I would like your opinion on DH's motive: **UPDATE**

[kirbsam]

I didn't accuse him of cheating.

I didn't suspect him of cheating.

I suspected that the reason he gave me was at best, rude, at worst, untrue and a cover for something else.

I didn't ask for support for snooping in his phone.

I didn't snoop in his phone.

I turned down his offer to look in his phone.

I was angry that he was once again doing the shady, cover-up thing where he acts like he is hiding something. He has done this before.

Turns out he was lying about the reason he did not want me to use his phone and his reason was because he just didn't want me to use it. He didn't want me to leave the house with it because he felt territorial over HIS phone. He admitted that the "low battery" was just an excuse. My gut, as everyone keeps talking about, said that the reason he gave was questionable and my gut was right.

I felt it was rude of him to not allow me to use his property because we have never had a problem sharing our things and because I felt I had a legitamate need. You may disagree but that is how I feel and I would never do that to him and he knows it.

I came on here to ask for opinions of his uncharacteristic behavior to see if anyone could give me a possible reason to this behavior.

I did this so that I could show him that I am not the only person in the world that would think this looked bad.

I did it on an anonomous message board so not to involve any of our friends/ family.

My final thought: There are some REALLY bitter, mean-spirited people on here!

(P.S. Thanks to all the really nice people who read what I posted and responded in a kind-hearted manner, regardless if I agreed with you or not. I appriciate the advice!)

you are the one that came on here with some personal information. if you believe his new excuse, that is your business. quite frankly, many of us dont. no need to rant. the real situation here as i see it, is your husband lies to you, and you accept it. have a good day.

 

[sbell111]

You know, It trust my wife. She trusts me. Neither of us would ever cheat on the other or do something to hurt the other. Because of that second part, we have (and will) occasionally lied to the other in very small, unimportant ways.

I think that sometimes, we push the one we love to give one of these little white lies through our own behavior.

 

[jax677]

I really think that when you come on an open board to ask a question, you have to deal with a wide range of answers. Just because they don't fit what you hoped to get, doesn't make they any less possible.

I really can't imagine asking this question and not getting the possibility of cheating as a answer. We are invisible here. No one knows your husband like you do. It sounds like your husband gave you the answer you were hoping for, thats a good thing.

I also wonder if communication is something you both struggle with. I can't imagine asking a question here so that I can show the answers to my husband during a discussion. Just seems strange to me.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Turns out he was lying about the reason he did not want me to use his phone and his reason was because he just didn't want me to use it. He didn't want me to leave the house with it because he felt territorial over HIS phone. He admitted that the "low battery" was just an excuse. My gut, as everyone keeps talking about, said that the reason he gave was questionable and my gut was right.

And yet you wouldn't let it go. He apparently knew that "I just don't want to let you take it" would have bombed, so he tried to use a reasonable excuse.

 

[Allison]

I really think that when you come on an open board to ask a question, you have to deal with a wide range of answers. Just because they don't fit what you hoped to get, doesn't make they any less possible.

I really can't imagine asking this question and not getting the possibility of cheating as a answer. We are invisible here. No one knows your husband like you do. It sounds like your husband gave you the answer you were hoping for, thats a good thing.

I also wonder if communication is something you both struggle with. I can't imagine asking a question here so that I can show the answers to my husband during a discussion. Just seems strange to me.

Oh yes, the oft-repeated DIS thread of asking for opinions and getting upset with answers you don't want to hear.

 

[Allison]

Ya know what, I'm glad things worked out in this situation for the OP.

I've hung around here (and other message boards) long enough to think that some of the people urging her to babysit her husband were secretly hoping that she would find something untoward, just because they enjoy the drama. That's not directed at anyone specific, just a general feeling.

I also think that we can disagree respectfully without being condescending. A perfectly valid comment can lose merit when it's delivered in such a way that you come across as feeling superior.

I think you are spot on.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

When I was in grad school for counseling there were single people who were on the "Marriage and Family Counseling" track. The director of the program urged them to change tracks with the reasoning that no one wants marriage or family advice from someone who isn't married and doesn't have a family. I think the same holds true here - it is very easy to say that you will do something and that will you be a certain way, but unfortunately things don't always go like people expect them to.

OP - I'm glad things worked out for you. I would have been suspicious too and I have an excellent marriage. I would have done the direct confrontation too. I want things out in the open so they can be resolved.

PP who just caught her DH sneaking around on the internet - I am so sorry. I really admire your strength.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

I've hung around here (and other message boards) long enough to think that some of the people urging her to babysit her husband were secretly hoping that she would find something untoward, just because they enjoy the drama. That's not directed at anyone specific, just a general feeling.

Not true. When someone comes on a message board and says 'I have a gut feeling something is wrong'...they are probably correct. They don't even have to give a reason, in my opinion. She knows her husband. She knows what occurred to make her feel that way. None of you were there.

Because some of you have never (or hope you'd never) have a reason to distrust your spouse, or friend, or family member...doesn't mean this woman's gut feeling is incorrect. And I'm not gonna encourage anyone to stick their head in the sand.

 

[sbell111]

Not true. When someone comes on a message board and says 'I have a gut feeling something is wrong'...they are probably correct. They don't even have to give a reason, in my opinion. She knows her husband. She knows what occurred to make her feel that way. None of you were there.

I disagree with this blanket statement. You don't have to hang out in here long before you realize that some people are naturally suspicious for no reason. These people generate angst like it is there calling in life. Similarly, the multitude of posters to this forum that jump in every 'marriage' thread with 'clear out the accounts and call a lawyer' do no one any good.

I'm reminded of the thread from a few months back where the husband was late getting back from the grocery store. Many of you quickly branded him as a cheater. It turns out that he was in Church.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

I disagree with this blanket statement. You don't have to hang out in here long before you realize that some people are naturally suspicious for no reason. These people generate angst like it is there calling in life. Similarly, the multitude of posters to this forum that jump in every 'marriage' thread with 'clear out the accounts and call a lawyer' do no one any good.

I'm reminded of the thread from a few months back where the husband was late getting back from the grocery store. Many of you quickly branded him as a cheater. It turns out that he was in Church.

Well i was disagreeing with the previous blanket statement, that I quoted in my post. And now I'm disagreeing with your blanket statement.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Well i was disagreeing with the previous blanket statement, that I quoted in my post. And now I'm disagreeing with your blanket statement.

Maybe you quoted the wrong post then, because my post that you quoted was not a blanket statement in any way.

Not really, but it's also not worth fussing about with you guys.

Yeah, it was quite condescending actually. Hence my "testy" response.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I was angry that he was once again doing the shady, cover-up thing where he acts like he is hiding something. He has done this before.

This speaks volumes to me. If you treat your husband (or wife) like a child, they will start acting like a child. Chances are if he's done this before, he'll probably do it again because it's easier to hide and deceive than it is to deal with someone else's (over) reaction to an event, situation or even a mistake made.

I love my Mother but I sure as heck wouldn't want to live with her anymore. Our parents are the reason we move out in the first place. And guess what? If we start treating our spouses like our children, they're eventually going to want to move out as well.

Good luck to you.

 

[Darsa]

I also think that we can disagree respectfully without being condescending. A perfectly valid comment can lose merit when it's delivered in such a way that you come across as feeling superior.

I agree with this HUGELY, and NOT just for this post! Some of the things people have said on these threads, really make me not to mention the disgust at how little regard people have for other people's feelings and emotions. And on a DISNEY forum no less.

C'mon people; you don't have to agree, but you don't have to be rotten/uncaring/unfeeling/insensitive either!