If going to family that live near you for the holidays, how long do you stay?

[TDC Nala]

Tell them you'll be there as soon as you are able to get the child ready. (That could be anytime due to the whole "Santa" factor, you know) And you will be leaving before his regular bedtime.

I'm staying at my parents' tonight till Monday but I'm single and don't have to drag anyone with me.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I agree with all of that.

My only issue is his family has NO Xmas traditions. It's just another day.

I actually see this is being an real eye opener to how different FI and I are and honestly, I'm glad this came up before we were married. Because I'm rethinking.

Compromise is one thing. But being forced give up Xmas on Xmas day just to spend the day with no Xmas tree, no holiday themed traditions, no fun, sitting around watching poker on TV while downing coffee to try and stay awake is another.

Also, I should stress that he IS seeing his grandparents. He is seeing them on Xmas eve. I think 2 60 year old adults should be able to understand having to see their grandson on Xmas EVE more than 2 toddlers would understand why their godmother/auntie can't come over on Xmas day to see what Santa brought them.

 

[TeacupDemon]

I agree with all of that.

My only issue is his family has NO Xmas traditions. It's just another day.

I actually see this is being an real eye opener to how different FI and I are and honestly, I'm glad this came up before we were married. Because I'm rethinking.

Compromise is one thing. But being forced give up Xmas on Xmas day just to spend the day with no Xmas tree, no holiday themed traditions, no fun, sitting around watching poker on TV while downing coffee to try and stay awake is another.

Also, I should stress that he IS seeing his grandparents. He is seeing them on Xmas eve. I think 2 60 year old adults should be able to understand having to see their grandson on Xmas EVE more than 2 toddlers would understand why their godmother/auntie can't come over on Xmas day to see what Santa brought them.

He may feel "overwhelmed" by your family's Christmas celebration, as his family is a bit more low-key. I have learned to tread lightly when it comes to differences between my family and DH's family. There is no right or wrong, just what you're used to, and though I may not love all of my ILs traditions, I can't look down on them. I don't want to hurt my husband, who I love, so I choose to find ways to make the things I find less enjoyable more bearable.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

He may feel "overwhelmed" by your family's Christmas celebration, as his family is a bit more low-key. I have learned to tread lightly when it comes to differences between my family and DH's family. There is no right or wrong, just what you're used to, and though I may not love all of my ILs traditions, I can't look down on them. I don't want to hurt my husband, who I love, so I choose to find ways to make the things I find less enjoyable more bearable.

How do you do it? Because I have spent the last two days in tears wondering how I am going to deal with this for the rest of my life.

 

[MELSMICE]

How do you do it? Because I have spent the last two days in tears wondering how I am going to deal with this for the rest of my life.

I guess you just either learn to deal with it because you love the man you are going to marry more than his family's traditions or you walk away now.

I agree with him possibly feeling overwhelmed with your family's traditions. He is used to something that is just another day. Have you ever asked if there is a reason they really don't celebrate the holiday that much?

 

[TeacupDemon]

How do you do it? Because I have spent the last two days in tears wondering how I am going to deal with this for the rest of my life.

Glass of wine and a good sense of humor! Seriously, though, until we had kids, we celebrated independently with our respective families for most of the day. He came over for a bit, and I went to his parents for a bit, but we both really liked our own families' traditions, and mutually agreed to separate celebrations.

Now that we have kids, I celebrate with his family and he celebrates with mine. When we are doing things that I don't love at his folks, I just put my energy into the kids, and playing with them. I also know that we can both get overwhelmed at times, and I don't take offense if he goes to our room for some "quiet time" at my parents' house, and he doesn't get offended if I do the same at ILs. Ultimately, we won't always have the grandparents here to celebrate with, so I suck it up to give my kids and their dad the best time they can have, and he does the same in return.

 

[wdwfan16]

We leave here at 3 pm today and return about 2 am. We go to a Christmas Eve party and then to Midnight Mass. Tomorrow we will be at my Aunt's for about 10 hours. It seems to go by so fast.

We really enjoy our time with others.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I agree with him possibly feeling overwhelmed with your family's traditions. He is used to something that is just another day. Have you ever asked if there is a reason they really don't celebrate the holiday that much?

Yes. He doesn't know. They just don't get into it. Part of it I know is financial. They can't afford to exchange gifts. Fine. I don't want or expect gifts. But I know they could at least put up a tree. They HAVE a tree. They just don't like setting it up because it takes up too much space. They are both employed and their situation is not dire.

Teacup --- I'd love a glass of wine but they don't allow alchohol in their house either.

I honestly really want to just seperate the celebrations and I go do my thing and he does is. We won't ever be having kids so I really see no reason why we can't do this. I know it's not the norm but we'd both be happier.

I just talked to my own mom. She said she will TIVO the Disney Christmas parade for me so I can watch it later when we get to my parents house.

 

[TDC Nala]

I really see no reason why we can't do this.

Does he see a reason why you can't do this? I'm pretty sure if you marry him you will have trouble if you don't consider his reasons as well as yours.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Does he see a reason why you can't do this? I'm pretty sure if you marry him you will have trouble if you don't consider his reasons as well as yours.

No. He would be fine with it. His family doesn't think that's how married people should spend holidays though. Apparently, they think they should spend them fighting about where to go.

 

[MELSMICE]

No. He would be fine with it. His family doesn't think that's how married people should spend holidays though. Apparently, they think they should spend them fighting about where to go.

Maybe they believe they should spend them together & just being together is enough.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Maybe they believe they should spend them together & just being together is enough.

As long as we're together WITH THEM.

I don't think it's going to work out with me and him. It just sucks that I had to realize this on Christmas Eve.

 

[wdwfan16]

As long as we're together WITH THEM.

I don't think it's going to work out with me and him. It just sucks that I had to realize this on Christmas Eve.

Better tonight then on your wedding night.

 

[dislaney]

We stay a few hours. I think 9 hours is way too long. I can't stand myself for that long!

 

[disykat]

I agree with all of that.

My only issue is his family has NO Xmas traditions. It's just another day.

I actually see this is being an real eye opener to how different FI and I are and honestly, I'm glad this came up before we were married. Because I'm rethinking.

Compromise is one thing. But being forced give up Xmas on Xmas day just to spend the day with no Xmas tree, no holiday themed traditions, no fun, sitting around watching poker on TV while downing coffee to try and stay awake is another.

Also, I should stress that he IS seeing his grandparents. He is seeing them on Xmas eve. I think 2 60 year old adults should be able to understand having to see their grandson on Xmas EVE more than 2 toddlers would understand why their godmother/auntie can't come over on Xmas day to see what Santa brought them.

You are ignoring the fact that he DOES have Christmas traditions - you just don't think they're "valid."

I have to comment on your earlier post about him being ungrateful for the 50 gifts your mother is giving him. My family does a laid back Christmas as well -although we have a Christmas tree and gifts - they aren't that big a deal. I would be freaked out to the point of anger by that many gifts. There's no way I would want my MIL to be granting my every wish as if I were a child with a Santa list. I'm guessing your fiance is feeling the same way you are about committing to spending every Christmas with your family!

I think you have a choice, you spend Christmas together alone or you agree to spend 1/2 of it with each extended family. I think the fact that you would rather each go to your own extended family on holidays rather than finding a way to celebrate them together is quite telling.

 

[MELSMICE]

As long as we're together WITH THEM.

I don't think it's going to work out with me and him. It just sucks that I had to realize this on Christmas Eve.

But you seem to be saying that you should spend all the time with your family & that's more important than what he wants to do.

I have to say that I agree with his family in that married couples should spend the holidays together. Getting married is the beginning of new life together with your own family traditions.

Compromising is tough. Good luck.

 

[Minnie_me]

My MIL is terrible about this.

She'll tell us to get there around 5:00. But unbeknownst to us, she'll tell the rest of the family to arrive at 7:00. So we get there, and there's NOBODY there.

And no matter WHAT time we leave, when we tell her that we're leaving, she'll act SHOCKED and say, "ALREADY!??!?!"

Ick.

 

[cruisnfamily]

My MIL is terrible about this.

She'll tell us to get there around 5:00. But unbeknownst to us, she'll tell the rest of the family to arrive at 7:00. So we get there, and there's NOBODY there.

And no matter WHAT time we leave, when we tell her that we're leaving, she'll act SHOCKED and say, "ALREADY!??!?!"

Ick.

We get this too! Every holiday!

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

We were expected over at the inlaws on Christmas Eve around noon and then they'd finally finish up opening gifts by 9pm and then we'd have an hour drive home. It was before we had kids.

We did it once. After that we didn't show up until 4pm (they normally ate at 6pm), I helped clean up after supper and we opened gifts. I also let them know that we needed to leave by 8pm so they started eating supper around 5pm which I didn't expect them to do.

It really helped and no one got tired of anyones company and we weren't exhausted on Christmas Day when we had to drive to my parents house (another hour away) for their Christmas dinner.

I was happy to move half way across the country so it's not an issue anymore. If they want to have Christmas with us, they come visit. My parents are here this year and having fun with their grandkids.

 

[lecach]

We got there at 11:30. Sat around watching a handful of people play Wii for hours. Ate at 4:00. Then had to completely clean dishes and kitchens including drying everything with a towel (we usually just airdry everything). Finally started to open gifts at 5:40. Had dessert at 7:30. Finally left at 8:00. DH feels the day was fast and he didnt have enough time for everything. I feel that I sat on the couch an awful lot. I even managed to fall asleep I was so bored.

And for those that are curious - yes, DS DID get bacon again this year. But only 1 box.