How would you handle this one????

[jp24]

I'm glad you have that confidence in your kids. Speaking for my oldest DD (also a Freshman), I don't. To me, it's not worth "doing the right thing" if it results in physical harm to my DD.

Daughters are different. I'm thankful everyday that I don't have any. Because there'd be no way in hell that someone would touch my daughter without me going to jail afterwards. Sometimes you just have to choke someone out.

 

[1001 Ghosts]

My 15 yo is 6'3" 230 and on the football team. He has also been going to Ju Jit Su classes. Pretty sure people at school aren't picking fights with him. To say nothing of the fact that he's pretty popular. My 13 yo is heading in that direction. Very popular, not as thick, but nobody is messing with him.

Reading this thread makes me glad that I have man-sized kids. My 15 year old is 6'4" 235 and wears a 36x34 and my 13 year old is 5'9" 150 and wears 32x32. Easy to find anywhere.
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?p=46255378#post46255378

I'm hoping your son is alright. After all, he's lost an inch of height and five pounds in the three days between these two posts.

 

[jp24]

I'm hoping your son is alright. After all, he's lost an inch of height and five pounds in the three days between these two posts.

Thanks for your concern! He got measured/weighed yesterday and he is indeed 6'3" 230. I was estimating the other day. I'm sure he will be taller when he is done growing. But I'm always happy to meet a member of the quote police. The compassion and concern is always amazing!

 

[Topper]

We have become a society of lazy everything. Lazy parenting, lazy policing, lazy teaching, lazy kids. The right thing to do isn't always popular and the popular thing to do isn't always right.

Don't get me wrong, I think that marijuana should be legalized and regulated. It would do wonders for our economy. However, school isn't the place for this stuff. If either one of my boys were offered drugs, they would tell me. And the person that offered them to my boys would have to deal with me. Trust me, that wouldn't be their first choice. It would probably end with them in jail for a possession charge and me in jail for assault.

Well, luckily neither one of my boys have been offered drugs in their schools. Nor have I witnessed any drug or alcohol use. But rest assured, if I were to hear about it, there would be a confrontation. First with me and the offending party. They'd get a chance to flush it down the toilet and converse with their parents about it. If they declined, they would get a chance to work it out with the police, parents and school board.

IMO, it honestly depends on how the kid reacts. If he's indignant, argumentative and confrontational, it escalates. If he's respectful, apologetic and conscientious about it, it deescalates. If it's my kid, god help him.

My 15 yo is 6'3" 230 and on the football team. He has also been going to Ju Jit Su classes. Pretty sure people at school aren't picking fights with him. To say nothing of the fact that he's pretty popular. My 13 yo is heading in that direction. Very popular, not as thick, but nobody is messing with him.

Daughters are different. I'm thankful everyday that I don't have any. Because there'd be no way in hell that someone would touch my daughter without me going to jail afterwards. Sometimes you just have to choke someone out.

 

[Disney Doll]

I went to a private school in an upper middle class suburb and graduated 32 years ago and there were drugs being offered back then, there were drugs in school then.

I don't disagree that the offenders should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law when they are caught, but the better thing to do is teach your DD about drugs, how to say no etc.

I never did drugs. Wasn't my thing. If I were in a situation where drugs were around, I would generally say no and then shortly thereafter casually get myself out of the situation....

This isn't a new problem and if the prinicipal is aware of it, but is fairly new to the position....well, there is only so much someone can get done in a short period of time.

 

[fivebyfive]

And I think the girl with pot in her purse is an idiot but I still wouldn't call the school. She may be dumb but she's likely not dangerous.

No, she's probably not. But I bet the drug dealer whom she got the pot from also sells hash, cocaine, ecstasy and several other non-dangerous drugs.

The problem is that weed is very much a 'starting point'.

I had a friend (James) whom I knew since kindergarten. We too were in grade 9 the first he showed me the weed in his cigarette pack and asked me if I wanted to smoke up, very similar to the OP's story. That of course led to several other types of drug use for years to come.

We were up at James' cottage one weekend and he and a friend (Peter) who were stoned; drove his car into a ditch. The friend took the wheel while James went to the front of the car to push it back up and out. The friend was so high that he had the car in 'drive' oppose to 'reverse', flooring over James, killing him instantly.

James died at the age of 22 in 1998. A few months later Peter couldn't live with himself and committed suicide.

Again, the problem is that weed is very much a 'starting point'.

 

[badblackpug]

Honestly, this is nothing new, and it certainly won't be the first or last time your child is offered drugs. If it were me I would praise my kid for saying no, and move on. As a PP said, you need to prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.

However, if you are truly that gung-ho about this issue, and you believe that it is something that must be rectified, I can't see how you can tell your daughter not to name names. I don't think you can have it both ways. If you all are going into the school with guns blazing and cleaning up the drug problem, when this girl gets busted she is going to know exactly who the info came from. I think if you have convictions that are that strong you need to stand up for them and teach your daughter to do the same. (FTR, I do NOT agree with this stance)

I am, honestly, quite shocked, OP, that you are that shocked. This was pretty common when I was in school, and I have a sophomore, and it's still pretty common. All things considered pot is on the mild end of the drug spectrum. Ask any kid how many kids are crushing and snorting adderall and oxycontin.

I am going to say this, and I will probably regret it, but JP, you need to step away from the computer and take a very deep breath, or meditate or something. You posts come off as quite hostile.

 

[Southernmiss]

Honestly, this is nothing new, and it certainly won't be the first or last time your child is offered drugs. If it were me I would praise my kid for saying no, and move on. As a PP said, you need to prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.

However, if you are truly that gung-ho about this issue, and you believe that it is something that must be rectified, I can't see how you can tell your daughter not to name names. I don't think you can have it both ways. If you all are going into the school with guns blazing and cleaning up the drug problem, when this girl gets busted she is going to know exactly who the info came from. I think if you have convictions that are that strong you need to stand up for them and teach your daughter to do the same. (FTR, I do NOT agree with this stance)

I am, honestly, quite shocked, OP, that you are that shocked. This was pretty common when I was in school, and I have a sophomore, and it's still pretty common. All things considered pot is on the mild end of the drug spectrum. Ask any kid how many kids are crushing and snorting adderall and oxycontin.

+1 I believe the OP was shocked because this was the first time DD had encountered this. Immediately calling her DH and then his calling the principal with ultimatums was over the top IMHO.

Our high school has 2 police officers on duty at all times and the "drug dog" is brought out unannounced every so often and has been since I was there 25 years ago. Had this been the case with one of my sons, I think someone could have discreetly told one of the officers that it was time to bring the dog in for a check.

 

[Squidgyness]

Over here in England, I've been offered drugs and alcohol of various kinds and strength, seen people smoking weed all over the place, being high IN school, being drunk in school, selling drugs just outside the gates, selling cigarettes on a large scale (100's a day), opened virtual candy stores out of their backpacks with actual candy (no mention of how they got it) and other 'candy' inside school grounds.

All that before I was 16. It got worse thereafter. You'd be surprised at what goes on behind closed doors. Someone in my school got busted for cocaine possession. That was unusual, they mostly preferred the less lethal/expensive drugs in my area.

I agree with pp's. all you can do is train your daughter to be responsible and alert any friends of what goes on, if they don't know already. I suspect it's a widely known issue.

Oh, and if you want a really scary story, somebody over here was caught selling meth... At about 9. It was their parents. Toddlers have been found with it too.

 

[mefordis]

Don't fear the reefer.



















just kidding

 

[jp24]

Don't mistake aggression and the willingness to protect my family for being unhinged. I'm actually nice, giving, well respected member of my community. But I'm not above being physical to protect my family and those I love.

 

[MzDiz]

My 14 year old is curious what planet y'all are from where weed in high school is a shocking development.

At least is doesn't give you 'roid rage. *mumble and point*

 

[jp24]

This has been an enlightening discussion. Thanks to all that participated.

 

[Planogirl]

Wow. Pot was around in huge quantities even back in the dark ages when I went to school. Those that sold it often sold only pot and never did any turf wars break out.

I think that the best way to handle it is to teach your own child to stay away from it. If they do so, you've been a successful parent. However even the best parents in the world might have kids that try it. Even some of those great parents might have tried it themselves.

 

[Coconut36]

Wow. Pot was around in huge quantities even back in the dark ages when I went to school. Those that sold it often sold only pot and never did any turf wars break out.

I think that the best way to handle it is to teach your own child to stay away from it. If they do so, you've been a successful parent. However even the best parents in the world might have kids that try it. Even some of those great parents might have tried it themselves.

I think people really forget or have these idealistic views of what was around "back then"

Oddly enough as I was pulling up this thread I was listening to the song "Reefer Man" Originally written and performed by Cab Calloway in 1933.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

My DH told him he'll give him a week to come up with a plan to end the drugs on school property otherwise he will call the police. He also told him we would help in any way we could.

 

[luvsJack]

Apparently I need to say this again, there is no way my DD is giving up names & telling on anyone!!!

And the reason why she texted from school was because she was so shocked by what happened & we are very close & she tells me everything. She could be labeled as a "goody two shoes" & stuff like this freaks her out. She just didn't think she would be put in that position at school.

My dd would have texted me too. She would have been a bit stunned and not sure if she reacted right so she would call for reassurance. You don't have to explain your relationship with your dd to anyone here, someone always has to make some comment about a hs kid talking (GASP!) to their parents.

You know, I am one that thinks pot should be legal just as alcohol is. And I know that kids drink and smoke when not at school. I graduated in 81 and just like somone else said, my hs days were very much like Dazed and Confused. So, been there done that, got a few of the t-shirts. But with that said, that doesn't mean I think what happened to the OP's dd is ok.

While we did our share of partying, we did not do it AT school. No drug dogs, no police; just a very wise principal and a few coaches that knew where and when to watch. But, you know, with all that partying and thinking we knew it all, I am much wiser now and I do not want my dd to make the choice to smoke pot or drink alcohol during her high school years.

I would not just let it go nor ignore it. I would have talked to the principal. And if dd did not feel comfortable giving the girl's name, telling him the class it was in would be a big step. The drug dog could always make a surprise inspection when they are leaving that class.

I don't agree with some that think the girl with the pot could be dangerous, but pot doesn't belong in school anymore than alcohol does, and as parents we should be helping the schools in any way possible to fight this battle.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Unless my kid was in some kind of danger, I doubt I would have said anything.

I would of said something. I think. I would worry about my retaliation against my daughter and that would stop me. BUT my first thought is if I was the mother of the other kid I would want to know

BUT way to go to your dd

 

[luvmy3]

I don't agree with some that think the girl with the pot could be dangerous, but pot doesn't belong in school anymore than alcohol does, and as parents we should be helping the schools in any way possible to fight this battle.

This made me think of when I was in HS. We used to bring screwdrivers in a thermos in the morning and even smoke a joint in the parking lot before going into the building. Some kids even did it in the bathrooms.
This is not a new problem, and you are right that it doesn't belong in school but if it hasn't changed in 20 years, what is going to change now?

 

[MrsDuck]

All was well until I read that your DH said the principal had a week or he'd call the police... what?

I teach in a public high school and there will ALWAYS be drugs on campus. Despite our best efforts, closed campus, school rules, adult supervision during lunch, etc. Not a good thing, but most likely, a reality.

OP: you've alerted the school to a situation they already knew about, your DD has a good head on her shoulders. Not much else for you to do.