well, nothing happens around here after 10 except drinking in the woods. Everything closes at 9 pm. We will make a weekend exception if it is a movie or something that doesn't end by then but she thinks that 1 am is decent for a 16 yr old. I didn't even have a 1 am curfew when I was out of high school. I had to be in bed by 9 on school nights til I graduated and she will have to be on the bus by 6:40 am.
At her mom's, she has been treated as a grown up since she was about 10 or 11. expected to babysit constantly, and knowing way too many details about her parents finances and sex lives. We have had exchange students here that were this age and the last one had a curfew of the same times and no problems with it. He stayed out later a couple nights for special things but just hanging at a friends house, 10 pm was late enough. Plus, we live in the mountains and the snow, ice, and black ice will be everywhere and she is not used to driving on it, especially at night.
Cell phones don't work up here very well and until she is out in a car on her own, she doesn't need one. I have been explaining this fact to my DD13 for a while now. She is more than welcome to use the house phone and the computer to chat/text her friends. I will be driving her to work until she has enough money to pay for insurance and enough repairs to her car to make it safe to drive. her job will have a phone to call from if she gets out early or needs to be picked up late.
I don't expect participation in all family things but some are not optional. With the Halloween thing, she will be starting her first real day of school the day after Halloween and I don't want her tired for it. I'm sure she will already be stressed slightly with a new environment. She says she is okay with a new school and she is used to it, 5 school in 7 yrs with her mom. her mother can no longer take her and finally decided that she would do well to live in a stable house with great schools. It will be a new thing for all of us and rules will need to be adjusted as we go, I know that. But we do need to lay some out now cuz when DD13 turns 16, I don't want her to think that she can do whatever she wants too. My house is not a prison, it just has rules and responsibilities. All of my kids have chores and she will be expected to get hers done along with her job and school. We do not provide allowance or vehicles. She has to get a job to pay for it all herself. All of our kids will.
I just want her to bring something to eat in the morning. She is used to not having much food in her house and just not eating. (Long complicated story of why she hasn't moved in with us sooner.) She actually went an entire school year without breakfast or lunch because the school did not give her a lunch period. (yes, we knew about it at first but was told that her mother took care of it, obviously she didn't since we are just hearing it now.) She has learned to lie and deceive to her advantage and it's something we need to break immediately. When she does get a phone. she will have responsibilities with that as well. Leave it downstairs after 9 pm and respond to every call that she gets form family, no ignoring like she does now. We have expectations of her as part of our family and want her to know that. 16, 17, 18, it does not matter how old she is, some things are just not an option.
We are strict but loving. My DD13 made me a card for my birthday mentioning how strict I was but that she knows I do it for her to learn from and that she will get to do more as she shows we can trust her. Same thing here, DSD is known for ignoring calls and doing as she pleases. She is also used to money being handed to her but we don't do it that way. We weren't raised that way either. It is going to be a give and take relationship.
20 minutes is just the nearest store, we live in town. We just don't have stores in our town. Movies and malls are 30 minutes or more away. Even her school is almost 30 minutes from us and 2 towns over.
[B]Visitation with her mother has not been decided yet. DH was told no weekends so we don't know what is going on. She only asked for every school vacation and holiday plus all summer. We all know that is not happening. If she has a job, she will be working a lot of those. Plus not only do we need to fit in her seeing her mother, she also needs to put apart some time to spend with her little sister who will live with DSD's step-father[/B].
Visitation with her mother will start after she has a place to live that isn't inappropriate for a teen girl.