I feel like a bad mom right now

[ICF]

I think $52 is plenty of allowance for a 12 year old

 

[clh2]

Momx2 - Your budget to your DD of $52/mo is VERY, VERY generous! One of the best (albeit hardest) lessons you can ever teach her is to live within her budget.

There are a b'jillion things a group of 12 year old friends can do that don't cost much. They just need to use their imaginations a bit! (I.e. my 16 yo DD was at a sleepover on Friday night, and the group of them had a ball with a bucket of sidewalk chalk.) In my neck of the woods - a bonfire is fun activity (and legal as long as the winds are <8mph) and free. Some of her friends have swimming pools - this is also a cheap activity. The group will sometimes play at a park - and...just swing. What about playinig Wii at someone's house?

Help her with the math - if she does a movie - and just the movie, that is going to cost $10 - she could do 5 a month. If she gets $10 of concessions (which doesn't even get much at the theater) then she'll only be able to go 2 x per month. Going to a movie in the afternoon is cheaper than at night etc. The reality is - if you "up it" to $60 - or even $70 - it will also soon not be enough if there isn't some sort of budget in place.

The "memories" that your DD will have from the summer won't be from the movies - it'll be the "sidewalk chalk" moments with her friends.

So - mom - keep up the good work. It is a lot harder to do the right thing than the easy thing!!!

 

[SaraJayne]

How much do you think would be reasonable? I'm new to this whole budgeting for a teen or pre-teen in her case. Now I do feel like a scrooge.....

My 13 year old gets around $26 a month. Half his age. But that is strictly "fun" money (iTunes cards, golfing with friends, etc).

DH and I cover everything else.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think it is plenty.

ETA: I cannot fully edit my lenghty post. I do apologize to you OP...I don't know how I did it, but I totally misunderstood who was bailing out your dd. If she is caught again to have had bum money....you may wish to charge an interest rate of some sort. That way she realizes that borrowing isn't free.

While your intentions to teach her money management are good, the executions is counter-productive to that. It's fine to "treat" once in a while, but it seems that you may be setting up a pattern of behavior that isn't good. When she runs out of money, someone caves.

Her allowance doesn't seem enough because she hasn't learned to manage it at all. I'd try for a couple of months to just stick to your guns. When the money is gone, the "pay to hang" fun stops.

$52 is PLENTY to go to the movies once a week. Or she can go less so she can have popcorn or go to the premium showing times.

I just cannot believe she can't find anything to do that costs less or is free.

As a compromise have available "work" she can do to earn extra money. Wash the car, mow the lawn, groom the pets---extra stuff that isn't part of regular chores. We are going to Disney this week and my kids wanted money. A week ago we set up a special chore chart so that they could earn the money instead of me just handing it to them for free.

And just because her friends "make" more dough than she does isn't an excuse to arbitrarily keep up with the Jones'. If you keep that up....you'll need to give her a raise weekly so that she can do every little thing they do.

The best thing you can teach her is how to live within her means and the desire to work for the extras in her life.

For now.... $52 is plenty. Stop bailing her out.

 

[momx2]

I did treat DD 12 and her sis, DD 9 and their friends to a movie last week, Toy Story 3, in 3D. DH and I took them and wanted to take them. I don't make them pay if it's my idea and it was. I wanted to see the movie more than they did.

The other parents treating is just because they have invited her to go with them. Around her, if you do that, then the parent treats. What I make her pay for are the times she and her friends want to go to the movies and ask the parents to take them or any other kid initiated activity that involves money.

Movies here run about $6.50 matinee and $9 for night time. The concessions are unbelievable. I am thinking about giving her a one time bonus the month of July and then bringing it back to normal when school starts. I haven't decided yet. It is expensive to do anything anymore, it's just sad, but she is going to have to get used to it.

Thanks for everyone's insight. She just came in and I told her that 4 movies in 10 days is a little overboard. That doesn't even include the movie I let her get last night "on demand" for her sleep over. I told her she is going to have to start picking and choosing. We'll see.....

 

[krcit]

To touch on what another poster said about when they are spending 'their' money, things aren't as urgent...when we went to WDW, we gave each child $50 to spend on souveneirs for the week. Itw as amazing to see how quickly they changed their tune about 'havng to have something when they realized it would come out of their $50. Suddenly that t-shirt they wanted wasn't that great when they had to pay for it. They spent the money on the last day after debating all week on what to buy. It was a great lesson for them and it really made the trip so much more pleasant because we weren't hearing 'Can I get that?' after every ride and in every gift shop. So, my point, in my long rambling way is that your dd knows how much money she has to spend and should plan accordingly.

BTW I love the name Annabelle

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Good point on the treats.

As for seeing how it will go....it will force your dd to make choices. It may not feel good...but it is a healthy skill and learning it under the safety of living at home is the best option.

I did treat DD 12 and her sis, DD 9 and their friends to a movie last week, Toy Story 3, in 3D. DH and I took them and wanted to take them. I don't make them pay if it's my idea and it was. I wanted to see the movie more than they did.

The other parents treating is just because they have invited her to go with them. Around her, if you do that, then the parent treats. What I make her pay for are the times she and her friends want to go to the movies and ask the parents to take them or any other kid initiated activity that involves money.

Movies here run about $6.50 matinee and $9 for night time. The concessions are unbelievable. I am thinking about giving her a one time bonus the month of July and then bringing it back to normal when school starts. I haven't decided yet. It is expensive to do anything anymore, it's just sad, but she is going to have to get used to it.

Thanks for everyone's insight. She just came in and I told her that 4 movies in 10 days is a little overboard. That doesn't even include the movie I let her get last night "on demand" for her sleep over. I told her she is going to have to start picking and choosing. We'll see.....

 

[Ppufi]

Definately plenty! I never got an allowance, so that sounds great to me. You're teaching a great lesson on budgeting your finances. Plus, you're not going to be able to give her cash to cover herself forever.

 

[MiniGirl]

I answered on the Family board, so I will post the short version here.

You say the allowance is to "learn to help her manage money." I think that is an admirable goal and an important life lesson. How, though, do you define "mange money?" Will giving her enough money to do everything she wants to do help her learn that lesson? Will giving her a bonus to get her through the summer help teach her that lesson Will giving her a bonus when she has decided she no longer wants to work going to meet or hinder the lesson you are trying to teach her? If you feel it will, then by all means do it. If you don't think it will, then you must ask exactly what will it teach her.

 

[sunnyday123]

My Dd is 12 and frankly she would probably pass out if I started handing her $52 a month.

You're 12, you don't need to go to the movies once a week, out to eat all the time, and shopping at the mall. My eyes glazed over a bit after I saw $52...does she have any chores? Give her some if she doesn't. I use NILF training with my puppy, and I'll be using it with the 12 yr old when she's sticking her hand out!

(Nothing In Life Is Free)

 

[momx2]

My Dd is 12 and frankly she would probably pass out if I started handing her $52 a month.

You're 12, you don't need to go to the movies once a week, out to eat all the time, and shopping at the mall. My eyes glazed over a bit after I saw $52...does she have any chores? Give her some if she doesn't. I use NILF training with my puppy, and I'll be using it with the 12 yr old when she's sticking her hand out!

(Nothing In Life Is Free)

Yes, she does have chores, but not many. I make her keep her room reasonably clean, clean her bathroom, put away dishes from the dishwasher, but that is about it. Last Spring she began playing soccer for an out of town team. She had 1 1/2hr. practices 2x per week that were an hour away. She also worked 1 hr. 2x per helping with the children next door. She was also in an honors Choir of sorts and practiced in the afternoon sometimes or in the morning before school. She was very busy. I told her that her "job" is to do well in school. I have told her that as long as she plays sports and does well in school then she will not have to work while in school. She made all As and 2 B+ last school year.

I guess she was so busy she didn't have time to spend money and now she does.

 

[sunnyday123]

Yes, she does have chores, but not many. I make her keep her room reasonably clean, clean her bathroom, put away dishes from the dishwasher, but that is about it.

ok, I'm only seeing two in your signature, you and her? Are you a single Mom?

 

[momx2]

ok, I'm only seeing two in your signature, you and her? Are you a single Mom?

Oh no, that is DD 12 and DD 9 in my signature. I am married.

 

[sunnyday123]

Oh no, that is DD 12 and DD 9 in my signature. I am married.

Oh, I was just wondering if it was some "single mom guilt" running through there! I found myself doing that with DD and then realized she expected everything she saw, and in my guilt, did everything to give it to her. It ended up making things worse. Set her down and show her how to do bills, what you have when you start, and where you end up. Maybe some more chores? DD doesn't really get an allowance, but she has to work for certain things. Like her stupid club penguin membership. She tends to not ask for as much as she did.

 

[golfgal]

I think at 12 if she requires more $ than her allowance she should be looking to make money elsewhere. Babysit - mother helper - mow lawns (I did that!) lots of avenues to pursue. Let her earn it even if she earns it doing something for you!

I don't think your DD has a concept of how money actually works. I think she was given too much too soon-heck my high school aged kids don't spend that much money in a month on going out. Also, by you giving her a "raise" just because her spending habits changed probably promoted the idea that the more she spends the more she will be entitled to get.

I would sit down with her and figure out how much you will really pay for-one movie/week should be sufficient and you pay for the MOVIE, if she wants stuff from the concession stands, that comes out of HER money she earned babysitting or whatever. If she wants to go shopping, she gets $20 or whatever, after that she spends HER money. Stop the allowance and give her a "per diam" based on the activity but requiring any extras come out of her pocket. She is absolutely NOT allowed to borrow money from ANYONE--bad, bad, bad habit to get into. If you find out she has borrowed money, ground her for a couple weeks. She needs a tough lesson now when it is just allowance money and not her paycheck she is blowing on junk.

 

[Sparx]

Is she willing to do more to get more money? You said that she doesn't have a lot of chores, if you gave her more, would you be willing to bulk up her allowance? You said you want to teach her to manage money and part of that is the "getting" of money. If she'll work harder, will you pay her more? If so you need to sit down and write out your expectations (vacuum, wash clothes, etc) and if she doesn't do what is expected of her you can "dock" her "pay."

 

[magpie889]

From my perspective I think that is plenty!!! I am 20 and can still remember when I was 12 and I didnt have an allowance so I think your a good mom and your not over doing it!! You do not want a spoiled kid so I would keep doing what you are doing!!!

 

[momx2]

I'm feeling better now. She came home and we talked. She didn't even really want to go "see" the movie. She justed wanted somewhere to go. I told her how much we have spent on her camps, etc. and that she should never borrow money. I also told her she was going too much. She tried to protest a bit with that, but then admitted they were going out too much.

I hope she has learned a lesson from this???? She did ask for the mom's number of the children she helped with to call. She has been in camp for two weeks and couldn't go. I was worried because yesterday she said she didn't want to go back. One "no" to a movie and she has changed her tune.:rotfl She isn't accustomed to having time on her hands, so hopefully this will all get better when school starts.

I do think it's enough money for normal 12 year old activities. If there is something special, we will kick in the extra.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I have two 12 yr olds, almost 13. A boy and a girl.

We don't give allowances but they get what they need for activities and can earn more.

With that said, they don't spend money the way you've described - their activities with friends are around the neighborhood or an occasional movie or other activity, etc. And, DD earned $150 this week babysitting. (She was exhausted, lol.) She bought an Itunes card, gave a few bucks to her brother who babysat with her last night, and spent $15 to get into a friend's recital. I've asked her to bank some of it to keep building her savings account - both kids put most of their bday/holiday money into savings.

Around the house, DS has been mowing the lawn and helping DH paint. He vacumed for me today and fed the dog, picked up the yard, etc, before his ballgame this afternoon. DD spent 45 minutes chopping vegetables for a soup we made and helped around the house. She helped paint last week, too. I really can't complain. (We also spend money on DS's travel baseball and they both take guitar lessons.)

Most of our friends and neighbors are pretty similar to us. I do treat some of my kids' friends sometimes to things, but I've also had other parents refuse to let their kids go to the movies or other activities because they don't have the money and don't feel right about someone else footing the bill, which I can understand. Both my kids have friends whose families are on extremely tight budgets and I've never heard any of those kids whine about not being able to do things - they just accept that that's the way it is. My kids see and understand that nobody's got money trees growing out back, including us, which isn't a bad thing.

It's really important to us that our kids know how to use money wisely as they get older. DH and I were both raised that way and we each earned our own money from the time we were about the age our kids are now. DS is scheming about what he can do for work himself (especially now seeing his sister raking it in ) - he'll umpire next summer and he's thinking about maybe becoming a dog walker, lol. (One of DS's friends whose family is out of work, already has a lawn mowing business going and is caddying - he just turned 13.)

In your situation I think I'd have to tell your DD she has to budget her money better and to do that, she has a few options. A) spend less, B) earn more or C) alter her activities. I agree with the pp's who said she needs to understand it's not a free for all or it'll be more difficult as she gets older (and you have another one right behind her taking notes, lol). It sounds like it is going to be a challenge if she's already used to this type of lifestyle. But it will serve her well down the road if she can help develop good habits now. Good luck.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, she does have chores, but not many. I make her keep her room reasonably clean, clean her bathroom, put away dishes from the dishwasher, but that is about it. Last Spring she began playing soccer for an out of town team. She had 1 1/2hr. practices 2x per week that were an hour away. She also worked 1 hr. 2x per helping with the children next door. She was also in an honors Choir of sorts and practiced in the afternoon sometimes or in the morning before school. She was very busy. I told her that her "job" is to do well in school. I have told her that as long as she plays sports and does well in school then she will not have to work while in school. She made all As and 2 B+ last school year.

I guess she was so busy she didn't have time to spend money and now she does.

I'm sorry OP but this strikes me as very odd, I'm not sure how giving her $52 a month for a minimal amount of chores and telling her she doesn't have to work is teaching her anything about being financially responsible for herself. Please know I'm not criticizing your choice, I just don't see how you can teach someone how to be responsible without requiring them to actually work for what they want. If you are telling her she doesn't have to work, thats like saying you'll take care of her financial needs, KWIM and she thinks her needs are more than what you are giving her.
My dd has a list of chores she has to do in order to pay for part of her cell-phone and for spending money. She knows that if she needs more money because she wants to go to the movies 2 times then she knows she has to do more for it. Is your dd willing to work more around the house in order to earn more? If so why couldn'tyou just add to her chore list and pay her whatever more you think she earns?