Hubby vent-update page 13, post #189

[The Mystery Machine]

Why is *he* the one with veto power? He doesn't want to buy a car, and he doesn't want to share his. Tell him he can't have it both ways and tomorrow he is going to either ride the bus or you are going to go buy a car (assuming you can afford it), and he gets to decide which of those choices works better. When someone's going to act like a 5-yr old, you have to treat them like one.

100% agree. Go look up AutoTrader.com.

That being said my dh would never dream of doing something like that. He is a "car person".

We have 4 cars and 3 drivers and probably are going to play switcharoo here soon. My youngest will be turning 15 and we will be getting her a car that she will learn on.

Bus, walking, etc is not an option at all where we live and getting a car is a must.

 

[golfgal]

Either way, the car insurance is going to go up - just by the mere fact that these kids have driver's licenses now..



That's when this discussion should have taken place.. DD worked (and went to school) and saved her own money to buy a car before she got her driver's license.. She knew that's the way it would be from day one..

Her DH (an only child) purchased his mom's old Dodge Rambler, paid for his insurance, and learned how to do all the upkeep and repairs himself.. (Wonderful lesson! A few years later he bought the "shell"' of the Camaro he always wanted and built it into a safe, reliable - and now "classic" car..) His parents were in a position where they "could" have purchased him a brand new car - and carried all the expenses that went with it - but they didn't.. They saw it as a moment to teach him what "adult" life is all about.. Needs vs. wants..



Since these children aren't working, I would venture to say it's a "want" - not a need..

I don't see why either parent should have to give up their car.. But then again, I'm "old school" about that type of thing.. LOL..

Good luck..

Insurance goes up MORE if they are the primary driver on a car. Technically our insurance won't go up any more than it is now because we already have a teen driver in the house.

I guess I am new school and would rather our kids be involved in activities than work through high school. They will be working during the summer months now that they are old enough-no one hires kids younger than 16 here. I think it is more important for them to have time to do homework than work to pay for their own car. DH does agree with me on that. If anyone gets a "new" car it will be DH or me and the kids will get DH's now car, an exciting '98 Saturn-but it has a spoiler on the back so the kids think it is cool to drive .

 

[marmalade]

Why are the twins not buying their own car? Everyone knew they were going to be 16 and get their drivers license, why didn't they save for a car.

When I was 16 I had a job, paid for my car with 100% of my own money, paid for my own car insurance and gas.

I don't blame your husband for not wanting to give up his car. If my kids want the luxury and privledge of driving a car they better make sure they have the money to do it. Because momma ain't giving up her car for them.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Why are the twins not buying their own car? Everyone knew they were going to be 16 and get their drivers license, why didn't they save for a car.

When I was 16 I had a job, paid for my car with 100% of my own money, paid for my own car insurance and gas.

I don't blame your husband for not wanting to give up his car. If my kids want the luxury and privledge of driving a car they better make sure they have the money to do it. Because momma ain't giving up her car for them.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Why are the twins not buying their own car? Everyone knew they were going to be 16 and get their drivers license, why didn't they save for a car.

When I was 16 I had a job, paid for my car with 100% of my own money, paid for my own car insurance and gas.

I don't blame your husband for not wanting to give up his car. If my kids want the luxury and privledge of driving a car they better make sure they have the money to do it. Because momma ain't giving up her car for them.

 

[undertheradar]

How does the car insurance stay the same even though you are adding two more teen drivers into the mix? I was not aware that the cost wouldn't go up with each added risk the insurance company is exposed to.

 

[Hannathy]

Sorry but I agree with Golfgal. There is no way I want my 16 yr old working enough to pay for a car and insurance! School is their primary job.

Plus there is no way they can be in all the activities and carry the academic load needed for kids to get into good schools and work enough hours to pay for a car. And all the AP classes they take can save me money in college a lot more that they can make at McD's.

And with the economy the way it is it is hard to find a job with a lot of hours, at least where I live, especially with the limits on 16 yr old hours.
They have all their lives to work I want them in sports and drama and music.

 

[golfgal]

How does the car insurance stay the same even though you are adding two more teen drivers into the mix? I was not aware that the cost wouldn't go up with each added risk the insurance company is exposed to.

Each car is rated, not each driver. If you have 5 drivers and two cars, either DH or I get rated on one car and DS18 is rated on our other car as an occasional driver. His rate is the same as adding DS16 when they get "added". In our state you add them at the first renewal after they get their license (we renew in late June so between now and then they aren't rated on our policy). If we get a 3rd car one of the kids will be rated as a primary driver on that car and our insurance will go up about $60/month from the other $60/month increase we saw when DS18 was added (depending on what car we get). Realistically we will drop our Saturn down to liability only and have the kids rated on that car and the increase with doing that will be negligible (couple dollars/month).

 

[indimom]

go ahead and vent!

He is being unreasonable and selfish. sometimes I think part of the problem is we make it to easy for them. Because we( I know it isn't always the case but you always have to throw the DIS disclaimer in!) make it to easy for them as the kids are growing up. We get them to school, and after school activities. We set up the soccer car pools, rearrange the Dr appts, Deal with divvying up the car they often don't truly know the logistics and maneuvering that is done.

Men like solutions they don't like to talk something out. they see a problem and solve it. so I would list out the solutions to this problem and say this is the list of acceptable solutions and we are picking one, and the me walking would NOT be on the list!

I would include the costs with each one and I would make it clear that one of these would be being done so if he wants to be in on the choice now is the time.

One thing I would put in there is OK I am NOT walking but I will take a taxi for which ever part of my commute someone can't pick me up or I don't have the car/. Show him that a taxi will cost more than the bus.

Good Luck sometimes I'm sure it feels like you have 4 kids and the oldest is definitely acting like the biggest baby!

I think Hannathy hit the nail on the head. Make him sit down and hear you out about the schedule (unless you live it, you really don't always "get it") and then present his options.

 

[marmalade]

Sorry but I agree with Golfgal. There is no way I want my 16 yr old working enough to pay for a car and insurance! School is their primary job.

Plus there is no way they can be in all the activities and carry the academic load needed for kids to get into good schools and work enough hours to pay for a car. And all the AP classes they take can save me money in college a lot more that they can make at McD's.

And with the economy the way it is it is hard to find a job with a lot of hours, at least where I live, especially with the limits on 16 yr old hours.
They have all their lives to work I want them in sports and drama and music.

I guess I am more of a "If there is a will, there is a way" kinda girl. There are kids everyday (myself included when I was a teen) that work and played sports, drama or music or whatever extra-curricular activity they are doing.

If you want something in life you have to work hard to get it, kids should be no exception.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I agree with GolfGal that I would not want my kid working their butt off to pay for a car and insurance. Maybe if the costs weren't so high.. But, the reality is, IMHO, for a teen to work that much would mean that their school work, and their golf, etc... would suffer.

Golf Gal, why can't a couple have three vehicles???
I would have to shop around and make sure that they could force you to put your underaged child/children as 'primary'... You are the adult, the car is in your name, not theirs...

Yes, of course having a teenaged licensed driver is a big increase in and of itself. And things could be different here... But, that just doesn't sound right to me.

 

[tlbwriter]

I think Hannathy hit the nail on the head. Make him sit down and hear you out about the schedule (unless you live it, you really don't always "get it") and then present his options.

He's already willing to let her walk 4 miles to work, spend the entire day on her feet, and walk 4 miles back. If that doesn't convince him to ride the bus, what will?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think Hannathy hit the nail on the head. Make him sit down and hear you out about the schedule (unless you live it, you really don't always "get it") and then present his options.

One of the things that led me to post my earlier comments is the fact that he knows her schedule, the kids schedules, etc... and he still doesn't 'see' it or 'get' it. That is one of the big factors. I mean, he actually verbalized that maybe she could just walk to work and back... He knows the situation, the schedules, the mileages, etc... He KNOWS these things... If he ain't gettin' it....

This is a classic part of the big picture.
An inability to have a real awareness.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I guess I am new school and would rather our kids be involved in activities than work through high school. They will be working during the summer months now that they are old enough-no one hires kids younger than 16 here. I think it is more important for them to have time to do homework than work to pay for their own car. DH does agree with me on that.

Since something seems so amiss here, I'd have to wonder if you're absolutely certain your DH agrees with you on that.

We've already discussed this as a family and our kids will be expected to at least contribute to auto costs, just like DH and I had to.

 

[Hannathy]

I guess I am more of a "If there is a will, there is a way" kinda girl. There are kids everyday (myself included when I was a teen) that work and played sports, drama or music or whatever extra-curricular activity they are doing.

If you want something in life you have to work hard to get it, kids should be no exception.

I have to strongly disagree with you. I also wonder when you were a teen. Things are very different now than when I was a teen. My DD had 4 AP courses at a time.She would be doing homework till midnight a lot of nights there is now way she could work 20+ hours a week, which is what it would take to pay for a car and insurance. Also sports are so different now. you don't just go to practice everyday till 6 you also have to go to Open gym a night or 2 a week till 9 or so . and it doesn't end when the season is over. You have it all year long. Drama, everynight for maybe a month or 6 weeks before the play how are you going to work? and if you are swinging all this when do you do any socializing? becasue that is a big part of growing up also.

The only kids I know and knew when my DD was in highschool that worked enough to pay all of their own car and insurance did not participate in any major activity , maybe a club or 2 and were not in the heaviest academic loads.

Sorry to hijack this thread but this bugs me. I think working hard at school is getting you what you want.

 

[Katy Belle]

Not really, they are part of driving for the carpool now. There are only so many kids on the team that can drive and only so many spots in those cars. There were spots for them as riders last year because the older kids drove then-not is it their turn to drive. We have been carpooling DD for golf for 4 years now, it is their turn to be the drivers

Wow! It seems like a lot for the Golf Team to require you to have a car available every day after school! Did your DH know this requirement? It seems like he would have been planning for this. I guess you were planning to purchase a car, he just didn't know it

I don't think its unreasonable for your DH to keep his car throughout the day... I do think its unreasonable for him to not OCCASIONALLY help out, and be dropped off and picked up from work by you or one of his children.

DS turns 16 in a few weeks. Lucky for us we bought 2 new vehicles, and are giving him my 2000 Chevy Venture mini van. DH is very into budgeting... and has budgeted an inexpensive car for each kid when they turn 17 1/2. DS15 is lucking out and getting one early, because we have it.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I have to strongly disagree with you. I also wonder when you were a teen. Things are very different now than when I was a teen. My DD had 4 AP courses at a time.She would be doing homework till midnight a lot of nights there is now way she could work 20+ hours a week, which is what it would take to pay for a car and insurance. Also sports are so different now. you don't just go to practice everyday till 6 you also have to go to Open gym a night or 2 a week till 9 or so . and it doesn't end when the season is over. You have it all year long. Drama, everynight for maybe a month or 6 weeks before the play how are you going to work? and if you are swinging all this when do you do any socializing? becasue that is a big part of growing up also.

The only kids I know and knew when my DD was in highschool that worked enough to pay all of their own car and insurance did not participate in any major activity , maybe a club or 2 and were not in the heaviest academic loads.

Sorry to hijack this thread but this bugs me. I think working hard at school is getting you what you want.

Around here, most kids work.

 

[jrmasm]

Why are the twins not buying their own car? Everyone knew they were going to be 16 and get their drivers license, why didn't they save for a car.

When I was 16 I had a job, paid for my car with 100% of my own money, paid for my own car insurance and gas.

I don't blame your husband for not wanting to give up his car. If my kids want the luxury and privledge of driving a car they better make sure they have the money to do it. Because momma ain't giving up her car for them.

I wouldn't give up my car either.

I don't understand why the carpools have to be driven by the kids? Heck in my state, new drivers can't have other kids in their cars.

Why can't the parents of the non drivers and kids without cars work out a schedule?

 

[golfgal]

100% agree. Go look up AutoTrader.com.

That being said my dh would never dream of doing something like that. He is a "car person".

We have 4 cars and 3 drivers and probably are going to play switcharoo here soon. My youngest will be turning 15 and we will be getting her a car that she will learn on.

Bus, walking, etc is not an option at all where we live and getting a car is a must.

I have been looking

Since something seems so amiss here, I'd have to wonder if you're absolutely certain your DH agrees with you on that.

We've already discussed this as a family and our kids will be expected to at least contribute to auto costs, just like DH and I had to.

Yes, I know that he agrees with me because we have talked about it. We don't want the kids working if they are involved in an activity. They get out of school at 2:30, have practice from 3-6, get home around 6:30, eat dinner, do homework until 8-9-10 depending on how much they have--when would they work? They have tournaments on weekends. They get home even later on days when they have tournaments/matches--which are 2 days a week on average.

I have to strongly disagree with you. I also wonder when you were a teen. Things are very different now than when I was a teen. My DD had 4 AP courses at a time.She would be doing homework till midnight a lot of nights there is now way she could work 20+ hours a week, which is what it would take to pay for a car and insurance. Also sports are so different now. you don't just go to practice everyday till 6 you also have to go to Open gym a night or 2 a week till 9 or so . and it doesn't end when the season is over. You have it all year long. Drama, everynight for maybe a month or 6 weeks before the play how are you going to work? and if you are swinging all this when do you do any socializing? becasue that is a big part of growing up also.

The only kids I know and knew when my DD was in highschool that worked enough to pay all of their own car and insurance did not participate in any major activity , maybe a club or 2 and were not in the heaviest academic loads.

Sorry to hijack this thread but this bugs me. I think working hard at school is getting you what you want.

They are sophomores now, they have 3 AP classes already. DS16 will have 5AP classes next year and DD16 will have 4.

 

[Hannathy]

Around here, most kids work.

yes here kids work to but not the amount of hours needed to solely buy a car, insure it and keep it running.

And not one of the top 10 graduating in her class had a job with nearly that many hours. It is more of money for school and their own expenses money. (some didn't work at all)

But that's OK because as I said when they get to college and most of their freshman classes are already out of the way and they are looking at graduating a full semester if not more early I'll take that savings any day.