I also have flight anxiety, but sending my family without me would be even worse for me. In my twisted mind, if we are going to die, I would rather all do it together. I can’t even imagine if I sent them off without me and something happened and I survived because I didn’t go. I would want to die anyway so might as well do it with them. I hope she decides to go with you.
This was kind of why I wound up riding out the last hurricane here at home instead of taking off to
Disneyland. DH wasn't able to leave and was on call for work. I was ready to take off with my mom to DLR and the decided against it. I figured if something happened to him I didn't want to come home to that.
I second this. Obviously don’t want to get into your wife’s medical and personal business, but perhaps she needs something different. I was prescribed Xanax for a brief period of time due to severe anxiety surrounding a job. Once I started taking it, I actually told DH that I finally felt like I could think rationally instead of just spiraling out of control. Obviously, general anxiety is different than an inherently irrational phobia, but perhaps there is a different medication out there for her to try so she can look forward to your November trip without the sense of impending doom!
This is an interesting point I've never considered with regards to my own irrational fear. Unlike everyone else I know with a Cuban background, I can't tolerate Xanax. Tried a half of one once at a really low dose that my doctor prescribed and I swore never to touch the stuff again. Stereotypically, Cuban peeps use Xanax as a cure all for everything. Think Windex from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and replace it with Xanax for the Cuban contingent
I know it works absolute wonders for others when it comes to anxiety.
Since you bring it up, this makes me wonder now if perhaps CBD oil would have an effect on my shark phobia. I've been taking it with the THC removed (since I have to be able to pass a random drug test for work) for the pain on the right side of my face caused by the nerve damage resulting from the Bell's Palsy last year that I unfortunately did not recover from fully. I refused to take Tramadol and didn't want to be on Gabapentin long term either and was recommended CBD oil which actually works. So I take it whenever the pain in my face is too great to deal with. It's also supposed to be very good for people with anxiety too. I guess I will be testing it out next time I head to the beach and see what happens.
My irrational fear is spiders too. I blame it all on that Arachnophobia movie that I watched when I was like 18yo. I've never been the same. I cannot look at spiders on tv, pics and if I see one in the house and it doesn't get killed, I cannot sleep at all. Once when we first moved into this house 6 years ago, I walked into our bedroom closet at about 1am. I closed the door and when I looked up, there was a spider on the wall. I froze and stood there for two hours. I couldn't do anything but just stare at this spider knowing in my head that this was silly to be acting this way but unable to do anything differently. Somehow after a two hour standoff, I was able to run out the door, grab some windex and windex it to death
If I see one in our basement, I will have nightmares that night. I'm bad. I know it's irrational...'spiders are out friends cause they eat the really harmful bugs' (whatever!) and 'the spiders are far more afraid of you than you are of them' (um, excuse me, have you been inside MY head and theirs!?!!?). None of that computes. I see a spider and I'm paralyzed in fear. Thankfully, my dh knows how spiders affect me and he tries to intercede wherever he can!
This is pretty much how I was with sharks. Can't see a picture or video of them without wigging out and even turned my face when Bruce shows up in Finding Nemo. I found that the fear has somewhat softened a bit over the last 10 years and I am going to directly attribute that to my
Disney Cruise friends with horrid senses of humor. Somehow I wound up outing myself on the shark phobia on a Disney Cruise meets thread before our first cruise 10 years ago. I think someone suggested we all book a snorkeling excursion and I refused to do it. We became friends with 20 - 30 people over 2 cruises and all of us keep in touch and still travel together today. Since that first cruise I have been bombarded with the following over the years. Shark magnets placed on my cabin door nearly every day on every cruise, shark related FE gifts, two sets of shark themed flip flops, a shark themed hungry hippos game, a hand made shark hat, and even a ring with a miniature Jaws movie poster in it as well as a number of other shark themed objects. One meet up at WDW some of us were getting together at BCV and when I knocked on the door I was greeted by a ginormous helium filled floating remote controlled shark balloon. Several times a month someone will see a shark gif, video, toy, blanket, cake or whatever shark themed thing and tag me on FB and put it on my wall or PM me with said shark related whatever. After 10 years of this I have noticed that I don't startle as much as I used to. I can actually watch some of the videos sent to me without freaking out completely and can look at the pictures. I think it has served as a gentle confront your fear type therapy. Even Plane Princess has noticed my reactions to seeing sharks has lessened over the years. The terror isn't what it used to be.
So my suggestion would be to find a group of friends with a horrible sense of humor. They type that love to play Cards Against Humanity is a good indicator you've found your people. Let them know you fear spiders. Then, in about 10 years you may find you can avoid the 2 hour stand off and grab the Windex a little quicker. I don't think fears like this go away completely but they can definitely become less paralyzing.
But I did have one on me as a teen in bed also, so that is probably how the nightmares began. Never thought about it. 
