I hate my job

[maymom96]

I took a temporary teachers aid position when school started. In a few weeks, I am suppose to be done. I am so looking forward to being done because my job is so stressful. I plan on doing substitute aid work until the fall when I will apply for another position within the school district (permanent only this time).
While there are times I like my job, it is just so dang stressful. I knew nothing about the student or their disability when I started. I am tired of walking on egg shells because anything can set the student off and the parents are no help. Everything is left on my shoulders. By the time I get home from work, I have nothing left for my own children. I hate it.
So I have been looking forward to being done in a few weeks. Except I might be offered the position (I'd sign a contract and be permanent). I will find out when I returned back to work after Christmas break.
I fear that if I turn the offer down, I will never get another job in the school district. But am I suppose to stay working with a student who makes my life miserable just to make sure I have a job? I feel like I am in a position that I am screwed no matter what I do.
It really makes me upset that in December I was told that I would be done with my position the end of January. So I started to make plans and have another job lined up. Now three weeks before I stop one job and start at another, I am told that it looks like I will be offered the job I currently have.
Signing the contract and then applying for a new position in the fall is not possible. Because the student is such a hard case and change effects them, I will never be considered for another position until the student graduates or drops out of the school district. I was already passed by on one position for the same reason. So by agreeing to stay at this job, I am doing it with the full knowledge that I will be with this student for many more years.
To add more pressure to this, my husband is laid off and there are no jobs in our area. I need to keep working so that we are not struggling so much. My husband is looking at the health insurance that I will get once I am hired into the school district (but only after I work a full school year). He thinks I should just suck up how I feel and the kids will learn that mommy is tired.
I hate being put in this position. I don't like the mother I have become since I took this job. I don't like the person I am becoming. But if I don't sign the contract, then my family will be in deep trouble financially and I may never get another job in the school district. UGH!!!

 

[EthansMom]

 

[Boston Tea Party]

You can't continue like this. I am a teacher and know what you are going through. I am in a similar situation this year, but I am not one on one with the student all day. I have others who demand my attention as well, but I completely understand about having nothing left for your own children at the end of the day.

If you've already started looking for other things because you understood the assignment to be ending, what about letting them know that you've made another committment for when the assignment ends and therefore cannot accept an extension?

I hope that you get closure soon. Hang in there.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Is the other assignment in the same district?

 

[Carly_Roach]

I feel badly for you. Truly I do. It sounds like a terrible situation all the way around.

Unfortunately, you are in the same position a lot of people in Michigan have had to deal with for the past 8 years: Do I want to be happy or do I want to keep eating (or feeding my family)?

Some may think I'm being overdramatic, but fellow Michiganders will know I'm not. Yes, it's that bad here.

You're going to have to decide whether your dissatisfaction with the situation at work is so bad that you're willing to lose your house, car and everything in order to walk away from it. Some do; they choose to lose everything to escape the depression that comes from companies that don't care and keep reminding them of how expendable they are. But those people are mostly single people without families. The family people learn how to, like your husband says, "suck it up and go on no matter what".

I suggest trying to find something else to take your mind off the job. Tell yourself it's only for 8 hours (or 6 hours, or however many hours), five days a week. Work on turning it off as soon as you walk out the door. Stop dwelling on it or talking or complaining about it to everyone. Find a hobby or some new habit you do every day after work (like exercise or making dinner) that becomes your "morph" time from "the job" to "the life".

I feel for you maymom. I really do. Tough times call for tough decisions. I wish you well in yours. This Depression in Michigan can't last much longer and good times are coming!

 

[amyy]

So the other job you have lined up does not have benefits? Will it meet you needs money wise. Maybe you need to take it. Your mental health and family needs to take priority.

If for some reason you stay and are turned down for other jobs maybe the union can help you. If it is so bad with this student maybe the union could help with that? One of my co-workers was put in the hospital by a student and in retrospect I would think the union should be able to help with the work environment.

I am sorry you are going through this and are not getting any support.

 

[disykat]

I'm in a similar situation except our finances aren't as involved since dh is working. Is your principal someone you can talk to?

I don't like my job this year and am afraid I'll be offered the position again next year. I'd be tempted to take it for the permanent contract and then try to move, but I'm also afraid they won't let me move because the position is hard to fill. At this point, I'm planning on telling the principal that I loved the school and have always enjoyed teaching, but that this particular assignment is just not a good match. I sort of feel like I "took one for the team" by accepting the position in the first place and it shouldn't be held against me that I didn't enjoy it.

This student sounds very difficult and it shouldn't come as a surprise that you are unhappy. They should really WANT to have a good match for the sake of the student and for their staff member. I also think talking to someone from the union for some advice might be a good idea.

Is your husband looking for work elsewhere? Could moving be a solution?

 

[maymom96]

I am currently just a long term sub. I get no benefits. I don't make much money but enough to buy groceries and pay a bill or two a month.
Focusing on something else during the work day doesn't help. I have to make sure the student isn't throwing a fit, bullying other students, doing school work and dealing with the attitude I get. I had one student tell me that they would pray for me after spending 20 minutes in the same room as the student I am an aid for.
I get no breaks and spend my lunch with the student. So I am never away from the student. I think that is what wears me down and the other things then get to me.
Things were going really good and I wanted to keep the job. Then the weather got bad and the student blamed me for the snow and each day has been a struggle. I've had two weeks of no stress and my stomach is in knots about going back to work in the morning.
I grew up in a home where my mother hated her job. She would come home and lay on the couch until it was time for bed. She was not involved in anything we did and didn't want to be bothered because she was so stressed out from work. She ended up going off on stress leave because she was so depressed by her job. Starting in middle school until I graduated from high school, everything fell on my shoulders. I had to cook and clean because mom couldn't do it. I feel like my teenage years were stolen from me. I don't want to become my mother and I am so scared that I will if I stay at my job.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

This is SO not worth it for you. If you have no benefits and make little money, I would have spent the past two weeks looking hard for anything else. Even if you make little more than minimum wage at a new job, but get benefits, you will come out ahead.
This job is not your life. Don't let it ruin your REAL life for you.

 

[bigtinkfun]

This sounds like a really bad situation for you and your family.

You have no permanent job, no benefits, and only make enough money to put food on the table and pay a bill or two.

In return you have to deal with a student who sounds downright dangerous for about 8 hours a day, with no breaks, not even for lunch. and when you go home, you are so drained, you don't have any time for the people who really matter in your life: your family. The thought of going to work each day makes you sick.

I think you're being taken advantage of in your current position. I think if you really want to stay there, you might want to consider standing up for yourself as a last ditch effort. Go to your boss and tell him or her that this student needs more than one aide. That you'd like to swap students with another aide for half a day or have another aide to assist you throughout the day. That you need more back-up from the school and that the parents have to work with you and the student on improving behavior. And tell them that next year you want to stay, but not if you have to work with this child.
Tell them you want a full-time position with benefits and better pay.

If you don't get it, walk. You only have to give them 2 weeks notice. You can probably apply for food stamps. You may not want public assistance, but it would only be until you get back on your feet.

But your current situation sounds untenable.

 

[amyy]

Can you have a staffing on the student? IEP meetings too but a staffing where you can brainstorm. There must be some things that can be tried. We have some difficult students and sometimes it takes a lot but there are small gains. I am not sure I would want to work for a district that gives no support. Are they at least giving you some training?

I work with students with similar behaviors but it is hard to know/tell from your post. I have started using Michelle Garcia Winner's work and I am just blown away with the progress. I am using it with our students that have one on ones or close to it (as well as other students). There is one form in particular to help the student look at the other person's perspective that I especially like. It is for students who have a very hard time with ths. I think it is my favorite therapy material. If you want me to mail you a copy pm me.
http://www.socialthinking.com/

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I get no breaks and spend my lunch with the student. So I am never away from the student. I think that is what wears me down and the other things then get to me.
Things were going really good and I wanted to keep the job. Then the weather got bad and the student blamed me for the snow and each day has been a struggle. I've had two weeks of no stress and my stomach is in knots about going back to work in the morning.

I have worked as a special ed aide for 8 years. It sounds like the district is taking advantage of you. If they offer you the job on a permanent basis, you need to do some negotiating before you accept it.

First of all, if you are there all day, you need to take a lunch break. You are entitled to one. There must be another aide in the school who can give you a break and you basically need to demand that they find one. A few years ago, I was working 3.5 hours in a preschool class. There was another aide working all day with a physically disabled boy. She needed a break but he needed an attendant all day. They solved the problem by adding a 1/2 hour to my workday. After preschool was over, I would take the boy to lunch while his aide took a break. It worked out for everyone. There must be some way to work out this kind of situation for you.

Next, have you had any training on this boy's disability and how to best handle his behavior? If not, you need to ask for some and not just a seminar on the general condition. The school psychologist or special ed director or someone needs to come and observe him and train you on how to properly handle his behavior. They can't just expect you to figure it out on your own.

Also, is there any kind of behavior support plan in place for this child? The psych should write a very detailed plan for everyone who works with him (teachers, aides, etc.). When a certain behavior occurs, you follow the procedures in the plan to deal with it. Everyone follows the same procedures consistently and this can make it easier for you.

If you sign on with the district, will you be in a union? If you aren't getting lunch breaks, your union rep can help you out. Try to work it out with the district first and go to the union as a last resort. They will help represent you and make sure no one is taking advantage of you.

Someone suggested a shared position for this boy. Perhaps there's another aide who could take half the day with this boy and then you take half the day. If he's really, really difficult, the district should recognize that one person can't possibly deal with him all day. Then you'd have an ally in the other aide and you could work as a team.

I totally understand what you mean when you say you go home miserable and don't want to do anything else. We had a boy in our class last year who drained the life out of all of us. I would come home scratched and bruised and ticked off and tired. But I had to learn to leave that at school. My boys deserve mommy when they get home. And being with your own wonderful kids can help you recover from whatever you suffered at school.

Good luck! Please don't let that district keep taking advantage of you. I hope you can make the situation better without losing your job.

 

[kendall]

I have worked as a special ed aide for 8 years. It sounds like the district is taking advantage of you. If they offer you the job on a permanent basis, you need to do some negotiating before you accept it.

First of all, if you are there all day, you need to take a lunch break. You are entitled to one. There must be another aide in the school who can give you a break and you basically need to demand that they find one. A few years ago, I was working 3.5 hours in a preschool class. There was another aide working all day with a physically disabled boy. She needed a break but he needed an attendant all day. They solved the problem by adding a 1/2 hour to my workday. After preschool was over, I would take the boy to lunch while his aide took a break. It worked out for everyone. There must be some way to work out this kind of situation for you.

Next, have you had any training on this boy's disability and how to best handle his behavior? If not, you need to ask for some and not just a seminar on the general condition. The school psychologist or special ed director or someone needs to come and observe him and train you on how to properly handle his behavior. They can't just expect you to figure it out on your own.

Also, is there any kind of behavior support plan in place for this child? The psych should write a very detailed plan for everyone who works with him (teachers, aides, etc.). When a certain behavior occurs, you follow the procedures in the plan to deal with it. Everyone follows the same procedures consistently and this can make it easier for you.

If you sign on with the district, will you be in a union? If you aren't getting lunch breaks, your union rep can help you out. Try to work it out with the district first and go to the union as a last resort. They will help represent you and make sure no one is taking advantage of you.

Someone suggested a shared position for this boy. Perhaps there's another aide who could take half the day with this boy and then you take half the day. If he's really, really difficult, the district should recognize that one person can't possibly deal with him all day. Then you'd have an ally in the other aide and you could work as a team.

I totally understand what you mean when you say you go home miserable and don't want to do anything else. We had a boy in our class last year who drained the life out of all of us. I would come home scratched and bruised and ticked off and tired. But I had to learn to leave that at school. My boys deserve mommy when they get home. And being with your own wonderful kids can help you recover from whatever you suffered at school.

Good luck! Please don't let that district keep taking advantage of you. I hope you can make the situation better without losing your job.

OP, Luv Bunnies has hit the nail on the head. Spot on, Luv Bunnies, spot on. I too believe you are currently being taken advantage of in your current position as a sub. I would talk with your union reps as to what your rights are if you were to take this as a permanent position. You should have breaks during the day and training on coping with the student's disability.

How many more years would you be matched with this student?

Are you through the middle school years yet?

I also agree with Carly_Roach to find an activity that will help you relieve stress and transition from work to home. You need this for your own stress and sanity.

and best wishes as you work this through.