide them for him.

If there is one thing I learned, it's that you have to compromise. You have to understand that as much as you want to spend time with your family, your fiancee also wants to spend time with his. Yours is not more important than his family & his family is not more important than yours. Why are your nieces more important than his aunt & grandparents? He could say that they are elderly & you don't know how many more Christmases they have left to enjoy. You could argue that kids only believe for so long & you want to spend as many "believing" years with them as possible. It can be a vicious cycle.

I also think it's normal for a girl to want to spend time with their family. I am not super close with DH's family, but I have learned to enjoy their company, take part in their traditions & have fun. One year I realized that without my MIL I would not have DH or the great kids that we share together. I pulled her aside on Christmas Day & thanked her for doing such a great job raising her son. I am still no closer to her but I have learned that she loves her son & his family as much as my family loves us & I should be respectful of the time they want to spend with us. They don't want to spend time with us because they don't enjoy it - just the opposite.

Take my advice for what it's worth, but if you are going to marry this man, learn to compromise now when the holidays come around. It will make your life much easier & less stressful. Good luck.