JULY 3RD PART THREE: The Update That Isn't Worth Nearly the Amount of Time I Spent Writing It (You've Been Warned)
At this point, it was a little after 1:00. It was hot, lines were long, and my blood sugar was low. That, my friends, is pretty much the perfect storm. I tend to turn into a bit of a Mr. Grumpy Gills when faced with such an occurrence. Luckily for me (and probably even more for my family), I realized that the storm was brewing before I reached a complete ‘Kate Gosselin and the spilled ice cream’ style meltdown and immediately declared that I needed to eat something. I didn’t want to eat a big meal because we would be dining at the Crystal Palace in a few short hours, so I decided that a slushie would be the perfect thing to tide me over. We figured we’d head to Tomorrowland so I could get a slushie from the Lunching Pad (I don’t know if they sell them anywhere else in the MK) and everyone else could go get Space Mountain FPs to use later.
We cut through Fantasyland which was crazy busy. Every ride (sans Mickey’s Philharmagic and the carousel) had a wait of 45 minutes or more. Yes, that includes Snow ‘The
Lamest One of All’ White. It was nuts. Who would wait so long for
that?
When we got to Tomorrowland, Mom and I took a snack break while everyone else got Space FPs and rode the TTA. After last year’s TTA ride from hell, I’m still a bit wary about getting back on.
Anyway, here’s my slushie:
Mom got a box of popcorn and I, of course, just had to have a handful or two. It was delicious. That shouldn’t come as a surprise though considering Disney popcorn is never not delicious. I’m pretty sure they sprinkle it with pure magic.
With that crisis averted, it was time to hit some more rides. Mom, Katie, and Wade headed to Fantasyland to see Mickey’s Philharmagic. Dad and I stayed in Tomorrowland to experience one of life’s greatest, air-conditioned pleasures….The Carousel of Progress. I hadn’t gotten my Carousel on for a few years, so I was excited to head back and see if it was as cheesetastic as I remembered.
When we arrived, they were just starting to let people into the theater. We followed the medium-sized group of Carousel newbies and die-hards right in. I’ve found that those are the only two types of people who actually still ride this thing. The die-hards who love to revel in its cheese-filled nostalgia and the newbies who have no idea what they’re in for. Everyone else rides it once and says “Never again.”
Dad and I took seats in the very last row. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Happy Birthday Guy and his family were sitting a handful of empty seats down from me. I should’ve figured that he and his family were Disney freaks.
We got the ‘I know you newbs might feel the strong urge to get up and leave in the middle of this thing - I don’t blame you - but don’t even think about it’ lecture from a CM, and then we were off on our “whirlwind” adventure through the 20th Century.
I must say, the whole experience was very enlightening. I usually just mock it, but, man, if you really pay attention, this ride is very educational.
Things the Carousel of Progress taught me:
-It’s root beer now, not sarsaparilla. Don’t forget it.
-It’s very easy to blow a fuse. When you do, make your young son fix it. Nothing is safer than letting your kid mess around with electricity.
-Never let your Uncle Orville come stay with you. Never. He is a drunk and he hogs the bathroom.
-When your dog is just lying there on the floor, tell him to get down. It makes perfect sense.
-I need to find a “Cracker Jack prize” of a husband.
-Kids hate hearing about the
olden days. Grandparents will tell them about the olden days anyway because they are grandparents and they can.
-Video games are the number one cause of house fires in the US.
As we ventured back out into the hot Florida sun, I texted Mom to inquire about where we should meet up. They were in line for the carousel (It’s named after Prince Charming or something now, right?) so Dad and I headed that way.
I snapped this shot of the Beast’s castle:
I cannot wait for Belle’s village to open up. I’m looking forward to singing “THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS PROVINCIAL LIFEEEEEE!” as I wander around. If I’m lucky, someone will jump in with the “JUST WATCH I’M GOING TO MAKE BELLE MY WIFEEEEEEEE!”
We met up with the gang and decided that, since we didn’t feel like waiting in long lines, we’d head over to another ‘Just Walk Right In’ attraction: The Hall of Presidents. Again, I hadn’t been in there in quite some time. The last time was during the G. Dubs presidency (That’s George W. Bush if you don’t speak fluent ‘cool’ like I do).
Ooooo The Great Seal of the United States. I bet there's a secret Illuminati message hidden in the carpet fibers.
When we were let into the theater, we, again, took seats in the very last row. I don’t sit in the front. Ever. I’m the super nerdy kid who gets good grades but would much rather sit in the back of the classroom with the lazy kids. It’s way more entertaining back there.
Then, the show started. There was history. Morgan Freeman was all soothing and narrator-y. George Washington was like “Heck no, I don’t want to be King! Have you people been living under a rock for the past few years? U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” Andrew Jackson was all “You guys are my peeps! Let’s party at my house tonight!” Then, Abraham Lincoln was like “Four score and seven years ago…You guys really need to stop being so darn racist.” Teddy Roosevelt was a cowboy. FDR said numerous things that are frequently quoted. JFK did stuff. Everyone else gets glossed over because, really, were they all that important? Some of the “Eh” crowd is part of a montage.
Then, the curtain rose and all of the presidents were introduced. I wasn’t really paying attention though because I started thinking about
this YouTube video and laughed. A lot. People giving me 'I know Millard Fillmore is a funny name, but it’s not that funny. Keep it together, woman!' looks. Then, Obama talked about hope and change or so I'm assuming because I still wasn’t paying attention. Instead, I started thinking about how awesome it would be to reunite the presidents for real, like, on Oprah when they reunited the cast of
The Sound of Music. She’d be like “PLEASE WELCOME THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITEEEEEEED STAAAAAAAAAAAATES” and then they’d all sit down and gossip for an hour. Oh, the things I think of…
When the show ended, we headed back out into the scorching afternoon heat. We decided we’d head back over to Tomorrowland after a quick detour around and through the Castle.
I tried to take pictures of the murals, but it was impossible with all of the people passing through. We continued on our merry way, down the Castle ramps, and out onto Main Street.
Here are Walt and Mickey from behind:
And here's Dumbo:
I love his floppy ears. Someone really needs to buy me a pet elephant. Preferably one that can fly.
Dad secretly snapped this photo of us walking:
It’s so paparazzi-esque. Clearly, I need someone to stalk me through WDW and take pictures. Any volunteers? I promise that you’ll be treated to many exciting sights throughout the week, such as me getting ice cream in my hair, me sweating a lot, and me breaking into a stupid dance whenever I hear music that’s remotely danceable.
Anywhooo, here’s Tomorrowland:
For some reason, I really love those rocks.
We were going to go to the Laugh Floor, but the line was really long, so we grabbed Buzz FPs and headed back to Main Street to look through some of the stores.
This picture isn’t very good because it was taken from a million feet away, but I was excited to see that the Noodle Station or whatever it’s called now was open. Although, now that I think about it, an open Noodle Station is kind of a bad thing because it means that the park is packed. Evidently, crowds = noodles.
We wandered through the Emporium for a while. Of course, it was packed so wandering was a bit difficult. It was more like squeezing your way past the massive strollers/groups of people/tour groups blocking the aisles while trying to avoid stepping in the massive puddle that a CM was trying unsuccessfully to wipe up. How that puddle got there is beyond me. I’m just glad there wasn’t a petrified cat hanging from the ceiling along with a giant warning that the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. Fighting a basilisk was really not high on the list of things I wanted to be doing at that moment.
We also walked through The Chapeau and the Confectionery. I thought about buying the 4th of July mouse ears with the pom poms on the top to wear the next day, but decided against it.
Here are a few random pictures I took on Main Street. They aren’t great, but I’m posting them anyway because it’s Main Street. Duh.
UP NEXT: The Crystal Palace
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the bus ride over. I can't believe you've managed to stay at the MK and Monorail resorts for most of your Disney trips. I'm so jealous. Hopefully I'll be staying at one on my next trip
Typing about this is really making me miss Disney :')
Something's wrong there. At least you got to enjoy a nice smoothie, it looks REALLY good 
I've never thought of it that way. I'm one of those who appreciate that inspirational "cheesetastic" show 
I have it on my iPod.
Obviously I have a long way to go with him.
that popcorn. It IS pure magic.
