I am beyond livid at the teacher

[Erin1700]

ANOTHER UPDATE

DD came home from school today and said that the bully had detention in school and was not allowed to watch the movie or have ice cream. She sat in the principals office.
I figured we were really in for it from the mom.

SO, at about 1PM (they had 1/2 day) the mom sends me a text message. "I heard about what "Mary" did yesterday to your DD. I am so sorry."
I replied "Thank you for the apology" and she called me.
She reacted completely opposite of what I thought and yes, I realize it could have been an act. But the mom was called into a meeting with the principal and he told her he would not stand for any bullying. He DID NOT tell her that my DD was one of the pinched, bully told the mom. The mom still doesnt admit she is a bully, but said she did some very stupid things. The girls were invited to a party this weekend and according to mom, bully is punished and can not go.

Who knows what will happen now?? Hopefully nothing, but at least the school is aware of things. The mom said the principal told her next year she will be in Mr. M's class b/c he is very strict.
I appreciate all your advice! And I know it is wishful thinking to believe this is the end of the bullying by this girl, but I hope she wont mess with my kid again!

 

[Wheelsie]

I thought maybe the Mom was just bluffing as well since the bully told your DD not to tell but after your second post I think I'd email the teacher and ask her about it to see what her side of the story is.......

And then I'd send a nice email to the principal expressing your concerns and forward the email between you and the teacher. Let the teacher see how it feels to be thrown under the bus.

I agree there's no point in telling kids to come forward when they encounter bullying if they have to worry about retribution. The bully's Mom should be talking to her own kid about their actions and definately NOT calling you.

How can One's words be misinterpreted? hmmmmmm?

 

[Wheelsie]

YAY!!! i, for 1, am happy to see the appropriate steps were taken. Good on You and Good on your daughter for standing up for what's right!

 

[Nancy for Disney]

In our state there is something called "The School Violence Hotline". I am not sure if all states have it. It is ran through our Dept of Social Services in Missouri. It is a tip line and you can be anonymous. If anyone who reads this post comes across the type of situation described by the OP I would suggest you check with your state agencies to see if they have something similar. In our state it handles things such as bullying, sexual harassment and threats against schools.

 

[BuffettFan]

I've read all 5 pages of replies, and i see that the issue has been somewhat resolved.
I just want to throw ini my 2 cents.....

I remember the days when this kind of "drama" seemed huge. When little things like an ice cube in someones pocket was "bullying"....but really in the big scheme of things these are small issues. If the OP hadnt escalated it, it would probably be forgotten already.

My kids are in their teens now...and yes they have their drama. And I remind myslef regularly that these too are small issues. Not quite as small as an ice cube, but still not nearly as big as the kids make them out to be.

Kids are resilliant. Leave them to handle things themselves, and the whole thing will blow over much quicker than you think!

 

[Erin1700]

I've read all 5 pages of replies, and i see that the issue has been somewhat resolved.
I just want to throw ini my 2 cents.....

I remember the days when this kind of "drama" seemed huge. When little things like an ice cube in someones pocket was "bullying"....but really in the big scheme of things these are small issues. If the OP hadnt escalated it, it would probably be forgotten already.

My kids are in their teens now...and yes they have their drama. And I remind myslef regularly that these too are small issues. Not quite as small as an ice cube, but still not nearly as big as the kids make them out to be.

Kids are resilliant. Leave them to handle things themselves, and the whole thing will blow over much quicker than you think!

Wow, I must be mistaken, but to me, this stuff is only now being seen and treated as bullying.
The ice thing happened and then my kid (and 2 others) get pinched in the face. Should I have let that blow over as well??
I can tell you one thing, when the day comes when my DD is being humiliated in front of her classmates, I hope and pray someone comes to her aid!

Leaving it to the kids to work out is just going to make the bully stronger. Sometimes little kids need the help of adults and this was one of them.

 

[moon]

Wow, I must be mistaken, but to me, this stuff is only now being seen and treated as bullying.
The ice thing happened and then my kid (and 2 others) get pinched in the face. Should I have let that blow over as well??
I can tell you one thing, when the day comes when my DD is being humiliated in front of her classmates, I hope and pray someone comes to her aid!

Leaving it to the kids to work out is just going to make the bully stronger. Sometimes little kids need the help of adults and this was one of them.

I SO agree with you! I read this thread but didn't add to it until now because I don't have children. But I was a child, and yes, ignoring it only gives power to the bully. Leaving the kids to handle this kind of stuff for themselves has ended tragically in many cases.

Kudos to you and esp to your DD for the way you handled this!

 

[BuffettFan]

Wow, I must be mistaken, but to me, this stuff is only now being seen and treated as bullying.
The ice thing happened and then my kid (and 2 others) get pinched in the face. Should I have let that blow over as well??
I can tell you one thing, when the day comes when my DD is being humiliated in front of her classmates, I hope and pray someone comes to her aid!

Leaving it to the kids to work out is just going to make the bully stronger. Sometimes little kids need the help of adults and this was one of them.

Back when I was young, this ice in the pocket thing was just kids being kids. Now everyone wants to label it as bullying, and make it into a much bigger deal than the kids do. Where was the victim, and their parents in all of this? If their child was tramatised, why didnt they contact the teacher?
I don't know... My husband and I coached youth sports for years, and saw much worse...often right in front of parents, that got less attention than this. I've seen many kids "pants-ed" or "wet willied", tripped, splashed with water bottles.... none of which was bullying. Sometimes practical jokes are just that....jokes.

And I dont agree that leaving the kids to resolve things will make the bully stronger. More than likely the kids would have forgotten this by now. Im guessing that the face pinching that the bully did to your daughter was directly related to the fact that the bully didnt get ice cream and a movie like the other kids.

Though I will give you that once the face pinching started some adult had to get involved. No child should suffer physical injury at the hands of anyone.

 

[cjb71870]

Just this morning I was chatting w/ a friend from high school, who now has 3 kids. She said her 2nd, who is a boy, has gotten in quite a few fights. But, those fights have been him standing up for others. One, where he stopped someone in the bathroom who was being choked and turning blue. He actually recieved an award for that one!! I told her she's done a great job!

 

[jax677]

I am shocked that anyone who has coached kids would think this isn't bullying. And to say it will go away on its own is sticking your head in the sand. My daughter was bullied, it doesn't get better , they just get more to help them bully. I am glad you did what you did. More parents need to get involved and help the cause. Zero tolerance should be zero tolerance. Schools need to stand behind this. There is a reason its come to this in schools.

Erin, you have impressed me thru this whol post. You have a great kid who is compassionate and involved.

 

[Erin1700]

Back when I was young, this ice in the pocket thing was just kids being kids. Now everyone wants to label it as bullying, and make it into a much bigger deal than the kids do. Where was the victim, and their parents in all of this? If their child was tramatised, why didnt they contact the teacher?
I don't know... My husband and I coached youth sports for years, and saw much worse...often right in front of parents, that got less attention than this. I've seen many kids "pants-ed" or "wet willied", tripped, splashed with water bottles.... none of which was bullying. Sometimes practical jokes are just that....jokes.

And I dont agree that leaving the kids to resolve things will make the bully stronger. More than likely the kids would have forgotten this by now. Im guessing that the face pinching that the bully did to your daughter was directly related to the fact that the bully didnt get ice cream and a movie like the other kids.

Though I will give you that once the face pinching started some adult had to get involved. No child should suffer physical injury at the hands of anyone.

Just to clear one thing up...the bully lost the movie and ice cream b/c of the pinching. The ice incident got her a talking to and she had to write apology notes.
The bullied little girls mom did talk to the teacher. She mentioned it to me but I didnt tell her my DD is the one who told. She was glad someone stuck up for her kid.

 

[The LK 4]

I remember the days when this kind of "drama" seemed huge. When little things like an ice cube in someones pocket was "bullying"....but really in the big scheme of things these are small issues. If the OP hadnt escalated it, it would probably be forgotten already.

My kids are in their teens now...and yes they have their drama. And I remind myslef regularly that these too are small issues. Not quite as small as an ice cube, but still not nearly as big as the kids make them out to be.

Kids are resilliant. Leave them to handle things themselves, and the whole thing will blow over much quicker than you think!

Sorry, I disagree with you one million percent. My DD's classmate, a 14 year old girl, just committed suicide a few weeks ago due to bullying. I hope to God you never have to attend a funeral visitation for anything like this in your life.

She was a beautiful girl, honors student, outstanding athlete....but constant bullying by a handful of people led her to doubt her own self worth. To you and I, it's easy to say, "It's no big deal. Ignore them. It will blow over." But to a teenage girl, that was her whole life.

 

[happygirl]

Sorry, I disagree with you one million percent. My DD's classmate, a 14 year old girl, just committed suicide a few weeks ago due to bullying. I hope to God you never have to attend a funeral visitation for anything like this in your life.

She was a beautiful girl, honors student, outstanding athlete....but constant bullying by a handful of people led her to doubt her own self worth. To you and I, it's easy to say, "It's no big deal. Ignore them. It will blow over." But to a teenage girl, that was her whole life.

I wish in case of bullying where a death occurs I wish they could charge the kids with some sort of crime. I think that would do away with alot of bullying right there

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I've read all 5 pages of replies, and i see that the issue has been somewhat resolved.
I just want to throw ini my 2 cents.....

I remember the days when this kind of "drama" seemed huge. When little things like an ice cube in someones pocket was "bullying"....but really in the big scheme of things these are small issues. If the OP hadnt escalated it, it would probably be forgotten already.

My kids are in their teens now...and yes they have their drama. And I remind myslef regularly that these too are small issues. Not quite as small as an ice cube, but still not nearly as big as the kids make them out to be.

Kids are resilliant. Leave them to handle things themselves, and the whole thing will blow over much quicker than you think!

I strongly believe that this kind of thinking promotes bullies.

Has anyone read "Lord of the Flies"? I think we all know what happens when kids are left to sort things out by themselves.

Why should children be expected to know how to "sort things out" better than adults? I just don't get that thinking at all.

Until society understands that teasing, humiliation and bullying is NOT normal and is NOT a required part of growing up, society will never evolve.

When a child has ice put in her pocket and it melts, making her look like she has peed herself, it's humiliating.

LAUGHING at this humilation shows a lack of empathy, and a lack of empathy has been clearly shown to be the seed of many other bad behaviors, including narcissim, machiavellianism, and sociopathy.

ETA: I just read your other post where you stated that during coaching you allowed children to have their underwear yanked out of their clothing and tripped. And you did nothing? Did you LAUGH at that kid doing it? Where was your empathy? Did you think that child enjoyed that public humiliation? I have some serious issues with coaches promoting this type of behavior. I just had to speak to my daughter's tennis coach-he'd been changing her name to "Itchy Belly" and it was embarrassing her so much she didn't want to go to tennis anymore.

I finally spoke to him and asked him how he'd feel if I called him "short and baldy" every time I wanted to talk to him.

Seriously, people, walk a mile before you do stuff like this!

 

[SpectroMouse]

OP -Great Job!

I am absolutely blown away by some of the things I have read here. Seriously, practical jokes...........How about when you go to work and sit at your desk to find your seat is soaking wet and you will spend the rest of the morning with wet pants? I am sure you would only mention it to your boss because it is not as hysterical as if your co-worker would have tripped you in the parking lot! Get a clue people - unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior and should be dealt with!

 

[luvsJack]

Back when I was young, this ice in the pocket thing was just kids being kids. Now everyone wants to label it as bullying, and make it into a much bigger deal than the kids do. Where was the victim, and their parents in all of this? If their child was tramatised, why didnt they contact the teacher?
I don't know... My husband and I coached youth sports for years, and saw much worse...often right in front of parents, that got less attention than this. I've seen many kids "pants-ed" or "wet willied", tripped, splashed with water bottles.... none of which was bullying. Sometimes practical jokes are just that....jokes.

And I dont agree that leaving the kids to resolve things will make the bully stronger. More than likely the kids would have forgotten this by now. Im guessing that the face pinching that the bully did to your daughter was directly related to the fact that the bully didnt get ice cream and a movie like the other kids.

Though I will give you that once the face pinching started some adult had to get involved. No child should suffer physical injury at the hands of anyone.

Yep, letting the kids resolve things is the way to go just ask my son. Thats what will get a bully hit in the head with a football helmet and require many stiches--just ask my son thats how he "resolved" it after too many teachers, principals, etc. said "you just need to work it out or stay away for each other". You can't resolve bullying by ignoring it or without adult intervention unless you want violence or someone to end up getting hurt

 

[psl1960]

To OP: I just wanted to say you should be very proud of your DD. I wished that I had a friend like her when I was in school and was bullied. As someone that was on the receiving end of these so-call practical jokes, having someone on your side means alot.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow, I have to seriously disagree with buffetfan.....

I do think that kids mess around, the usual drama... and this is not necessarily 'bullying'.

But, with the updates from the OP, this girl is a WORST CASE SCENARIO bully.... going as far as threatening and coercing and physical assault (pinching in the FACE!!!!) to get the other students to 'keep their mouth shut'.

NO WAY is this acceptable.

NO WAY is this something to let other innocent children be subjected to and to assume that they are able to handle it for themselves.

When we try to draw extreme lines where anything that is not 'fluff' is bullying, and everything is micromanaged and prohibited.... Or, on the other hand, anything is game, let the kids hack it out..

We are just wasting our energies arguing....
Either extreme is wrong....

There is definitely a line between what is general childish behavior, and what is coercive 'bullying'..... And, in this case, the line HAS been crossed.

These are young children who have no other recourse. They are not empowered to 'fight back'.
They are forced into these situations, in these classrooms, on these playgrounds, every single day, with no way out....

To say that they do not deserve some measure of protection is just unthinkable and unconscionable.

 

[Erin1700]

I would not allow my child to be on a team where the coach allowed kids to "prank" each other.
These were 8 year old girls involved, imagine what the bully will be like at 13!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Me either....

My son is not a 'target'
A 'sitting duck'
A 'doormat'

The minute anybody harassed or threatened or physically touched my child in non-positive way, and the coach actually encouraged it and enabled it... My child would be removed from that activity IMMEDIATELY.