I feel sorry for my

[kawing123]

I firmly disagree as I had many christmas cards sitting out that were looked through without my permission. Yes christmas cards mailed or given to me so see how silly this is that she would go off on me when she herself is guilty of the same. If Christmas is going to be so secret like I said in my first post we could all go into different rooms in the house open our gifts and go on with the day and never share in the enjoyment of giving and receiving with others.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

I feel sorry for my oldest daughter. Yesterday was Christmas as you all know and I held a small Christmas dinner at my house. My parents came, her grandparents and handed my two children envelopes. My oldest daughter does not live at home. After she opened it she layed it down and I had seen there were some photos inside so I picked it up. My daughter got up grabbed it ubruptly from my hands and said to mine my own business. Then my mother proceeded on some stupid thing as she just seen an article or topic on how parents should not go through their kids stuff. Well what a bunch of nonsense. What was so secret or inapprorpiate that I could not see? If everyone opened their presents and disclaimed this rational what fun would Christmas be? Well, it turns out my parents gave my oldest more money than my youngest they are both over 18. I feel sorry that when I asked what was given she could not share her gift with me as this must have been the big secret. Maybe next year we should all take our gifts and secretly go open them and when asked what did you get yell out its none of your business because that is exactly how much sense this made. Also, I have a crocheted item I received for my wedding from my grandmother and she always wants it. Well as I was cleaning up I noticed my daughter had it packed away ready to go home with her. boy oh boy after I just told her she could not have it. Does anyone else come from such a dysfunctional family? Oh and my parents live hours away and they then wonder why I dont want to visit or bring my youngest one to see them?

The thing I find by far the most disturbing is your daughter stealing the crocheted item! I don't care WHAT day it was, I would have addressed that problem, and it would be something my DD NEVER forgot! Stealing is something I absolutely will not tolerate!!!!

 

[kawing123]

I hated to embarass her in front of her boyfriend as I dont think he had yet arrived when she did this stashing attempt. Just could not bear it although I agree I should have.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am completely and totally with the OP!!!!

What this woman did was so wrong on every single level.

If she wants to give discreet and unequal gifts... it simply shouldn't be done while the family is sitting there together.

This woman sounds very, very, TOXIC....
I would almost wager my money on the fact that she is purposefully trying to breed ******* and come between the daughter and her mother-the OP, and the sister.
She didn't come in spreading Christmas joy... nothing but discomfort, *******, and stress.

She sounds like a Ninja-Stealth relative to me....
(Thanks to the poster who recently used those terms, giving me the perfect way to describe women like this.)

OP, I am sorry about how this all went down.
Sounds like your mother had this all completely scripted.
I mean really, like nobody in a small, tight, family, is going to end up knowing that Grandma gave me this amount and gave you more or less... Really....

I know it is all but impossible...
I am there myself...
I have a MIL who will make these little stealth moves to come between me and my DS and DH.... But, I think the objective has to be to learn how to handle these things without her having damage to you and your daughter's relationships as a family.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I feel sorry for your oldest daughter, too.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

OP, you're not alone in these family affairs. DH's parents definitely favor my 3yo son over my 10yo daughter when it comes to gifts. DD doesn't seem to notice, or at least she's never told us that she notices, so we just let it go.

I would never, ever open someone's envelope which obviously contained cash, unless it was for my underage children. However, I would never tell my mother to "mind your own business" if she looked at mine. Aren't you glad Christmas is over?

 

[mjkacmom]

EXACTLY, my point. It is not in good manners at Christmas or Birthdays to OPEN THE PRESENT IN FRONT OF OTHERS AND NOT SHARE WHAT IT IS..

As someone who comes from a very FUNCTIONAL family (think Norman Rockwell with a lot of people with $), it is good manners, when opening up a cash gift, to look at the amount, and put it away (after a gracious thank you), and never, ever, share how much it is. Ever.

 

[MrsPete]

She shouldn't have needed to hide it. It was her card, no one should have picked it up to look through it.



I disagree. If a card/gift is left laying out on the table, it's an indication that it's not personal and it's fine for others to pick it up and admire it -- especially since it appeared to contain photographs, which aren't normally considered taboo among families. The daughter should've put away something personal (and cash is certainly personal) in her purse.

 

[MrsPete]

As someone who comes from a very FUNCTIONAL family (think Norman Rockwell with a lot of people with $), it is good manners, when opening up a cash gift, to look at the amount, and put it away (after a gracious thank you), and never, ever, share how much it is. Ever.

Cash gifts aren't common in my family, but you're exactly right. No good ever comes of discussing cash.

 

[LuvLDM]

She shouldn't have needed to hide it. It was her card, no one should have picked it up to look through it.

I agree, Op you knew the envelope belonged to your Dd, you were being nosy.

I don't blame you for being upset that Dd was trying to take something that didn't belong to her, seems like everyone involved has boundary issues.

 

[DebbieB]

A few years ago my brother remarried. I already had 2 nieces & a nephew (his son). His new wife had 2 children around the same ages (between 9 and 15). I usually gave them cash for Christmas to spend how they wanted, I gave them their cards after dinner on Christmas Eve. The first year after the remarriage, I did not give the step niece & nephew as much as I gave the other 3 kids. My nephew was around 10 at the time and he starts dancing around showing how much he got (he knew the step kids did not get as much). It was an ackward situation. Then I got a lecture from my brother that his step kids should be treated the same. Meanwhile, we only see these kids on holidays. They ended up divorced a couple years later and it was no longer an issue.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, if you have any indication that this woman has encouraged the theft of your personal property, well, let's just say that thieves are NOT welcome in my home.

Sorry everybody here has to go off about you happening to look at the card, which was obviously sitting right there anyhow!

While it may have been best if you had not, that is definitely NOT the issue here. This woman walked into your home, and pulled these things in front of God and everybody... that is despicable. It almost sounds like she was paying your DD off in order to get her own hands on that blanket.

You can bet that I would be 'looking' and having eyes in the back of my head if I knew that people in my home were plotting to steal from me.

PS: WHY DOES YOUR DAUGHTER WANT THIS BLANKET???
I REALLY DO HOPE YOU WILL ANSWER THIS.
I THINK THAT WOULD BE VERY, VERY, TELLING.

 

[pyrxtc]

Just curious.... You took the item out of your DD's bag correct ? I would have right away and out it somewhere she could not find it.

I think if you leave a card out, then someone else can look at it.If you left a card out on my table while visiting then I would ask to look or just look at it if you weren't around. If you don't want it to be seen, then put it away with your stuff. Coffee table is public. Your mother should have minded her own business and said nothing. It was then between your DD and you. I like to see what my family got for Christmas from other people too. It's fun to see the different cards that go out each year.

Now with Christmas over, I would call my DD and ask why she tried to take the item. Let her know that it will not be out next time she comes over and it will be listed in th will to whomever you choose it to go to.

 

[LuvLDM]

This was the Dd's envelope containing a card, money & photographs, IMO that is different than just a Christmas card left on a counter for anyone to see.

 

[manning]

She shouldn't have needed to hide it. It was her card, no one should have picked it up to look through it.

Exactly. I would have a serious talk about taking something not yours.

 

[kawing123]

I wondered the same thing if grandma wanted the blanket because why would she not have come and told me she was packing that with her things. Everyone knows it was a wedding gift from my grandmother and I had just gotton done explaining to my daughter hours before that she could not have it. Plus me and my husbands card was mailed with our checks for xmas. She could have just as easily mailed the kids to the correct address. I think the one OP is write this was staged.

 

[luvmy3]

This was the Dd's envelope containing a card, money & photographs, IMO that is different than just a Christmas card left on a counter for anyone to see.

Agreed and I think what the OP did is just a one level under the dd taking the crocheted item. Snooping and stealing are both wrong.

In my family cash gifts are very common, and never have we opened our cards and announced the amount to everyone in the room, never. I assume all the grandchildren get the same amount, but the truth is I have no idea nor do I care. My Grandmother can give what she wants to us all, and she has her reasons for doing so.
One year I missed a niece's birthday (in November) and gave her extra at Christmas to cover it. If she had announced what she got, it would have been more and without an explanation there would probably be drama, but the fact is it was nobody's business what was in her card and why more was in it, just like it was nobody's business what was in each of your dd's cards OP. It sounds like you have a history of issues in your family, but I'm sorry I think you are wrong in this one.

 

[mdsoccermom]

I firmly disagree as I had many christmas cards sitting out that were looked through without my permission. Yes christmas cards mailed or given to me so see how silly this is that she would go off on me when she herself is guilty of the same. If Christmas is going to be so secret like I said in my first post we could all go into different rooms in the house open our gifts and go on with the day and never share in the enjoyment of giving and receiving with others.

If you have cards on display, then of course, it's permissible for people to look at them. However, according to your words:

handed my two children envelopes. My oldest daughter does not live at home. After she opened it she layed it down and I had seen there were some photos inside so I picked it up.

I don't know what your daughter not living at home has to do with anything, but you are implying that she laid the envelope down with the card and pictures in it. Your daughter was not displaying the card for all to see. She merely put it down. Very different than your display of cards. Do you consider every piece of paper that is lying on a table to be public property?

It was good manners of your daughter to open the card in front of the givers and it was good manners of her not to make a fuss of the contents. In my family, we often open cards that contain a gift in front of one another. But, like others here, we don't make a fuss over the contents. We say thank you and move on.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I wondered the same thing if grandma wanted the blanket because why would she not have come and told me she was packing that with her things. Everyone knows it was a wedding gift from my grandmother and I had just gotton done explaining to my daughter hours before that she could not have it. Plus me and my husbands card was mailed with our checks for xmas. She could have just as easily mailed the kids to the correct address. I think the one OP is write this was staged.

Now I'm really confused...aren't you the OP?

As for the rest..it is none of your business how much the grandmother gives as a gift nor is it your business how she gives the gift out. Yes your daughter was wrong to take the blanket (or whatever it was) but I don't see what that has to do with the Christmas gifts from grandmother.

Sounds like the whole family needs to learn how to mind their own business and keep their hands off of items that don't belong to them.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't look at people's cards unless they are in some way displayed. If they are still in the envelopes I would never dream of picking them up and examining them. There could be private notes or anything that just simply isn't my business.

The daughter was wrong to try to steal the crocheted item though.