Hucifer's recipe for disaster

[Backstage_Gal]

You crack me up! Thanks for the laughs.

 

[glennbo123]

I feel for that TA. Granted, his/her customer service sucked, but I remember just picking a restaurant for you a while back and had a whole list of wants and constraints to meet. Sheesh!

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.
–Napoleon Bonaparte

I love obscure quotes in trip reports…..kinda makes the whole process seem educational.

They say that Google is your friend, so I consulted my BFF to ask him about Fort Wilderness.

Him??? I’m pretty sure Google is a her. When I ask a question on my tablet….I get my answer in a soothing female voice……reminiscent of the “countdown to self-destruction” voice from the space thriller Alien starring the young up-and-coming Sigourney Weaver.... or any James Bond movie for that matter.

Staying there isn’t as simple as making a reservation. Oh no, my friend. There’s like seventy-three loops to choose from, all of which are categorized in four different price ranges, all of which have something different to offer.

I can’t even decide between “water view” or “river view” at POFQ without hyperventilating.

Then there’s location of said loops to consider: proximity to comfort stations, pools, restaurants, docks, yer mama, bus stops.

Nice

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

Wait….what?

She’s going to make me so happy that I’m gonna love her and hug her and squeeze her and call her George. Let’s make contact!

Vintage Bugs….I can see that you’re in fine form today.

TA: “Hucifer” is an unusual name. Is it French?

There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures.... and the French

Dan: Just book it yourself already! I keep telling you that.

I agree with Dan….your guru stinks.

By Saturday, I was done. “Dear Agent Absent,” I type. “I have to apologize. I should have told you from the beginning that I expect my travel agent to reply to me. Thank you for sucking the fun out of this Disney vacation planning experience. If you’re not dead or in a coma, cancel my reservations and do us both a favor and remove my name from your contact list. You are hereby no longer my BFF.”

Well, I see what's going on in here. I am smack dab in the middle of a good old fashioned cat fight.

And of my ten or so questions, she answered…two.

20 percent…..not too shabby. I wonder what Napoleon Bonaparte did with incompetent TAs.

Well, I’m glad to hear things are going so nicely. I’ve got a good feeling about this whole planning process.....it doesn’t seem like a dumpster fire at all.

 

[hucifer]

No just perfect timimg !!! I am at work and waiting for 3 individuals to get home so as I am all caught up I am relaxing on the Dis . Working alone again but sometimes that is better !!!

Perfect timing is right. I don't post that often.

You crack me up! Thanks for the laughs.

If my painful antics bring you pleasure, then my work here is done. Well, until the next installment, that is.

I feel for that TA. Granted, his/her customer service sucked, but I remember just picking a restaurant for you a while back and had a whole list of wants and constraints to meet. Sheesh!

I'm a regular Sally. I know what I want. Is that so wrong?

 

[hucifer]

Peter, I'll treat you special and give you your own reply post since you took the time to comment on so many things.

I love obscure quotes in trip reports&..kinda makes the whole process seem educational.

And who knew Napoleon was so apropo?

Him??? Im pretty sure Google is a her. When I ask a question on my tablet&.I get my answer in a soothing female voice&&reminiscent of the countdown to self-destruction voice from the space thriller Alien starring the young up-and-coming Sigourney Weaver.... or any James Bond movie for that matter.

Now see, I hear HAL's voice coming from Google. Strange.

I cant even decide between water view or river view at POFQ without hyperventilating.

Then may I recommend that you NEVER book at the Fort? It's a whole new level of choices that nature never intended.

Nice

That's what I love about you; your attention to detail. Also your wicked resort room decision-making skills.

Wait&.what?

Don't mock my fantasies.

Vintage Bugs&.I can see that youre in fine form today.

To be honest, this rockin' body is in fine form EVERY day.

There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures.... and the French

I agree with your circular points.

I agree with Dan&.your guru stinks.

A houseplant would agree with Dan on this one. She sucked @ss.

Well, I see what's going on in here. I am smack dab in the middle of a good old fashioned cat fight.

Settle down, big boy. She backed down very easily, as she admitted her level of her suckness. You can put away the tissue and lotion.

20 percent&..not too shabby. I wonder what Napoleon Bonaparte did with incompetent TAs.

If only I had his voice coming through Google. Not that I understand French.

Well, Im glad to hear things are going so nicely. Ive got a good feeling about this whole planning process.....it doesnt seem like a dumpster fire at all.

But it may smell like one.

 

[hucifer]

Just so we’re clear, Peter Picked A Peck of Panic Attacks is right - Google is a woman. She tries to finish your sentences before you’re done. Ask her one thing and she will reply with a million things. How her mind works is a mystery. She is constantly sporting new looks and celebrates special occasions. And finally, she knows everything.



I’m really surprised that got past you.



Lou

That would explain why Google always wants to cuddle after our encounters.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Peter, I'll treat you special and give you your own reply post since you took the time to comment on so many things.

I haven't been treated special since grade school.......when I was given an extra teacher and allowed to do some of the grades more than once.

Settle down, big boy. She backed down very easily, as she admitted her level of her suckness. You can put away the tissue and lotion.

I can't believe that you would reference Napoleon and then not acknowledge a J Peterman catfight qoute. Since when does Seinfeld take a backseat to world history anyway?

 

[hucifer]

I can't believe that you would reference Napoleon and then not acknowledge a J Peterman catfight qoute. Since when does Seinfeld take a backseat to world history anyway?

He doesn't!

[smacks forehead]
I can't believe I missed that one.

[bows head low]
I am so ashamed.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

He doesn't!

[smacks forehead]
I can't believe I missed that one.

[bows head low]
I am so ashamed.

To be fair, it's a pretty generic qoute when it's not delivered in the classic J Peterman style......so I'm going to let it go.

Plus, you know more Seinfeld lines than any mentally healthy adult human ought to.......so I guess that should count for something.

 

[norybell]

It seems clear that Ms. Fort Wilderness Travel Agent cares far more about her vacation than about yours. I hope you cut her loose, despite her two out of ten answers.

Or, I hope you continued your correspondence, toying with her emotions and teasing her with your business, until you really put the smackdown on her at a later date. Because that would make for a very entertaining chapter in this TR.

 

[FauntleroyFAN07]

Well, that stinks. I was looking forward to getting some tire tracks on my back.


Okay...it took five long nights, but I finally finished your TR. Some notes:

1) Candi is absolutely adorable. Heck, your whole family is beautiful. Parker look like a very happy kid.
your right they are, i married up.
2) Your parents are very youthful-looking.
thats cause i was an easy kid growing up and didnt stress them out.
3) You are brave to travel for all that time with the parents. Very brave. Did you guys all stay in the same camper?
yep, toward the end we got on each others nerves, but for the most part it was okay
4) Not enough info/photos of FW to my likingsorry about that, the next trip ill give more detail, but that wont help you cause you are going to be arriving just after us...but feel free to ask me any questions you want since it seems your travel agents in the past are not much help.

5) The Olive Garden story: worthless without pics.
6) The late-night shower run: worthless without pics.
if i took pics of it then it would seem i was wanting it to happen, when i was basically caught in the headlights...so to speak.

7) You have really bad luck with trailer tires.

Hold old are Parker and Noelle now? How old will they be when you take them back to WDW?

the kids are now 5 and 2 and will be 6 and 2 when we take the trip.

and in case a travel agent can not tell you a real answer about a loop, you can just reserve a type of site when you book, ie...premium, preffered, etc.

then about 2 weeks to 10 days before personally call or have your TA call and request a loop with a backup loop request.

i just sent you a PM with a loop map to look at and if you havent made a request for a loop yet you can see what each one is with there proximity to things.

 

[marvali]

Sorry I didn't respond sooner to your latest update. My sides were in agony from laughing so hard (or maybe it was all the consumed Christmas goodies and NYE celebratin'). Plus I just haven't had the time to do any DIS replies since I've been taking time out trying to study to become a well-respected and customer oriented TA. I'm thinking of making a unique place like FW my specialty...........

 

[hucifer]

To be fair, it's a pretty generic qoute when it's not delivered in the classic J Peterman style......so I'm going to let it go.

Plus, you know more Seinfeld lines than any mentally healthy adult human ought to.......so I guess that should count for something.

It's true that I have a lot of random Seinfeld quotes floating around in my brain at any given time.
I told my husband your quote and he got it right away. He shames me with his intense Seinfeld knowledge.

It seems clear that Ms. Fort Wilderness Travel Agent cares far more about her vacation than about yours. I hope you cut her loose, despite her two out of ten answers.

Or, I hope you continued your correspondence, toying with her emotions and teasing her with your business, until you really put the smackdown on her at a later date. Because that would make for a very entertaining chapter in this TR.

You have a flair for the dramatic, don't you? I'm sorry to say that it all ended with a whimpering e-mail.

the kids are now 5 and 2 and will be 6 and 2 when we take the trip.

and in case a travel agent can not tell you a real answer about a loop, you can just reserve a type of site when you book, ie...premium, preffered, etc.

then about 2 weeks to 10 days before personally call or have your TA call and request a loop with a backup loop request.

i just sent you a PM with a loop map to look at and if you havent made a request for a loop yet you can see what each one is with there proximity to things.

Thank you, Mr. Helper. I do appreciate your vast knowledge of all things FW.

Sorry I didn't respond sooner to your latest update. My sides were in agony from laughing so hard (or maybe it was all the consumed Christmas goodies and NYE celebratin'). Plus I just haven't had the time to do any DIS replies since I've been taking time out trying to study to become a well-respected and customer oriented TA. I'm thinking of making a unique place like FW my specialty...........

Welcome back from the depths of wherever you were. Yes, please be a TA who specializes in FW and returns e-mails. The world could use more of you. (Please see my next installment...)

 

[hucifer]

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-- Steven Wright


Well, one bad experience wouldn’t stop me from my search. I loved that Agent Armpit gave me the AAA discount tip. Who knows what a real travel agent can actually do for me? So I was on the hunt for a responsible and competent WDW travel agent. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? And since Google did so well with the first one, I consulted him again.

Me: I need another travel agent. The last one…uh…died from dysentery.
Google: Hmm. My records don’t indicate any obituaries on her.
Me: It just happened. When I was on the phone with her. Her dying words to me were, “Find an even better travel agent than I was.”
Google: Weird. Don’t you need time to mourn?
Me: I just finished. Whatcha got for me?
Google: Here we go. I found three WDW travel agencies that come highly recommended.
Me: Any of them heard of Fort Wilderness?

TA #1
The first travel agency on his list is completely Disney-fied. Disney is all they do. Glowing reviews. Highly recommended. Nice work, Google.

All over their home page was “Get a Quote! Fill out our online form! Click here!” So I clicked there.

Denied.

Goofy: Sorry, lady. You can’t fill out this online form outside of regular business hours. Uh huh.
Me: Regular—whaa? It’s a website. How can a website have hours?
Goofy: Gawrsh…sorry! Website rules.
Me: I just want to know if---
Goofy: New requests will be accepted between the hours of 8am and 11pm EST. Uhh yup.

When the website “opened” twenty minutes later, I clicked Get A Quote! A new page opens. Some terms of use legal info on the page, followed by one question at the bottom: Do you currently have a reservation for your Disney Vacation? Two radio buttons to choose from: Yes and Not since my previous TA wigged out on me. I click the latter.

A second page opens up. All about the travelers. Names, ages, address, etc.

A third page opens. More info about the travelers. Blood types, bank account info, turn-ons, etc.

A fourth page opens. Now this one is a little lengthy. It’s asking about the vacation itself. Transportation, resorts, tickets, meal packages. Under the Resorts section I click Fort Wilderness. It says, Oh, I see you’re staying in the cabins. Uhh…no I’m not. But no matter where or how I click, it’s the only option. When I finish filling out the eighty-three questions, I reluctantly click Continue at the bottom of the page.

A fifth page opens. (For Pete’s sake, how long is this friggin form?) Under the Special Requests box, I type, “No want cabins. Me want campground.”

And finally…after hours of typing…I click Submit Form. Whew. Did I manage to fill it all in within their open website hours? With all that info I gave them, this should go well.

About three hours later, I receive an e-mail. “We’re sorry,” it says. “We don’t work with your kind. We only offer cabin reservations at FW. Campgrounds are for hillbillies. Good luck finding your next travel agent.”

Did that just happen? Did I get fired by a travel agency? Did I just waste five hours of my life filling out a form for absolutely no reason?

Yes, yes, and yes.

Google, you’ve got two more chances. Try again.


TA #2
Google is all-too happy to point out that another travel agent is lurking on the FW website. I must admit, this made me pretty happy. As long as she wasn’t affiliated in any way with Travel Agent Ambsace (look it up), we were golden. This new one isn’t a single agent, but works for an agency. So she has a boss I can complain to. If necessary. Just keeping my options open, you understand.

“Hi!” I type. “I saw your name on the FW boards, and boy do I need your help. I could really use a FW expert right about now. My last one sucked eggs.”

Send.

An hour later, I get a reply from the agency. “That agent is no longer working with us, but I will happy to assist.”

Which means no FW expert.

And then they say this:

“There are currently no discounts available. Your total for those dates is [regular price].”

“Thank you for your quick response,” I type back. “but you’re wrong. My late travel agent booked it with the AAA discount. Just so you know, they offer 20% off at that time.”

She replies, “I actually called Disney to check for the AAA discounts, but the price was the same with or without the membership.”

Imagine that. The travel agent who DOESN’T return my messages gets a discount (but the wrong dates). This one may be responsive, but she isn’t much help.

Fired.

So who’s next, Google? I swear this is your last freaking chance. You better get this one right or I’m taking matters into my own hands.


TA#3
Google finds a third WDW travel agency with raving reviews. In fact, I couldn’t find a single negative review about this one. I must admit that I had somewhat high hopes about this one, despite my previous luck. The positive comments were just too numerous to pass up. Did he save the best for last?

“Need someone who knows FORT WILDERNESS like the back of their hand,” I type. “I am staying at the CAMPGROUNDS. I have a AAA MEMBERSHIP. Also, I like agents who return my e-mails and answer questions.”

Almost immediately I get a perky travel agent to reply. She is awfully nice and VERY eager to help. Her response fills the e-mail page with information about my trip. It sounds like she’s taking my business pretty seriously and is all over me as a customer. And then she types this:

“Unfortunately, at this time, there are no discounts or offers available for your travel dates. This goes for AAA pricing as well.”

What the Frank?

Me: [approach Dan, hands above my head] Okay. I surrender. I’ll book it myself.
Dan: I don’t know why you even bothered with a travel agent in the first place.
Me: To torture myself?
Dan: [mumbling] I’ll…torture…you.
Me: What’s that?
Dan: Huh?

I went back upstairs and dialed Disney. May I say that their hold music is the happiest sound like, ever? The Disney representative assured me that yes, AAA discounts do apply during the time of my travel. She was pretty surprised to discover this information.

Me: Uhhhh…I’ll have to call you back right after I get a AAA membership. Hold that discount.
Disney Rep: I can’t promise it will be here in ten minutes. Discounts come and go.
Me: Well, as long as there isn’t any pressure then.

Quick as a bunny, typetypetype, I find AAA’s website. I fill out the form. The website declares, “Congratulations! You are now a member—“ Then dialdialdialdialdial, I’m calling Disney reservations back. A new agent answers.

Agent: Thank you for calling Disney Reser--
Me: [out of breath] I’m a AAA member!
Agent: Very good, Ms. Hucifer. [click click click] Ooh, look here. We actually have AAA discounts during that time.
Me: Apply it! Apply it! Before the offer expires!
Agent: Of course. May I please have your membership number?
Me: Yes! The number is 12345678910.
[click click click]
[silence]
Me: Uhh, I just got it, so it might not show up yet.
[more silence]
Agent: Nope. Here it is. You’re all set, Ms. Hucifer. The discount is applied to your travel. By the way, are you celebrating anything this trip?
Me: Am I! It’s my son’s first trip. I’ve waited seven years and two weeks to make this call.
Agent: Very well, I’ll make a note on your reservations. By the way, “Hucifer” is an unusual name. Is that German?


After I hang up, I spin around in the chair, stand up, and pump my fist. “WE’RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!” I scream as loud as I can.

Wait for it…wait for it.

[Crickets]


Okay, so what’s the final ingredient for my trip planning disaster?



Next Installment: Ingredient #4. (Or #5? I lost track): apathetic family members

 

[norybell]

Wow. I have often wondered if there would be any value to using a TA for Disney.

I don't think I'll bother even wondering anymore.

 

[hucifer]

Wow. I have often wondered if there would be any value to using a TA for Disney.

I don't think I'll bother even wondering anymore.

For those of us who read and plan and plot and research, a TA may not be the best bet. I have had one that rocked -- she even made Priority Seatings for us, back when they were called Priority Seatings.

Anyway, I've had far more luck on my own than with a TA so far. But I have a secret weapon. I call her the Discount Diva. She's my coworker's wife and she sniffs out deals like a hungry hounddog. The Diva has been keeping me informed about other discounts that I never would have known on my own. She's my WDW go-to girl from now on.

 

[jedijill]

Love the Oregon Trail reference. Hope you guys don't die of measles, cholera, or dysentery or a thief steals all your oxen on the way down to Disney!

I can't believe you failed on 4 travel agents and had to do it yourself! Glad you have now joined the AAA cult (they will bring you a fresh oxen if yours dies on the road.)

Jill in CO

 

[glennbo123]

Goofy: Sorry, lady. You can’t fill out this online form outside of regular business hours. Uh huh.
Me: Regular—whaa? It’s a website. How can a website have hours?
Goofy: Gawrsh…sorry! Website rules.
Me: I just want to know if---
Goofy: New requests will be accepted between the hours of 8am and 11pm EST. Uhh yup.

I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords.

About three hours later, I receive an e-mail. “We’re sorry,” it says. “We don’t work with your kind. We only offer cabin reservations at FW. Campgrounds are for hillbillies. Good luck finding your next travel agent.”

Did that just happen? Did I get fired by a travel agency? Did I just waste five hours of my life filling out a form for absolutely no reason?

Silly Hucifer, thinking it was the campgrounds that got her fired by a travel agency. I suggest you go back and look over that list of turn-ons you attached.

Travel Agent Ambsace (look it up)

Oh yes, I remember Abscam.

So who’s next, Google? I swear this is your last freaking chance. You better get this one right or I’m taking matters into my own hands.

I'm picturing Sally Field phone-interviewing potential housekeepers.

"Well Helloooo Deeear."

Me: [approach Dan, hands above my head] Okay. I surrender. I’ll book it myself.
Dan: I don’t know why you even bothered with a travel agent in the first place.
Me: To torture myself?
Dan: [mumbling] I’ll…torture…you.
Me: What’s that?
Dan: Huh?

See, toldja. The list of turn-ons did you in.

Quick as a bunny, typetypetype, I find AAA’s website. I fill out the form. The website declares, “Congratulations! You are now a member—“

"Ay-yup!" Hey, how'd Goofy get there?

Me: Yes! The number is 12345678910.

Imagine the odds of getting a membership number that contains all of the digits in numerical order! What a Magical day for you!

Me: Am I! It’s my son’s first trip. I’ve waited seven years and two weeks to make this call.

And he's only 6.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Me: I need another travel agent. The last one…uh…died from dysentery.

Well, thank goodness it wasn’t something unpleasant.

A third page opens. More info about the travelers. Blood types, bank account info, turn-ons, etc.

Nice….you’re good you

A fifth page opens. (For Pete’s sake, how long is this friggin form?) Under the Special Requests box, I type, “No want cabins. Me want campground.”

Hmmmm, not exactly the king’s english…..but I guess it does the trick

About three hours later, I receive an e-mail. “We’re sorry,” it says. “We don’t work with your kind. We only offer cabin reservations at FW. Campgrounds are for hillbillies. Good luck finding your next travel agent.”

Made me snort….in a good way.

This new one isn’t a single agent, but works for an agency. So she has a boss I can complain to. If necessary. Just keeping my options open, you understand.

You strike me as the “I’m gonna need to talk to your supervisor” type

“Hi!” I type. “I saw your name on the FW boards, and boy do I need your help. I could really use a FW expert right about now. My last one sucked eggs.”

Not really exuding a “low maintenance” vibe….but let’s see how it plays out

An hour later, I get a reply from the agency. “That agent is no longer working with us, but I will happy to assist.”

See…..you scared em off....that’s what I was afraid of

“Need someone who knows FORT WILDERNESS like the back of their hand,” I type. “I am staying at the CAMPGROUNDS. I have a AAA MEMBERSHIP. Also, I like agents who return my e-mails and answer questions.”

Whoops…..that's an awful lot of caps there. I smell another “that agent is no longer working with us” coming on.

Dan: [mumbling] I’ll…torture…you.

Please, stop with the mumbling. You know how I feel about the mumbling.

Agent: Of course. May I please have your membership number?
Me: Yes! The number is 12345678910.

That’s amazing! That’s the same combination I have on my luggage.

 

[englishrose47]

Enjoying the Banter