How would you handle this?

[pls5286]

DD7 witnessed something she never should have witnessed last weekend while she was at her dad's house. It has me, DF, and her step-mom all upset and she is not coping well with it.

Her dad had been drinking A LOT. To the point where he was drunk. I do not know the details of the argument that dad and step-mom had, that is there business, not mine. DD saw her dad hit her step-mom with a closed fist. Step-mom got her grand-kids from a previous relationship and left. She left dd there. Ex called step-mom about five minutes later and said he was bringing DD to me DRUNK!!!!! Step-mom then went and took DD from him and took DD with her to her mother's for the night.

I knew nothing of this until step-mom brought DD home Sunday early from girl-scouts because she had pooped on herself. After bath, she asked me if "Mimi showed me her bruise?" That's when I got the story. I talked to step-mom Monday night and she explained everything that happened and was very upset. Ex is a OTR truckdriver so was not around to talk.

DD has been using the bathroom in her clothes at school everyday this week. She has only done this one other time and that was last year when she was being bullied. Yesterday I got her alone without her brother around and finally found our my 7 year old is scared of her Daddy

In our talk she said she is scared he will get mad and ball his fist up and hit somebody again. You can see the fear in her eyes. You can tell she is scared she will be next.

I know stepmom has given him an ultamatum about his drinking.

I also told her to tell him we need to talk before DD came back over there, and I wanted me him and DD to sit down and talk so she can tell him how she feels.

He called me today. He talked for 30 sec DD was supposed to go back over this weekend because we had swapped weekends, but she is here with me. She will go with stepmom only to a girl-scout event tomorrow afternoon. My DF will keep her in the morning because I have to teach Scouts tomorrow.

She has been super klingy of my DF since this happened to the point of being near tears when we stopped by his work this afternoon to take him his supper. If he is not here, she wants her big brother. Unfortunately, neither are here right now and she just looks lost.

Am I wrong for keeping her away from her dad until she or I talk to him or do I make her go scared?

 

[rie'smom]

Heck no you're not wrong. If you have an attorney who helped with custody, call him/her and get supervised visitation. He may not get any visitation until he gets help for both his drinking and his temper.

 

[LuLuO]

Heck no you're not wrong/ If you have an attorney who helped with custody, call him.her and get supervised visitation.

I totally agree. No way would I send DD back there alone.

 

[rie'smom]

Sorry, the DIS is acting crazy tonight.

 

[focusondisney]

DD7 witnessed something she never should have witnessed last weekend while she was at her dad's house. It has me, DF, and her step-mom all upset and she is not coping well with it.

Her dad had been drinking A LOT. To the point where he was drunk. I do not know the details of the argument that dad and step-mom had, that is there business, not mine. DD saw her dad hit her step-mom with a closed fist. Step-mom got her grand-kids from a previous relationship and left. She left dd there. Ex called step-mom about five minutes later and said he was bringing DD to me DRUNK!!!!! Step-mom then went and took DD from him and took DD with her to her mother's for the night.

I knew nothing of this until step-mom brought DD home Sunday early from girl-scouts because she had pooped on herself. After bath, she asked me if "Mimi showed me her bruise?" That's when I got the story. I talked to step-mom Monday night and she explained everything that happened and was very upset. Ex is a OTR truckdriver so was not around to talk.

DD has been using the bathroom in her clothes at school everyday this week. She has only done this one other time and that was last year when she was being bullied. Yesterday I got her alone without her brother around and finally found our my 7 year old is scared of her Daddy

In our talk she said she is scared he will get mad and ball his fist up and hit somebody again. You can see the fear in her eyes. You can tell she is scared she will be next.

I know stepmom has given him an ultamatum about his drinking.

I also told her to tell him we need to talk before DD came back over there, and I wanted me him and DD to sit down and talk so she can tell him how she feels.

He called me today. He talked for 30 sec DD was supposed to go back over this weekend because we had swapped weekends, but she is here with me. She will go with stepmom only to a girl-scout event tomorrow afternoon. My DF will keep her in the morning because I have to teach Scouts tomorrow.

She has been super klingy of my DF since this happened to the point of being near tears when we stopped by his work this afternoon to take him his supper. If he is not here, she wants her big brother. Unfortunately, neither are here right now and she just looks lost.

Am I wrong for keeping her away from her dad until she or I talk to him or do I make her go scared?

Oh your poor daughter! How awful she had to see that. I agree that she should not be made to go with her dad right now. Not sure if I'd make her tell dad how she feels or if that is something you should do. She might be even more scared to tell him, thinking he'd then be mad at her.

How do you think your ex will react to this? If you think he will get mad, nasty or try to force her to go with him, I'd definately talk to him myself, & not have her present.

I agree with previous poster about getting your lawyer involved. It does not sound like your daughter is safe with her father at this time.

And, because of the "physical" way her stress is showing itself, I think you should seriously consider some counseling for her. She needs some help to cope & express her self. Good luck to you & your DD.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

first, hugs to you and your little one.

I feel so badly for her, and I don't think you are wrong at all. If she is going to the bathroom in her pants then she must be so traumatized by all this. I would also call the attorney and see what can be done. She can't go over there again b/c you don't really know what may happen and neither does she which is why she is behaving the way that she is.

IMHO I just wouldn't feel safe sending her there again, and knowing what kind of emotional state she is in after witnessing it. I know its her Dad, but still...

 

[handinpocket]

Why would you even consider sending your child back to him? If he is capable of hitting his wife with a closed fist, what makes you think he wouldn't hit your child.

 

[Shmily1]

No, you are definitely not wrong. I wouldn't send DD and I wouldn't have her tell him how she feels. If she's already terrified of him, that will only cause her more turmoil. She's too young for that and she needs you to do it for her. Definitely call the attorney and have the visitation/ custody changed soon.

 

[jenrose66]

Her father is a danger. Personally I would never let her go see her father again...her life is in danger when she is with him.

 

[Magpie]

I wouldn't make her tell her dad how she feels, or have her try to "make amends" with him - that's a lot of pressure for a little girl. Heck, she might not even know how she feels, not really! She's probably very conflicted right now.

I second what others say about contacting a lawyer for you, and a therapist for your little sweetie.

Seven is a tough age to be having accidents due to stress. If the other kids at school find out, she's going to suffer for it, on top of everything else she's going through.

 

[focusondisney]

Wanted to add that besides the domestic violence, I'd also be terrified that he threatened to drive the daughter while he was drunk. He's as likely to injure her while driving drunk as he is by physical violence.

I would think both of those reasons would convince a judge to deny him visits.

 

[gonzo76]

DD7 witnessed something she never should have witnessed last weekend while she was at her dad's house. It has me, DF, and her step-mom all upset and she is not coping well with it.

Her dad had been drinking A LOT. To the point where he was drunk. I do not know the details of the argument that dad and step-mom had, that is there business, not mine. DD saw her dad hit her step-mom with a closed fist. Step-mom got her grand-kids from a previous relationship and left. She left dd there. Ex called step-mom about five minutes later and said he was bringing DD to me DRUNK!!!!! Step-mom then went and took DD from him and took DD with her to her mother's for the night.

I knew nothing of this until step-mom brought DD home Sunday early from girl-scouts because she had pooped on herself. After bath, she asked me if "Mimi showed me her bruise?" That's when I got the story. I talked to step-mom Monday night and she explained everything that happened and was very upset. Ex is a OTR truckdriver so was not around to talk.

DD has been using the bathroom in her clothes at school everyday this week. She has only done this one other time and that was last year when she was being bullied. Yesterday I got her alone without her brother around and finally found our my 7 year old is scared of her Daddy

In our talk she said she is scared he will get mad and ball his fist up and hit somebody again. You can see the fear in her eyes. You can tell she is scared she will be next.

I know stepmom has given him an ultamatum about his drinking.

I also told her to tell him we need to talk before DD came back over there, and I wanted me him and DD to sit down and talk so she can tell him how she feels.He called me today. He talked for 30 sec DD was supposed to go back over this weekend because we had swapped weekends, but she is here with me. She will go with stepmom only to a girl-scout event tomorrow afternoon. My DF will keep her in the morning because I have to teach Scouts tomorrow.

She has been super klingy of my DF since this happened to the point of being near tears when we stopped by his work this afternoon to take him his supper. If he is not here, she wants her big brother. Unfortunately, neither are here right now and she just looks lost.

Am I wrong for keeping her away from her dad until she or I talk to him or do I make her go scared?

Please excuse me if I am reading this wrong. Are you saying you told your daughter to tell your ex that you all need to sit and talk. If so, why? I can't believe you are thinking she should see her father. Really?? She is soiling her pants because of him. I think this a no brainer. Why does she even have to be in the same room with him. This is just crazy.

 

[pls5286]

Please excuse me if I am reading this wrong. Are you saying you told your daughter to tell your ex that you all need to sit and talk. If so, why? I can't believe you are thinking that it might be wrong to keep her from her father. Really?? She is soiling her pants because of him. I think this a no brainer. Why does she even have to be in the same room with him. This is just crazy.

No, I told stepmom to tell my ex this as she talks to him when he is on the road. My dd lives w/ me. I have physical custody and he has visitation.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

DD saw her dad hit her step-mom with a closed fist.

This is easy. Have Step-mom's brother, father, large male friend, etc. beat the living **** out of your ex husband.

Then, turn him in to the cops.

And after that, go to the courts to try to remove his visitation rights.

 

[clh2]

Am I wrong for keeping her away from her dad until she or I talk to him or do I make her go scared?

No. Oops...I meant to say HECK NO. There is no way I would send a scared 7 year old girl over to anybody's house who is exhibiting "closed-fist" hitting, along with a drinking problem. And I know this would not be convenient, I would not do unsupervised visitation at this time.

We owe our kids food, shelter, clothing, an education, and a safe, loving environment. I would also think that your DD is traumatized enought that you should consider taking her to a counselor too.

Best wishes to you and your DD.

 

[cm8]

DD7 witnessed something she never should have witnessed last weekend while she was at her dad's house. It has me, DF, and her step-mom all upset and she is not coping well with it.

Her dad had been drinking A LOT. To the point where he was drunk. I do not know the details of the argument that dad and step-mom had, that is there business, not mine. DD saw her dad hit her step-mom with a closed fist. Step-mom got her grand-kids from a previous relationship and left. She left dd there. Ex called step-mom about five minutes later and said he was bringing DD to me DRUNK!!!!! Step-mom then went and took DD from him and took DD with her to her mother's for the night.

I knew nothing of this until step-mom brought DD home Sunday early from girl-scouts because she had pooped on herself. After bath, she asked me if "Mimi showed me her bruise?" That's when I got the story. I talked to step-mom Monday night and she explained everything that happened and was very upset. Ex is a OTR truckdriver so was not around to talk.

DD has been using the bathroom in her clothes at school everyday this week. She has only done this one other time and that was last year when she was being bullied. Yesterday I got her alone without her brother around and finally found our my 7 year old is scared of her Daddy

In our talk she said she is scared he will get mad and ball his fist up and hit somebody again. You can see the fear in her eyes. You can tell she is scared she will be next.

I know stepmom has given him an ultamatum about his drinking.

I also told her to tell him we need to talk before DD came back over there, and I wanted me him and DD to sit down and talk so she can tell him how she feels.

He called me today. He talked for 30 sec DD was supposed to go back over this weekend because we had swapped weekends, but she is here with me. She will go with stepmom only to a girl-scout event tomorrow afternoon. My DF will keep her in the morning because I have to teach Scouts tomorrow.

She has been super klingy of my DF since this happened to the point of being near tears when we stopped by his work this afternoon to take him his supper. If he is not here, she wants her big brother. Unfortunately, neither are here right now and she just looks lost.

Am I wrong for keeping her away from her dad until she or I talk to him or do I make her go scared?

No you are not. I think that you do need to get an immediate change of visitation filed immediately so that you will not be held in contempt and can keep your DD safe. She has already exhibited signs of PTSD and needs to be in a safe and loving environment. I'm sorry, I don't know your husband, but my child WOULD NOT be allowed back over there. The fact that he wanted to drive her home drunk was a display of negligence and if something happens like that in the future I am sure that you would not be able to live with yourself knowing that your child's life was endangered and you had the power to prevent it

 

[TheZue]

I agree get the visitation down. Start a diary right now about exactly when she had bathroom accidents and keep it up. Also whenever she talks about it to you. It may end up being valuable evidence. In fact I'd even talk to her teachers to see what she's said/done there. He is dangerous and your daughter needs to be kept safe, even though it's unfortunately her father she needs to be kept safe from

 

[disykat]

No you are not. I think that you do need to get an immediate change of visitation filed immediately so that you will not be held in contempt and can keep your DD safe. She has already exhibited signs of PTSD and needs to be in a safe and loving environment.

I agree!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would do everything in my power to make sure she never has to go back there again.

 

[Mermaid02]

I would do everything in my power to make sure she never has to go back there again.

This