I don't deserve to get presents...UPDATE Post #65

[JerseyJanice]

Putting on my flame suit here...

I am grateful, truly, that I have a husband and family who love me and want to buy me nice things. It could be that I have control issues, but it irks me so much to get gifts I don't like.

My MIL tried to do a good thing by telling her son to always get me nice personal gifts and not things for the house. But you know what? Nothing thrills me more than a new "toy" for my kitchen. My food processor broke; I tried to bake my annual Christmas cookies, but they're arduous to make without a food processor. I really want a new one. I threw every hint in the world to both my son and husband, but DH had to go with MIL's rule and buy me a necklace--something I don't want or need.

The worst part? I have a very thick neck--always have, even back in the day when I was skinny. Must be the Italian in me. The standard 18 inch neck chain fits me like a choker and is very uncomfortable to wear. So in a little while I have to go the jewelry exchange where he bought this and exchange it for something.

His feelings are hurt that I didn't like my present. If he had given me a check like he usually does, I could get myself the food processor that I really wanted. The jewelry receipt very clearly states "no refunds/exchange only" so like it or not, I have to get a piece of jewelry. Yeah, I know there are much bigger problems to have. Still. I want a food processor.

Next present I'm unhappy with--MIL goes to Lancaster PA every fall to shop for Christmas. Each of the past two years, she bought me a nice Coach bag and I loved her to pieces for it. She did it again this year, and guess what? I don't like the one she picked out--at all. It's a "Signature Zoe" bag with metallic rose gold leather. I don't like the look of metallic leather, and I can't stand fabric pocketbooks. I have no clue what to do with this bag. It can't be exchanged so I'm thinking I will have to learn to like it. It just kills me to know she spend a lot of money on this bag, and it's not my taste.

 

[PebblesMK]

No flames from me. I understand completely! Every year I'm asked by family to make a list and every year, they choose not to get anything from it. This year my brother got me a WI Badger sweatshirt I asked for....he bought XXXL in mens. I'm a girl, and I may be chubby, but if he swims in the sweatshirt, then I definitely will as he's twice my size. I guess my feelings are hurt when things like that happen. So now I get to hurt everybody's feelings right back when I return all the gifts which will be credited to store credits (which I hate) and will sit in my wallet and never get used.
I prefer practical gifts like razors and shampoo and vacuum bags. I can't stand spending money on things that I NEED. But nobody else thinks those are "fun" or "personal" gifts. Bah! I would have gotten you your food processor if I was part of your family!

 

[AKL_Megs]

Don't feel bad. I am right there with you.

I'll take your Coach bag, and you can have the Magic Bullet that MIL got us... that we will probably never, ever, ever use.

Want to trade???

 

[Nancyg56]

No flames from me! My DH used to try to get me "nice" presents and they were nice. Just not what I wanted. I also like kitchen gadgets and appliances. One year he took me to shop and walked straight to the jewelry counter. I had to tell him that I love jewelry....but I love it on someone else. i wanted a Farberware 50 cup coffee maker. Now he just calls my Dd and asks her to get me a gift certificate to somewhere I will like. I love his gifts now!

 

[Tweevil]

Of course you deserve presents! Don't say that....

Have you told your DH what you prefer - even blantantly saying that appliances are your thing? Maybe a wish list for next year with the understanding not that you both not deter from it. I think he's trying to get you something really nice - maybe he needs a "slap in the head" type of hint. (no disrespect intended)

Your MIL's gift, well, I don't know what to suggest. Can you give it a try to see if like it afterall? Maybe trade it via a friend or perhaps a sale? I have a lot of stuff I hang onto just because of who gave it to me. It's a weakness of mine, I wish I could turn it into something I need (like a new drill). Perhaps employ the same wish list to her as well as a suggestion? I know that I ask for practical things and people sometimes just do not understand that I love practical presents.

Anyway, it sounds like you are just venting and you know everyone is trying to get you something special... No harm in that at all. I hope it works out for you.

 

[mrskckitty]

No flames from me either. My husband got me a 40" HDTV. When he was telling the people at work what he was getting me, they hastled him and said "Oh, getting your WIFE a TV for Christmas, mmhmm"? But they don't know me - I LOVE TV and this is my first HDTV. People should remember what you like, not what they like.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I prefer practical gifts like razors and shampoo and vacuum bags. I can't stand spending money on things that I NEED. But nobody else thinks those are "fun" or "personal" gifts.

You'd LOVE my mom! Funny thing is, she actually CALLS those gifts "Fun Gifts"!!!

DH and I got four bags of razors, washcloths, Uncle Ben's Rice pouches, yard tools, kitchen tools, etc. We can actually use those things!

 

[-Hope-]

No flames here either. The thing is that when people say "It's the thought that counts," they are absolutely right. A gift that is something the giver wanted to give more than you wanted to receive is not thoughtful. Your dh following mom's advice about giving personal gifts reflects his attention to HER tastes, not yours. If you've expressed that you like more practical gifts then that should be honored.

Now, that being said when my dh falls short but was still obviously trying really hard (such as getting me one of those carved candles from the mall one year that was just tacky and ugly) I try to be appreciative. It really was still a very thoughtful gift because it was a dolphin and he knows I love dolphins and he also knows I like to burn candles. He was thoughtful but didn't get it quite right. That tacky dolphin candle still has a place of honor in our master bath (where no one else can see it ) because it reminds me of how hard he was trying.

 

[tubachick]

No flames here!! My MIL tells my DH the same thing. So much so, that since all I ever ask for is something for the house, he just doesn't get me anything anymore. Of course, then I have hurt feelings, and am the only person that doesn't have anything to open, but I am grateful that I still have my family and extended family to spend the holidays with!!!

Practical presents, and gifts for the home make life easier for ME!!!! that is the best gift ever!!!

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

 

[wdwtweets]

I'm sorry that you feel disappointed this Christmas. Hopefully, you can work things out for next year to make for a happier holiday.

 

[npmommie]

no flames here either.
I had the jewelry problem in the beginning of our marriage, I put a stop to it, I am not a jewelry person, sure its romantic and all, but not something I want for a gift every year.
LOL
hubby now knows exactly what I want because I don't hint, I spell it out, write it down
I want ____________
so he knows and there is no misunderstanding!!!

as for the Coach bag.
let your MIL see you carry it once or twice then sell it on ebay

 

[Mish19]

No flames, but why can't you return the Coach bag? If it still has the tags on you should be able to return it. I've returned a bag that was still in its original box but I took the wrong receipt with me and they gave me a store credit for it.

 

[Joyciemc]

No flames here, either.
I got a very nice necklace and pair of diamond earrings. He put a lot of thought and time in to the gifts, but they are NOT what I wanted. Today I am over my disappointment and am loving my new earrings.

I wanted an iPod Touch and told DFi that. Even let him know when I saw them on sale... I was SURE that is what I was getting.... he had no clue I was dissapointed.

He asked for a camera. Guess what he got. A camera.

 

[Becky2005]

It took me years to convince DH that I really *DID* like things like toasters, etc... that all the ads say you will be in the doghouse for.

He would always tell me Christmas is supposed to be for those presents you wouldn't buy yourself, not practical things. UGH...I LIKE the practical gifts. He finally did get it through his head (mostly because we ran into money issues...therefore -- this year I got a Chocolate Santa in my stocking and that is all I asked for, so I was happy!).

 

[ilovejack02]

LOL ..

Hubby hates buying me kitchen gifts, I LOVE THEM!!

I finally bought myself the Kitchen aid stand mixer in Nov after three yrs asking him for it.
I also told him in not uncertain terms that is was NOT my Christmas present .. That I still wanted a food processor , didnt get it so it looks like I will buy it for myself in January.

 

[Inigo]

I was thrilled with my presents from DH, but he says he was disappointed with what he bought me. I got a new crockpot (with a lid that snaps on for travel), a foodsaver (that I bought myself with my law enforcement discount and gave him to give me), and a Salad Shooter (to replace the one that went missing on our last move). To me, those are great gifts, and I will use them all the time.

He was thrilled with the air compressor I bought him, so I don't know why he thought I'd be disappointed in practical gifts.

 

[PebblesMK]

It took me years to convince DH that I really *DID* like things like toasters, etc... that all the ads say you will be in the doghouse for.

He would always tell me Christmas is supposed to be for those presents you wouldn't buy yourself, not practical things. UGH...I LIKE the practical gifts. He finally did get it through his head (mostly because we ran into money issues...therefore -- this year I got a Chocolate Santa in my stocking and that is all I asked for, so I was happy!).

I don't mind spending money on things I want. I bought myself an itouch on Black Friday because I wanted it and didn't want to wait around to see if maybe I would get it for Christmas. Every day things are what I hate spending my money on. I don't WANT to spend money on laundry detergent, but it's sort of necessary. I don't WANT to replace my ratty old pot holders...but I sort of like not having 3rd degree burns on my hands. Practical =fun to me!

 

[JerseyJanice]

Awww...thanks, guys, for your nice responses.

I'm a practical kind of person, and because of that, it kills me to know what was spent on presents for me that I'm not thrilled with.

I'm getting ready to head over to the jewelry exchange where DH bought the necklace. He said he really wanted to give me a diamond because I deserve one for being his wife. I told him to ask me in the future what to buy. He watches a lot of football and you know how Zales and Kays advertise there. I'm sure those commercials influenced him, plus he's had his mother's romantic conditioning.

What I hope to do is exchange the chain for a longer one because I do need a 20 or 22 inch chain for pendants. We did pick-a-pearl at Japan in Epcot last summer, and I have a pearl pendant I haven't worn because I don't have a chain I like for it. I don't exactly need the diamond pendant it came with (0.21 diamond solitaire with a butterfly bale) since I have the Epcot pearl (7mm with the same bale and a tiny zircon). But I love the sentiment that made my husband buy it--that I deserve a real diamond.

I keep looking at the bag, and it's growing on me. I've been wanting a B. Makowsky glove leather bag, but haven't bought one because I had a feeling I was getting a Coach from her. I don't want to bite the hand that feeds, KWIM? I do think any daughter-in-law should be thrilled to pieces over receiving a genuine Coach bag.

IMO, though, an expensive bag should be all leather; the last two she bought me were and those I loved.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I got a vaccume for Christmas one year. Hated it. That should have been a household expense, not a gift. Kitchen gadgets, I like. Anything that makes my job easier.

 

[tubachick]

I don't mind spending money on things I want. I bought myself an itouch on Black Friday because I wanted it and didn't want to wait around to see if maybe I would get it for Christmas. Every day things are what I hate spending my money on. I don't WANT to spend money on laundry detergent, but it's sort of necessary. I don't WANT to replace my ratty old pot holders...but I sort of like not having 3rd degree burns on my hands. Practical =fun to me!

I hope you got those pot holders!!! great way to look at gift giving. I am going to start shopping for myself now!!!