I know this shouldn't bother me, but it does!

[chloelovesdisney]

So funny, I'm the opposite. Dh's sisters do this all the time and I think it's great. I don't worry about any holiday or family event, they always take care of it and he just writes them a check. Super fantastic in my book, I'm off the hook.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

If you can handle the heat or don't think it will cause a major uproar, refuse to pony up the dough.

Perhaps he needs to sit down ... face-to-face with them ... and tell them to stop. And that he will not be paying them. The next time they called I would just keep telling them "...remember our conversation ..." or like one poster said, beat them to the punch and say I already made a donation.

And ... just to be on the other side ... I am the only sibling that lives near my parents and usually helps them out. When we first moved back, my parents (as lovely as they always are ... would mention they would like some big ticket item ... a snow blower, grill, etc.) So, I would call my siblings up and ask them to split the item 3 ways. They would agree .... and, I would never see the money from my sister ... and my brother would send it 2 months after the holiday. So, I got tired of doing this and all the work that would go into it ... and just quit. (I used to call my siblings and remind them that it was their mother's or father's birthday. Well, I just had to quit and my parents had to just deal with the other two children they have raised.) So, maybe your sisters are trying to "help" out when your husband really doesn't need or want their help. Don't flame me ... just trying to give the other side of our family situation.

 

[shortbun]

Yes, tacky I agree!!! Especially when the obituary said NO FLOWERS.

Well, yeah it did but family or just removed family can still send flowers and make a donation too. that's what we have done in the past. I think you should either be accustomed to the sisters doing it their way by now or have simply said, 'do not include us, we will handle all flowers or donations on our own.'

BTW, we asked for no flowers at both Mom and Dad's memorials but a few came and we didn't think badly of those people at all. We took them to a nursing home and distributed them. It was a good thing actually.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

If your DH has already had the conversation then I would not send them money. Just remind them, We've had this conversation before and DW and I have taken care of our own gift/flowers/etc......

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I would be irked too.

 

[C.Ann]

That would never fly with me if someone took it upon themselves to make a purchase and then tell me that I "owed" them such-and-such.. I would firmly - but politely - inform them that I had not agreed to the purchase and therefore would not be contributing to the cost.. End of story..

 

[JessicaR]

I think the sisters just think its their role to handle it and then to collect from their brother afterwards. If your husband doesnt want this to continue he should say so.

 

[MELSMICE]

Did you do something else for his mother?

That's the thing...................no one has ever gotten any gift in the past for Easter. No flowers or anything. This just came up out of the blue.

If his sister would have called & said, "Mom is having Easter brunch. I know you & I won't be there, but I was going to send flowers from everyone. Do you want to chip in?" I know DH would have said yes. It's the, "I did this, you owe me that" that is bothersome.

I stay completely out of all in-law situations; they are my husband's family and it's up to him to determine how he wants to deal. We've been happily married for 25 years because we both adhere to this philosophy.

LOL - that's why I posted this here to get it off my chest instead of saying something that I would regret to one of his siblings!!! I just told DH that it's his family & he has to deal with his sisters. We both agreed that it was rude. I said, "I think you need to say something to your sisters again, but it's your family, so you do what you think is best - you're the one that has to deal with them."

Almost 23 years for us, so it works for us too!

LOL, beat them to the punch next time -

Sis: hi, you owe us $20.00 for Mom's flowers

Your Hubby: really? thats funny, I sent Mom flowers yesterday. YOU owe ME $20.00.



But thats just me.

That is funny & really made me laugh!

As far as holidays, etc., there are 4 kids in the family. Each sibling takes either Mother's Day, Father's Day, mom's birthday or dad's birthday. They spend about $100 each. This way the parents get a nice gift & each only has to go pick out one thing.

For Christmas his sisters are in charge of their mom & him & his brother are in charge of their dad. They always pay for their dad's golf league fees for the year.

It was this past year that his sisters called the day after Christmas & said, "We bought mom & dad a GPS system that mom said they wanted. You owe us $75." They then told us what they got, where & that they got the Black Friday Special. We looked it up & there was no way it was $300 total ($75 X 4). DH called them out on it & said he would not chip in as they knew what they always got their dad for Christmas & that was what he wanted again. They then got tongue tied & said, "OK". Come to find out they also wanted to get their mom season tickets to the local theatre here & wanted everyone to chip in for it instead of doing what they normally do with Christmas gifts.

Just annoying!!!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It's tacky for anyone to buy any gift and then essentially send you a bill for it, regardless of occasion.

You should be asked if you want in, but you are under no obligation nor are they entitled to expect you to contribute without consulting you first.

RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE

I'd tell them that I don't owe them a dime. Only so that they don't count on getting it.

We just don't like to be consulted about what to do with our money. Especially if someone takes it upon themselves to do a group gift that is expensive. Chances are we will go in anyway, but please don't presume that we must go in just b/c you decided to go shopping.

 

[SOnotLayuh]

It's tacky for anyone to buy any gift and then essentially send you a bill for it, regardless of occasion.

You should be asked if you want in, but you are under no obligation nor are they entitled to expect you to contribute without consulting you first.

RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE RUDE

I'd tell them that I don't owe them a dime. Only so that they don't count on getting it.

We just don't like to be consulted about what to do with our money. Especially if someone takes it upon themselves to do a group gift that is expensive. Chances are we will go in anyway, but please don't presume that we must go in just b/c you decided to go shopping.

This.

I wouldn't give them a dime either.

 

[golfgal]

This sounds just like my older sister, only most of the time she expected us to pay for ALL of whatever it was. When my Grandpa died we were taking things out of his house that we wanted. I had everything I was taking loaded up in our van then she decided they were going to do a ONE WAY U-Haul rental to the tune of $500 and that we should pay for it because they couldn't afford it, never mind we weren't going to even USE it. We just say no. She gets all mad and huffy, we don't hear from her for months, it is actually a good deal.

 

[Pigeon]

I'd be ticked off, too. I would have your dh tell her so in no uncertain terms and let her know that in the future you will not just pay up and she can eat the cost if she doesn't consult with you first.

In my family, if we are doing a group gift, somebody sends out an email weeks ahead of time and it is an OPT-IN. If we don't hear from everyone, we assume they've opted out. There is absolutely no pressure. If you want to do it fine, if not that's also fine.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

The right answer here is, "but I got mom flowers;you owe me $20".