I would like your opinion on DH's motive: **UPDATE**

[Keli]

It's so funny to me that folks are acting like people that are saying "check out the phone" are being suspicious.
I know I'm not a particularly suspicious person but I also know I'd be looking at that phone asap.
Why? Because his behavior is odd. It doesn't line up with everyday life for him. He apparently shares his stuff without hesitation in other situations.
Oh, and if I checked it out and there wasn't anything strange going on that I could tell, well then I'd tell him exactly what I did and why.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm with those who would do a little more digging. When you act like you have something to hide, don't be surprised if loved ones notice and try to find out why!

My husband and I would not hesitate to give the other our phone to use. I'm possessive over my things, so I understand that feeling, but I'm also an adult who realizes that my significant other might need it for a brief amount of time. It would really raise some red flags for me if he wouldn't allow me to take his phone.

Can't help you on the DH situation, but have you thought that maybe you have a bad battery in your Blackberry? Perhaps another one will have a longer charge or not have that "restore connections" problem.

Not sure what kind of BB she has, but they are notoriously hard on battery life. I can't get through a whole day without needing a second charge, even if I'm not using it constantly. When she posted it, I could totally relate to what she was saying! A car charger is basically worthless unless you'll be on a long, long drive.

 

[dispor]

Was his phone plugged into the charger when you asked to borrow it? (If he KNEW it was low on battery and didn't have it on the charger, I would think that was strange.)

Did he check the battery and then tell you it was low?

 

[Sandy321]

I must live in a bubble -

I read the OP and didnt like the tone of the post when *I* read it - I thought it came off as "snarky" and "entitled" (not saying that was the intent, it was just my take!)

My dh gets upset because I forget to take my phone to the store - as we also have the 3 - 5 calls while one of us is at the store, but if my dh said no - I would leave it as he doesnt want to share "his toys" and not think another thing about it! (hence the bubble comment) but I also feel confident in our relationship...

and wouldnt think of posting the question on the dis...

 

[Allison]

OMG-you are the most suspisious people-she asked to use his phone-it was low on battery-he told her that-and that should be the end of it.
OP if telling you you cant use his phone because the battery is low is suspisious-you two need some help.

I am also shocked at how suspicous people are. If my husband says I can't use his phone because the battery is low then I would take it at face value. 10 minutes to the store is not a major thing to do without a phone. I would never consider violating his trust by going through his phone because of such a little thing.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am also shocked at how suspicous people are. If my husband says I can't use his phone because the battery is low then I would take it at face value. 10 minutes to the store is not a major thing to do without a phone. I would never consider violating his trust by going through his phone because of such a little thing.

The OP said she would be gone 2hrs give or take.

 

[Allison]

The OP said she would be gone 2hrs give or take.

She also said it was 10 minutes to the store. This isn't someone embarking on a 8 hour drive on the interstate without a cell phone.

Like I said, I would not be looking for some other motive.

 

[Serena]

Give me a break. You asked to borrow his phone. He said no. You asked why and he told you why.
You know, the only calls on my phone are to and from my wife and work stuff, but if she did this to me it would cause a huge fight.

She would be basically calling my a cheater. Given that I'm not a cheater and there is no evidence that I am, implying that I am would cause quite a stir.

Oh, then there would be a fight. I would not have asked to use the phone without good reason, so if I asked to use the phone then I would expect to have him hand me the phone and the charger willingly. Now, if he was expecting a phone call, then I would totally respect that.
But telling me no without a good reason is a reason for discussion. I would tell him that I was being unreasonably paranoid and apologize ahead of time, but I would expect to look at that phone.

Now, I am not normally paranoid or overly suspicious, so this isn't something I would normally do or question, so there wouldn't have to be a fight, that would be entirely up to him.

My ex would have gave me a look, told me I was being stupid and handed over the phone immediately. I would have handed it back, been mad because he wasn't letting me use it and bought a new phone while at the store that I could use and charge at the same time.

 

[Darsa]

I would be checking his phone myself; if there was nothing to hide, there's no reason he should be upset about it. In fact, if he had nothing to hide I imagine he'd be GLAD to let me look through his phone, and not miss the opportunity to say "I told you so!"

Hopefully it's nothing

 

[sbell111]

Oh, then there would be a fight. I would not have asked to use the phone without good reason, so if I asked to use the phone then I would expect to have him hand me the phone and the charger willingly. ...

Here's the thing: When you ask someone for something, you have to allow for a 'no' answer. Otherwise, it's not asking, is it? This isn't the OP's kid we are talking about, it's her husband. I'm shocked at the number of people who would disrespect him.

I would be checking his phone myself; if there was nothing to hide, there's no reason he should be upset about it. ...

Interesting logic.

I guess that the police should be free to go through our stuff whenever they feel like it (without a warrant). After all, if we have nothing to hide, we shouldn't be upset about it.

 

[Allison]

I would be checking his phone myself; if there was nothing to hide, there's no reason he should be upset about it.

Of course there is. He should be furious that his wife has so little trust in him.

 

[rainy~daze]

OP if your DH has never given you a reason to distrust him before, I wouldn't start now. If it bothers you enough you are still thinking about it, just tell him how you feel, how it made you feel.

It really can be as simple as the battery was low, no hidden agenda, no cheating, nothing...plain and simple, low battery.
Odd, maybe...but jumping direct to the conclusion of he must be doing something sneaky and start going through his stuff when he is sleeping like others are suggesting is ridiculous.

If you trust him, just talk to him. If you don't trust him, well, that is a whole nother issue. Good luck!!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Of course there is. He should be furious that his wife has so little trust in him.

I think maybe because we have the same name we think the same.

We don't share cell phones in our house only because we are responsible enough to charge them and don't need to. Sounds more like the DH was being territorial and maybe trying to teach her a lesson. OF course I don't know the OP or her DH. Maybe the OP should charge her phone more frequently or figure out why the battery is constantly being drained.

And as for everyone that needs to call home several times when you are at Wal-Mart...what the heck is up with that?? And as for picking the movies, in our home who ever is at the store gets to pick it.

What did everyone do without cell phones???

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Give me a break. You asked to borrow his phone. He said no. You asked why and he told you why.
You know, the only calls on my phone are to and from my wife and work stuff, but if she did this to me it would cause a huge fight.

She would be basically calling my a cheater. Given that I'm not a cheater and there is no evidence that I am, implying that I am would cause quite a stir.

I'm so glad someone else chimed in with this (and I'm female). I'd say sure, check the phone. And then I'd walk out the door and probably hire an attorney because the lack of respect for my integrity wouldn't sit real well with me.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Having a conversation like that with my DH would inspire me to check out his phone while he was sleeping tonight...

Exactly. There's something he doesn't want you having knowledge of. Especially if his will run off a car charger if it's at one bar.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Give me a break. You asked to borrow his phone. He said no. You asked why and he told you why.
You know, the only calls on my phone are to and from my wife and work stuff, but if she did this to me it would cause a huge fight.

She would be basically calling my a cheater. Given that I'm not a cheater and there is no evidence that I am, implying that I am would cause quite a stir.

It could have easily been an honest reply if while saying his phone was at one bar, he actually picked up the phone and showed it to her.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

And we wonder why 50% of marriages end in divorce

If I tell you that my phone has one bar, you're going to believe me. I'm not going to have to show it to you to prove it.

 

[LisaR]

1. The OP stated that her DH is a generous man and would normally give anyone the shirt off his back. Refusing to allow his wife to borrow his phone seems out of character for such a generous man.

2. The OP stated that the phone bill is in his name and she does not have access to it. One would assume that she pointed this out for a reason. Maybe typing it made her realize that this doesn't seem right.

3. The OP used the following terms to describe her DH's behavior: strange, territorial and shady. If she said he was lighthearted, joking and loving about the situation, I would think he just didn't want her to take a phone that had a low battery. But those aren't the words she used to describe him.

4. The most important point of all. The OP felt the need to come on a public message board and post this information. When someone does that, they are usually questioning things. Usually they feel something is off but they don't know if they are just overreacting. I am always of the opinion that you should go with your gut. If the OP's gut is telling her that his behavior is not normal, she should trust her gut. I am sure many DH's have refused to let their spouse borrow their phones and red flags didn't go up but in the case of the OP, she seemed to feel something was off. I think it is very important to trust your gut. Hopefully, they are just a couple with communication issues and they can work it out.

 

[Vallie]

If you think something shady is going on, then trust that something shady is going on.

In my house no one person keeps any credit cards, phone bills etc private. My in-laws do this and I will have no part of it. If this happened to me I'd absolutely insist on him showing me his most recent bills and all calls that came in or out. I wouldn't feel badly about it either, nor would I let him manipulate me into feeling guilty or let him pull the whole "If you love me you trust me" nonsense. I'd tell him that his behavior made me feel insecure and that if I meant anything to him he would open up and put my nervous mind at ease. If he argued I wouldn't believe a word that came out of his mouth.

Trust is earned, I trust my DH because he's never given me a reason not to, not because I am a fool.

There are a few truths I learned when dating. #1, if something seems wrong, something is wrong. #2, when a significant other is overly suspicious and I know I've done nothing wrong, it's their own conscience getting to them. #3, when someone cheats their kisses change.

I hope nothing is wrong and you just misread the exchange but either way

I completely agree with this! i hope nothing is wrong either, but always trust your instincts and if you feel there is something shady I would definitly talk to him and ask him to see the bill.

 

[Allison]

And we wonder why 50% of marriages end in divorce

If I tell you that my phone has one bar, you're going to believe me. I'm not going to have to show it to you to prove it.

I was thinking the exact same thing.