I can't stop crying... Update p. 12-question

[singingpixie]

24 hours later and I just keep feeling worse... yesterday we went for a long walk in the park behind our complex, and then just sat by the creek and talked. It sounds like there's a girl he met recently who he just adores being around and is making him realize what's missing with us. The week deadline comes from her being away on spring break so he doesn't have any distractions and can focus on us. I can't help but feel that he's going through the motions though... that he's willing to wait the week for a miracle but he really doesn't want to try anything. What sucks is that although I logically know this stinks and is pretty much hopeless, all I want to do is pray for that miracle. I just want him to try, and if it doesn't work then it would be a lot easier for me... I just don't want those "what if"s that come from feeling like we just gave up. I'm really angry that he wouldn't face it when I kept pointing it out and he says now that we could have worked on it, but now that he's finally willing to face it he says it's too late. It's just not fair, and I know the world isn't fair but I guess I just didn't realize quite how unfair it is. Last night I kept waking up from nightmares and realizing that reality is worse than the nightmare was. I'm so sick of crying, but it's a constant effort to keep from doing it- if I let my guard down for a second, the tears come back. I look like a wreck and I have to go to work today... I'm so afraid that if someone asks what's wrong or asks where my ring is I'm gonna break down. I almost bit the poor person's head off from David's Bridal who was following up from when I tried on dresses. This just sucks so much and I don't know what to do but to pray for another chance.

 

[Serena]

So that jerk is willing to be entertained for a week until his friend is available again?!

No way, no how. I'm sorry, I don't mean to tell you what to do, but he's already gone. He is just going through the motions to make himself feel better and to give you false hope.

I'm so mad at him right now.

There is nothing you can do now. But girl there is a whole lot better men out there and I know you love him, but you need to be more choosy with your heart. He doesn't deserve it.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I'm so sorry you have to go through with this, but it sounds like he's made up his mind already.

There's an old saying that if you love something set it free it will return if its meant to be if it doesn't it was never yours to begin with.

Big for you!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

So that jerk is willing to be entertained for a week until his friend is available again?!

No way, no how. I'm sorry, I don't mean to tell you what to do, but he's already gone. He is just going through the motions to make himself feel better and to give you false hope.

I'm so mad at him right now.

There is nothing you can do now. But girl there is a whole lot better men out there and I know you love him, but you need to be more choosy with your heart. He doesn't deserve it.

MTE, Serena.

, Pixie

Denae

 

[Trish Bessette]

I'm so sad for you. But it is very obvious he already knows what he wants.

 

[Pixiedust34]

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm so very sorry you are hurting right now. I think that you have to give him the time to go away and do his thing. Don't just sit and wait on him by any means. You need to live your life and continue on.

I would be pretty upset that he let this go on knowing that he had some kind of feeling for this other girl. He can't try with you if his whole heart/feelings/emotions/brain isn't there with you. If an ounce is wondering about the new girl while she is away, then he isn't concentrating on your relationship.

I hope that you find some comfort and peace soon and that your heart heals quickly.

 

[JunieJay]

24 hours later and I just keep feeling worse... yesterday we went for a long walk in the park behind our complex, and then just sat by the creek and talked. It sounds like there's a girl he met recently who he just adores being around and is making him realize what's missing with us. The week deadline comes from her being away on spring break so he doesn't have any distractions and can focus on us. I can't help but feel that he's going through the motions though... that he's willing to wait the week for a miracle but he really doesn't want to try anything. What sucks is that although I logically know this stinks and is pretty much hopeless, all I want to do is pray for that miracle. I just want him to try, and if it doesn't work then it would be a lot easier for me... I just don't want those "what if"s that come from feeling like we just gave up. I'm really angry that he wouldn't face it when I kept pointing it out and he says now that we could have worked on it, but now that he's finally willing to face it he says it's too late. It's just not fair, and I know the world isn't fair but I guess I just didn't realize quite how unfair it is. Last night I kept waking up from nightmares and realizing that reality is worse than the nightmare was. I'm so sick of crying, but it's a constant effort to keep from doing it- if I let my guard down for a second, the tears come back. I look like a wreck and I have to go to work today... I'm so afraid that if someone asks what's wrong or asks where my ring is I'm gonna break down. I almost bit the poor person's head off from David's Bridal who was following up from when I tried on dresses. This just sucks so much and I don't know what to do but to pray for another chance.

Ugh. Men are knuckleheads. I had a feeling when I first read this post that another woman must be involved, most men, especially young men, are not eager to make a huge change unless they are thinking with something other than their brain.

My advice to you would be to get your emotions in check, and soon. You may FEEL desperate, but you can’t act desperate, as this will drive him away even more so (although I have to say with the wisdom of an older woman that it might be the best thing that ever happened to you). I can tell you if there is one thing I have learned in my 44 years on earth, its you can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. Go with the old adage, “if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, its true love; if not, it was never meant to be”.

Good luck and big big hugs.

 

[DaisyD]

This really is sad. I don't even know you but can honestly say you can do so much better!!!!! Don't entertain him for a week or even another minute. Kick that boy to the curb and get on with your life. The miracle already happened. You got to see what a creep he is before it went any further. Sure you will be upset and cry but it WILL GET BETTER!

 

[ntburns22]

 

[Desnik]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I can relate to how you are feeling, kind of. I know it is so hard but you will move on and find the right person for you. Try to look at it in a positive way. At least this happened now before marriage, or any kids are involved. I am going through that now. I'm not trying to be insensitive to your feelings, just trying to help. Hang in there.

 

[Nancy]

Started reading and was going to respond but I'm glad I waited until I read your update. Honey..if you were my daughter first thing I would do is give you a huge hug, second thing I would do is tell you to pack up your stuff and move back home cause he is already gone and looking at someone else.

He sounds a bit immature to me. He wants to have fun, he wants that "iI just met someone and I am just waiting till I can see her again" moments...but that stuff wears off and then he'll be looking for that feeling again. I'm hitting 22 years of marriage and while I still look forward to seeing him, there are times when he drives me totally bonkers. There are days when we don't talk because of work schedules. My husband didn't marry me because I'd be an awesome Mom and wife. (but I am both because of him), he married me because he loves me and I am an awesome person that he wanted to be with no matter what (and same for me, I didn't marry him cause he would be an awesome dad and would make a good husband). Do we have "fun" everyday? Nope, life isn't always fun. BUT I know he will be by my side no matter what and he is the one person in my life that I can count on 100% to be there for me.

I do think you need to determine how much you think he is worth to you. Do you want to be with someone that has met someone that he is haveing fun with and is going through the motions with you until she comes back? OR do you want someone that will be with YOU, regardless, no matter what?

 

[acadia1960]

Oh sweetie. He is done, he just doesn't have the guts to tell you. He wants you to be the one to break up.

 

[Christine]

I'm really angry that he wouldn't face it when I kept pointing it out and he says now that we could have worked on it, but now that he's finally willing to face it he says it's too late.

Look, this part of your post really stood out to me.

You guys haven't been together all that long that you should have to "work on it." If you were asking questions last year and trying to work on things, then something is wrong.

New relationships are usually blissfully ignorant and they don't need "work." If you need work that early in the game, it's just not meant to be.

And now, with this latest news, it seems even more evident.

As hard and sad as this is, you really just need to walk away.

 

[rie'smom]

I too suspected another woman. He's acting like a gigantic
butthead. As hard as it might be,let him go. I went through something like you're going through when I was in college. It was devastating. I swore no men-I was over them. Then 6 weeks later,I met the man who's now my DH of 25 years.
If his head is being turned by another woman now,what does that say about any commitment he makes to you? Will you be able to feel that you trust him after this. Trust is such an important part of a relationship and once lost,it's hard to feel safe again.
If it works out for y'all great but don't force it.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

So he's having an emotional affair?

 

[KristiKelly]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

The miracle already happened. You got to see what a creep he is before it went any further. Sure you will be upset and cry but it WILL GET BETTER!

This may be true. Be glad you & your parents didn't spend thousands$$$$ to then realize what a jerk he is.

Again, hugs to you

 

[Frantasmic]

Listen to Nancy's advice.

He's not "in love" with you. He's in love with "being in love." The thrill of a new romance is nice, but eventually one does need to be mature about it and realize relationships take time and a lot of effort. He's in it for the "magic" it appears, and he doesn't realize the magic isn't something that just happens, but needs to be nurtured.

Like others have said, it is better to find this out now rather than down the road when "magic" really is numerous affairs.

 

[singingpixie]

Thanks for the hugs and advice...

I know the whole "if you love someone, set him free" adage... in fact, I did that 2 1/2 years ago with him. He came back a week later but I made him wait a couple more months until I was sure he meant it and not just panicking. This just feels different.

As for moving home, I'm really torn. Part of me does want to just run away to where it's safe, but my life is here in Fairfax, and my parents are in upstate new york. There's nothing for me there except my family (not to minimize them) and there's not a lot of job opportunities. Here there's work and my friends, but a lot of them are mutual, so that's really tough. I guess I just don't know what I want to do yet, and the complication as far as figuring out the house and the furniture and everything else, I'd just rather let this sink in a bit before I add that on top. One of our roommates is away on spring break anyway, so we'll have to involve her in some of the discussion.

 

[LiteBrite]

Sweetie, let this one go. He's already gone, he just doesn't want the responsibility of facing up to having to break up with you. He is so not worth it. You'll have to go through the process of grieving this relationship, but really, aren't you already doing that? You're just prolonging the pain by hanging on.

Your life is going to improve hugely without this guy in it.