I don't even know if I can post this...Adult Content!

[Iggipolka]

I would be so happy that my son was using condoms if he's having sex. I think that he gave you a great opportunity to talk about sexuality. By denying that he's having sex, you are closing off a chance to talk with him and have a conversation with him. Don't shame him about sex, teenagers have sex regardless of what their parents want.

 

[Evil Queen]

I believe some kids need the talk, but more importantly a "responsibility" talk.

I agree, be glad he's using them, but I understand being upset.

When I thought oldest DS was old enough, we talked. I even bought a condom, opened it and explained it to him. I told him I'd rather he wait, I would even buy them (if he felt he could not wait) for him if he was too embarrassed.

I don't want to be a grandma anytime soon.

 

[FreshTressa]

My parents never talked to me about sex. My friends never had "the talk" either. But somehow we all managed to figure out what sex was and the consequences of it, before college!!

do kids really still need "the talk"??

I think the concept of 'the talk' is stupid. My kids and I have an open dialogue. There is no reason to be embarssed about natural things. It is the embarassment and keeping it hidden that has caused more problems than being open about it.

 

[goofy's friends]

I'm not talking about getting pregnant. I'm talking about learning things like herpes is for life, you CAN get STD's from oral sex, etc. Learning what the signs of STD's are, what they are, how you can get them, etc.

And the responsibilities of early daddy-hood. Wow, Princeton---would hate for him to have to give up a lot to support a child.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Wow! Congratulations! What is he planning on studying?


I don't blame you.

No congrats to me, it's all him. And when the younger one is asking people if they want fries with that, I take no blame, either.

Ask him what he's going to do, "I dunno." I know he had to declare a major, and I *think* it is some kind of Literature. But, he doesn't talk to me much. Just leaves wrappers around for me to find.




I can't even think about talking to the boys about .......their sexuality. I don't even want to type it or think about it. Don't you think DH should do it???

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

teenagers have sex regardless of what their parents want.

Just want to point out that this is not necessarily true for all teenagers. Although many teenagers do have sex, out of my all my friends and acquaintances I only know of a handful that were having sex. My closest friends and I waited - until college, until our 20's and some of us, are still waiting for marriage.

 

[Free4Life11]

harumph, if you are going to talk to me like that, then I'm leaving!!!


My point, is that I don't think you are the norm. I am 32, and we had sex ed classes in high school, some of my friends in grade school. So in this day and age, I figured "the talk" isn't actually needed anymore.

Sorry I didn't mean to be rude.

I don't think the talk is needed either but I just don't think the schools do a good job. My school focused way to much on abstinence and didn't tell us much more than that.

 

[Planogirl]

Welcome to the wonderful world of teenage sexuality. Bleh.

I don't blame you for being uncomfortable and I'm sure that he is too. Could your DH talk to him while you get used to the idea?

 

[crazee4mickey]

I would be delighted to find this in any of my DS' pockets and very happy to know that my kids listened to me when I told them that no one else is going to protect them....they have to be responsible and do it themselves

 

[Dan Murphy]

Inappropriately explicit sexual content removed by admin

 

[PrincessKitty1]

harumph, if you are going to talk to me like that, then I'm leaving!!!


My point, is that I don't think you are the norm. I am 32, and we had sex ed classes in high school, some of my friends in grade school. So in this day and age, I figured "the talk" isn't actually needed anymore.

I dunno...when I worked in the mother/baby area of the hospital, there seemed to be a huge amount of ignorance about sex and STDs (admittedly that was 15 years ago--has sex ed changed that much in 15 years?? Around here, I believe schools can only teach abstinence). Not sure how much I can say on this board, but think about the fact that 50% of all pregnancies are still unplanned , that many people don't even know about the morning after pill, that most people who use condoms don't use them 100% of the time, and that many people think certain acts will not spread STDs and are totally wrong.

Also, many people do not know how to put on condoms (seriously!) or how to take them off safely to avoid pregnancy. I could go on and on (yeah, I'm a nurse!)...and I just don't think that kids are learning the technical stuff about preventing pregnancy and STDs. They know they should use condoms, but they don't necessarily know all the whys and hows.

 

[VSL]

I think a lot of boys are far more comfortable about talking about things with their mothers rather than with their dads.

At the very least, he is being responsible.
The legal age here is 16... but I know of people who were 'experimenting' before their teens At least three girls in my year at school (only about 120 kids total in the year) who had a child before the age of 16, and at least 5 more before the age of 20 (and now at least two of thos are pregnant with their second children!). These girls had mostly done the 'oh, I'm on the pill, no need to worry about a condom' thing - I'm glad that your DS is not one of the boys to fall for it.

And maybe he was just messing around. Plenty of the boys in my year were just blow the things up and/or tie them to their heads and run around the school yard!

LuluLovesDisney - I'm afraid to say that you and your friends are probably very much in the minority (I know of two girls - sisters - who are waiting until marriage).

 

[Angiepea]

My son is almost 17 and his girlfriend is 16, a couple of weeks ago I 'found' them, although they were not in the full act. I didnt loose my cool, I just said I was not happy and did his girlfriends parents know, well she didnt. I talked to them both, I have always talk to my ds and been very open with him, always there to answer questions. His gf is not as close to her parents, but I insisted she talk to her mum, anyway she did, and she felts so much better afterwards, me and her mum had a talk and we both know that with or without our blessing they are going to have sex, we would rather it be in a safe enviroment, and having safe sex.

Now this issue as come up after they have been going out together 9 months, and believe me when I say he cannot bring a different girl home every other week.

I feel you need to be able to talk to your son, its not a easy subject, and the fact my little boy is having sex, after all they will always be our children. But talk to them and they will become responsible adults, who will always be able to confide in you.

Angie

 

[MouseWorshipin]

maybe a hooker

AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaahhhggrr ggr urgh uck uh

 

[beckmrk04]

17... Whether we like to admit it or not, is not very young to be having sex these days. AND he was at least using protection.

MW- you can send him to me. I'll give him "the talk" - it's what I do you know.

 

[Planogirl]

Yep, just what you needed to hear right now. My opinion for what it's worth is that I doubt that he went to such a person. Get on that river and keep paddling!!!!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I dunno...when I worked in the mother/baby area of the hospital, there seemed to be a huge amount of ignorance about sex and STDs (admittedly that was 15 years ago--has sex ed changed that much in 15 years?? Around here, I believe schools can only teach abstinence). Not sure how much I can say on this board, but think about the fact that 50% of all pregnancies are still unplanned , that many people don't even know about the morning after pill, that most people who use condoms don't use them 100% of the time, and that many people think certain acts will not spread STDs and are totally wrong.

My daughter goes to a Catholic school, and they brought in a speaker who caught STD via oral sex, and she gave a pretty good talk to all the students about having sex and about what you can get when you "fool around." Later that week the school had a parent meeting and she gave us the same talk. The message was for the parents to take an active role in bringing up their children and not turning a blind eye, because at this age there's a lot of stuff going on. Kids will be tempted, and with parental guidance maybe some (not all) kids will think twice about waiting. With no guidance, that chance increases, in my opinion.

In answer to what would I do if I caught my son with the same thing, I would have reacted the same way. I would have given it to him and talked to him about responsibility & consequences. I don't know if I would talk about disappointment or ashamed because things happen, and emotions can get the best of anyone.

When my ds had a girlfriend they were really enjoying being a couple. My ex-dh wanted to give him condoms right away (my ds was 16 at the time). I have always taught my kids abstinence, but they know I won't go ballistic, so we can talk. I had a talk w/my ds & asked him what he would think if I were to give him condoms, and he said that to him that was like giving him permission. He was kind of shocked I would even take that tact with him.

Each family is different, and so far, the way I have brought up my two has worked for ours. They're 18 & 17 now.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I normally don't include my opinion in these sort of threads because I don't have children but I deal with college freshman everyday who have never been educated regarding sexual relationships and that includes the ones that have had sex. Yes in my opinion "The Talk" is very much needed because it's about more than just how to take a pill, put on a condom, and what happens if someone gets pregnant.

"The Talk" needs to consist of the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship(how it effects men vs women), the obvious healt aspects including STDs, AIDs, and infections that can occur. This talk needs to include every person's right to say NO. And that also mean if they are in the middle of intercourse and someone changes their mind. Young people really are not educated in what date rape is and whether if their partner is drunk or incapacited for whatever reason that they should not be taken advantage of.

This conversation should also include how society portrays women in a trashy, disposable sexual being. We need to be teaching that women are not just sexual beings around for peoples pleasures. We need to be encouraging young men and women to take a look around at real women who do not portray themselves in these manners yet to still manage to look like real women.

So yes, "The Talk" is very much needed and anyone who doesn't think it is needs to go into high schools and see how young people are getting "educated" because unfournately for them by the time I get to them some damage has already been done.

I will get off my high horse now. Thank you

 

[AC7179]

I think he's pretty normal.......but definitely not a fun thing for Mom to find!

Congrats on the Princeton, though. That's awesome!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

MW- you can send him to me. I'll give him "the talk" - it's what I do you know.

Lord, Becky, I wish you lived here! Ya know I'm of the "Don't talk about it," variety!!!