I think it's time to say something.......

[Blondie]

A while back, I started a thread about my MIL who befriended a guy who pumped her gas (nice choice of words, but its' true!) She is now 66, and he is 34 (or 35--can't remember which.)

Anyway.......since that time the gas station he worked at as a mechanic has closed down. He has moved in with her. She says it's all innocent and that there's nothing sexual going on, she enjoys his company and she likes having this guy around. That's all fine, but why did she invite him to move in? He's been living there now for about a year.

The reason I am asking you guys "is it time to say something to this guy" is she won't allow any of her children to come into her house now.

Over the weekend my brother-in-law picked her up to attend a family wedding that was 4 hours away. She only wanted him to "pull up to the curb and beep--I'll be right out."

When he went to drop her off the next day, and offered to help her with her suitcases, she wouldn't have it. She basically said she didn't need or want him to come into the house.

That's because "he" is in there.

I told my DH that he needs to get his brother, and his sister's husbands and take this guy aside "for a minute of his time" to find out exactly what his intentions are. I referred to it as "pull a Sopranos on this guy!"

I could go on and on about some of the things she has done for this guy...things she'd never do for her own kids.

I think this guy is going to clean her out.

 

[2disneywego]

Wow!! I think it's definitely time to do something, it sounds like your MIL is in some trouble with this guy. Good luck!!

 

[olena]

I remember you mentioing this a while back. I'd be seriously curious about what's going on. Who IS this guy? Why should he be in a position to keep others out of the house? You are right to be concerned....especially for your MIL's sake.

 

[Rajah]

Uh, sounds rather strange to me -- I'd say something!

 

[tc]

I definately think something needs to be done. It sounds like something is not right. When someone won't allow loved ones into their home, it makes red flag go up for me. What's she hiding? Is there some kind of abuse, emotional or physical? Is he trashing her house? Has he sold all her furniture? I know these sound extreme, but it sounds to me like something is not right. Older women are easily taken advantage of. If this was a normal, healthy relationship, she would not have a problem allowing her family to meet or get to know this guy. If I were you, I'd beg my dh and his family to go to her house. She may not want them there, but they need to get to the bottom of this. JMHO!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Strange, Blondie. Does this guy work at all now?

 

[JAP]

Wow Blondie. I agree with you. I would have my DH in there so fast everyone's head would spin.

Good Luck.

 

[newmousecateer]

Definately sounds like he is taking advantage of your Mom and the situation.

I would definately think it is time for a "little talk".

 

[Blondie]

If this was a normal, healthy relationship, she would not have a problem allowing her family to meet or get to know this guy.

Bingo! I feel the same way!

Does this guy work at all now?

Unfortunately, nobody in the family knows enough about this guy! If he IS working, it's not too often.

I've just sent a e-mail to an old H.S. friend that I've kept in contact with over the years. Her father knows "everyone" in our old neighborhood, and come hell or high water, I'm going to get the "411" on this guy! Somebody has to do it!

I've told my DH that I can't believe that he and his brother are so afraid of their own mother that they are hesitant to do anything!

 

[ripleysmom]

Sounds that way Blondie....Good Luck!!

 

[snoopy]

Yikes, Blondie! I knew this guy was up to no good the first time you told us about this! I just can't believe a 34-year old man is with a 66-year old woman because he's in love. Flame away if you must, I just don't buy it.

In any case, I think Blondie to the rescue is going to have to come into play. Getting your friend to get the scoop on this guy is a start. Then you are going to have to all go in, including your husband, and give the goods to your MIL. Hopefully she will listen. Loneliness is often mistaken for love and makes people do crazy things.

 

[Blondie]

Thanks guys.....time will tell on what I find out about this guy. I do know that he is one of 7 children. Don't know if his parents are alive or not.

I saw the first red flag during our last visit up there in December. She was showing off her new bedroom furniture. Beautiful solid oak....must've cost a fortune. I asked her what happend to her other set (because it to was kind of new and in excellent condition...I would've loved to have it as ours is now almost 22 years old!) She simply said "I gave it away."

At first I thought maybe she gave it to one of her daughters (my sisters-in-law)-- I know one of them could have used it.....nobody knows where it went!

Another red flag turned up this summer. As you may know, it was particularly hot at humid this year. She has no air conditioning and has never been in favor of A/C or central air.

All of a sudden now, she's having a wall unit installed (for the downstairs!) You don't want to know what she paid "him" and a friend of his to put in for her (way more than a professional would have charged!) All she had to do is ask one of her 4 son-in-laws...they would've done it for free!

I also hear she is getting tired of looking at her wall-to-wall carpeting (it was just installed 5 years ago!)

This guy knows exactly what he is doing...he's customizing the house the way he wants it to be!!

 

[helenabear]

I have nothing more to add that others haven't said. I would certainly be checking it out too if I were you. It sounds strange to me as well. I hope you can figure out what is really going on there soon.

 

[Jeafl]

Blondie, follow your gut instincts with this one. I agree with you that her behavior is suddenly very strange. Have your husband intervene before it is too late!

 

[Serena]

Blondie, I don't want to make this worse, but he may have already started cleaning her out. I'm thinking that some of her things may be gone and that's why she doesn't want you up there.

I really hope what I'm thinking is wrong.

 

[browneyes]

Yes, a talk is very needed now. How about organizing the troops (ie, brothers, sisters, etc.), do a surprise dinner and just show up on her doorstep?

 

[Blondie]

That's what I'm thinking....but knowing her, she wouldn't let anyone in! They'd have to physically be forceful to get in...and I know they don't want to do that. My MIL is a very strong willed person.

I've been thinking that my in-laws want to do something, but at the same time, don't want to take away the happiness this guy gives her.

I think she is experiencing a delayed empty nest syndrome. He is there, and she takes care of him, cooks, etc.

It's all very sad when you think about it.

 

[crazyme5kids]

You know what? Maybe it is innocent, and her reaction of pushing everyone away is based on their reaction to her involvement with a younger man. On the other hand there could be something not right going on, but you can't go in with guns blazing without sufficiant evidence. Can you all afford to chip in and hire a private investigator? He could run background checks and maybe follow him. This way if there is something wrong you will be able to show proof. If nothing turns up, then I would suggest you switch gears and try to sit down and become friendly for your moms sake.

 

[bumcat]

If you have a police friend have him run a check on him. Start by getting his license plates. If he is wanted anywhere they could pick him up. If she keeps staying away from all family members I would be very worried.

 

[disfanatiks]

Blondie,

Not much to add....Please do whatever you can because something here just does not sound right. I am hoping that all turns out well.