hubby will not let us go to disney..

[dana1003]

You have one child, could you dispose of the other one?

no of course not..but i almost feel like its not fair..his parents get to be surrounded by endless grandchilren and mine will be surrounded by none. just sounds very empty to me.

 

[dana1003]

by the way, i appreciate all the comments..negative and positive. it lets me see the situation from a different angle so thank you to all of you for taking the time to respond

 

[Miniefan]

no of course not..but i almost feel like its not fair..his parents get to be surrounded by endless grandchilren and mine will be surrounded by none. just sounds very empty to me.

I agree that its's not fair, but at some point you have to realize that you have to do what's best for your family, not his parents or your parents. You really have to weigh out the pros and cons and decide what's best for you, hubby and the kids, everyone else's opinions and feelings aside.

A smaller community could be a better environment for your family and who knows you might actually enjoy it down here. Your in-laws aren't likely to spend every waking moment with you, and your kids might enjoy getting to know them better. Look on the bright side, our winters are much milder and you'd be 6.5hrs away from Disney. You definitely have some thinking to do.

Good luck, and remember us southerners don't bite....that hard.

Kim

 

[crisi]

no of course not..but i almost feel like its not fair..his parents get to be surrounded by endless grandchilren and mine will be surrounded by none. just sounds very empty to me.

It sounds to me that his parents had several children who had children. Your parents either had no children other than you, or your siblings have not chosen to have kids (yet?). You can't be responsible for how 'empty' your parent's lives are, you didn't have children to provide them with grandchildren, and if your parents are reasonable, good people, they know that. Life isn't fair. Perhaps your parents will decide that they need to retire in Florida. Perhaps they'll say "Thank God, now we can move to Phoenix like we've wanted to for years!"

My sister and her husband moved out of state (before they had children) to be near his mother. Within a year his mother was in a nursing home and unable to recognize my sister. Within three, she couldn't recognize her son. My sister then had two children - who are physically close to a woman who can't know them and lies in bed - and far away from my mother who has nothing better to do than spoil grandchildren. But that is now where they have a home and both have jobs and where their children have friends. They like it there. It isn't "fair" for my mother to be separated from her grandchildren (and more importantly, I think, from her daughter - who last year had a mastectomy) but it is life. I WISH my sister and her family were here, I know my mother does as well. But my sister and her family do not live their lives for our convenience and pleasure.

 

[LilGMom]

hubby might have a job offer in fort walton. my family lives in jersey and his family lives in pensacola. when i mentioned to my mom that we might possibly be moving she had a nervous breakdown. saying how could i take the grandkids away from here, thats all she has to live for, blah blah blah..now i dont know what to do. i told hubby and he says she being selfish, she has a house, shes raised her kids, etc. its our turn. fact of the matter is, we will never be able to own a home in jersey and fort walton at least has possibilities..i am very torn. BTW, these are her only grandkids..need advice.

Ft. Walton Beach has very good schools and like a pp said it is a smaller community which can often be very good for kids and families. You can't let your mother try to give you a guilt trip if moving for a job opportunity is what is better for your family. You have to think about what would benefit your immediate family (you, your DH and your kids). I kinda agree with your DH that your mother is being selfish and a bit childish by trying to make you feel bad for bettering your family's life. It doesn't matter how many grandkids she has, what proximity you'll possibly be to the in-laws, etc. you have to do what will be best for your family.

With the lower cost of living in Ft. Walton you could probably easily afford a house and many extras as well. You'll be 6-8 hrs. from WDW and be eligible for FL resident discounts. There is no state tax so that in itself can feel like a raise. NW FL is also close enough to some other major cities (New Orleans, Atlants, Tallahassee) for weekends away if you want something bigger.

 

[Lisa P.]

Imagine years from now... your children live miles away, they will be vacationing near you, so close, yet... they don't want to take the time or spend the money to visit you...

I've read that the best indicator of how your grown children will treat you, is how they see you treat your parents. Kids who see their parents making the effort to stay in touch regularly and visit as often as reasonably possible, are more likely to make the same effort after they're moved on with their own lives.

hubby might have a job offer in fort walton. my family lives in jersey and his family lives in pensacola. when i mentioned to my mom that we might possibly be moving she had a nervous breakdown. saying how could i take the grandkids away from here... we will never be able to own a home in jersey and fort walton at least has possibilities..i am very torn. BTW, these are her only grandkids.

How do you and DH feel about the possibility of living in Fort Walton, FL, if the relatives weren't part of the picture?

DH and I both grew up in the northeast. We used to think we'd never leave the northeast. Over the years, DMIL moved to FL, my Sis moved to GA, we moved to NC and DSIL moved to GA. With Sis in the south and then us (with the grandkids)... my DM, who had never been the least bit interested in living in the south before, seriously considered moving south. She really enjoyed her visits. If it weren't for my DB and DSIL, with DM's other grandkids, still in CT, I do believe she would have come down and I know she would have liked it in the long run.

All of this to say... people change, their opinions change, and your DM could end up deciding to get a place in FL too. If your children are her only grandkids and they're really "all she has" then she may end up renting her NJ house out and trying a short term rental in FL. If she likes it, she may decide to permanently relocate as well.

You and your DH need to make this decision based on what's best for you two and your children, IMO, and let others figure out what they're going to do with their own lives after that. All of your children's grandparents are grown people. FWIW, neither you nor your DH deserve to be guilted about this kind of decision, in either direction. It's one thing to rearrange plans for vacation time, to include other relatives or to stay living near ill relatives who need your physical care and who cannot move with you. It's another thing to decide on where your family will live fulltime, and give a lot of weight in the decision to other able adult(s), outside of your marriage. Essentially, your opinion and your DH's opinion are what ought to steer the decision making.