I really just need to rant

[sparks19]

UGH I'm so frustrated.

We planned this trip in September with my inlaws during our last trip to Disney in December. So this is not a "last minute" thing.

The plan was hubby, myself and our daughter, FIL, MIL and sister in law and her son. SIL was specifically told by MIL that she was not to bring anyone else.. just her and her son. she has a habit of just inviting people along and expects her parents to foot the bill.

So she wasn't sure if they were going to come or not. well she decided that they were going to come (but she tends to change her mind 1000 times between today and tomorrow as I've just learned lol so MIL said she wasn't going to get their tickets for the parks yet just in case).

Now she's met a new person that she is interested in and they are dating. NP has a daughter who is about 6 years old. Guess who SIL invited along on our trip? you guessed it NP and daughter. We do have a two room villa but we aren't all super keen on spending our vacation in a resort room with two people we've never even so much as spoken to on the phone before.

MIL told her they could come along but they would have to get a room of their own because that's just too many people especially when we've never even met two of them. MIL said she wasn't going to pay for it all but I'm willing to bet they are but that's neither here nor there and not really my business... but it does annoy me that SIL just invites people without thinking about how anyone else is going to feel about that or how much it's going to cost adding two extra people at Disney.

Anyway... my biggest annoyance is this has been planned for a long time. we are now 89 days out. I have our reservations made for dining and have our itinerary planned out and we are all pretty comfortable and ready for the trip. Until SIL throws her wrenches in the works.

In the last MONTH she has said they weren't going to go, now they have a campsite booked at fort wilderness, they don't want to do all the parks only magic kingdom so go ahead and change the princess lunch reservation to just the three of us (me MIL and DD) because they aren't going to epcot, now they want to do epcot and want to do the princess lunch after I already changed the reservation and now there are no more spots left to add extra people... completely booked.

Ok maybe I shouldn't have changed the reservation so quickly... maybe I should have waited another month. I was just thinking that it would open up two dining spots for people on the waiting list. I didn't think SIL was going to change her mind AGAIN which in hindsight was a foolish thought to have lol.

My MIL is being so gracious all around with this whole thing. She knows it's driving me crazy that I have to keep adjusting the plans we've had worked out for months now lol even though I don't say anything to her about it because it's really not my place. She knows what SIL is like and she's trying to keep up with it all and make everyone happy.

I think my biggest problem is just the blantant lack of give a poop about anyone else. She KNOWS this has been planned since December and she knows she was told she wasn't to bring anyone but when she met a new love interest she didn't really care about her mom telling her that and she didn't really care how much extra it would cost or how anyone would feel about staying with a complete stranger in a two bedroom suite.

it's still entirely possible that she's going to cancel out all together before the trip. it's not uncommon for her to do that.

anyway... if you read all of that you deserve a medal lol. I just had to get that off my chest. I'm just so annoyed about it.

But on the plus side... ONLY 89 DAYS!!!!!!!

 

[chris31997]

I feel ya.



No advice because I can't take my own

 

[DWGal210]

That would annoy me too.

I guess I'd say that as long as she thinks your ILs are paying, that's a problem. They need to stick to their guns. If they cave, she'll do this over & over again.

I would say, "if you want to join us, we'll be at these places at these times" for parks, pool, ect but don't plan on her for ADRs. Easier said than done, I know.

Hugs to you.

 

[Disneychix]

I guess I'd just say "you snooze, you lose!" I wouldn't be changing your princess lunch, or even attempting to! It seems like your MIL knows all the planning that goes into this vacation so at least she'll back you up.

 

[sparks19]

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel this way sometimes.

That's what I told my MIL that I figured I'd just have a list of what parks at what times and they can decide if they want to follow it or not. She asked for a copy of the basic itinerary to send to SIL with the outline of where we will be when so if they want to meet up they can and if they don't then they can do their own thing.

My inlaws have paid for pretty much the whole trip. They have DVC for the room and then bought all of our tickets and the same was the plan for SIL and her son. But then she invites two extra people figuring "it won't cost that much more" and figuring her parents will cover the tab because they are paying for everyone else. well that was all well and good before she just added two extra people as if it was no big deal. but yeah the money thing is going to have to be up to MIL and FIL. I hope they stick to their guns but like I said to MIL... I know FIL. he's a very generous man and he's not going to exclude two people. I mean I can't blame him for feeling that way it's just really irritating that SIL EXPECTS it. GRRR lol

 

[tweedlemom]

That would annoy me too.

I guess I'd say that as long as she thinks your ILs are paying, that's a problem. They need to stick to their guns. If they cave, she'll do this over & over again.

I would say, "if you want to join us, we'll be at these places at these times" for parks, pool, ect but don't plan on her for ADRs. Easier said than done, I know.

Hugs to you.

Let her make her own accomodations and ADR's, then all the work is on her. Do not change your plans. Sounds like she is of the mindset that she'll do her own thing anyway, so let her.

 

[Dragonfly_34]

I can empathize as most of my family members are the same way ~ it's very frustrating when you're trying to make plans and they are constantly changing their mind. I think you have a good strategy of giving her a basic outline of where you will be, and leave it up to her to decide if she's going to join you. I wouldn't try to change your ADRs around either since you don't know if she's even going to go on the trip at all. Good luck!

 

[sparks19]

yeah luckily I only had one ADR... our room has a kitchen so we are planning on using that for dinners during our break for the day but this princess dining one is for my DD's birthday so there is no WAY I am changing that one lol. I called to see if they could add on to our reservation. they said they are booked... end of story. tough noogies lol

it just stinks because I know MIL would like to spend time at the parks all together so she can see both of her grandkids experience Disney but with SIL's plans VS the ones we have planned it doesn't seem likely.

We are doing MK monday (that's the plan anyway) and they are going to be checking into FW and setting up their campsite that day so they aren't going to go to MK that day. they are going to do it another day but I know my MIL would like to see all the kids at MK. The plan was MK monday, epcot tuesday (that one HAS to stick because we have the reservations and I don't want to have to change parks for it) and then wednesday is our day "off" and then wind down our week (we check out friday morning) at HS. I figured HS would be a good park to end on because it's smaller and everyone will be tired.

so I may have to be flexible and change some of the days/parks around because MIL shouldn't have to feel split between the two grandkids.

 

[Greysword]

LOL, this happens to DVC members quite frequently. Many would advocate making the reservations for your family and your parents in the 2BR, make the ADRs and set the itinerary for this core group. After that if SIL & company want to tag along, the owner can make a studio reservation or make SIL pay for it themselves. This prevents issues with the DDP (if used). As for ADRs, keep the ones you have with the extra people, since it is easier to show up with fewer, just not so much with more.

Remember, once you have your group's plans done and locked in, you can offer to help SIL plan her trip with her money

 

[Wadecool]

OP, I feel your pain! I have a sister who does the same stuff to my parents. We plan a summer trip to the beach every year with my DW, DD, and my parents about 6 months out. Guess who comes along every year the week before the trip and demands to go also? My sister, who then proceeds to leave my nephew with my parents for the majority of the week while she and her DH go out partying. Grrrr. You have every right to be upset OP! I would keep those ADR's the way they are. There are plenty of CS places for SIL to eat at while you guys dine in the Castle.

 

[disneychic2]

You sound really sensitive to your in-laws' feelings and that is certainly more than your SIL is showing. Good for you. Just go and have a magical time. Let your in-laws make their decisions and you make yours and hopefully you'll all have a great time. Perfect world, SIL decides not to go and that solves everything. Anything can happen in two months time, right? Good luck and bless you for your tender feelings for others.

 

[RumpleMom]

Your MIL and FIL are used to having an irresponsible daughter. They have raised her this way. She isn't going to change as long as they continue to pay her way.

Be happy they raised a responsible son. Plan for your family, MIL and FIL. SIL gets to figure out how to be a grown up on her own. Who knows NP might not be around long.

 

[sparks19]

thanks everyone. I feel better about it today. MIL is standing by me (not that I'm making her choose between us or anything lol) and the original plan. SIL understands and she's happy to do her own thing if they don't want to do what we are doing that day.

I think I was just a little frazzled yesterday calling around to find out about this and that and ten other things lol I feel like I spent my entire day yesterday looking up stuff for SIL lol now she doesn't have internet so I get it but oy vey this would have all been much simpler if this was 3 months ago LOL

So I just made some suggestions on parks for them (they are only doing a two day pass) based on what I know about her sons likes and dislikes and personality.

and I did learn some stuff I didn't know we could do that will make some things a lot easier so it's not all bad I guess LOL.

thanks for the understanding words

 

[PHXscuba]

Another thought that could make this easier or screw it up again: if SIL is this indecisive generally, will she still be with the new man in three months? If they are split by then she might swing back to the do-everything-with-you plan and wonder why she can't do everything y'all originally planned.

I know you can't plan for everything, but this is within the realm of possible.

BTW, isn't it nice to have a place like the DIS where you can stomp your feet and let off some steam while you figure out how to deal with things?


PHXscuba

 

[amberdburke]

I have been dealing with issues like this since moving back home around my family.

I went with my gma and aunt to a PBS Meet & Greet a few weeks ago. I promised DD she would be able to meet Clifford the dog. Well, the lines were insane, and it was super hot. My gma starting saying they weren't waiting in line and DD would have to see the characters from the side. I was getting really upset and finally said, "We're waiting in line for Clifford. You all can do what you want." And they all came with us and stopped complaining.

Girl....you are going to have to put your foot down, do what's best for your DD, and everyone else can deal.

 

[dzneelvr]

I'd just ignore SIL's self-made drama and leave all the revisions, changes, headaches, and cancellations to MIL Think about the reasons you feel the need for keeping the plan for everyone else on track? SIL-types THRIVE on the attention and chaos they cause others and I'm sorry to say your MIL is an enabler to her behavior. I have a SIL similar to yours and we learned to simply ignore her. Guess what, she found others to suck the energy from but it's not us anymore

 

[SaraMar1]

Don't change your plans! Have fun!

 

[DVC-Don]

I hear you. My sister once showed up with an extra COUPLE, no call, no notice. Just knocked on our 2 bedroom unit door with and extra COUPLE. I told her in front of everyone (I already had six family members there) they were not staying with us and they had to get their own room. They went down to the Hospitality House and booked a studio at the front desk. That was the last time my sister was invited.

 

[eyor44]

Aren't families wonderful? OP, there is one in every family. Trust me.

 

[*Seanaci*]

I'm assuming SIL is MIL's actual daughter, right?

Either way. I'm so sorry you're stressing this close to your trip. If I were in your shoes, at this point, keep all reservations as is (whether or not they include SIL and her kiddo) and if SIL doesn't cancel, well, then she can figure out what to do for meals or parks or whatnot. Pretty much screw her and her indecicevness (sp? looks funny). Maybe, just maybe it'll teach her to either say yes and mean it...or say not and mean it rather than flip flp between things.

Enjoy your trip! And don't stress anymore.