Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.
Napoleon Bonaparte
So
I convinced Dan into taking our only child to Disney World for the first time with the promise of staying in the campgrounds. Now I have to suck it up and do Disney from a camper. Nice going, knucklehead. This entire experience is all new for me. Im new to camping. New to travel trailers. New to Fort Wilderness. I need some information before I start planning. To the Internets!
They say that Google is your friend, so I consulted my BFF to ask him about Fort Wilderness. Whats great about Google is that, due to our extensive relationship, he knows me well enough to suggest which websites I want to visit. So when I called him up, you can imagine the last thing on his mind was Fort Wilderness since I never frequent camping sites. Like ever.
Me: [typing]
F
Google: Are you looking for
Furries again, Wendy?
Me: [typing]
o
Google: Ah,
Foot Fetishes. Right.
Me: [getting impatient]
r
Google:
Forceps fun? Ooh, its been awhile.
Me: [typing as fast as I can]
t wilderness
Google: What the crap is this?
Me: Im turning over a new leaf.
Google: Im judging you so hard right now.
After convinced that I wasnt kidding, Google reluctantly shows me lots of informational websites, including a forum that is completely dedicated to all things Fort Wilderness. Why does Fort Wilderness need its own message boards? Because the damn resort is big enough to declare its own zip code, thats why. FW has its own internal bus route, if that gives you any idea. This FW board contains everything you need to know about the resort. Perfect for idiots like me who convinced her family that this was the way to experience Walts World. Staying there isnt as simple as making a reservation. Oh no, my friend. Theres like seventy-three loops to choose from, all of which are categorized in four different price ranges, all of which have something different to offer. Then theres location of said loops to consider: proximity to comfort stations, pools, restaurants, docks, yer mama, bus stops. Some back up to rivers, some back up to other sites, some have swampy low spots, others have longer sites. But no matter what loop you pick, you pretty much need to rent a golf cart because it bears repeating that the campgrounds have their own zip code. And said golf carts will set you back no less than $65/day. So all that money you saved bringing your own temporary home? Bye.
Im a bit overwhelmed. But during my research Google shows me a WDW
travel agent that get this specializes in Fort Wilderness. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. I usually book my own travel, but this travel agent is going to be my new BFF. Shell make my life so much easier! Shell bring my Fort Wilderness experience to a whole new level. Shes going to make me so happy that Im gonna love her and hug her and squeeze her and call her George. Lets make contact!
Thursday, October 10. Noon.
Dear Fort Wilderness Travel Agent spiritual guidance guru and new best friend, I happily type. Boy do I need your help. I hit
Send, sit back, and grin. I just hit the travel agent jackpot. I couldnt wait to hear back from her. The trip planning was about to begin, and my trusty new travel agent was going to make my life easy. I hoped she could respond by the late afternoon; I was anxious to chat with her and get reservations set. Nothing, not even a travel trailer, could dampen my enthusiasm now.
Friday, October 11. Noon.
Twenty-four hours later, I guess I was a little disappointed. No answer yet. Did she get my e-mail? I did send it from work, after all. Maybe she never got it. Lets call her this time. So I dial the number, heart pumping anxiously as her line rings. A woman answers.
TA: Yeah?
Me: [taken aback] Uhh
may I please speak with the Fort Wilderness Travel Agent spiritual guidance guru?
TA: Speaking. (Which sounded a lot like, Who wants to know?)
Me: Oh hi! My name is Hucifer and I sent you an e-mail yesterday
did you get it?...and I have a lot of questions and cant wait to start working with you.
TA: [suddenly perks up] Oh, hello! Yes, I did get your message.
Me: [thinking]
And you didnt respond because
?
TA: What size camper do you have?
Me: [thinking]
That info was in the e-mail that you apparently didnt read.
Me: Twenty-seven feet.
TA: What loop do you want?
Me: [thinking]
That was also in the unread e-mail. I have no clue. Thats why I came to you.
Me: I dont know. I was thinking about full hookup, but I dont know the advantages from full to preferred to premium. I want something quiet but not too far from the action.
TA: Oh, then I recommend Loop 1700. Its pretty close to the pool, but quiet enough. Do you belong to
AAA? You can get a discount if youre an AAA member. The discount will be more than the membership, so I always recommend getting one.
Me: [feeling relieved] Sounds great! No, Im not a member. But Ill check into
TA: Ill look at the rates for August and get back to you.
Me: Okay! Great! Man, I am so happy I found you. I have so many questions. First of all
TA: Im in FW right now, actually. Im setting up my site and Ill be heading to Hollywood Studios in a bit.
Me: Oh. Okay.
TA: So Ill look into it and get back to you later.
Me: Sure.
TA: Hucifer is an unusual name. Is it French?
Despite the rocky start, I could tell this was really going to work out for me. She stays at FW a lot, so she obviously knows the place. That makes her an expert TA in my book. Plus, the AAA discount hint was a real bonus. I sat back and waited for her information.
Monday, Oct 14. Noon.
Three days later, I was getting a little impatient. I REALLY wanted to book this vacation. I typed up another e-mail. Dear guru, I typed. It was great to talk to you! Here are the dates of our travel. Will I be able to get the AAA discount?
Send.
Then I waited.
Tuesday, Oct 15. 9am.
On Tuesday morning I went back to work from my long weekend. I saw that on Friday the TA actually e-mailed my work address (which I asked her not to) and said that she was able to get the AAA discount for the dates listed.
Which were the wrong dates.
Okay, she sent this message on Friday before my follow-up message on Monday, which gave her the specific dates. No biggee. But she didnt respond to my Monday message and now it was Tuesday.
Thank you for booking our travel! I type from my home account. Thats great about the discount. As you probably saw from the message I sent yesterday, I have different travel dates. Were you able to book the 1700 loop we discussed? Can you answer the list of questions I sent you?
Send.
And then I waited.
Thursday, Oct 17. Noon.
Two days later, I was getting irritated. A week has now passed since my initial contact, and I dont even know if my dates are booked.
Me: Ugh, shes so frustrating.
Dan: Just book it yourself already! I keep telling you that.
Me: Trust me, shes the best option. That AAA discount tip was brilliant. Who knows what other juicy nuggets shell have for me?
Dan: [mumbling]
Yer mamas a
juicy
nugget.
Me: Whats that?
Dan: Huh?
I sat down to my computer. Dear figment of my imagination, I type. Youve been as reticent as the Dreamfinder. I have sent several follow-up e-mails, but I get nothing in return but crickets. If this is a bad time, let me know. I still have questions about FW.
Send.
Not ten minutes later, an e-mail appears. I am out but call me on my cell. Thank you for your business!
Shes responding! Excited, I hit
Reply. Cant call right now, I type. Im at work. I really need to know if my new dates are booked. Also, here is that list of questions I keep sending you. Notice that it grows every time I send it. Answers would be awesome. Write me back later today. Thanks!
Send.
And then I waited.
Saturday, October 19. 9am.
By Saturday, I was done. Dear Agent Absent, I type. I have to apologize. I should have told you from the beginning that I expect my travel agent to reply to me. Thank you for sucking the fun out of this Disney vacation planning experience. If youre not dead or in a coma, cancel my reservations and do us both a favor and remove my name from your contact list. You are hereby no longer my BFF.
Send.
Tuesday, October 22. 10pm.
Three days later, I got a response. Youre absolutely right that I am lame and Im sorry for not telling you how bad my customer service skills are. Here are your answers
And of my ten or so questions, she answered
two.
So
its twelve days after making contact with the Travel Agent Apathetic, and I am still no closer to a Disney vacation.
It can only go up from here, right?
Up next: Optional ingredient: more clueless travel agents
how mean. or maybe rosie confused glenn in his old age...either way someone is confused
