I need your help with a problem

[The Mystery Machine]

As long as it is not a child out of wedlock or a disease she can catch then you do not owe her an apology.
You can reassure her that this was your past and that is it. If she continues to bug you about it, she may not be the girl for you.

If it is a child and/or disease then you do owe her an apology. That would be something you tell someone you are serious with. In fact you have some serious explaining to do.

 

[SillyMe]

While he may not be obligated to apologize... past behavior certainly speaks to character and the new GF has a right to make relationship decisions based on her knowledge of his past actions.

Not necessarily. I've done things in my past that were totally out of character for me and it doesn't define who I was or who I am.

 

[Keli]

I was keeping this from her cause i felt she did not need to know it so please help me , i dont want to lose her !!!!!!!

This is why the apology is necessary! When you are dating someone it is fair to believe that you have all relevent information about them to judge what kind of person they are.

If you been dating a while and you were hiding information then it means it's pretty important. Probably could change her opinion of who you are. You should always come clean with the big stuff when a relationship turns serious and when you don't, well, it sends up red flags to the person you're dating.

I'm not sure whatever you did could be a deal breaker but hiding it from your gf surely could be. I'd make mega apologies and hope for the best.

 

[SC Minnie]

As long as it is not a child out of wedlock or a disease she can catch then you do not owe her an apology.
You can reassure her that this was your past and that is it. If she continues to bug you about it, she may not be the girl for you.

If it is a child and/or disease then you do owe her an apology. That would be something you tell someone you are serious with. In fact you have some serious explaining to do.

ITA

If you just did something crazy or stupid and that was the end then so be it but if it is something that will be with you forever she should have known.

 

[Loves Disney]

I am sure she still loves you and if she doesn't, leave her. She shouldn't stop loving you over something like this. In fact, I bet she has forgotten about the whole situation already. Don't let it get you down...I would bet you anything she still loves you greatly. (Just with a little disappointment and she is probably a little distraught)

Also, no one is perfect.

*Oh and you also probably DON'T want her to see this thread...lol*

 

[KarenAylwood]

This is why the apology is necessary! When you are dating someone it is fair to believe that you have all relevent information about them to judge what kind of person they are.

If you been dating a while and you were hiding information then it means it's pretty important. Probably could change her opinion of who you are. You should always come clean with the big stuff when a relationship turns serious and when you don't, well, it sends up red flags to the person you're dating.

I'm not sure whatever you did could be a deal breaker but hiding it from your gf surely could be. I'd make mega apologies and hope for the best.

YES! Jeez! I can't believe I'm reading all these "she doesn't deserve an apology" posts.

No matter what it was, it was in your past and if this person is going to love you- they should love you despite mistakes you have made in the past before you were even together- and you shouldn't apologize for your past.

BUT you should always be upfront and honest with people ABOUT YOUR PAST! If this was something you regretted so much and obviously had a great effect on you, this is something that the person you're in love with SHOULD KNOW!

I'm 23 and in a long term relationship (living together now). We've been together for 3 years and both have very different pasts. I had a lot of things I regretted but was upfront and honest with him about everything. No matter if he liked the idea or not- he knew. If it had come out later, boy would he have been mad and rightly so. If you put it all out on the table you know what you're dealing with. And here we are, 3 years later more in love than ever

Be upfront and honest, APOLOGIZE for not telling- tell her that you were afraid to tell her but know now that you should have and hopefully she'll understand.

Goodluck!

 

[jazstar87]

I am sure she still loves you and if she doesn't, leave her. She shouldn't stop loving you over something like this. In fact, I bet she has forgotten about the whole situation already. Don't let it get you down...I would bet you anything she still loves you greatly. (Just with a little disappointment and she is probably a little distraught)


*Oh and you also probably don't want her to see this thread...lol*

lol front we have our own problems! So who am i with again? this vmk taken stuff gets very confusing

 

[bumcat]

"Perfect" people make a miserable mate.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Uh...if it's something big, yes, you should always tell the person about it if you are in a serious relationship.

And everything you do in your life has some effect on you and your personality. Even if it's something out of character, it still affects your life.

If you don't tell the person you are dating about big things from your past and that person finds out, it can cause serious trust issues. After all, if you can't trust the person you love with your past, how can you trust them with your future? It also affects how the person you're with trusts you.

You can't have secrets in a relationship or it will eventually die. And someone who really loves you will accept you and all your faults and vice-versa.

 

[VSL]

I really think it's difficult to tell whether she is overreacting or not as we have no idea what actually happened.

 

[rparmfamily]

Go with your gut. Apologize profusely, write a letter, buy a card and write in it, whatever, but do what it takes to try to make her feel better about this situation. Be honest from this point forward. Good luck Chris!

 

[Loves Disney]

lol front we have our own problems! So who am i with again? this vmk taken stuff gets very confusing

Skater, Pay...you're with Skater!! Wait until he finds out that you have forgotten you were with him!! Tsk, tsk, tsk!!!


And I also agree that it is difficult to give opinions on whether the girl is overreacting or not on no information.

I think you should do what YOU think you should do. I can assure you though, if this girl really likes you, she will understand and accept your mistakes. If she really likes you, you won't lose her...(if that is a good or bad thing, I don't know lol) Talk with her and I mean REALLY talk with her. Don't try and make up excuses (I don't know if you have or not) and if you have already told her it was something you regret, she knows that! Try telling her something she hasn't heard.

It all comes down to how much you really like this girl.

 

[jazstar87]

Skater, Pay...you're with Skater!! Wait until he finds out that you have forgotten you were with him!! Tsk, tsk, tsk!!!

lol!!!!

though i am mad at him he went to epcot yesterday!!! what a jerk!

 

[Loves Disney]

lol!!!!

though i am mad at him he went to epcot yesterday!!! what a jerk!

What a jerk...lol

Okay Pay, we need to stop posting...we are taking this thread off topic...LOL! (what else is new...)

Keep moving everyone...show's over...back to your regularly programed thread...

 

[Disney Doll]

YES! Jeez! I can't believe I'm reading all these "she doesn't deserve an apology" posts.

No matter what it was, it was in your past and if this person is going to love you- they should love you despite mistakes you have made in the past before you were even together- and you shouldn't apologize for your past.

BUT you should always be upfront and honest with people ABOUT YOUR PAST! If this was something you regretted so much and obviously had a great effect on you, this is something that the person you're in love with SHOULD KNOW!

I'm 23 and in a long term relationship (living together now). We've been together for 3 years and both have very different pasts. I had a lot of things I regretted but was upfront and honest with him about everything. No matter if he liked the idea or not- he knew. If it had come out later, boy would he have been mad and rightly so. If you put it all out on the table you know what you're dealing with. And here we are, 3 years later more in love than ever

Be upfront and honest, APOLOGIZE for not telling- tell her that you were afraid to tell her but know now that you should have and hopefully she'll understand.

Goodluck!

Sorry, I disagree. Your BF has no "right" to be mad at you for things you did in your past if they in no way affect him now.

 

[Loves Disney]

Sorry, I disagree. Your BF has no "right" to be mad at you for things you did in your past if they in no way affect him now.

I will respectively disagree with you here. I think that in an honest relationship, both of the people should be aware of what one's past includes. If the relationship is strong enough, both will understand. It is important to know who you are with. This is just my honest opinion.

 

[KarenAylwood]

Sorry, I disagree. Your BF has no "right" to be mad at you for things you did in your past if they in no way affect him now.

Ahem. Please re-read my post.


I said "I had a lot of things I regretted but was upfront and honest with him about everything. No matter if he liked the idea or not- he knew. If it had come out later, boy would he have been mad and rightly so."

In other words- no, he didn't have any right to be mad about things in my past- he WOULD have the right to be mad if I had purposely hid things from him. Relationships are about trust and knowing a person inside and out- which includes anything important that has happened to them in the past.

 

[daviedude]

Well since this post aired , my girl and I have done alot of talking and it has been made clear to me that all is ok again .YAY!!!!! So with that I say thank you to all who posted here and I think you all are great ppl for doing so!!!! Oh and she read the post too but she says she agrees with those who said i should appologize LOL whichj i have done profusely!!!!

 

[daviedude]

DIS FRIENDS YOU ROCK !!!!!!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH !!!!!!

 

[Shere Khan]

Recently me and the person i love got into an argument over something i did in my past, it is something im not proud of and i wished i could take it back but cant , mind you its not an illegal thing or anything. just something i dont wish to do again , it envolves another woman and all so it is kind of a touchy subject, can anyone tell me in their years of wisdom how do i get out of this hole im in ???? I was keeping this from her cause i felt she did not need to know it so please help me , i dont want to lose her !!!!!!!

Does it involve you with another woman while you were with her? If so, you may be screwed. Sorry.. If not, then the past is the past and I would have never brought it up. But since you did, she needs to love you for the person that you are now and not who you were if you have truly changed. I would apologize for the mistake that I made and talk to her about it. Maybe explain why you made the decision that you did. Good luck, things like this can be very touchy. Sometimes we tend to keep the bad things in the back of the mind and never forget even though we try to forgive. Notice I said try. I wish you the best. I truly feel you pain.