HS Graduation - NOT

[gottaluvPluto]

I never wanted to go to my HS graduation. My parents forced me to do it and to this day I wish they didn't make me go. I wasted 4 hours sitting there listening to stuff I didn't want to hear. I have let it go, but I would never make my kids go to their graduation if they didn't want to go. They are the ones that worked for this and they should decide what they want to do.

FYI, all the people I know that didn't go to graduation do not regret it one bit.


I would not make him go!!!

 

[mom2rtk]

I never wanted to go to my HS graduation. My parents forced me to do it and to this day I wish they didn't make me go. I wasted 4 hours sitting there listening to stuff I didn't want to hear. I have let it go, but I would never make my kids go to their graduation if they didn't want to go. They are the ones that worked for this and they should decide what they want to do.

FYI, all the people I know that didn't go to graduation do not regret it one bit.


I would not make him go!!!

I'm hoping you aren't very old. Because to remain focused on those 4 hours much after the fact seems odd to me.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Barb, I can't believe your oldest DS is old enough to be graduating HS now!

It seems like yesterday he was attending our 1st ever, NE OH DIS Meet!

Whether or not he attends his HS graduation ceremony, you have every reason to be proud!

TC

 

[Debkearsch]

I walked for HS graduation and don't remember any of it. I skipped it for college graduation, and don't regret it at all. However, now that my DD is in college, I realize just how disappointed my mom had to be. To her credit, she never said a word to me.

 

[kate_wdw]

I'm someone who skipped many "milestone" high school events, and I haven't regretted it for a moment.

I would have skipped my graduation from graduate school but I went for the sake of my family, who had provided me with a great deal of support along the long, hard road.

Pembo, I would try to figure out a way to celebrate this accomplishment that will be meaningful to your son.

 

[bethy]

It's looking like my DD is likely going to be one of those kids who is going to do everything it takes to get out of HS as soon as possible and move on with her life. For her that means getting excellent grades and finding a way to graduate early. It will make me sad not to see her walk in a formal graduation ceremony but not nearly as sad as I am for the reasons she won't want to do it.

The graduation ceremony is designed for the majority: The kids for whom the HS model and experience works well. And that's just fine and as it should be.

No way do I believe that a public high school can legally withhold a person's high school diploma if they don't attend the ceremony. No WAY.

 

[mumto3girls]

It's looking like my DD is likely going to be one of those kids who is going to do everything it takes to get out of HS as soon as possible and move on with her life. For her that means getting excellent grades and finding a way to graduate early. It will make me sad not to see her walk in a formal graduation ceremony but not nearly as sad as I am for the reasons she won't want to do it. The graduation ceremony is designed for the majority: The kids for whom the HS model and experience works well. And that's just fine and as it should be. No way do I believe that a public high school can legally withhold a person's high school diploma if they don't attend the ceremony. No WAY.

Yes. I think this sums it up well. If one has a good high school experience, graduation is the culmination of that and something to look forward to. If high school was miserable, it is just one more thing on a long list of things to get through. In that case, why bother?

As for the diploma, I can't believe they could withhold it? What if the grad were ill or had a death in the family or like one poster mentioned had a track meet, etc? If they completed the requirements it would seem to me that they get the diploma. And like someone else said, I've never been asked for it despite college and grad school. Right now I'm not even sure where mine is.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I don't have a kid that age, but if I did I would say, Hey, I get you. I don't like going to funerals. I think they're silly and depressing. But you know what, it's not about me. It's about what other people need. It's about other folks needing closure with their loved ones. And no offense, kiddo, but graduation ain't about you either. Not entirely anyways. It's about mom and dad who worked so hard to raise you these last 18 years. It's about grandma and grandpa who are so happy they lived to see you become the bright young man/woman they always hoped. It's about your teachers who bet their livelihood on you. So you're gonna put on the robe and hat, you're gonna sit for pictures, and you're gonna walk across that stage, because everyone else wants to see you do it. Doing things you don't want to make others happy is what adults do - welcome to adulthood."

 

[mom2rtk]

Yes. I think this sums it up well. If one has a good high school experience, graduation is the culmination of that and something to look forward to. If high school was miserable, it is just one more thing on a long list of things to get through. In that case, why bother?

As for the diploma, I can't believe they could withhold it? What if the grad were ill or had a death in the family or like one poster mentioned had a track meet, etc? If they completed the requirements it would seem to me that they get the diploma. And like someone else said, I've never been asked for it despite college and grad school. Right now I'm not even sure where mine is.

It's not just for the kids who enjoyed high school. I think it can also be a moment of triumph. Our oldest really hated high school and couldn't wait to be done. I'm not sure I've ever seen him smile as big as he did that day at graduation. Teachers and counselors came up to him and congratulated him on a job well done. He felt good about what he had accomplished. Yes, he was glad to be moving on. But it ended a questionable experience on a positive note.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't have a kid that age, but if I did I would say, Hey, I get you. I don't like going to funerals. I think they're silly and depressing. But you know what, it's not about me. It's about what other people need. It's about other folks needing closure with their loved ones. And no offense, kiddo, but graduation ain't about you either. Not entirely anyways. It's about mom and dad who worked so hard to raise you these last 18 years. It's about grandma and grandpa who are so happy they lived to see you become the bright young man/woman they always hoped. It's about your teachers who bet their livelihood on you. So you're gonna put on the robe and hat, you're gonna sit for pictures, and you're gonna walk across that stage, because everyone else wants to see you do it. Doing things you don't want to make others happy is what adults do - welcome to adulthood."

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I'm hoping you aren't very old. Because to remain focused on those 4 hours much after the fact seems odd to me.

Actually, I am almost middle aged. I don't "focus" on it. I just have the ability to remember lots of stuff. I remember tons of stuff from 7 years old on up. I guess I have a great brain.

 

[mom2rtk]

Actually, I am almost middle aged. I don't "focus" on it. I just have the ability to remember lots of stuff. I remember tons of stuff from 7 years old on up. I guess I have a great brain.

It might be time to let that one go.

 

[mrsklamc]

I don't have a kid that age, but if I did I would say, Hey, I get you. I don't like going to funerals. I think they're silly and depressing. But you know what, it's not about me. It's about what other people need. It's about other folks needing closure with their loved ones. And no offense, kiddo, but graduation ain't about you either. Not entirely anyways. It's about mom and dad who worked so hard to raise you these last 18 years. It's about grandma and grandpa who are so happy they lived to see you become the bright young man/woman they always hoped. It's about your teachers who bet their livelihood on you. So you're gonna put on the robe and hat, you're gonna sit for pictures, and you're gonna walk across that stage, because everyone else wants to see you do it. Doing things you don't want to make others happy is what adults do - welcome to adulthood."

See, I find it unfortunate that as adults, others have not learned that they shouldn't subject another adult to something they don't want to do, for their own selfish enjoyment.

Honestly, if someone really cares about someone, they wouldn't want them to sit miserably through a meaningless ceremony on a day that should be a happy one for them.

 

[disykat]

See, I find it unfortunate that as adults, others have not learned that they shouldn't subject another adult to something they don't want to do, for their own selfish enjoyment.

Honestly, if someone really cares about someone, they wouldn't want them to sit miserably through a meaningless ceremony on a day that should be a happy one for them.

But most occasions have more than one person involved. For example for a wedding I would expect a bride/groom to take each other's wishes into account.

As I've said before, much of this is a difference between who you see as an adult. IMO high school graduation is a child/parent event. (Sure, there are cases where the parent isn't involved, but the norm is some parent involvement in their child's 13 years of school life. In general, I feel bad for the kids whose parents are no longer a part of some of their decisions at that age.)

I can see how those who see their high school graduate as an independent adult might feel the choice is theirs alone. But many of us don't see our 17 or 18 year old teens as independent adults.

 

[Klismania]

See, I find it unfortunate that as adults, others have not learned that they shouldn't subject another adult to something they don't want to do, for their own selfish enjoyment.

Honestly, if someone really cares about someone, they wouldn't want them to sit miserably through a meaningless ceremony on a day that should be a happy one for them.

THIS X2.

In our family, the ceremony came in second to the activity. I was raised with the values that put the marriage above the wedding, the actual diploma above the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony, the knowledge above the pedigree. Face value was never a big priority.

Having said that, if my parents had forced me to "suck it up" and sit through something that I really never wanted to have anything to do with just so they could feel good about themselves, I probably would have done it. I may even have agreed to sit through more BS just so I could get the college money I needed from them.

But then they would become "those people" I never wanted to call and don't want to let into my life because they're way too controlling. I would see them as a 'duty visit' on the holidays and I probably would have moved across country to get as far away from them as I possibly could. They'd get an invitation to the Tahiti destination wedding I'd be paying for myself, but they'd have to pay their own way.

So before you feel all vindicated about guilting your child into doing something like forcing them to walk for a graduation ceremony because you think you're entitled to see them walk down the aisle, have a good look at 10 years from now when that adult will think twice about wanting you to be a part of any celebration in their lives (including grand kids) because you'll be seen as controlling, uncaring about their feelings and flat-out selfish.

 

[mmackeymouse]

I am not saying it HAS to be this way.

But, I am saying this is the perspective I would have as a student/child: at our school it was always a tribute to those who helped us along the way.

You think of parents and grandparents who paid for books, school clothes, school supplies. They paid for prom dresses, tux rentals, school lunches. They drove you to the movies, to the mall, to and from friends' houses. They called to make sure the library was still open when you waited till the last minute to finish a book report. They took a long lunch to run home and grab a permission slip that you forgot at home, to bring it up to school for you. And so on and so forth. If you went to private school, they paid a chunk in tuition.

From my perspective, allowing your parents and grandparents the joy of seeing their child graduate, in some cases, if an only child, it may be their ONLY chance to see a child graduate- in my mind, it is a small price to pay and doesn't even come close to re-paying a parent for all they did to help you get to that point.

Not trying to turn it into a quid pro quo situation. But, I do think it is important to think of other people when you make such a decision.

 

[mhfrau]

I don't have a kid that age, but if I did I would say, Hey, I get you. I don't like going to funerals. I think they're silly and depressing. But you know what, it's not about me. It's about what other people need. It's about other folks needing closure with their loved ones. And no offense, kiddo, but graduation ain't about you either. Not entirely anyways. It's about mom and dad who worked so hard to raise you these last 18 years. It's about grandma and grandpa who are so happy they lived to see you become the bright young man/woman they always hoped. It's about your teachers who bet their livelihood on you. So you're gonna put on the robe and hat, you're gonna sit for pictures, and you're gonna walk across that stage, because everyone else wants to see you do it. Doing things you don't want to make others happy is what adults do - welcome to adulthood."

I must be a terrible person because I don't think as an adult, my role in life is to live only to satisfy other people's needs. And I certainly wouldn't expect my child to attend his graduation if he felt strongly about not wanting to, because his grandparent's deserve to see him walk simply because they lived long enough. Nor do I think it has anything to do with teachers either. If you are a teacher, it's your job to teach and your reward is both your paycheck and emotionally, I suppose, knowing that your students did well and learned what you were charged with teaching them.

See, I find it unfortunate that as adults, others have not learned that they shouldn't subject another adult to something they don't want to do, for their own selfish enjoyment.

Honestly, if someone really cares about someone, they wouldn't want them to sit miserably through a meaningless ceremony on a day that should be a happy one for them.

Totally agree. Although I try to live my life where I am giving and compassionate, it drives me totally insane when people discount other's feelings because they believe their own sense of self-entitlement trumps everyone elses.

 

[mrsklamc]

You think of parents and grandparents who paid for books, school clothes, school supplies. They paid for prom dresses, tux rentals, school lunches. They drove you to the movies, to the mall, to and from friends' houses. They called to make sure the library was still open when you waited till the last minute to finish a book report. They took a long lunch to run home and grab a permission slip that you forgot at home, to bring it up to school for you. And so on and so forth. If you went to private school, they paid a chunk in tuition.

From my perspective, allowing your parents and grandparents the joy of seeing their child graduate, in some cases, if an only child, it may be their ONLY chance to see a child graduate- in my mind, it is a small price to pay and doesn't even come close to re-paying a parent for all they did to help you get to that point.

Not trying to turn it into a quid pro quo situation. But, I do think it is important to think of other people when you make such a decision.

Not grandparents, but for parents, this is what you sign up for when you choose to have a kid. Anyone who is not prepared to do it without feeling like they're owed something in return, should not have children.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

It might be time to let that one go.

I don't have an issue with it, so I don't need to let anything go. When the OP talked about her son, I thought back to my graduation and just told the OP. It's not a big deal.

 

[hereyago]

Not grandparents, but for parents, this is what you sign up for when you choose to have a kid. Anyone who is not prepared to do it without feeling like they're owed something in return, should not have children.

:worship