I feel like a bad mom right now

[Tink888]

IMO what you are giving her is more than fair for her age and the amount of chores she does. It just sounds like she wants to do too much.

You could up her allowance to 15.00 per week and have her do additional chores such as vacuuming or moping floors. That is enough for two movies or other activities per week.

Does she receive this allowance during the school year as well? It might be a good time to talk about budgeting and saving money. If she receives the same amount of allowance during the time when she is busier with schoolwork and sports, have her save some of that money to use during the summer, when she has more free time to do things.

During summer we buy a pool pass for our family and our boys earn money by mowing the lawn and helping with yard work. It's a little less than what you give your daughter. Once that money is gone, they're on their own to earn additional money or they can find other things to do which are free.....riding bikes, sleepovers, fishing, hanging out with friends at the park, etc. They have to prioritize which things are important to them and say no to the things that aren't.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Tell her she can get an increase in allowance to do all of the things she wants to do the very second YOU get an increase in salary to do all of the things you want to do.

Make a calendar of every time she wants to go out. Whether she goes or not, write it down. Keep track of what was spent when she went, and what could have been spent when she didn't go. Then, write down what she gets to do for free. Maybe she'll see a pattern. Maybe she'll see that she gets to do a lot with $52, and maybe you'll see that she is starved for entertainment lmao and you'll increase it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I think her allowance is fair and she needs to budget a bit better.

I do think that she is being underpaid by your neighbor though - $5 for two visits each week is really low. I was paid $5 a day when I was twelve to walk a 2nd grader to school in the morning. She was on my way to school anyway, I just picked her up at home and walked to where I was already going. The walk was 5 minutes (it was 2 blocks away). She's better off ditching that gig and finding a decent paying babysitting job.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with most that the allowance is fair, and that she needs to learn to budget. It may well help her for YOU to sit down with her once a week for a while, perhaps with a copy of the local newspaper, etc. and help her brainstorm fun and low cost or free activities she can do with her friends
I know in DD13's circle of friends it is not uncommon for the group to be talking about doing X and someone to say, I can't afford that how about we do Y instead? No one bats an eye and most of the time the group changes plans--they are all just looking for SOMEthing to do together.
The other thing I would say is make sure your DD knows she can always entertain at home. Make sure she feels comfortable inviting her friends over for board games, roller blading or whatever when she is out of money (or just wants to save some). Learning to see home as a place to spend time with friends is also a great life skill (and budget saver). Peronally I keep a supply of snacks and drinks that appeal to the kids. I think it is worth that money spent by me to let the kids feel "At home" and able to entertain. Yes, some day they will have to learn how to add that to their food budget, but for now I just want them to get the idea that they do not have to always go OUT to have fun.

Oh, and if you think a once a year bonus in July is a good idea, I think that can be fair (as long as you make it once a year and are consistent). Many adults get holiday or end of year bonuses in December and here in Germany MANY contracts are written that you get a vacation bonus in the first month that you use a 2 week vacation. My kids have a 6 week summer. For two of those weeks we will be on vacation--so that leaves only the month of August. I normally pay 32 Euro per month per kid for school lunch (we have to buy it). I told them that I will give them that money in August and they can make their own lunches, and then use that for whatever since they will not get to see their friends at school so it is more likely they will want to go somewhere. They can also choose to save it for spending money on that vacation.

I think her allowance is fair and she needs to budget a bit better.
I do think that she is being underpaid by your neighbor though - $5 for two visits each week is really low. I was paid $5 a day when I was twelve to walk a 2nd grader to school in the morning. She was on my way to school anyway, I just picked her up at home and walked to where I was already going. The walk was 5 minutes (it was 2 blocks away). She's better off ditching that gig and finding a decent paying babysitting job.

Having moved around a lot with kids I can tell you babysitting rates vary GREATLY by area. IN New Hampshire, DD made $5 an hour babysitting (not just being a mother's helper) which is also what we paid in Michigan. In Indianna we paid $7 an hour while at the same time mi SiL in Colorado paid $15. SO, the rate the gir lis getting is probably about right for her area.

 

[shortbun]

Sounds like you and your daughter need to talk about other ways she can earn money Or you need to up her allowance. Her social life is blooming and that costs money. Help her figure something out or she'll do it herself and you might not like her solution.

 

[PatsGirl]

I'm still trying to get past the list of social activities DD13 gets $5/week and knows that pretty much takes her to the movies twice a month with a happy meal thrown in for good measure, lol. She still goes to matinees to save money and either goes to CVS for a box of candy beforehand or walks to Burger King after for a soda and burger for $2. She's still left with a few dollars for walking around the mall with gfs and she might get an ice cream cone or pretzel or something like that.

My fun budget isn't much more than $50/month and I'm that much in years

 

[kristilew]

My DD12 gets $30 every two weeks. From that, she must tithe, save 10%, and budget and pay for all her personal expenses. This includes spending money at home and on trips, any treats when out (for example, we buy dinner, but not dessert when we go out to eat - if she wants dessert she must buy it herself), any clothes beyond what I decide she needs for school, basically anything "extra" that she wants, she must use her money for. When she gets money from relatives as a gift or something, she must still tithe and save before she can decide where to allocate the rest.

To facilitate all this, we insist on a strict budget system for her. She has an accordian file like the kind that holds coupons. She has sections labeled tithe, save, event savings, and blow. She keeps a balance sheet for each section, and every time she gets "paid" she records what $ came in, and which "account" she put it in. Whenever she spends money, she must record how much and from which "account." She must present an accurate, up-to-date balance sheet, with receipts, to receive the next installment of allowance. There is no extra money given at any time, and she may only take money out of "save" to put it in the real bank, and out of "tithe" to take it to church.

This system has been working very well. One of the best things is that is forces her to decide in advance of going somewhere how much money she wants to take from her "account" and carry with her. So she doesn't end up spending more than she has deliberately thought about spending. Usually she ends up putting money back in the file because she didn't want to part with it. Also, we took a family trip to NYC earlier this month. For months, she put a portion of her allowance in her event savings file to prepare for it, and was able to make some great choices about what she bought while we were there, b/c she knew exactly how long it took to build up that money. She did not spend it all, either. Every time DD asks if she can do something that costs money, I turn it back to her: Can you? Do you have the money?

I also try to help her see relative costs. For example, if she wants to see a movie with friends, what is the cost difference between an evening and afternoon movie? What if you buy snacks vs. taking your own? What if you invite your friends over and get a movie on demand instead? What if you just go to the beach and skip the movie?

One other thing to think about: if your DD is so bored this summer, perhaps she could spend some of her time helping others who have less than she does. There are many opportunities to serve if you look for them. Some that DD has done recently include making and serving meals to the homeless, and making pies for residents of the domestic violence shelter. Both were fun activities with a group of friends. If all that our kids see is other kids spending money all the time, they will get a very skewed view of the world. Let her see that many kids have absolutely nothing.

 

[barkley]

my kids (13 and just shy of 16) would be thrilled to get the amount your dd gets per month. they receive $25 each per month, and there's no opportunities for them to get outside employment-no kids that need babysitting nearby, neighbors all do their own yard work, too young to get a real job-and those are'nt even available if they were of age given the current economy. a movie here is no less than $8.00 no matter the time of day, and outside foods are not allowed.

i also don't offer too many extra jobs for $$$-i've explained to them that just like they need to budget so do dh and i, and our budget for allowances are set such that just b/c they want to earn extra money does'nt mean my budget has room in it to facilitate hiring them to do jobs i can do myself.

i've got one saver and one spender. ds squirrels his money away (allowance, any bday or xmas money...) and then does larger purchases (the kid has managed over the past 3 years to save enough for a wii and a flat panel t.v.-not bad when the most he's ever gotten in holiday money is $60). dd on the other hand spends freely, and i often have to reign in her spending by reminding her of things she wants to do down the line that dh and i won't fund or fund as much as she would like.

it will be interesting to see what happens when both come home from camp-both were given $30 on account at the camp store and told whatever is not spent they can keep. i fully anticipate ds coming home with the entire $30, requesting i deposit it in his savings account. dd? if she makes it home with more than a few dollars i'll be very surprised (despite her adamant statements before she left that she wanted to come home with all of it to save for a mall trip).

btw-i agree with the previous poster who suggested that if your dd is truely bored that she pursue some volunteering activities. dd has been a volunteer on saturdays at the local library for the past year and enjoys it. it gets her out of the house and interacting with others.

 

[HeatherC]

I think everyone has really good points. I also think it's important to teach kids how to manage money.

That being said.....I also think it's summertime and kids are looking for things to do. Unfortunately, movies cost a lot of money. As does everything else. I'm guessing that things may die down a little once school starts again because you dd sounds pretty responsible to me.

My trick with my kids....which has worked up till now and will probably backfire on me tomorrow is to help them plan stuff that doesn't cost much so they don't have time to get bored.

Last week, they each invited friends over to swim for the day. I made hot dogs on the grill for lunch. They had a ball.

Tuesday nights they call TV Tuesdays. They invite a couple friends over and either watch a show on tv or we order an "on demand" movie for $5. I make popcorn and lemonade.

Friday or Saturday nights we drag out the firepit and have campfires. They love having their friends and they tell them to bring some chocolate or marshmallows or whatever and we make s'mores.

They seem to love the idea of a "theme". Which is funny because we just "played" as kids. But if I say why don't you have a sports night, they love it. They invite friends over and play kick ball, volley ball, followed by wiffle ball.

Of course, you have to enjoy a houseful of kids. Which I know a lot of people don't, but we do. And luckily, it's been pretty cheap to keep them entertained.

 

[eliza61]

I think the dollar amount is moot. it could be $52 dollars a month or $520 dollars a month. one of the lessons a kid has to learn is budgeting and priorities.

You could give a kid every thing in the world and still hear "I'm bored". Why do we need to spend millions to entertain our kids?

Op,
I would do a family budget. Explain to her that you have limited resources and EVERYONE has to prioritize their 'WANTS". Explain to her that she can't go to the movies 3X's a week. sorry, that's expensive so she must decide which ones are important to her.

I have this very argument with my 19 year old college student. He called me up one day complaining because his checking account said "insufficient funds" and he could get a withdrawal out the ATM. Evidently he had a date. I told him to cancel the date and enjoy the dorm cafeteria food which I was paying large sums ofmoney to ensure he was feed.

Teach her now.

 

[allison443]

I think everyone has really good points. I also think it's important to teach kids how to manage money.

That being said.....I also think it's summertime and kids are looking for things to do. Unfortunately, movies cost a lot of money. As does everything else. I'm guessing that things may die down a little once school starts again because you dd sounds pretty responsible to me.

My trick with my kids....which has worked up till now and will probably backfire on me tomorrow is to help them plan stuff that doesn't cost much so they don't have time to get bored.

Last week, they each invited friends over to swim for the day. I made hot dogs on the grill for lunch. They had a ball.

Tuesday nights they call TV Tuesdays. They invite a couple friends over and either watch a show on tv or we order an "on demand" movie for $5. I make popcorn and lemonade.

Friday or Saturday nights we drag out the firepit and have campfires. They love having their friends and they tell them to bring some chocolate or marshmallows or whatever and we make s'mores.

They seem to love the idea of a "theme". Which is funny because we just "played" as kids. But if I say why don't you have a sports night, they love it. They invite friends over and play kick ball, volley ball, followed by wiffle ball.

Of course, you have to enjoy a houseful of kids. Which I know a lot of people don't, but we do. And luckily, it's been pretty cheap to keep them entertained.

These are great suggestions! I have been thinking of getting a firepit and I think the older kids would really like it!

I agree with you about summertime and there being an increase in activities.

 

[jmpurdy]

The low cost get-togethers is a wonderful idea, campfires, rent a movie, etc. The idea of their 'job' to get good grades sounds great, but in reality, they also need to learn life skills. Good grades and no skills won't get them far. Library books are free. Helping those in need is free, volunteering in an animal shelter is free. Why don't we have school year round yet in this country? I made many of the same mistakes as OP trying to give my kids as much enjoyment as they grew up. They did work and had chores, but we had our share of whining too. We did start them young with chores and at least thew knew there were expectations. In the movie 'On Golden Pond', Henry Fonda gave the visiting boy a classic book to read and wanted a report after every chapter. Loved that!

 

[allison443]

I'm prepared to be flamed but I don't think $50 a month is unreasonable to spend, assuming your family budget can afford it. Around here movies are $10 once you're over 12.

My dd is 13 and has a very nice group of friends, in the month of June since school ended they have done things like go to the movies ($10 without snack), walk to the ice cream store (maybe $2-$3), go to the mall and maybe buy a bracelet/earrings or something else inexpensive ($10), maybe get lunch at the food court ($5), go swimming ($5 for a guest pass, $7 to get onto the beach at the ocean), rent a movie with friends (redbox $1, blockbuster is like $5), bowling (around $10). They also get together just to hang out, ride bikes, etc.

Our church carnival was last week, a wristband to go on all the rides was $30 a night.

My dd has already spent more than $50 this month (her own money!) and I don't consider that an unreasonable amount of activities, or particularly deluxe activities. They are similar to types of things I used to do as a young teen.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My kids get allowance until they are 13yo and at that time are expected to babysit, mow lawns, etc, to get spending $. I think that $52/mo is plenty for a 12yo, with the option of doing extra "above and beyond" chores to earn a little more, assuming you can afford that. She can learn to deal with the 4yo and be a mother's helper or she can find other similar jobs.

Sounds as if she's expecting to go out all the time, to places that cost a lot, and drop a lot of $. She can learn to limit activities, do things that don't cost a lot, have friends over to watch a DVD, etc. My daughter went through the same thing as a teenager--she had friends who constantly spent $. She didn't have an unlimited budget and learned to not do everything and also got them to get together at a house and watch a DVD or something else inexpensive. It also taught her that she could go to the movie and skip the popcorn, candy, and drinks.

 

[kellyg403]

I can only say that for our family, with more than one child, it is not feasible to let each child have carte blanche and do every single activity with their friends, movies every fri and sat etc. So, we told them we would give them allowance enough for two movies a month, one dinner out and any other acitivities that even out to about 60 a month. If they want to do more then they need to earn it. And honestly if the truth be known, I get tired of driving around until midnight EVERY SINGLE weekend, dropping off kids, picking them etc. I had to put a stop on it because I WAS TIRED!

Other times, they have friends over, watch movies on the tv, go to their friends house or whatever cheap/free thing there is to do. I agree with the others that it is about prioritizing and learning that you can't do all the fun stuff without working for it a bit.

Kelly

 

[allison443]

I think the dollar amount is moot. it could be $52 dollars a month or $520 dollars a month. one of the lessons a kid has to learn is budgeting and priorities.

You could give a kid every thing in the world and still hear "I'm bored". Why do we need to spend millions to entertain our kids?

Op,
I would do a family budget. Explain to her that you have limited resources and EVERYONE has to prioritize their 'WANTS". Explain to her that she can't go to the movies 3X's a week. sorry, that's expensive so she must decide which ones are important to her.

I have this very argument with my 19 year old college student. He called me up one day complaining because his checking account said "insufficient funds" and he could get a withdrawal out the ATM. Evidently he had a date. I told him to cancel the date and enjoy the dorm cafeteria food which I was paying large sums ofmoney to ensure he was feed.

Teach her now.

Ia m confused because you are giving the OP good advice, but are you saying it didn't work with your own child? He is 19 years old, away at college, and calling home to complain about not having money for a date? I would be pretty mad if my kid did that!

 

[barkley]

i think we need to set up a kid exchange program that way some of the kids on the dis who apparantly live in close proximity to lots of activities could come to appreciate what it's like when you don't, and those oh so long summer days seem even longer

if they came to my house and wanted to bike they would first have to walk the bike 3 miles to a paved road (unless they want serious organ displacement from trying to ride on the dirt road). skatings out b/c the closest sidewalks are a 20 minute drive. swimming is either in the lake or the community pool-both of which are at least a 20-25 minute drive. movies-you have to go 2 towns over (allow 30 minutes minimum one way), and the nearest video store is 20 minutes away. bowling-yes, we have a bowling alley it has 5 lanes, a couple of video games from the stone age, and again, is a 20 minute car ride away

THE MALL-closest is 3 towns away, takes at least 30 minutes to get there and rather than a food "court" has something akin to a food cul-de-sac (just a few choices), and no teen friendly stores (unless your teen is fond of pottery barn or william's sonoma).

ah yes, send your child to my home and they will be begging to come back to their "boring" hometowns.

 

[allison443]

i think we need to set up a kid exchange program that way some of the kids on the dis who apparantly live in close proximity to lots of activities could come to appreciate what it's like when you don't, and those oh so long summer days seem even longer

if they came to my house and wanted to bike they would first have to walk the bike 3 miles to a paved road (unless they want serious organ displacement from trying to ride on the dirt road). skatings out b/c the closest sidewalks are a 20 minute drive. swimming is either in the lake or the community pool-both of which are at least a 20-25 minute drive. movies-you have to go 2 towns over (allow 30 minutes minimum one way), and the nearest video store is 20 minutes away. bowling-yes, we have a bowling alley it has 5 lanes, a couple of video games from the stone age, and again, is a 20 minute car ride away

THE MALL-closest is 3 towns away, takes at least 30 minutes to get there and rather than a food "court" has something akin to a food cul-de-sac (just a few choices), and no teen friendly stores (unless your teen is fond of pottery barn or william's sonoma).

ah yes, send your child to my home and they will be begging to come back to their "boring" hometowns.

Well, at least your situation makes it more difficult to spend money!!

 

[barkley]

Well, at least your situation makes it more difficult to spend money!!

dd has managed to adapt what other kids spend on activities she spends on itunes.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm prepared to be flamed but I don't think $50 a month is unreasonable to spend, assuming your family budget can afford it. Around here movies are $10 once you're over 12.

My dd is 13 and has a very nice group of friends, in the month of June since school ended they have done things like go to the movies ($10 without snack), walk to the ice cream store (maybe $2-$3), go to the mall and maybe buy a bracelet/earrings or something else inexpensive ($10), maybe get lunch at the food court ($5), go swimming ($5 for a guest pass, $7 to get onto the beach at the ocean), rent a movie with friends (redbox $1, blockbuster is like $5), bowling (around $10). They also get together just to hang out, ride bikes, etc.

Our church carnival was last week, a wristband to go on all the rides was $30 a night.

My dd has already spent more than $50 this month (her own money!) and I don't consider that an unreasonable amount of activities, or particularly deluxe activities. They are similar to types of things I used to do as a young teen.

I don't think it is unreasonable (mine get 15 Euros a month and I will buy a 10 punch card for the skating rink and pool twice a year and one for mini golf in the summer). I think a lot depends on where you live and what is available to the kids and what the majority of kids do to "hang out". For example, my kids attend school in another city. It takes about an hour each way to get to/from school on public transit. Many of their friends also commute to the school just as far but from other directions. It gets difficult for them to spend time together at one another's houses so they often do something together in the city after school (especially on the days they get out early OR on Fridays). They tend to not spend a whole lot (and I cannot recall DD ever going to a movie with a group of friends--she likes to actually be able to talk to her friends) so they often go places like the library (has a teen room), parks, etc. They also enjoy browsing book stores, clothing stores and music stores. But sometimes they want to stop at a pastry shop or get some pizza (especially if it is cold or rainy).
On the other hand, we used to live in rural New Hampshire. There were very few places to spend money even if they wanted to--and getting together required that you have a parent who is willing to drive you to another's house. So, they did not need as much money to be a part of the standard social scene (and I did not even do an allowance there as it was so rare that they had a chance to go I just paid when it came up). There the kids could swim at local lakes and beaches for free, hike and wander the woods (our backyard), set up the archery set, have huge water gun fights, etc.

Basically I think kids should not be given carte blanch and it is not a game of keep up with the Jones's, HOWEVER it is important (at this age) to give them the tools to be a part of whatever the teen culture is in your area. It is a fine line to try to maintain.

i think we need to set up a kid exchange program that way some of the kids on the dis who apparantly live in close proximity to lots of activities could come to appreciate what it's like when you don't, and those oh so long summer days seem even longer

if they came to my house and wanted to bike they would first have to walk the bike 3 miles to a paved road (unless they want serious organ displacement from trying to ride on the dirt road). skatings out b/c the closest sidewalks are a 20 minute drive. swimming is either in the lake or the community pool-both of which are at least a 20-25 minute drive. movies-you have to go 2 towns over (allow 30 minutes minimum one way), and the nearest video store is 20 minutes away. bowling-yes, we have a bowling alley it has 5 lanes, a couple of video games from the stone age, and again, is a 20 minute car ride away

THE MALL-closest is 3 towns away, takes at least 30 minutes to get there and rather than a food "court" has something akin to a food cul-de-sac (just a few choices), and no teen friendly stores (unless your teen is fond of pottery barn or william's sonoma).

ah yes, send your child to my home and they will be begging to come back to their "boring" hometowns.

See, mine missed her woods and lakes in NH and would trade her castles, malls, bowling alleys, pools and movie theatres in a heartbeat to go back (though she does love public transit).