I feel sorry for my

[Magic Mom]

It was good manners of your daughter to open the card in front of the givers and it was good manners of her not to make a fuss of the contents. In my family, we often open cards that contain a gift in front of one another. But, like others here, we don't make a fuss over the contents. We say thank you and move on.

This. It wasn't your envelope to open regardless of where it was sitting.

It seems like all three (DD your mom and you) of you have unclear boundaries with each other.

 

[bluesaturn]

OP, if you have any indication that this woman has encouraged the theft of your personal property, well, let's just say that thieves are NOT welcome in my home.

Sorry everybody here has to go off about you happening to look at the card, which was obviously sitting right there anyhow!

While it may have been best if you had not, that is definitely NOT the issue here. This woman walked into your home, and pulled these things in front of God and everybody... that is despicable. It almost sounds like she was paying your DD off in order to get her own hands on that blanket.

You can bet that I would be 'looking' and having eyes in the back of my head if I knew that people in my home were plotting to steal from me.

PS: WHY DOES YOUR DAUGHTER WANT THIS BLANKET???
I REALLY DO HOPE YOU WILL ANSWER THIS.
I THINK THAT WOULD BE VERY, VERY, TELLING.

Conspiracy theories rarely help in these situations.
Nor does it help to refer to your mother as woman.

 

[Northstar]

You don't feel sorry for your daughter, you are ticked off at her! Let yourself feel angry... you don't have to go off on her, but there's no sense pretending to yourself that you are not angry.

You have a right to be angry that she tried to steal your crocheted blanket.

You have a right to be annoyed that you got jumped on over looking at the card... of course you shouldn't snoop, but people also shouldn't leave private correspondence sitting on a coffee table at a family gathering if they really want to keep it secret. I'm betting grandma was on pins and needles when she saw it lying there because it was important to her, not your daughter, to keep the secret of how much money was in it. That's why you got yelled at... nothing to do with your manners or lack of manners, everything to do with grandma's concern to keep her secret. So let that one roll off your back.

 

[luvmy3]

You don't feel sorry for your daughter, you are ticked off at her! Let yourself feel angry... you don't have to go off on her, but there's no sense pretending to yourself that you are not angry.

You have a right to be angry that she tried to steal your crocheted blanket.

You have a right to be annoyed that you got jumped on over looking at the card... of course you shouldn't snoop, but people also shouldn't leave private correspondence sitting on a coffee table at a family gathering if they really want to keep it secret. I'm betting grandma was on pins and needles when she saw it lying there because it was important to her, not your daughter, to keep the secret of how much money was in it. That's why you got yelled at... nothing to do with your manners or lack of manners, everything to do with grandma's concern to keep her secret. So let that one roll off your back.

Are you serious? How about trusting your family enough to not snoop through your things when you set them down. I can't believe you even said the bolded, I'm rarely speecheless but this has got me

 

[Northstar]

Are you serious? How about trusting your family enough to not snoop through your things when you set them down. I can't believe you even said the bolded, I'm rarely speecheless but this has got me

Well, yeah, I'm serious. It would be pretty normal in many families to assume that a card or letter that's left lying out on a coffee table at a public gathering is meant to be shared... especially if there are photos in it. Especially if people are going to be sitting around the coffee table with their coffee and dessert.

If it's private, like a credit card bill or an intimate note between lovers with stuff not meant for everyone's eyes, it should be tucked away off the coffee table. If somebody goes snooping into your coat pockets or rifling through your pile of presents that you've put aside out of the way, then of course, that's violating your right to privacy. But public space is public space. Leave your stuff in public space, and people are going to think it's meant for sharing.

 

[Disney Doll]

Looking through a card not addressed to you is tacky. I don't care if it is in public space. If I bring my mail into the house and leave it on my kitchen counter, would you assume that you could look through it?

Grandma treating grandchildren unequally is tacky.

Daughter trying to steal your crocheted thing is tacky.

Grandma egging daughter on to steal your crocheted thing is tacky.

 

[mjkacmom]

Are you serious? How about trusting your family enough to not snoop through your things when you set them down. I can't believe you even said the bolded, I'm rarely speecheless but this has got me

I know - crazy! She knew the card had money in it - it's just as bad as trying to read the pricetag that was ledt on someone elses gift! And grandma decides how much she wants to spend on her grandchildren, and it doesn't have to be equal.

 

[Northstar]

I'm not trying to be rude or snotty, but I'm really interested in how many of you regard picking up the card as intrusive! It lets me know how family traditions differ.

In my family, a gathering where presents are opened in front of everybody would not be a place where any secret gifts could be given... it would be as rude as whispering secrets to one person in front of others. Everything would get handed around and admired.

If you wanted to give a private gift or exchange a private message, you just couldn't do it in public like that.

To pick up the card like the OP did would be the most natural thing in the world for us... I would also be stunned to get slapped down for "snooping" because, well, how can it be private correspondence if it's a public gift exchange?

The grandma and the daughter would be seen as the rude ones in my family, trying to make things secret and hidden where everything should be open and public.

Disney Doll, of course I wouldn't look at your mail on YOUR kitchen counter! But if you brought your mail to a family party at my house and opened it when we were watching everyone open presents, I'm afraid it might get picked up and passed around the table for us all to share.

There was no need for the daughter or grandmother to act all outraged. All the daughter had to do was take the card gently and say, "that's private."

 

[luvmy3]

I'm not trying to be rude or snotty, but I'm really interested in how many of you regard picking up the card as intrusive! It lets me know how family traditions differ.

In my family, a gathering where presents are opened in front of everybody would not be a place where any secret gifts could be given... it would be as rude as whispering secrets to one person in front of others. Everything would get handed around and admired.

If you wanted to give a private gift or exchange a private message, you just couldn't do it in public like that.

To pick up the card like the OP did would be the most natural thing in the world for us... I would also be stunned to get slapped down for "snooping" because, well, how can it be private correspondence if it's a public gift exchange?

The grandma and the daughter would be seen as the rude ones in my family, trying to make things secret and hidden where everything should be open and public.

Disney Doll, of course I wouldn't look at your mail on YOUR kitchen counter! But if you brought your mail to a family party at my house and opened it when we were watching everyone open presents, I'm afraid it might get picked up and passed around the table for us all to share.

There was no need for the daughter or grandmother to act all outraged. All the daughter had to do was take the card gently and say, "that's private."

In my family if something is meant to share, we would physically hand it to someone and say "hey, check this out". If I saw an envelope not addressed to me sitting on anyone's counter I wouldn't have the audacity to pick it up and look inside, even if there were pictures in it. If it was something I was interested in seeing I would ask if I could look at it, it being on the counter during a family gatering doesn't mean its fair game for everyone to just open and look through. I just can't believe people would just pick something up that wasn't theirs and rifle through it and use the excuse that it must be meant to be shared because its just sitting out while we are all here. Its about respecting other people's things, and to me doing what the OP did was disrespectful and a violation of privacy, and I definitely consider it snooping. Asking to see the pictures, or read the card is one thing but taking it upon yuourself to take it out of an enevlope that wasn't yours is another.

 

[Hannathy]

well, I think it is HORRIBLE for those grandparents to make a diiference between the two kids. JMO.

IF they thought the oldest, who is out on her own, needed extra money, give them the same for Christmas and then on the side give the oldest one some extra money but do not do it in the actually gift. Just my thoughts.
Sounds like there is a lot of history going on so I'll stay away from that part.

I agree with you. Holiday presents from grandparents should be equal. there should be no favoritism shown and rubbed in the other kids faces. If one child is their favorite and they think it is ok (which I don't) then show the favoritism when you are alone. send them the additional money or presents at another time. I don't understand how people can be this nasty and think it is OK, and especially at Christmas.

 

[mdsoccermom]

In my family if something is meant to share, we would physically hand it to someone and say "hey, check this out". If I saw an envelope not addressed to me sitting on anyone's counter I wouldn't have the audacity to pick it up and look inside, even if there were pictures in it. If it was something I was interested in seeing I would ask if I could look at it, it being on the counter during a family gatering doesn't mean its fair game for everyone to just open and look through. I just can't believe people would just pick something up that wasn't theirs and rifle through it and use the excuse that it must be meant to be shared because its just sitting out while we are all here. Its about respecting other people's things, and to me doing what the OP did was disrespectful and a violation of privacy, and I definitely consider it snooping. Asking to see the pictures, or read the card is one thing but taking it upon yuourself to take it out of an enevlope that wasn't yours is another.

If I saw someone's pile of unopened presents sitting there, I wouldn't even consider pawing through them unless given permission. So I can't imagine how it would be acceptable to pick up an envelope that belonged to someone else.

 

[cm8]

OP, if you have any indication that this woman has encouraged the theft of your personal property, well, let's just say that thieves are NOT welcome in my home.

Sorry everybody here has to go off about you happening to look at the card, which was obviously sitting right there anyhow!

While it may have been best if you had not, that is definitely NOT the issue here. This woman walked into your home, and pulled these things in front of God and everybody... that is despicable. It almost sounds like she was paying your DD off in order to get her own hands on that blanket.

You can bet that I would be 'looking' and having eyes in the back of my head if I knew that people in my home were plotting to steal from me.

PS: WHY DOES YOUR DAUGHTER WANT THIS BLANKET???
I REALLY DO HOPE YOU WILL ANSWER THIS.
I THINK THAT WOULD BE VERY, VERY, TELLING.

,

 

[KristaTX]

Also... my mom is very very nebby

I have nothing to add to the discussion on this dysfunctional family, but I did learn a new word from this thread. I've never heard the word "nebby" before, and had to google it. http://www.word-detective.com/2007/12/05/nebby/

 

[sajetto]

That's how we do it. I would never pull cash out and count it out for everyone to SEE. That would be very rude to me. The can see it's cash, they don't need to know the exact amount. And I would be upset if someone grabbed the card and insisted on knowing.

Same here. If money is received we are gracious to the giver and don't make a show of how much we received. It is put to the side or immediately tucked into a wallet without counting it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

In my family, a gathering where presents are opened in front of everybody would not be a place where any secret gifts could (SHOULD) be given... it would be as rude as whispering secrets to one person in front of others.

THIS!!! exactly....

What this woman did is not appropriate in any way.
Way beyond 'mean girl'.

And, a grandmother trying to create secrets between mother and child...
Between siblings...
Sitting there in the same room.
At Christmas, while 'sharing'.

There are just NO words.

 

[msjprincess]

I'm not trying to be rude or snotty, but I'm really interested in how many of you regard picking up the card as intrusive! It lets me know how family traditions differ.

In my family, a gathering where presents are opened in front of everybody would not be a place where any secret gifts could be given... it would be as rude as whispering secrets to one person in front of others. Everything would get handed around and admired.

If you wanted to give a private gift or exchange a private message, you just couldn't do it in public like that.

To pick up the card like the OP did would be the most natural thing in the world for us... I would also be stunned to get slapped down for "snooping" because, well, how can it be private correspondence if it's a public gift exchange?

The grandma and the daughter would be seen as the rude ones in my family, trying to make things secret and hidden where everything should be open and public.

Disney Doll, of course I wouldn't look at your mail on YOUR kitchen counter! But if you brought your mail to a family party at my house and opened it when we were watching everyone open presents, I'm afraid it might get picked up and passed around the table for us all to share.

There was no need for the daughter or grandmother to act all outraged. All the daughter had to do was take the card gently and say, "that's private."

I'm sorry but I don't consider cash in a card the same as a wrapped Christmas gift.

You would seriously look in someone else's envelope to see how much money they received?

 

[We_Love_Disney]

I'm not trying to be rude or snotty, but I'm really interested in how many of you regard picking up the card as intrusive! It lets me know how family traditions differ.

In my family, a gathering where presents are opened in front of everybody would not be a place where any secret gifts could be given... it would be as rude as whispering secrets to one person in front of others. Everything would get handed around and admired.

If you wanted to give a private gift or exchange a private message, you just couldn't do it in public like that.

To pick up the card like the OP did would be the most natural thing in the world for us... I would also be stunned to get slapped down for "snooping" because, well, how can it be private correspondence if it's a public gift exchange?

The grandma and the daughter would be seen as the rude ones in my family, trying to make things secret and hidden where everything should be open and public.

Disney Doll, of course I wouldn't look at your mail on YOUR kitchen counter! But if you brought your mail to a family party at my house and opened it when we were watching everyone open presents, I'm afraid it might get picked up and passed around the table for us all to share.

There was no need for the daughter or grandmother to act all outraged. All the daughter had to do was take the card gently and say, "that's private."

Very well put, and I agree with you.

I am at a loss as to why so many of the posters think that the OP was out of place trying to see the photos that were given as the gift. The money amount, ehhh, but the photos? And as far as the daughter being over 18, no matter, the pictures were part of the gift. If they were in a frame, would that have been different.

As far as the differing amounts, I think that sucks! Be even or do it in private. Grandma sounds like a freakin' hoot.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Very well put, and I agree with you.

I am at a loss as to why so many of the posters think that the OP was out of place trying to see the photos that were given as the gift. The money amount, ehhh, but the photos? And as far as the daughter being over 18, no matter, the pictures were part of the gift. If they were in a frame, would that have been different.

As far as the differing amounts, I think that sucks! Be even or do it in private. Grandma sounds like a freakin' hoot.

If she wanted to see the photos, then she should have ASKED. That's what you do when you want to see someone else's stuff. You don't just pick up an envelope that belong to someone else and go through it. You ASK.

 

[luvmy3]

Very well put, and I agree with you.

I am at a loss as to why so many of the posters think that the OP was out of place trying to see the photos that were given as the gift. The money amount, ehhh, but the photos? And as far as the daughter being over 18, no matter, the pictures were part of the gift. If they were in a frame, would that have been different.

As far as the differing amounts, I think that sucks! Be even or do it in private. Grandma sounds like a freakin' hoot.

If the frame was in a box with the dd's name on it yes. If the frame was sitting on the counter out in the open and you looked over and saw it no. Its not about seeing the gift, its about opening something that isn't yours to see it. Would you open someone's purse to look at their pictures if it was just sitting out on the counter?
The OP was out of line because she went through someone's personal belongings.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

If she wanted to see the photos, then she should have ASKED. That's what you do when you want to see someone else's stuff. You don't just pick up an envelope that belong to someone else and go through it. You ASK.

Any other day of the year, I may tend to agree. However, during a gift giving frenzy that goes on at Christmas, I disagree. If the daughter wanted the envelope to be off limits, she should have said thank you, and put it in her purse or some other place to indicate it. Leaving it on the coffee table where everyone is gathered, says it is fair game. OP wasn't intending to violate something that was private, she was interested in the pictures that the grandmother had given to daughter. If they were in my daughter's gift, I would want to see them, heck I like any excuse to see pictures of my daughter and/or mother. Pictures that need to remain private make me nervous. As OP said, her gift from her mother was mailed, so as to keep the $$ private, these were handed in front of the family, with photos. Photos are memories to be shared.