I need to save my marriage

[smiley]

Am I the only one here who's wondering where the OP went? I hope she's not back on facebook...

 

[beattyfamily]

I doubt she'll be back. With the stoning she got, I don't blame her really.

 

[donald&daisy]

Lol!!!

 

[luvsJack]

Okay, you make a good point but at what point does it become people just make bad choices because of things like selfishness, disrespect, feelings of entitlement, or just because they lack morals in general? How many times does one get away with making that bad choice, and think its okay because I can fix it (again)? Why should those people get *understanding* and support for their bad choices over and over again, especially when they don't seem to take into account the way their actions hurt others?


I think what the OP needs to figure out is if she wants to be married because she truly loves her husband and wants to spend the rest of her life loving only him or because she just fears going through a divorce and the unknown afterr that. Because if she is only wanting to fix her marriage because of her fear of being alone then she needs to do her hubby and herself a favor and just leave now.

I agree that she needs to figure out what she wants. She can't fix her marriage until she fixes whatever is causing her to do this. And her hubby may not be willing to stick around long enough for her to fix anything.

I don't necessarily think that anyone should get away with making a bad choice or get understanding for it. I just think we should realize that sometimes there are reasons (again-not excuses) for people to make those choices and that sometimes the reasons have to be worked on first and then the bad choices will fix themselves. (and sometimes there are no reasons other than a lack of morals--this is true; but I guess even lack of morals is a reason)

 

[ginna74]

I doubt she'll be back. With the stoning she got, I don't blame her really.

I don't blame her either, not that I think it is ok what she did, but GOSH people.

 

[Disney Doll]

You have no idea what caused her to make the choices she made. You sit at a screen and say "fix it or get a divorce". It is simply not always that easy. It may be easy to do those things in your world, but the OP does not live in your world.

Although fidelity was not the reason, I have been in the situation of deciding to leave or not--it was a very hard decision and a very frightening decision. I knew I was going to have two little boys looking at me to provide food and shelter and I didn't know if I would be able to do it. Maybe the OP is in that same place I was and is terrified of going it alone.

She made a bad choice or a mistake or whatever you choose to call it. She knows that. She never denied that. She never said "he should understand". There was no reason for anyone to continue to bash her about it.

Nothing makes cheating ok, I never said it did. I wasn't giving excuses for it, I was giving reasons. Those reasons don't give her a free pass, but they do explain why. And that may be what her husband needs to know right now: why.

You and I have very different thoughts on this issue, which is fine. I'm OK with agreeing to disagree.

 

[Disney Doll]

Even if "whatever" is only what you did, yourself? What, are you too proud to allow him to do what you did? Do as I say, not as I do? This marital vow only applies to him while you are free to sow your wild oats in any field?

I don't disagree with your stance, but think that your stance is based on your not having cheated in the first place. If you cheat and he wants a night out in return, he is not being unreasonable - but your decision to say no based on some sense of morality or discretion (or whatever) would be ridiculous...

I wouldn't agree to it because ultimately it would fix anything. It would just make future arguments go something like this:

DH: Honey, I am feeling the need to find a woman again.
DW: Again? You have found several different women. I have only cheated on you twice.
DH: Yes, but you did cheat so you brought this on yourself.

Not worthwhile IMHO. Every couple I know that has been touched by infidelity...the one that was cheated on never felt better after going out and cheating themselves (the revenge cheat). The one that did the cheating never really felt like it evened the score.

 

[beattyfamily]

I don't blame her either, not that I think it is ok what she did, but GOSH people.

Right. I certainly am not defending her. She is wrong and I don't know if it's fixable. She seemed desperate and wanted some advice but got a major whipping!

She may not have realized how heated it would get and now is afraid to come back and I don't blame her.

 

[luvsJack]

You and I have very different thoughts on this issue, which is fine. I'm OK with agreeing to disagree.

Me too.

I just want to be clear that I am not, in any way saying that what she did was justified or ok; its not, but it can be forgivable.

 

[Ember]

You know, I bet the OP knows all this. She has probably already thought all the condemning things everyone has said about her and most likely a few more we haven't come up with yet. She posted under her own screen name knowing what would happen.

This speaks to me of looking for punishment...

 

[DVC Sadie]

You know, I bet the OP knows all this. She has probably already thought all the condemning things everyone has said about her and most likely a few more we haven't come up with yet. She posted under her own screen name knowing what would happen.

This speaks to me of looking for punishment...

Exactly and punishment is what she has gotten.

I just hope the OP is talking with a therapist right now, either in person or via her phone so she doesn't do anything foolish.

 

[3jsmommy]

It's all about getting attention...the cheating, the posting, everything the op has done has been to get attention. I'm not saying this to be nasty or judgemental. Just my opinion on what's going on here.
You choose to get in contact with this guy, you wanted either his attention or your DH's.
You choose to post this thread, you got the attention you wanted from that.
Did you get what you wanted? Do you feel better now?
Somehow I doubt it...I hope not anyway. You need to get therapy and find out why you are so desperate for attention. Your need for it is destroying your life.