I hate this student

[Goofyluver]

I'm very sorry for your loss, darlin'.

 

[RitaE]

I'm very sorry for your loss.
The job you have chosen is not a job everybody is suited to handle. Working with such individuals is extremely difficult and tiring and stressful. I think that, at best, we can all agree that at the moment you are not in an adequate mental place to meet your student's needs.

Eventually you will be able to process these events and realize that your student did not cause your miscarriage. Right now, however, you deserve to have your emotions and to grieve. You don't need to be logical right now. Conversely, your student deserves an Aid who can be understanding of his limitations and disability.

I really don't understand a parent having to find a Substitute for a School employee. That is a very odd situation.

I think the best thing for everybody right now would be for you to ask to be reassigned, or submit a resignation. Perhaps you could qualify for some sort of disability leave? I'm really not sure whether or not you have disability benefits, but you might check into it.

 

[Totally Tink]

Thank you for the kind replies. I have calmed down and am feeling better. I have constant battles with my emotions and my common sense. My original post was when my emotions were in control. Common sense is back right now.
First off, I understand about autism. This student has issues that are beyond autism. This student rules the roost at home and thinks it will also happen at school. There are no consequences for this student at home. Mom says that XYZ will happen for bad behavior but XYZ never happens. The student laughs at me when I say I am calling mom for bad behavior. Mom has gotten to where she now laughs when I call her (even when student attempted to hit me).
I don't blame the student for what happened. I do blame the stress from work on not being in tune with my body. If I had more support from the school and the parents, I think working with the student would be more tolerable. But as someone said, I often feel like I work for the student. I have even been told that I have many bosses and the parents were one. When I was hired, one objective the principal had was that I keep the mom happy so she didn't call him.
As for why the mom called a sub. The protocol at our school is it's up to the aids to find a sub. Because my student is such a difficult case (and doesn't deal with change), I need to make mom aware of my being absent so mom can decide if student will stay home or not. I was not able to call for a sub because of what was going on. My husband often runs off at the mouth and discloses more information than needed.
For the posters who have said not kind things, I pray that you never have to know what I am going through. You may have a child with autism, but I lost my child and will never know what he would have been. Get beyond the fact the issue of me working with a child with autism and realize that My baby died two days ago. (btw, that was emotion speaking)

This part really isn't helping, dear. You said you hate a student who has cognitive impairments. I'm a special ed teacher in a self-contained classroom comprised of students with autism and moderate mental impairments. Please take the advice that has been given to take time off and find another job.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm so sorry for your loss.


Since you're a dedicated aide to this one high school student, it sounds like he IS your job. And if your job is causing you that much stress, it's time for a new one, meaning a new student or just somewhere else.

I had a friend who was a special ed teacher, and some of her students could hurt her like no one else could...when she had the backing of the administration it was better...with no backing, and without parents actually parenting or even caring, it was impossible.


Quitting a job that's making you physically ill is one of the most freeing feelings in the world...I'd start looking for other work OR seeing if being at home for awhile is at all possible immediately.

 

[DawnCt1]

Thank you for the kind replies. I have calmed down and am feeling better. I have constant battles with my emotions and my common sense. My original post was when my emotions were in control. Common sense is back right now.
First off, I understand about autism. This student has issues that are beyond autism. This student rules the roost at home and thinks it will also happen at school. There are no consequences for this student at home. Mom says that XYZ will happen for bad behavior but XYZ never happens. The student laughs at me when I say I am calling mom for bad behavior. Mom has gotten to where she now laughs when I call her (even when student attempted to hit me).
I don't blame the student for what happened. I do blame the stress from work on not being in tune with my body. If I had more support from the school and the parents, I think working with the student would be more tolerable. But as someone said, I often feel like I work for the student. I have even been told that I have many bosses and the parents were one. When I was hired, one objective the principal had was that I keep the mom happy so she didn't call him.
As for why the mom called a sub. The protocol at our school is it's up to the aids to find a sub. Because my student is such a difficult case (and doesn't deal with change), I need to make mom aware of my being absent so mom can decide if student will stay home or not. I was not able to call for a sub because of what was going on. My husband often runs off at the mouth and discloses more information than needed.
For the posters who have said not kind things, I pray that you never have to know what I am going through. You may have a child with autism, but I lost my child and will never know what he would have been. Get beyond the fact the issue of me working with a child with autism and realize that My baby died two days ago. (btw, that was emotion speaking)

You have suffered a terrible loss and I understand your anger. Just a word of advice; never tell anyone at work or anyone that you work for any more than they need. In fact, tell them less and answer only the questions that you are required to. You are entitled to privacy. This will protect you in the future from these kinds of occurrences or intrusive bosses.

 

[TheZue]

First of all I'm sorry for your loss. I had a really hard time reading your post. Honestly if it were me I'd get some counceling and try to get a new job. You aren't doing yourself or your student any favors right now.

As for the autism mommies being mad...well we've been trained through years of dealing with the system to fight. It's hard to see that written about one of our community.

 

[DawnCt1]

Sorry for your loss, but I don't think you should have this job anymore. Obviously you can't handle it. JMHO

ETA - Seriously, you HATE this child? An autistic child? Thats sad - please leave your position, it seems to me like your not doing anyone any good. Sorry.

It doesn't mean she can't handle the job. It means she is grieving. She has suffered a terrible loss. She needs time to recover and regroup. Cut her some slack.

 

[minniecarousel]

Ah, Sweetie - no job is worth this kind of pain! You need to figure out a reassignment within the District or a new job.

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[arminnie]

This post is disturbing as a special educator. Please consider a new profession. This child is disabled and does not need someone to hate him/her on top of that.

You are not helping this child or yourself. Take some time off to heal and think if this type of job is for you.

You said you hate a student who has cognitive impairments. I'm a special ed teacher in a self-contained classroom comprised of students with autism and moderate mental impairments. Please take the advice that has been given to take time off and find another job.

Please find some other line of work. Special needs children deserve better.

 

[Magic Mom]

Oh.My.Goodness. You said that? I'm in shock.

I agree, I think that was the most hateful thing I've ever seen on the DIS

 

[Rock'n Robin]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. Cruella, I think she was just supposing that perhaps the stress of dealing with this student who is allowed to boss her around (really, needs discipline regardless of disability) may have contributed to what happened.
You are a total female dog.
Robin M.

 

[Breezie]

The highlighted above by the PP was My point- and OP, I have been in your shoes. I have miscarried; after 2 rounds of invitro....

And your baby didn't die it was a fetus...

Picking on disabled children as the cause for her miscarriage makes me so mad!!!!

Whatever-carry on with the pity party...

This is absolutely disgusting. I am sick to my stomach right now.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

I am a nurse. I am a Republican, and I am a conservative, and I couldn't disagree more.

Ditto, ditto, ditto.

 

[mamacatnv]

OP I'm so sorry for your loss.

As for your job, having such a "supportive" Principal and a "winner" for the Mom, I think I would look around. You work in a hostile work environment. I don't care what the kids issues are, sounds like you are not getting any support and this IMO is a classic example of why I do not believe in inclusion.

 

[MM27]

To the OP
Make this be a lesson learned that you never give more information than you need to. If you are required to find your own sub, do just that and the mother will have to deal with whoever it is.

 

[Tat2ddisneymom]

OP, I am truly sorry for your loss. I had a child that was stillborn, so I know what you're going through. Those first few weeks, your mind goes everywhere. You wonder why and try to find somewhere to place the blame.

In all honesty, there was probably something wrong and your baby wouldn't have survived anyway. It most likely had nothing to do with the amount of stress you were under. I know you don't want to hear it, but this was probably the best thing that could have happened to your baby. You can try again and have a healthy baby when the time is right. Right now just wasn't that time.

You should probably take a little more time off and allow your body and mind to heal. It might not be possible for you to switch jobs, but could you take a short leave of absence? You've suffered a terrible loss and you need all the support you can get right now. You don't need the extra stress from your job.

If at any time you need to talk or vent...anything, please send me a private message. Like I said, I've been there, so if there's anything I can do to help you, just let me know. And please ignore any of the negative posts. That's the last thing you need right now. Know that it is not selfish to grieve.

Hugs to you.

 

[dogluva]

First of all I'm sorry for your loss. I had a really hard time reading your post. Honestly if it were me I'd get some counceling and try to get a new job. You aren't doing yourself or your student any favors right now.

As for the autism mommies being mad...well we've been trained through years of dealing with the system to fight. It's hard to see that written about one of our community.

I had a hard time as well. First of all, because she is going through something you never get over.

Secondly, because I really feel bad for this student. He is being blamed for a loss that he didn't not cause. He is a child who cannot always control what he says or does because of his disability. However, I am sure that he feels the "Hate" even if it is behind a fake smile. How awful for him to be around all day someone who actually hates him. The person who is suppossed to be helping him.

I had a teacher actually hate my son. She practically admitted it. It was the worse feeling (not like losing a child, of course). I pulled him out of the school (actually it was an after school day care program). I still think about him crying when he had to go to school, it must have been awful for a five year old to know someone hated him.

I am not being mean. You just have to see how horrible this post must be for a parent of a special education student. You put them on the bus and hope they are treated ok. Not that the OP did anything to this student but you really know she wants to.

 

[Linzybrooke]

OP, I am so sorry for the loss that you have suffered. I am also sorry about what has happened on this thread. You came here to vent, to grieve, etc, and instead you have been viciously attacked. My heart hurts for you.



A few of you on this thread need to remember that we have ALL said things in the heat of the moment that we do not fully mean. Did you ever tell your parents you hated them, your best friend? etc. It does not mean that the OP actually, truely hates the child. Get off her back. "May he among us without sin, be the first to condemn."