Hubby vent-update page 13, post #189

[golfgal]

For years we have been saying we can hardly wait until our twins get their driver's licenses so we don't have to haul them out to the golf course for practices, well, they now have their licenses and it is golf season and Dh is being, a well, pain in the rear about it. We have 2 cars, he doesn't want to get another one, ok, fine, but he also is being a pain in the rear about being flexible with the cars. It's been a week and . The thing is, his office is RIGHT across the street from the bus station, he RARELY needs to drive anywhere once he gets to the office so the car just sits in the parking lot all day. The bus station on this end is right next door to the high school. The kids could drop him off in the morning and someone could pick him up in the evening. The bus takes just as long as it does to drive-drives on the same route he takes to work and it is and "express" bus with only one stop between here and there. Dear, we either need a third car or you need to bend a little.

I am working part time (30 hours/week) so many days it does work but the days it doesn't he just refuses to accommodate anyone (I don't have the option to take the bus because I wouldn't have anyway to get to the bus station). His solution is for me to walk to work. Well, fine, that is 4 miles to work, spend 8 hours walking around on tile floors at work (working retail) and walk 4 miles home Today he was all over DS16 because he was "eating too slow" . He has it in his head that they need to leave at 6:45 to drive the 2 miles to school that starts at 7:30 .

On top of which, he has the farthest drive and with gas prices being so high, it would save ton of money in gas...

This summer is going to be interesting when DS18 comes home from college and is working, I am working, the twins are working at golf camps and DH is working--all in different directions-with 2 cars...

Oh, vent over....

 

[Diegosmom]

So sorry...Right now hubby does not have a car and it is a pain...he is always depending on others for rides and I always have to do the errands and do pick up and drop off of DS at school...Hopefully he will have one again by the summer (actually has one but it needs some work and to get tittle changed and registered and inspected etc)

 

[GAGirlInVA]

I kind of see his point.

 

[golfgal]

I kind of see his point.

How? Maybe I am missing something?

 

[PlutoPony]

Yikes - you really need another car, don't you.

Any chance you can justify getting a new car (maybe for your husband since he's the roadblock now) and use the oldest car for the kids? That's what we ended up doing..... instead of trading in or selling the old car, we kept it for our new driver. We'd been planning this for several years though and had held off buying a new car until now so that the timing worked out.

Good luck, sounds like you may need it this summer

 

[Dictator]

Maybe you could ride a bike to work and leave a car at home?

 

[kamik86]

I would definitely be upset too. My DH and I have only one car partially becasue my DH doesn't want to give up the extra cash he gets and toys that he can buy if we were to get a second one and had to pay more for gas, insurance, etc. However this is ok because he is willing to hang around for an extra hour after work until I get out and we can drive home together, etc. (bus systems around this area suck). If he wasn't willing to be flexible then he definitely needs to give in and let you get another car.

 

[golfgal]

Yikes - you really need another car, don't you.

Any chance you can justify getting a new car (maybe for your husband since he's the roadblock now) and use the oldest car for the kids? That's what we ended up doing..... instead of trading in or selling the old car, we kept it for our new driver. We'd been planning this for several years though and had held off buying a new car until now so that the timing worked out.

Good luck, sounds like you may need it this summer

That was MY plan all along but he doesn't think we "need" another car--well HE might not but the REST of us DO .

Maybe you could ride a bike to work and leave a car at home?

Possible on some days but I don't have a place to clean up at work and it is 34 degrees right now...

 

[FredinFL]

Ouch...sounds like dh is in denial. I'd say you need a third car, maybe a fourth. Is college kid going to be able to bring a car to campus this year? He might want to think about getting a car and keeping it by getting a part time job during school.

3 teens....bless you.

 

[RachaelA]

I kind of see his point.

????

He's wasting gas when he could be taking the bus (by having the longer commute). The bus takes no extra time. His car sits in the parking lot all day. He wants his wife to walk 4 miles (on top of being on her feet all day) when the bus stop is next to his work so he doesn't even have to walk

He's sounds selfish.

What am I missing, GAGirlinVA?

ETA: Make his wife walk 8 miles. I read wrong. That makes it even worse!

 

[DaParkers]

Could he be nervous about them driving and is just finding reasons for them not to? Has he been selfish or unreasonable before in other aspects of your lives? Is he concerned with how it may "Look" to others if he catches the bus? Just questions I think you should ask him.

 

[golfgal]

Ouch...sounds like dh is in denial. I'd say you need a third car, maybe a fourth. Is college kid going to be able to bring a car to campus this year? He might want to think about getting a car and keeping it by getting a part time job during school.

3 teens....bless you.

DS18 doesn't want a car on campus because the parking pass is almost $1000 for the cheep lot and they have free bus service all over town, and campus is small so they walk most places. He does have a part-time job during the school year and works in the summer as well. He earned enough last summer to pay all of his college expenses this year too.

 

[disneychic2]

Wonder why his attitude has changed from what you had planned. He sounds just a tad selfish to me, no offense OP. I'm sure he's a great guy, but to suggest you walk 4 miles each way before he would be willing to ride the bus? That just doesn't compute. Maybe it's his pride that won't allow his co-workers to see him taking the bus? Good luck in finding a solution that works for all of you.

 

[golfgal]

Could he be nervous about them driving and is just finding reasons for them not to? Has he been selfish or unreasonable before in other aspects of your lives? Is he concerned with how it may "Look" to others if he catches the bus? Just questions I think you should ask him?

I don't know that he is "nervous" about them driving any more so than normal. Yes, he is unreasonable with other things as well . I have no idea if he thinks it will "look" bad but with gas prices being close to $4/gallon, who really cares. It actually surprises me that he didn't just start taking the bus (his is "frugal" to the extreme usually). He does NOT like change, he likes his routine, which is part of it I am sure. If this were one of the kids I would be saying "suck it up buttercup" .

 

[LuvOrlando]

Maybe if you focus on the fact this arrangement is only temporary he might come around. For some reason when snags hit with the complications of raising kids it's easier on everyone in my home if we focus on how short lived this will all be. Your kids are 16, in 2 years they will be gone if they go away to school. That really isn't so long. I would just bring up a few points when not upset then tell him to think about it and promise talk again in a few days. If he doesn't feel like a jerk by then his life would become very uncomfortable, at least around here.

 

[Mkrop]

Could he be nervous about them driving and is just finding reasons for them not to? Has he been selfish or unreasonable before in other aspects of your lives? Is he concerned with how it may "Look" to others if he catches the bus? Just questions I think you should ask him?

I was thinking the same thing, maybe he doesnt think one or both of the twins are ready to be driving solo...

Although the walking 8 miles RT while his car sat in a parking lot would put me over the edge.

 

[golfgal]

Wonder why his attitude has changed from what you had planned. He sounds just a tad selfish to me, no offense OP. I'm sure he's a great guy, but to suggest you walk 4 miles each way before he would be willing to ride the bus? That just doesn't compute. Maybe it's his pride that won't allow his co-workers to see him taking the bus? Good luck in finding a solution that works for all of you.

He never really has been on board with "my" plan because he just thinks we can "work it out", which we could, easily right now if he would just take the bus

Today I work at 2, DD16 has study hall the last hour of the day that starts at 1:30. When I start at 2 I have been having them drive to school and she can then leave study hall and bring me to work, no problem. Today DH dropped them at school because I have a dentist appointment this morning and I will just pick up DD at school and she can take me to work and then she and DS can drive out to practice after school, no problems. TOMORROW, I have to work at 10 and doing the car swap thing just does NOT work. The easy solution would be for DH to take the bus tomorrow, but nope, won't do it. So far out of 8 days of practice, I have been the one to have to change my schedule around, change dr and dentist appointments, etc. to make this work out. I think he can bend for ONE day.

 

[golfgal]

Maybe if you focus on the fact this arrangement is only temporary he might come around. For some reason when snags hit with the complications of raising kids it's easier on everyone in my home if we focus on how short lived this will all be. Your kids are 16, in 2 years they will be gone if they go away to school. That really isn't so long. I would just bring up a few points when not upset then tell him to think about it and promise talk again in a few days. If he doesn't feel like a jerk by then his life would become very uncomfortable, at least around here.

It isn't even 2 years, it is a few MONTHS each year that we need to work this out. The rest of the school year they don't need a car. It is from the last week of March through mid June that they need a car for golf season-and now this summer will be 2 1/2 months where we need to work something out. From September to March they can ride the bus to and from school.

 

[Kellydelly]

Do you guys have the money for a car for the twins? Will they be able to contribute to maintenance and insurance? If so, then I would put on my big girl pants and tell your husband that what works for him is not working for everyone else and if he can't share his car, you and the kids will figure out how to get another one. They don't need a brand new or fancy car, I would get one that only requires the minimum insurance coverage.

 

[FredinFL]

I think he just doesn't want to give up "his" car. Like a kid with a favorite toy. I laugh now, but will I laugh when it's my turn to give my car up sometimes...I don't think so.