Whats amusing to me is how perspective works. On our first trip to Typhoon Lagoon, we thought the Mayday Falls was IT, dude. But after being in Blizzard Beach and having twelve or so trips down Crush n Gusher, Mayday Falls royally sucked. Even Dan, who is oh so easily amused, said it was boring.
Then we decided to go hit the family raft ride. Which, we find out, has its own version of a Ride Nazi.
This ride was not a good one for Dan.
Raft in hand, we climb to the top and wait for the couple in front of us to go. As the CM was standing there and waiting for the previous family to be a safe distance ahead, the couple drop their raft into the water and climb into it. A moment later, the CM pushes them and off they went. So Dan and I are next. Mimicking the couples moves, we step into the water and plop our raft down. Dan climbs into the raft. I take a step, ready to get in the raft myself.
The CM turned around. He didnt like this move. Not one bit.
Dont get into the raft until I say! the Ride Nazi barks. At this point, its kinda too late since Dan is already reclined inside the raft. But the Ride Nazi doesnt stop there. Getting little reaction from us, he continued to banter Dan for his apparent illegal move. We do things for safety reasons around here
thats how my legs get bruised! He points at his shins, which look pretty hairy, but not the least bit bruised to me. Then he glares at Dan as if hes expecting an apology. Which he doesnt get.
Dang, what is it about over-reactive CMs who scream about safety when nothing we did was really deemed unsafe? And if its really that urgent, cant they post a sign?
Like a good little German who doesnt want to get yelled at twice in the same week, I wait until the Ride Nazi gives me his Official OK before stepping into the raft on the opposite side from Dan. Once safely inside, he gives us one final scowl and pushes the raft down the slide.
I giggle at Dan. No ride for you
one year!
Yeah, no kidding, he says. He should make his rules a little more obvious.
So we do the most natural thing that came next. We belted into song, Its a great big beautiful tomorrow
shining at the end of every day! God I hope the Ride Nazi heard that. Every freaking word.
So the ride begins and the Ride Nazi is a safe distance behind us and were mildly enjoying the ride until
well, you know those little waterfalls they have along the way? Our raft is spinning down the slide and approaching this little stream of a waterfall
hardly anything to mention, really except
just as we spin under it, that little stream hits Dan right in the fruit bat area. The timing was perfect.
Ow! Dans eyes get very big. Umm
that hurt!
Well, if youre expecting me to kiss it and make it better, youre very mistaken.
I bet the Ride Nazi planned that to happen.
Now Im thinking, for being so adamant (and harsh) about stressing safety, one would think such hazards as these little waterfalls would be reconsidered. I mean, someone could lose an eye. Or the ability to produce offspring.
And the pain wears off, and were mildly enjoying the ride again
and Dan spots another, but larger, waterfall ahead. At the rate we are spinning and moving toward the thing
No
no
NOOO! Perfect timing! Gallons of chlorinated water dump on his head and soak his entire body. The boy isnt having any luck on this ride. The only thing I can do, outside from laughing at Dans expense, is to try to protect Dans jewels. They are, after all, my property.
We hit the wave pool and splash around until lunchtime. Then we zoom over to the Leaning Palms for some
cheese pizzas? Oh no dude, I dont think so. I ASK. They HAVE THEM. One veggie burger order for Wendy, and all is well with Wendy World. And I dont know if it was the condiments I piled on top of it or what, but
oh my does it taste like a Whopper. Yes, thats a good thing. I havent had a Whopper in, I dont know, eight years maybe. But Im sure I enjoyed this one much better since it wasnt a bundle of charred animal remains.
After my delightfully yummy vegetarian lunch, Dan and I (being the awfully predictable guests that weve become) hit the lazy river. Ahhh
I like this lazy river much better than Blizzard Beachs. So Im leaning back and loving life. We come to a bridge
whats that? Could that be an upside down hidden Mickey I see? I suck at hidden Mickeys. But it sure looks like one to me!
Speaking of Mick
do you think he misses us back at the resort? Poor guy.
We made a trip around and dumped ourselves out next to the spraying engines. Cut to us, evil grins spreading across our faces. This is a great place to let out a little steam
by aiming those suckers at passersby. We always have a ball getting folks wet and watching them dive underwater to avoid getting sprayed. Makes no sense. But boy, it sure makes us laugh and laugh at these people. We are so bad.
After our evil spraying episode, Dan hits the wave pool and I hit the lounge chair. I still have a good hour of sleeping ahead of me.
Around 3:30 its time to leave. So we pack up our stuff and walk to the SoG bus stop. Wouldnt you know it? Its the last freaking bus stop at the end of a long row. Still, we have about 15 minutes until the next bus arrives so there wasnt any reason to hurry.
Since you won't get bathing suit shots of me in my TR, this is as close to waterpark pics as you get. Sorry.
At the bus stop, Dan decides to get the sand off of his sexy water shoes and he smacks the shoes against a sign pole. Youre so dirty, he says to the shoes. You are such dirty, naughty shoes and need to be punished. He smacks them against the pole again. Yeah, you like that, dont you?
Yes, we were the only ones at the bus stop. Thank God.
The bus arrives on time and everything, just like we planned. Since this bus also makes trips to MGM, there are quite of few other folks already on it when we climbed in. Then that air conditioning hits me. Ugh, I am so not a fan of air conditioning. And the SoG busses in particular have the air on like 10 or something. Im always freezing on those dang busses.
We sit about midway back. The bus pulls away and starts heading back to the resort. Dan elbows me. Doesnt that guy look like Kenny Rogers? Before plastic surgery, Im assuming.
Oh my god! On the bus with a celebrity! But look, theres Captain Kangaroo! I point to another seat where Captain Kangaroos evil twin is sitting. Dan agrees that we were lucky to pick a bus that was so chock-full of celebrities.
The bus pulls up to the SoG road. A boy in the seat across from us suddenly sits up very tall and looks over our shoulders. Do you see any? The man next to him asks, who I presume is his father.
No, says the boy who looks disappointed but still determined.
Well, keep looking. Im sure youll see an alligator one of these days.
I almost laughed out loud. Oh sure he will. Ive been looking for a
year, kid. Got that? A whole year! And I havent found squat for alligator. The closest I found was a big turtle. Actually, that turtle last year was pretty freaking cool
(Fade out. Insert clouds and dreamy harp music)
It was a girls trip with the mom and sister (Bratus913) and we were staying at the SoG. During one of our many trips to the Poly, a turtle came out of the pond area, crossed our path, and crawled out to the road. Not wanting to miss a great photo opportunity, Bratus and I took out our cameras.
A lousy second place to a ferocious, man-eating alligator they kept promising us.
During our photo session with the turtle (
now walk to the left
more
perfect! Now turn toward the camera and show me the inner turtle thats wanting to come out
work it
work it
thats it
), some nice truck driver pulled up to it, stopped his vehicle, walked over to the turtle and picked him off the road and set him back on the sidewalk where he wouldnt get crushed.
Anonymous Truck Driver Saves Wandering Turtle From Certain Death.
I guess we were too busy taking his picture to bother with
saving his life. Plus, Im not touching that thing
Im sure he was full of all kinds of turtle germs and viruses and the like. Ew.
Next installment: Part 3. Dan and Wendy, Monorail Copilots Extraordinaire
and Dans third accident