I can't stop crying... Update p. 12-question

[KristiKelly]

Sweetie, that is just about the saddest thing I've ever heard.
If you were my daughter, I'd beg you to talk to a counselor and find out WHY you were so willing to throw away your happiness and settle for a bad marriage. Please consider it...

I agree with this 100%.

Marriage can have it's hard times but for the most part marriage should be happy. Please don't ever settle on anything less.

 

[dis-me]

To HunnyPots and all who cited this,
Trust me, I know this is not ok. It was more of a subconscious thing that I'm realizing consciously now and I realize how absurd it is. I was just illustrating how I probably would have ended things myself before we ever went through with the wedding, as things like that sunk in. The thing with this relationship is that it went from good to crappy very slowly, so I adjusted to the gradual changes rather than realizing that things weren't going in a good direction- it was changing so slowly that I didn't realize the magnitude of things. I kept seeing little problems that could be fixed, rather than the big picture, and I kept making excuses for him to buy time so that I could try to "fix" the problems. In hindsight though, it's amazing I didn't see it sooner- friends, acquaintences, everyone was saying that this wasn't good. And even my mom thought it, though she bit her tongue at the time- and she's 400 miles away and only sees him a couple times a year, and I thought I was being good about only telling her the good stuff.

Oh, and in any case, I don't plan on being in another relationship for a while. (I had a dream last night that I was kissing a friend of mine, and in the dream I had just broken up w/ Steve so I assume the timeline was similar to real life- I about had a panic attack in the dream, lol, because I know that's not what I need). I tended to be a serial relationship person in high school and college, so I've never really been single. I've got to learn to be self-sufficient and how to love someone as an equal, not just in a sort of "mothering" way.

OP - we sound like the very same person going through the very same thing.
This is also the first time i've been single, was in serious relationships since I was 14 (in my 20s now, not sure how old you are).

Just wanted to stop in and say hi again because everytime I read one of yours posts you seem more and more similar to me and my situation. I am also staying away from getting into another relationship now. I tend to become motherly and give much more than I get back. So I'm going to give myself lots of time to find someone who wants to give me as much as I give them.
Hugs to you! Keep you're chin up

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Nope, you I have to learn how to love yourself first, and then work on figuring out why it is you feel the need to be in relationships with broken men you feel you need to fix up.

Oh this is soooo true!
My dsis is in a going no where engagement and it's sad b/c she has no self worth and i just wish she would get out of a relationship and stay out long enough to learn to love herself!!!

PLEASE work on yourself!! You will be so happy!

 

[mickeyboat]

Meg - you are doing great! Don't beat yourself up about staying in the relationship. Heck people stay in bad relationships for decades because it gets bad gradually, and it's a lot easier to stay than to leave. I am so glad you are starting to realize that this might might not be sucha a bad thing, and that there is life after Steve.

Also, I think this was pretty hard for Steve, too, and I don't blame you for feeling badly for him. I wouldn't worry about the logistics so much (furniture, car, rent), that will all work out. And it's not really your responsibility any more. Your job is to worry about yourself and to do what it takes to make YOU happy.

Take care, and keep us posted. And make sure if you need a little , let us know!

Denae