I don't even know if I can post this...Adult Content!

[dis ms.]

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Some "thoughts" should remain just that...thoughts. No need to share them with an already upset mother.

And to the poster who said MW humiliated her DS, I don't think that she did anything wrong. I think if he doesn't want his mom to see evidence of his activities, he should spend the 5 seconds it takes to clean out his pockets!

Good luck, MW!

 

[Viking]

(Inappropriate content removed.)

What about a boyfriend? Just another thought - Don't forget: This is the 21st century

 

[DisneyPhD]

I normally don't include my opinion in these sort of threads because I don't have children but I deal with college freshman everyday who have never been educated regarding sexual relationships and that includes the ones that have had sex. Yes in my opinion "The Talk" is very much needed because it's about more than just how to take a pill, put on a condom, and what happens if someone gets pregnant.

"The Talk" needs to consist of the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship(how it effects men vs women), the obvious healt aspects including STDs, AIDs, and infections that can occur. This talk needs to include every person's right to say NO. And that also mean if they are in the middle of intercourse and someone changes their mind. Young people really are not educated in what date rape is and whether if their partner is drunk or incapacited for whatever reason that they should not be taken advantage of.

This conversation should also include how society portrays women in a trashy, disposable sexual being. We need to be teaching that women are not just sexual beings around for peoples pleasures. We need to be encouraging young men and women to take a look around at real women who do not portray themselves in these manners yet to still manage to look like real women.

So yes, "The Talk" is very much needed and anyone who doesn't think it is needs to go into high schools and see how young people are getting "educated" because unfournately for them by the time I get to them some damage has already been done.

I will get off my high horse now. Thank you

I very much agree with this (and lulu, great posts lulu.)

I think more then "the talk" there needs to be a running dialog regarding this topic. I think my children need to know MINE and DH's standpoints and views, and even expectation on this topic.

I don't think Lulu's friends are that much in the minority. I think that view often makes kids fell "everyone else is doing it, I should too (weather or not I am ready for it, or in a relationship that feels right for it.)"

As a teen I felt others were more sexually active then they actually were. (Locker room talk for an example.) Even then just because others are does not mean I should. Peer pressure can be a teens greatest motivation to have sex before they should. There are consequnces, and as a teenager most are not fully ready to understand or live with these.

OP, I feel for you. I understand your desire to have your son not leave evidence around for you to find. I think talking to him about your feelings on the topic is important. Also letting him know you are here to talk. Sure you DH can talk too, but I think as a women, a mom's view is very important.

Oh and dis mis, I agree. Some things don't need to be said. (and are not helpful!)

 

[cardaway]

I would just be happy that he's using them.

I agree. The rest of the words in this thread are just that, words. Be happy he's being responsible.

It is amazing how many people think it was that different years ago. Hello... people just kept their mouths shut and went to their aunts house for nine motnhs if things went wrong.

 

[poisoned apple]

Sorry, I didn't realize I was posting under my DD's name!

Yes in my opinion "The Talk" is very much needed because it's about more than just how to take a pill, put on a condom, and what happens if someone gets pregnant.

"The Talk" needs to consist of the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship(how it effects men vs women), the obvious healt aspects including STDs, AIDs, and infections that can occur. This talk needs to include every person's right to say NO. And that also mean if they are in the middle of intercourse and someone changes their mind. Young people really are not educated in what date rape is and whether if their partner is drunk or incapacited for whatever reason that they should not be taken advantage of.

This conversation should also include how society portrays women in a trashy, disposable sexual being. We need to be teaching that women are not just sexual beings around for peoples pleasures. We need to be encouraging young men and women to take a look around at real women who do not portray themselves in these manners yet to still manage to look like real women.

ITA! Well said, luvmygoofy.

I also agree with the poster who said there should be ongoing conversation, not just a one-time TALK. My kids have been having sexual education throughout their life, it starts out very basic, and as they get more mature and ready for more, I've tried to give them more information. I also tell them my beliefs and opinions, but let them know this is something that ultimately is their responsibility.

As a comparison, when they were younger and learned to ride roller skates, skateboards, and bikes, and be safe in the street, then they moved on to driving a car, and they still have to be safe, but a whole lot more responsibility goes along with a vehicle that can be an instrument of death and destruction.

Teenagers are growing, maturing, and learning a lot at this time in their lives, and we have to guide them, but let them make mistakes, and assure them that they are loved unconditionally.

 

[roberrl187]

I was 17 when I had my son. My parents were divorced and neither one of them had "the talk" with me. I knew the basics, but did not really understand what the outcome would be. After I had him I worked at the local Teen Pregancy Program that was run by the girls club. I saw girls and boys as early at 13 come through the program having to deal with adult issues while still a child. But that is another story.

I do not regret having my children, but would have liked to wait a few years. I have learned that not only is "the talk" very important, but so is having an open and honest relationship about sex, drugs and other issues too.

That being said, I don't know what I would do if I found a condom wrapper in my ds pocket. He is 17 now and so far so good.

 

[YourMajesty]

What's a prophylactic?

I had to comment on this question. I work for a health department and we have "prophylatics". Once a young kids came in and ask for some "purple-lactics". Amazing enough they do come in that color.

 

[beattyfamily]

Just want to point out that this is not necessarily true for all teenagers. Although many teenagers do have sex, out of my all my friends and acquaintances I only know of a handful that were having sex. My closest friends and I waited - until college, until our 20's and some of us, are still waiting for marriage.

ITA and that's great to hear. These threads are always so sad to me. I can't believe the mentality of "I will not be with them 24/7 and kids have sex"

I will teach abstinence, hope for it, and we will have the talk from a young age about al the risks and consequences like diseases, pregnancy. I will not, however, condon or make it easy for them to do. They will know how we feel about waiting, all the consequences and ways to protect themselves and then they'll have to decide for themselves.

I sure do feel for you OP. I'd feel the same way. I'd have freaked.

 

[Viking]

I had to comment on this question. I work for a health department and we have "prophylatics". Once a young kids came in and ask for some "purple-lactics". Amazing enough they do come in that color.

Hearing the word prophylactic I always have to think of the opening scene of 'Blues Brothers' when Frank Oz as prison guard hands back John Belushi his belongings:
'One prophylactic, new'
Then a disgusted look into the box, using his pen to retrieve the next item and saying 'One prophylactic, soiled'

 

[Viking]

ITA and that's great to hear. These threads are always so sad to me. I can't believe the mentality of "I will not be with them 24/7 and kids have sex"

I will teach abstinence, hope for it, and we will have the talk from a young age about al the risks and consequences like diseases, pregnancy. I will not, however, condon or make it easy for them to do. They will know how we feel about waiting, all the consequences and ways to protect themselves and then they'll have to decide for themselves.

I sure do feel for you OP. I'd feel the same way. I'd have freaked.

Sooner or later you'll have to face the real world

 

[SnackyStacky]

I can't even think about talking to the boys about .......their sexuality. I don't even want to type it or think about it. Don't you think DH should do it???

I think you need to do it together.

You haven't had a talk about sex with him yet, and you've found condom wrappers in his pants.

Now, you want to continue to not talk about it.

Where do you think that'll get you?

I never had that discussion with my parents either. And they employed the same tactics that you did with your son - and that is embarrasment and humiliation. And do you know what it's got me? A LOT of issues to work through about sex. Even in my marriage, I'm finding it difficult to approach sex with my wife as something beautiful and sacred. Instead, it feels dirty, like something I shouldn't be doing.

I apologize to those of for whom this is TMI. But I really think you need to seriously consider the consequences of the actions that you're taking in dealing with this situation from someone who was once in your son's position. It's not so much what's happened, but rather how you choose to deal with it now. PLEASE talk to him. Please.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I had to comment on this question. I work for a health department and we have "prophylatics". Once a young kids came in and ask for some "purple-lactics". Amazing enough they do come in that color.

Yes, they belong to Barney.

 

[YourMajesty]

Yes, they belong to Barney.

...cleaning my screen off.

 

[Papa Deuce]

...cleaning my screen off.

Well, he loves you, you love him........

 

[MAKmom]

I hope that he will not leave his...evidence...around for ME to find.

And he doesn't even have a GIRLFRIEND. He leaves for college (Princeton!) in the fall, and I just wish this could have waited until then.

It is so under my skin that I think I may just have to jump into my canoe and paddle my way down the river of De Nile.

I agree he could have respected you & not left it in his pocket. I would take that as he thinks it is not big deal. You did nothing wrong. Your his Mother & you get special treatment.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I never had that discussion with my parents either. And they employed the same tactics that you did with your son - and that is embarrasment and humiliation. And do you know what it's got me? A LOT of issues to work through about sex. Even in my marriage, I'm finding it difficult to approach sex with my wife as something beautiful and sacred. Instead, it feels dirty, like something I shouldn't be doing.

You're not alone in that.

I definitely think talking is a good thing. We *should* be teaching our kids that sex is something beautiful and sacred. Not something to take lightly NOR something dirty or something sinful. Amazing how with little talk two kids can get the complete opposite messages!

 

[YourMajesty]

Well, he loves you, you love him........

Might be time for me to sign off.

 

[Planogirl]

Both of you talking to him would be the nicest way to go about it. However, if you can't just yet, I was thinking that maybe your DH could right now. I'm not saying never talk to him just give yourself time to get used to the idea if you need it.

 

[DISUNC]

Disturbing for Mom's to find....Yes!
Kid using them.....PRICELESS!!!!!!

Other than your son leaving them in is pocket, and placing it in the laundry...He is a smart kid!!!!!!

 

[MBeds]

I would be so happy that my son was using condoms if he's having sex. I think that he gave you a great opportunity to talk about sexuality. By denying that he's having sex, you are closing off a chance to talk with him and have a conversation with him. Don't shame him about sex, teenagers have sex regardless of what their parents want.

I agree with this...

The OP son was probably embarrassed and may not come to Mom with any questions or concerns now...
If this was me i probably would have told him that he can come to me with anything he wants to talk about...I want my kids coming to me not going elsewhere because they feel they can't...