I just found out youngest DS pulled over by police last night! Update #64

[happygirl]

Well, I have girls and they cry and tell everything - - but my point is that he needs to learn how to deal with things like this on his own, and I would feel the same way about an 18 year old girl. If a parent interferes it just becomes another, "See, I told you if you did that you would get in trouble" speech they've heard a thousand times.

In real life, sometimes you get caught and you get a warning and sometimes you get caught and you get a ticket. If you get a warning you got lucky and hopefully it should teach you to be more careful next time. That's a real world life lesson an 18 year old needs to experience. I just don't see how having mom get involved adds anything. There are plenty of things high school kids do and get away with - at 18 they need to stop telling their parents everything and learn to cope. What, is he still going to be calling home next year when he's in college to fess up that he slept through class because he was hungover?

I wish you had been my parent growing up

 

[AshleyW]

Last spring, DD and I were zooming down the highway when I got pulled over for speeding. She was laughing as the state trooper came up to the car. I make a joking comment to the trooper about her laughing at me. He told her that she needed to remember this incident, so that if she ever got pulled over I wouldn't be able to grip at her.

As he was in his car running my license, she looked at me and said, "Umm, mom. Remember last fall when I had to drive brother's car when mine was in the shop? I got pulled over and given a warning ticket for speeding by a state trooper."

Thanks for letting me know doll. I never knew, although I wondered why one of the dispatch officers at the Sheriff's Department asked me what my daughter's full name was. I thought that was odd. She didn't have her license with her either, so they had to call it in to verify she had a license. Fortunately, the dispatch officer thought he recognized the name, so he told the trooper who DD's mother is (a county probation officer), and the trooper decided not to ticket her, but just gave her a warning.

Oh, and the state trooper who pulled me over just gave me a warning because we were laughing about the whole thing. I didn't pull the "I'm in law enforcement too" card to get out of the ticket. He just found it hilarious that she told me about getting pulled over while he was running my license.

Funny!

I'm not sure how it is in other states, but in Iowa, at 16 you get a 'restricted' license with hours on when you can drive, stuff like that. At 17 you get your full license. But, if you get a ticket between 16 and 17... you don't get your full license until you're 18. Anyway, I got pulled over for doing 39 in a 35 (down a hill!) a week before my 17th birthday. ... the only reason my parents found out was because my mom drove past as I was getting the ticket.

 

[DVCLiz]

You do know that he is in highschool, and lives with his mom. It's her car I'm guessing her insurance

Yes, I do know that - it's his dad's insurance, I think she said. Another reason not to get involved. If something gets charged to the insurance let dad deal with his son about it.

Yes but the flip side to this is if he knows his mother is going to find out about it and possibly deal with those consequences he may not do foolish things while driving in the future. And, that would hopefully keep him and others safer. I dont see how it can hurt but then again I lived it.

Oh, I bet he thinks his mom is going to find out and he's sweating about it today...And I'm all for safer drivers. But I'm also for letting kids who are on the cusp of being adults learn some things on their own without mom either hand-holding because something is too tough or coming down on behavior when the kid doesn't really need mom to be involved. It's a good opportunity to learn that you won't always be able to jump in and either fix or fuss - why not start now??

 

[korzmom]

i have a 27 dd 22 dd and 19 ds and i hope they still can confide in me and i can still offer advise for the rest of their lives. you dont stop caring what your kids do just because they are now an adult.

 

[DVCLiz]

I wish you had been my parent growing up

It's hard to be a parent and the hardest part is at the end when all the things you've done for 18 years need to be retired and you have to start treating them like adults. This is a very minor thing to have happened and I think the mom should butt out. Just my opinion...

 

[DVCLiz]

i have a 27 dd 22 dd and 19 ds and i hope they still can confide in me and i can still offer advise for the rest of their lives. you dont stop caring what your kids do just because they are now an adult.

No, of course not. That's not the same thing at all.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Really, you wouldn't be made if your 18 son got pulled over, and didn't tell you. I would be furious.

Nope - why would I be mad? I do not tell my husband about my tickets or when I am pulled over. When I was younger I did not tell my parents.

At 18 and a legal adult - why would I need to tell someone that I was stopped by an officer.

Just do not understand.

 

[shortbun]

He was given a warning for following another car too closely but he didn't mention a word about this to me! I work for the police dept so he should know I would find out! On the call sheet he told the officer he didn't like the way the person in front of him was driving! He's lucky he only got a warning!

Wait until I see him at lunch time!

TC

I'm sorry but I work with kids his age all day long and this made me laugh. I know he was doing a dangerous thing but to say that to a police officer... too funny! He's got some splainin' to do!!!!!

 

[KAMLEM]

Funny!

I'm not sure how it is in other states, but in Iowa, at 16 you get a 'restricted' license with hours on when you can drive, stuff like that. At 17 you get your full license. But, if you get a ticket between 16 and 17... you don't get your full license until you're 18.

In Mass if you are a junior operator (age 16 1/2 - 18) and you get pulled over for speeding you lose your license for 90 days. After that you have to take your permit test again AND pay a $100 reinstatement fee. AND your parents are notified!

 

[Tuffcookie]

He did something wrong, he got caught for it, and he's dealing with the consequences

What consequences? He was able to use the fact of where I worked to get off. Under my roof and still in HS...I have a right to know!

TC

 

[SandrA9810]

These days you can't get a ticket without any one in your house finding out.

I got a ticket a few months after getting my learners (3 actually in the same stop, about 200$ worth).... But the next day the junk mail started rolling in for traffic schools, lawyers, and what have you. And continued for a month after I paid. Besides trying to get to the mailbox first, there was no way i could've kept it a secret.

 

[rgf207]

Good grief, what is there to be interested in?

Clearly a personal family matter that is best kept in the home.

true, but the OP posted it here on a public forum

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Nope - why would I be mad? I do not tell my husband about my tickets or when I am pulled over. When I was younger I did not tell my parents.

At 18 and a legal adult - why would I need to tell someone that I was stopped by an officer.

Just do not understand.

I don't tell DH but if our DD is in the car she spills to him before I even get in the house. And it usually comes with a comment, "She used Aunt Ginny's card to get her out of the ticket."

 

[daisax]

It's nice to know that having connections gets you out of tickets. I mean, I guess I always knew that, but it's interesting to see so many people confirm it as an employment benefit.

 

[sbell111]

I can't imagine why anyone would expect their 18 year old son to inform them that he got pulled over and received a warning. If he got a ticket, that's another thing as might have had an effect on their insurance rates, but not a warning.

Also, if people are even remotely concerned about their insurances rates, it might be mentioned that giving a camaro to an 18 year old male is not a tried and true method of keeping them affordable.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I can't imagine why anyone would expect their 18 year old son to inform them that he got pulled over and received a warning. If he got a ticket, that's another thing as might have had an effect on their insurance rates, but not a warning.

He could have at least given me a "Thank You" for getting him out of it!

TC

 

[Mermaid02]

Really, you wouldn't be made if your 18 son got pulled over, and didn't tell you. I would be furious.

18 years old- no ticket no fine- no, I would not be mad and I certainly would not be FURIOUS- now if he got into my purse without permission I'd be FURIOUS

 

[ols386]

He did something wrong, he got caught for it, and he's dealing with the consequences

What consequences? He was able to use the fact of where I worked to get off. Under my roof and still in HS...I have a right to know!

TC

Absolutely you have the right to know. He's still living under your roof, and you are still providing for him. It doesn't matter that he's 18, you still have a right to know under these circumstances.

The thing that would bother me the most, I think, is his explanation to the officer that pulled him over, saying that he didn't like how the person in front of him was driving, so he decided to tailgate? What kind of explanation is that?

At any rate, I do hope this was a learning experience for him.

 

[JCJRSmith]

I can't imagine why anyone would expect their 18 year old son to inform them that he got pulled over and received a warning. If he got a ticket, that's another thing as might have had an effect on their insurance rates, but not a warning.

He could have at least given me a "Thank You" for getting him out of it!

TC

So, exactly what did you do to "get him out of it?" Are you saying your son got preferential treatment by the officer because you, his mother, work for the police department? Did the officer tell your son he was letting your son off with a warning because the officer knows you? Or, did the officer tell YOU he let your son off with a warning because he knows you?

 

[kaytieeldr]

The thing that would bother me the most, I think, is his explanation to the officer that pulled him over, saying that he didn't like how the person in front of him was driving, so he decided to tailgate? What kind of explanation is that?

Yeah, I thought THAT was interesting - and probably worth a discussion with one or the other parent.