I think my son needs a counselor.

[jfoofj]

My son is going through something right now and I don't know how to help him. He is almost nine, just started 3rd grade, and we had a death in the family Sept 1st (my grandmother, who he was close with). He is VERY emotional about everything right now and his reactions to events are excessive (ie having a meltdown because there was a fire alarm during gym and most of gym was missed. Not being called on in class when he knows the answer. Having his milk spill in the lunch room... he literally becomes so upset he cries). He is going to the school nurse everyday with a headache, bellyache, bandaid for a scratch (w/ no blood, just a scratch). He wanted to take oreos for school snack and I said no (snack is at 10am, the teacher requests that it be a healthy snack, I let him have oreos after school... he is a skinny kid so it isn't an issue that way). He FREAKED out screaming that I was so unfair and I was ruining his life.

Also, he told me and his teacher (who just called me) that there are "lots of numbers in his head." He is a counter.... he has always counted things, he has woken me up to tell me he counted all his trains (112) and how many books he had on his book shelf (don't remember that one... but its a lot). He also knows what bus number each and every kid in his class is on. SO I called his pediatrician and she is having someone call me with a list of names of mental health counselors for him to go in to talk to/be evaluated. I guess that is a step in the right direction but I just feel like as his parent I should KNOW what to do to help him, and I don't, and I feel horrible that he is suffering right now and I don't know what to do.

Has anyone every had anything like this happen? He is typically a happy, healthy, well adjusted kid who gets along with everyone and this behavior (other than the counting) is all out of character and new for him. I have talked to his Dad and Stepmom (we all get along fine, no issues there and no issues in either household) and he is doing the same stuff when at their house and we can't pinpoint what has triggered it.

Thanks in advance.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

You definitely did the right thing. Just so you have a little warning ahead of time, the counting could be a symptom of OCD (or other things as well), but it could also be normal.

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

I have no advice for you but wanted to offer a hug... Nothing scares me worse than when I can't figure out my kids. I hope you can get some answers.

 

[whogirl'smom]

My son is going through something right now and I don't know how to help him. He is almost nine, just started 3rd grade, and we had a death in the family Sept 1st (my grandmother, who he was close with). He is VERY emotional about everything right now and his reactions to events are excessive (ie having a meltdown because there was a fire alarm during gym and most of gym was missed. Not being called on in class when he knows the answer. Having his milk spill in the lunch room... he literally becomes so upset he cries). He is going to the school nurse everyday with a headache, bellyache, bandaid for a scratch (w/ no blood, just a scratch). He wanted to take oreos for school snack and I said no (snack is at 10am, the teacher requests that it be a healthy snack, I let him have oreos after school... he is a skinny kid so it isn't an issue that way). He FREAKED out screaming that I was so unfair and I was ruining his life.

Also, he told me and his teacher (who just called me) that there are "lots of numbers in his head." He is a counter.... he has always counted things, he has woken me up to tell me he counted all his trains (112) and how many books he had on his book shelf (don't remember that one... but its a lot). He also knows what bus number each and every kid in his class is on. SO I called his pediatrician and she is having someone call me with a list of names of mental health counselors for him to go in to talk to/be evaluated. I guess that is a step in the right direction but I just feel like as his parent I should KNOW what to do to help him, and I don't, and I feel horrible that he is suffering right now and I don't know what to do.

Has anyone every had anything like this happen? He is typically a happy, healthy, well adjusted kid who gets along with everyone and this behavior (other than the counting) is all out of character and new for him. I have talked to his Dad and Stepmom (we all get along fine, no issues there and no issues in either household) and he is doing the same stuff when at their house and we can't pinpoint what has triggered it.

Thanks in advance.

Your poor DS! He probably is grieving and you did the right thing by seeking out a counselor for him. Anything you can do to keep his routine predictable will be comforting right now (he is most likely comforted and calmed by his counting). Hopefully your doctor can hook you up with a good grief counselor who can also help you help your ds. If you don't care for the counselor after a first meeting (happened to my friend and her daughter) you can contact your local Child Advocacy Center, who would be able to give you names of therapists also.

Asking for help is the best thing you could have done for him right now!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well, not what you are experiencing but yes, my 12yodd is on meds and in counseling.

As a parent you can only do so much to help. Believe me, we have dealt with my 12yodd's anxiety for most her life. However you get to a point where you need outside help. She became depressed and needed meds.

Nothing wrong with getting help for your child.

 

[ChrizJen]

Your poor DS! He probably is grieving and you did the right thing by seeking out a counselor for him. Anything you can do to keep his routine predictable will be comforting right now (he is most likely comforted and calmed by his counting). Hopefully your doctor can hook you up with a good grief counselor who can also help you help your ds. If you don't care for the counselor after a first meeting (happened to my friend and her daughter) you can contact your local Child Advocacy Center, who would be able to give you names of therapists also.

Asking for help is the best thing you could have done for him right now!

I was just going to say this...He's obviously having a lot of trouble dealing with his feelings of grief, and this is his way of expressing it. to you, OP, and you certainly did the right thing by seeking counseling for your DS. It sounds like he's using "coping mechanisms" to deal with his grief. He just needs a new outlet for his feelings, and perhaps an the ear of an "outside" person is just what he needs. Once he can express his feelings with words, hopefully he can move past these other things and be happy again. to you and your DS. Poor little guy...Good luck!

 

[POOHDRMR]

My dd went to a therapist when she was 6 she is 8 now and just started 3rd grade-I got the recommendation through her doctor also and she was great.They have experience with these kinds of things and they are really helpful for the parent also-my dd's would bring me in at the end of the session to ask how she was doing and give me advice to help her at home.My dd was an anxiety problem but hers is about throwing up and school makes her more nervous.She did therapy for about a year and then was doing really well and we actually stopped(per her therapist because she was taught coping methods)the start of the school year has brought back some anxiety and I am keeping an eye on her if it doesn't get better soon I will be calling her therapist again.I know how hard it can be on you-I would cry at night because I was so upset that she was going through this.Good luck and I really recommend getting him in therapy and if you don't feel confident with the first one you try go to a different one-my dd really loved hers and that helped alot because she trusted her advice and would try what she said.

 

[MelanieC]

((HUGS)) - I really feel for you. It's awful to watch your kids go through something like this. You are doing the right thing. The counting does sound like an OCD thing, but I'd definately have him evaluated. It may be that he is just exceptionally bright and will end up being a math whiz!

 

[mickeyboat]

Poor little guy. You are doing the right thing. I hope he finds some peace, soon.

My DD10 was having some major anxiety at the beginning of the school year, which seems to have passed for the most part. I still see some over-reactions from her, but I think it has a lot to do with her age. Last night she was angry with me when I was frustrated with her because she would not get in the shower. She wrote me a note:

"Dear Mom,

If you don't find me in my bed in the morning, it is because I have gone to live with someone nicer." That's one for the scrapbook.

And in case you were wondering, she was in her bed this morning.

I know you are worried, but you are getting him the help that he needs. It will all be o.k.

Denae

 

[okeydokey]

Hugs to you and your son. I applaud your decision to seek some outside help with your son. He's had an upsetting event happen and the counting helps him feel some control and order in his life. He could be fearing the death of Mom or Dad, just like Grandma, and the anxiety of losing others he loves. I wish you all the best in this rough time.

 

[starrzone]

He is a very lucky boy to have such an observant Mom. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety last year, and thinking back, I can pinpoint several incidents/feelings I had when I was your son's age that indicated problems. The help he gets now will help him so much and will hopefully help him deal with what happens in the future. I wish my parents had noticed what was going on with me.

 

[jfoofj]

Thanks for the kind words and support everyone. I am feeling better about this, and feel like I am taking steps in the right direction to help him. One of my friends just told me that sometimes as a parent asking for help for your child is the best help you can give them. I don't want him suffering unecessarily and I just hate it that as his Mom there is a problem I don't know the answer too.

On the OCD note... one of my good friends is a social worker and once asked me if I though my son displayed OCD behavior (at the time he was 2 and a half and was refusing to step on any grout lines on tile and insisted on walking backwards all the time.... odd, I know, but the backwards thing lasted a few days and his pedi said it was a phase and to ignore it and the grout thing, well, he still occasionally does that). He has always been a counter, since he learned to count. So, could he have OCD? Maybe. He is very regimented and hates for anything to change or for unexpected things to happen. I feel better knowing he will be getting an evaluation then we can have a professional's point of view and know HOW to help him.

Also, related to numbers, this is weird.... a couple weeks ago I went to dinner with my friend (the social worker) and we went back to her condo before leaving for home. She entered first and went over to shut off her alarm with a 4 digit code. It was down the hall from where we entered (we came in her side door so she had to walk to the panel near the front door). My son said four numbers out loud... and my friend said "How did you do that?" and my son said "I heard it". I didn't know what she was talking about and she said that the four numbers he just said was her alarm code, which I have never know, and obviously my son wouldn't know... she really freaked out because we couldn't even see the alarm pad and it didn't make any noise (that we heard at least) so I don't know how he "heard" the numbers but that is what he said happened. SO, I really have no idea what exactly is going on with him, but this number thing has freaked me out and I am a little afraid that the Dr will think I am nutty if I tell her that story.....

 

[Sparx]

Thanks for the kind words and support everyone. I am feeling better about this, and feel like I am taking steps in the right direction to help him. One of my friends just told me that sometimes as a parent asking for help for your child is the best help you can give them. I don't want him suffering unecessarily and I just hate it that as his Mom there is a problem I don't know the answer too.

On the OCD note... one of my good friends is a social worker and once asked me if I though my son displayed OCD behavior (at the time he was 2 and a half and was refusing to step on any grout lines on tile and insisted on walking backwards all the time.... odd, I know, but the backwards thing lasted a few days and his pedi said it was a phase and to ignore it and the grout thing, well, he still occasionally does that). He has always been a counter, since he learned to count. So, could he have OCD? Maybe. He is very regimented and hates for anything to change or for unexpected things to happen. I feel better knowing he will be getting an evaluation then we can have a professional's point of view and know HOW to help him.

Also, related to numbers, this is weird.... a couple weeks ago I went to dinner with my friend (the social worker) and we went back to her condo before leaving for home. She entered first and went over to shut off her alarm with a 4 digit code. It was down the hall from where we entered (we came in her side door so she had to walk to the panel near the front door). My son said four numbers out loud... and my friend said "How did you do that?" and my son said "I heard it". I didn't know what she was talking about and she said that the four numbers he just said was her alarm code, which I have never know, and obviously my son wouldn't know... she really freaked out because we couldn't even see the alarm pad and it didn't make any noise (that we heard at least) so I don't know how he "heard" the numbers but that is what he said happened. SO, I really have no idea what exactly is going on with him, but this number thing has freaked me out and I am a little afraid that the Dr will think I am nutty if I tell her that story.....

are you really really positive that the key pad didn't go "beep beep beep beep" (like dialing a phone?) it is possible to dissern numbers from the sounds they make when pressing a keypad.
----
on another note, it seems like your son is grieving. is this is the first death he's experiened?

these are the stages of grief, and the order and lenght of each stage is completely different from person to person.

denial (this isn't happening to me!)

anger (why is this happening to me?)

bargaining (i'll be a better person if...)

depression (i don't care anymore)

acceptance (i'm ready to move on)

do those seem familiar to things you've seen him doing/saying?

you're doing the right thing by taking him to see a councelor.

 

[jfoofj]

are you really really positive that the key pad didn't go "beep beep beep beep" (like dialing a phone?) it is possible to dissern numbers from the sounds they make when pressing a keypad.
----
on another note, it seems like your son is grieving. is this is the first death he's experiened?

these are the stages of grief, and the order and lenght of each stage is completely different from person to person.

denial (this isn't happening to me!)

anger (why is this happening to me?)

bargaining (i'll be a better person if...)

depression (i don't care anymore)

acceptance (i'm ready to move on)

do those seem familiar to things you've seen him doing/saying?

you're doing the right thing by taking him to see a councelor.

Thanks so much... it seemed like he was dealing with the loss ok... she was 90 and it was expected, but this is his first experience with death, so it is hard.

As for the keypad, that is what DH said... that his hearing is better than ours (my friend and I are of the Bon Jovi concert era... walkmans WAY too loud, I'm sure my hearing isn't what it used to be) so maybe he heard the keys and could identify what #s they were, but it is still weird to me that that happened and now he is telling the teacher that there are numbers in his head.... Maybe he is tuned into a different frequency than we are?!?!?!?!? I just don't know what to think right now.

 

[dicar123]

It sounds like your son tends toward anxiety. An upsetting event forces him to use something to cope, and he falls back on what he knows. I had a similar problem with my son.

What you need to remember is that professional counselors have heard EVERYTHING! Seriously, no one will be phased by what you say. You need to know that the counselor will, in most instances, not be able to tell you a lot about what your son says. I think good counselors find a way to give parents general information and reassurance. Someone who shut me out entirely because of confidentiality wouldn't be someone I would trust with my kid.

 

[H&Hmommy]

I could have written must of your post myself when my son was in 2nd – 3rd grade. One minute I had a very happy healthy son, the next he was a mess.
Very similar to your son. My son lost his grandfather, then witnessed his grandmother fall and severely break her leg.
First sign of trouble was a vocal tic. He then became very fear full of everything from fires to car accidents. Bed time was the worst. His number rituals then set in. He would have to do things in two’s. Saying goodbye to his dad, saying good night, and many other things had to be done in four’s. I took him to our pediatrician and later a psychologist. He was diagnosed as OCD. He is now in 4th grade and doing so much better. He did not even need to meet with the dr. over the summer. He still has little rituals that he can not let go of …he HAS to touch my pinky 4 times before he can go to bed. If he were to accidentally touch a 5th time, he then moves on to 8. Funny how there little minds work.

I wish you and your son the best of luck.

 

[Handbag Lady]

If it helps, when I was a kid, it was sevens.

I was obsessed with sevens. And 14 and 21 and 28.

I did this weird trick with my fingernails. One mental dot on the outside, one in the center, one on the other outside, then one dot each in the spaces between the dots. It makes seven. I would do this to all of my nails using either my mind or my finger as a pointer. If you do all ten fingers you get 70. Looking back, it started after we had a series of deaths in the family. We didn't talk about death much, and when asked, I was always told, "Well, you know what happens when someone dies." The thing is, I didn't.

I am now a well-functioning adult, I swear! I have a great job and a wonderful husband and I do charity work when I can.

I read in a medical journal about people seeing colors with numbers and letters. For example, R is always seen as pink. If you take the stick away to make it into a P, it becomes blue. I was fascinated by the article and could totally "see" how people can do that in their heads. I wish I wrote it down, but it was in a waiting room and I couldn't just steal the magazine.

In addition to that, Rolling Stone recently had a terrific article about a kid who could hear telephone numbers by tone. It was an incredible story about how he was able to get into AT&T using tones only and then he became very mischevious.

 

[lsyorke]

There is a very specific event that preciptated these behaviors. Children express their grief very different than adults. The counting thing exacerbating is a anxiety reducing behavior for him. It's in his control and gives a concrete activity to slow the anxiety...which is probably him worrying about losing other family members.
Find a grief counselor for him and don't fall into the trap of looking for a "diagnosis" for something that is situational. He's a child and he's scared.

 

[Katy Belle]

You are doing the right thing taking him. Anxiety is very treatable.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

There is a very specific event that preciptated these behaviors. Children express their grief very different than adults. The counting thing exacerbating is a anxiety reducing behavior for him. It's in his control and gives a concrete activity to slow the anxiety...which is probably him worrying about losing other family members.
Find a grief counselor for him and don't fall into the trap of looking for a "diagnosis" for something that is situational. He's a child and he's scared.

I agree that the specific event definitely heightened it, but she said that he did the numbers thing even before this current situation. Like others have said, he could just be a math genius as well.