any chance that the house that's being built is for YOU? and he wants to get it done by your anniversary?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh you are so sweet to think that, and I have to thank you for such a nice thought (even if it is the most unrealistic thought I've entertained yet). You must have a truly amazing family and DH who is very good to you to wonder such a wonderful thing
As much as it would be wonderful for this to be the case, it is not. But thank you anyway for such a romantic idea
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I've been reading along and not posted anything until now; but a question is driving me crazy. Why all the passive aggressiveness by the OP to the MIL? I would point blank ask MIL why dh couldn't go on the trip that had been planned for a year. Wouldn't that shed a lot of light on things?
Asking my MIL anything about that trip will do me absolutely no good at all. I'm pretty sure that DH made his choice based upon the way that his mother and brother acted towards him and even to the point of making him feel guilty for having a trip to go on (regardless of what it was for). That is what I'm getting from it anyway. DH says he would "feel bad" for leaving his family to do all the work while he took time away, even though the trip was over half paid for. Yes, he did make this decision without me, because he KNEW that I would not be happy about it, or give in to what he felt like he needed to do. No, it wasn't right. He SHOULD have sat down with me and at least told me that he had been thinking of canceling, instead of just "telling" me what "we" were doing. Do I think his mother and brother had any influence over him in making this decision? YES. Did they come right out and ASK him to cancel this trip? I'm not sure, but I don't THINK so. I could be wrong. Trust me, at the rate this is all going, I'm certain that sooner or later I'll get around to finding out. In the meantime, I am doing my best to not point the blame at his mother, but just be friendly towards her, since I'm not really sure what the cause of all of this really is. I can't just point my finger at her and say it's all her fault, when I'm not sure.
Well, you could always call MIL at work and say "Sorry MIL, I won't be able to help with SIL's shower after all. That weekend is the when we were supposed to be on our 10th anniversary trip to WDW, and since it's been paid for already I'm thinking about taking a friend and going anyway rather than just waste all that money. I know you'll do a super job with the shower and everyone will have a great time".
Then, sit back and wait for the fireworks, but memorize these two phrases and repeat as often as necessary: "You should have thought about that before you canceled our 10th anniversary trip" and "You should have thought about that before you loaned our money without discussing it with me".
If he tells you that you were selfish say "It was selfish of you to cancel my anniversary trip knowing how excited I was about it. It was selfish of you to lend our money that was supposed to be for our trip. It is selfish of you to tell me I can't go because you made a decision to stay here and help your mother. If you expect me to stay here an lose the money for the DVC points because you choose to help your family, then your family needs to reimburse that cost to us...I am not losing out on my trip AND my money!"
Oh yeah, if you end up not going on your trip with a friend and are in town for the shower, I am pretty sure I would be sick. "Diarrhea" is it's own explanation...nobody ever questions that or wants more information. Wouldn't want to share your stomach bug with the rest of the guests, right?
Yes, I suppose I could do this. But honestly, how is doing this going to make the situation any better at all? Right now I just want to get to the bottom of everything, and find some answers to my questions. In the meantime, I have no reason to take all of this out on my SIL who is having another baby in Oct, who already has her hands full with a 7 1/2 year old and a 2 year old (who she is trying to potty train right now). I like my SIL, and I want her to have a nice shower. It's not her fault that my DH is acting the way he is.
scurvy, I understand; but I think she is being passive aggressive by not bringing up the issue with MIL and then working on the party without saying anything. I phrased my question incorrectly. What I want her to say to MIL is "Why did you ask dh not to go on the trip you know was planned for a year to celebrate a huge milestone for us to instead work on your house?"
See my above response to a PP. I am not certain that my MIL did ask my DH to cancel.
Okay friends, well I'm stuck with a yucky cold right now, so I'm not feeling 100%. I didn't feel up to going to church this past Sunday, but I DID get in touch with my pastor and I am setting up a time for me to go and meet with him alone, to discuss what is going on, and how to handle things with my DH. I am certain that my pastor will talk to both of us together at some point, but right now I just wanted to meet and tell him how I'm feeling. On top of feeling bad, my DH is adding just a little more fuel to the "fire" this week. Let me explain: My older brother who lives in CA is supposed to be coming home to visit next month. My brother rarely gets a chance to come to SC to visit all of our family, so it's a very big deal when he does. Now, I'm not really supposed to know about his coming, as it is usually a surprise, BUT, my niece (my older sister's only child who is only 3 years younger than I am) has told me, because she knows that I want to plan on seeing him as much as possible while he's here. He usually only gets to stay for just a few days when he comes, and it's been about 4 years since he's been home last. Now, DH knows that he's supposed to be coming in on the 25th of next month. Well, DH's family takes a day trip up to the mountains every year, and this trip is usually in Oct when the leaves change, HOWEVER, this year, his family has decided that since my SIL is due in Oct, they would take the trip on the last Sunday of Sept instead. On the 26th of Sept. Okay, so before I knew which weekend my brother was coming in town, I already made it as clear as I could to my DH, that I MAY NOT BE GOING on the yearly trip to the mountains with his family this time. Only because if my brother is coming in town that weekend I would like to see him and spend time with him. I do not think that this is being unreasonable. When my niece told me that my DB would be coming on the 25th, and I told DH the date and that I would not plan of me coming with them to the mountains, he seemed to be understanding, and agreeable. Yesterday, I get a call from my DH asking if I am definatly planning on seeing my brother on the 26th (the day after he gets in, and the day his family is planning on going on their mountain trip). I tell him that yes, I am. DH then proceeds to tell me that his family wants to know if they need to change the date of the mountain trip so that I can be able to go to. Yeah, sweet right? Oh no. Not as sweet as it sounds. I try to tell DH (and keep in mind that I'm sick, and I have a bad sore throat, and hardly any voice at all) that there is no need for them to do that, that I will simply have to miss this year. Well apparently that's not good enough, and I start getting text from him saying that I need to find out what my brother's "schedule" will be when he's here...that I need to "compromise" and either the two of us (myself and DH) can drive separately so that we can come back early if we need to, to see and spend time with my brother, or his family can try to reschedule the mountain trip to a different weekend, just so that I can go too. Which is ridiculous, because I have NO idea when they would do that. My SIL is due to have her baby around that time, and earlier that month is her baby shower... So, I tell my DH that I have no idea what my brother's "schedule" is while he's home...that I'm not even supposed to KNOW that he's coming home...that I don't feel good and can we please have this conversation at another time when I feel better. Oh, but this is not acceptable to my DH, because apparently his family needs to know very soon (like next day...which is now today) so that they can make any changes to the mountain trip. Let me just say...I didn't have the voice or strength to argue with him over this...so I tell him to "just forget about it...I'll go with you and your family in the morning, then we can leave early and I'll still get to see my brother". But DH keeps drilling it into the ground. More texts, more pushing me to find out from someone in my family what my DB "schedule" will be...then he starts being mean and saying that it would "be almost rude to make his family change everything around if I wasn't even going to be seeing my DB the day of their trip to the mountains, and that they (he and his family) are trying to be "more than fair about things", that "they just need a little feedback from me and my family on trying to make this work"..... Can I just say that I'm exhausted from all of this? I am leaning towards giving up and just giving in to make them all shut up. After all of this I called my pastor and told him that as SOON as I felt better I needed to meet with him. I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what else to say. Please don't give up time with your brother! You so rarely get to see him. 
