Huge fallout with neighbor - NEW Update post #129!

[noseybuddy]

Restrainig order and see that the school gets a copy.

Yes, you need to do this. The guy has issues. I wouldn't have my DH confront him, because it will only get ugly. Proceed on the restraining order ASAP.

 

[Chicago526]

Sounds like the guy is nuts. I'd say just stay away from him, and keep your daughter away from his daughter (a shame the girls have to be caught in the middle, though). Let the school know, and walk your daughter to/from school (or arrange another trusted adult, carpool, or whatever other options you may have) for the next few weeks until you see how this shakes out. I'd wouldn't get a restraining order quite yet, although if there is anyway for the police to document this incident you should do so. If after you ignore him for a while, he may get the hint and leave you alone, a restraining order may just set him off again. If there is anything so much as a peep out of him though, definatly get an order ASAP.

Wow, I'm so sorry. There is NOTHING worse than bad neighbors!

 

[cynsaun]

THAT is what I'm afraid of, that he'll make our lives even more miserable if we went to the police. It's not like we can avoid him completely - we're at the end of the cul-de-sac - he's the house directly across from mine. My dh and I are going to the school today to make them aware of the situation, and I'm going to see if Hayley can point out the man who witnessed Randy confront her yesterday. If I can get a third party to write a statement, it will help my case should the need arise. How would a restraining order work if he's across the street? Would we not be able to go outside? I'm just sick about this. It was such a petty thing, and he turned it into absolute chaos. Kids get ugly with each othe from time to time - it's the nature of being kids. In front of me Sarah denied ever saying anything mean to Hayely, but then again maybe she doesn't want to cross her lunatic dad. I forgot to add to my first post, when I confronted my dd about calling Sarah a loser in class, she swore on the "the lives of my angel brothers" that she never said one word to Sarah yesterday, and that's after I told her that I promised not to get angry if she told me the truth. Swearing on her brothers is not something my dd would ever take lightly so I know she's telling the truth, but I'm not sure why Sarah would make something like that up. I just wish my dh would hurry up and get home!

I'm sorry to hear about all this Steph. Your poor DD must be a mess.

I think you are doing the right thing in going to the school. Good luck, and I hope everything gets squared away soon.

 

[Kae]

I would talk to the Teacher & School because you might not be the first parents to have issues with this guy. It won't be easy but stand you ground.

Kae

 

[noseybuddy]

This is a violent men with issues. Approaching your DD like that is unacceptable. I would not delay on the restraining order. Good Luck!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I thought I might be a little too aggressive in getting a restraining order, but I see now that I'm not. There is no chance my kids will ever play with his kids again. Not just because he told me to keep my dd away from his, but because he's unstable and I don't trust his dd either. I'm off to call the police department again!

 

[Kae]

And I want to add that there might be a reason he is a stay at home dad-which I think any stay at home parent is great-He might be hard to work with. Or just basically unstable. Example 2nd encounter with him. You were just having small talk & then comes back to yell at you.

Kae

 

[Chicago526]

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I thought I might be a little too aggressive in getting a restraining order, but I see now that I'm not. There is no chance my kids will ever play with his kids again. Not just because he told me to keep my dd away from his, but because he's unstable and I don't trust his dd either. I'm off to call the police department again!

Let us know how it goes...good luck!

 

[MickeysMommy]

Jeez, Steph, this is really crazy! Definitely call the police - even if they just make a blotter entry. I hope everything turns out ok. Keep us posted.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Holy moly. My dh is at the school down the street right now to inform them of what's going on. And he just told me that when he comes home he's going over to confront Randy. I couldn't seem to talk him out of it - he's really mad. My dh is very non-confrontational so I feel like I'm going to puke. I'll let you guys know how it goes....

 

[MELISAZACK]

best of luck - Restrainig order does seem harsh but if he came after DD once who is to say he won't again and more violent this time...I would want it just for safty and some piece of mind.

 

[Nana Annie]

If you can talk your husband out of it, please do. If he goes over to confront him, you lose a bunch of credibility with the police and other authorities. Randy could complain that he was harassed at his house too, thereby making it look like this is just two hot-headed neighbors yelling at each other.

Let the police and authorities handle this. Remain the calm family - it will make Randy look that much worse.

 

[jbdreamer]

Holy moly. My dh is at the school down the street right now to inform them of what's going on. And he just told me that when he comes home he's going over to confront Randy. I couldn't seem to talk him out of it - he's really mad. My dh is very non-confrontational so I feel like I'm going to puke. I'll let you guys know how it goes....

That's scary, I don't know if I would want my husband confronting him, who knows what he'll do.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

I haven't read all the replies so maybe this has already been covered. I defintely think you need a no-contact order against this maniac. However, there is a process you have to go through frst.

1) Document everything. Every single incident that happens that involves ONLY your family. Include dates and details.

2) The next time he comes to you and does or says anything, you must at that time tell him that you wish to have NO contact with him whatsoever; no visits, no yelling over the fence, no calls, nothing.

3) Only AFTER you have made that clear and only AFTER he violates your requests (sometimes repeatedly) can you apply for a no-contact order. It is, in most states, crucial that you establish your bounderies with this man before seeking legal action. The judge could and probably would deny your application otherwise. You can't just get a no-conact order against somebody because he or she acts like an idiot. You have to make it clear to the idiot that you don't want him around you and only after you make that clear and he ignores your request do you have the right to take action. So document everything! That is very important.

4) When the time comes for you to file for your no-contact order, it is important to use certain terms. You are afraid, your daughter is terrified and doesn't want to play outside, you fear for your family's safety. His behavior is alarming. The judge hears terms like that more than he hears terms like annoying and frustrating. It is imperative that you emphasize fear for your famlily's safety and well-being! The judge needs to believe that there is real danger!

5) Witnesses are terrific in court. That man who witnessed that freak screaming at your daughter could really help.

6) Do NOT let your husband get aggressive to this man!!!!! Don't give that idiot any reason at ALL to get an order against YOUR family! Please, please realize the importance of this! If Randy obtains an order against you, he can use the order to manipulate you big time. Don't let this happen!

I'm sorry you are going through all this. It really sucks to have crazy neighbors. I have crazy neighbors myself and believe you me, it is a day to day struggle. I'm sure laws vary from state to state, but no matter what, be sure to write down every single incident! Good luck to you. I truly hope you are able to find a resolution to this.

 

[zalansky]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I agree with everyone else, of course. I think you should definitely alert DD's school and possibly the teacher since the girls are in the same class. I hate to say it, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and if Randy behaves this way and tells fibs himself, I'd expect the daughter would likely do the same. I feel the worst for Hayley! I went through something similar around the same age and it is just awful.
I am happy your DH will be home today too, so he can get more involved. But I also think that maybe your family just needs to avoid all contact with this freak and his family. If you only moved in August and there have been several incidents already, it will only get worse in all likelihood. I would not warn the friend of his down the street either, they will find out what a freak he is on their own. As hard as it may be, just try and be silent if he contacts you or confronts you again. Nothing bothers people more than not getting any reaction at all.
Keep us posted and good luck.

 

[HayGan]

At this point I would keep your DH from confronting him and get the authorities involved. He really sounds like he is a bit off his rocker and some legal intervention may be the best way to go. Confronting/threatening children is a definate no-no!

 

[DawnCt1]

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I thought I might be a little too aggressive in getting a restraining order, but I see now that I'm not. There is no chance my kids will ever play with his kids again. Not just because he told me to keep my dd away from his, but because he's unstable and I don't trust his dd either. I'm off to call the police department again!

I understand the responses that all recommend restraining orders but let me just interject another point of view. A restraining order never protected anyone. It requires self discipline on the part of the "restrainee" to obey it. If he feels that a restraining order will be made public, interfere with his ability to work and do business ( he is a contractor), you cannot predict how he will react. It was unconscienable that he accosted your daughter, but he didn't actually threaten her with violence, etc. I would have a confidential conversation with the police but make it clear that you aren't filing a complaint at this time. I would avoid him like the plague and make sure your daughter has no interaction with Sarah at all. I would consider having her removed from Sarah's class so there is no perception of a problem and wait and see if it blows over. They are nuts! But they aren't going to move and you don't want to have to move and I think it will create long term neighborhood problems that you will not welcome. If there are any threats from this point out, then all bets are off. Take off the gloves, but for now, I would chill. Don't use a cannon to kill a mosquito.

 

[tmq2766]

Just want to send you a bit of pixie dust.... What a FREAK!!!!!!

 

[Nana Annie]

I haven't read all the replies so maybe this has already been covered. I defintely think you need a no-contact order against this maniac. However, there is a process you have to go through frst.

1) Document everything. Every single incident that happens that involves ONLY your family. Include dates and details.

2) The next time he comes to you and does or says anything, you must at that time tell him that you wish to have NO contact with him whatsoever; no visits, no yelling over the fence, no calls, nothing.

3) Only AFTER you have made that clear and only AFTER he violates your requests (sometimes repeatedly) can you apply for a no-contact order. It is, in most states, crucial that you establish your bounderies with this man before seeking legal action. The judge could and probably would deny your application otherwise. You can't just get a no-conact order against somebody because he or she acts like an idiot. You have to make it clear to the idiot that you don't want him around you and only after you make that clear and he ignores your request do you have the right to take action. So document everything! That is very important.

4) When the time comes for you to file for your no-contact order, it is important to use certain terms. You are afraid, your daughter is terrified and doesn't want to play outside, you fear for your family's safety. His behavior is alarming. The judge hears terms like that more than he hears terms like annoying and frustrating. It is imperative that you emphasize fear for your famlily's safety and well-being! The judge needs to believe that there is real danger!

5) Witnesses are terrific in court. That man who witnessed that freak screaming at your daughter could really help.

6) Do NOT let your husband get aggressive to this man!!!!! Don't give that idiot any reason at ALL to get an order against YOUR family! Please, please realize the importance of this! If Randy obtains an order against you, he can use the order to manipulate you big time. Don't let this happen!

I'm sorry you are going through all this. It really sucks to have crazy neighbors. I have crazy neighbors myself and believe you me, it is a day to day struggle. I'm sure laws vary from state to state, but no matter what, be sure to write down every single incident! Good luck to you. I truly hope you are able to find a resolution to this.

This is outstanding advice. Just wanted to quote it to emphasize it again. I know in our state, you also cannot get a restraining order unless you can document a specific threat that has been made. And you have already made the first step - you told him to stay away from you, your family and to stay off your property. He then confronted your daughter after you told him to stay away. As Dakota Lynn said - document everything.

Hopefully you were able to get in touch with your DH to stay away from the guy. Don't give him any ammo to use against you. And keep safe. This guy sounds like a tinderbox ready to blow.

Sorry you have to go through all this.

Keep us informed!

 

[scoutsmom99]

Just wanted to add some for you, your daughter and the rest of the family. This guy certainly sounds like a psycho path. Like Dakota Lynn said make sure to start documenting everything down that has happend and when it happend. See if you can't find out who that gentleman was that witnessed Randy stopping your daughter on her bike as well.