How would you feel???

[cheermom1]

I agree. People disagree. Let them disagree. Let the fact that they disagree foster confidence that this situation is actually quite reasonable, even if perhaps not what one may have expected and/or not necessarily ideal from one's own point of view.

There is no need to interpret beliefs and values that are different from one's own as something bad. We are not clones of each other. Indeed, the tendency to view beliefs and values negatively solely because they are different from our own is a major source of conflict and trouble in our society.

I have to agree with you biker, I only said what I said for a different view. I do understand why she feels the way she feels. Her mom could have at least talked to about it and why she did what she did.

I have seen what a death can do to a family and I didn't like what I saw, I told my parents when the time cones for them I didn't want anything at all except my moms mothers ring. The reason I wanted it was b/c I took my mom on a little trip and we picked it out together and had it made and I paid for it. So it really reminded of the time we spent more than the ring. AND she has made it VERY clear that is mine!!

I will not fight about anything else they have, I will take my ring and go. If my 2 brothers and sister wish me to have anything else they will give it to me. Although in our family we tend to give things to the people we want them to go to before we die which is how I have a few other things that was my moms. And that is how my mom has a set of dishes that my gma gave her before she died.

As far as my situation with my kids and my step kids are different and it really upsets people when you assume somehting that was NOT posted. It is wrong and nasty and tells me that they must have unsolved things in their own life.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

My inlaws (now just MIL) feel that since they have assets to leave DH inheritance... WE OWE THEM, FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES... COMPLETE RESPECT AND SERVICE, NO MATTER WHAT, UNTIL THEY DIE. They have openly voiced 'entitlement'....

That, too, is just warped....



PS: Not to mention that they have set it up with DH's name on everything, and mine (even as the mother of their beloved grandchild) is notably excluded.

That is completely normal - every estate planner/attorney will recommend to NEVER put the inlaw's name in the will.

 

[disykat]

PS: Not to mention that they have set it up with DH's name on everything, and mine (even as the mother of their beloved grandchild) is notably excluded.[/QUOTE]

Isn't that the norm? I assume dh and his sister are listed in his parents will. I KNOW my siblings and I are listed in my parents. I would expect no different.

DH and I made our wills years ago. We have no intention on changing them when our kids get married. It is set up so that our assets will go to THEIR kids if they have passed on. We left no provision for the mother of said grandchildren.

 

[Missy1961]

PS: Not to mention that they have set it up with DH's name on everything, and mine (even as the mother of their beloved grandchild) is notably excluded.

Isn't that the norm? I assume dh and his sister are listed in his parents will. I KNOW my siblings and I are listed in my parents. I would expect no different.

DH and I made our wills years ago. We have no intention on changing them when our kids get married. It is set up so that our assets will go to THEIR kids if they have passed on. We left no provision for the mother of said grandchildren.[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what my grandmother did. One of her children died before she did--the 5 surviving children & the 6 children of the deceased got the inheritance, not the widowed spouse, even though they had been married over 25 years.

 

[lukenick1]

I agree. People disagree. Let them disagree. Let the fact that they disagree foster confidence that this situation is actually quite reasonable, even if perhaps not what one may have expected and/or not necessarily ideal from one's own point of view.

There is no need to interpret beliefs and values that are different from one's own as something bad. We are not clones of each other. Indeed, the tendency to view beliefs and values negatively solely because they are different from our own is a major source of conflict and trouble in our society.

I have absolutely no problem with anyone who disagrees with me thats their opinion. What I do have a problem with is being called selfish, greedy, spoiled, ungrateful and a brat. That is WRONG and UNNECESSARY!!!!!! I was not asking to be attacked in anyway.

 

[lukenick1]

perhaps your mom thought that her wife would stay in your life and help you and your children out as you need it.

That is my hope..........

 

[bicker]

I have absolutely no problem with anyone who disagrees with me thats their opinion. What I do have a problem with is being called selfish, greedy, spoiled, ungrateful and a brat. That is WRONG and UNNECESSARY!!!!!! I was not asking to be attacked in anyway.

Yes, indeed. There is a very big difference between labeling a perspective as selfish or greedy or whatever, and labeling a person as selfish or greedy or whatever. Folks should be addressing their appraisals of the situation to the comments made, not calling specific people names.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

I have absolutely no problem with anyone who disagrees with me thats their opinion. What I do have a problem with is being called selfish, greedy, spoiled, ungrateful and a brat. That is WRONG and UNNECESSARY!!!!!! I was not asking to be attacked in anyway.

Hugs to you OP. I am so sorry you are going through all of this and are being attacked for venting. Certain posters here seek out threads like this just so they can say nasty and rude things, and they do it over and over and over again. I can think of much better ways to go about my day, that's for sure. But, there's a thing called Karma! Try not to let those people bother you.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I'm sorry about your loss OP. My mother died at the age of 61 so I know what it's like to have a parent die before they should.

I think a lot of people would be upset and disappointed if the same thing had happened to them in regards to the will.

But, your mother worked hard her whole life and she left her money to the person she wanted it to go to.

I personally think it is pretty disrespectful of you to be slamming what she did on a message board.

i actually found out recently that my parents haven't changed their will since before i was even born. so as of right now, everything goes to my sister.


however....that doesn't surprise me. my mother has always treated my sister in higher reguards than she's treated me, so my honest reaction was "yeah that figures" and i won't be surprised if she never changes it. like i said before, i don't expect anything from them anyway.

 

[Colleen27]

Of course in this case, the mom went on and on about how the daughter should get the father's money when he passed, and then didn't leave her daughter any money herself, which seems hypocritical.

I don't know if hypocritical is the word I'd use. From the OP's posts it sounds like maybe her father wasn't much use for support when she was a child. Her mom worked two jobs to make ends meet, which makes it sound like her father didn't pay much if anything in support. I can understand a mother in that situation feeling like an inheritance form the deadbeat parent would make up for a little of what the child was owed from those years of neglect.

 

[lukenick1]

Of course in this case, the mom went on and on about how the daughter should get the father's money when he passed, and then didn't leave her daughter any money herself, which seems hypocritical.

It's interesting how parents just feel OK to cut off their kids as they get older. Neither my parents nor my husband's parents viewed their kids this way. They all helped us adult kids out financially, and the adult kids helped out in many other ways. We are very intertwined. In my parent's case, I was able to return the favor and step up and support them in their old age -- because they had helped me out and supported me when I was younger. It was a partnership that lasted their whole lives, and not just cut off when kids turned 18.

My assets do all go to my husband, my son's father. But if circumstances changed god forbid and I had a second marriage, my child would be recognized in my will, as would any grandchildren,in addition to my spouse. I'd want to do my best with any remaining assets to give them a extra boost in life. I can't imagine any parent doing anything less for their kids.

OP, sorry you are going through this. Both IRL and on this message board.

Thank you that is exactly how my DH parents view him and his brother (They are European). My Mom or Dad never helped me financially as an adult EVER. I guess I should have expected this outcome. It wasn't their obligation to support me as an adult but as a parent it should have been a priority to help their kid. Just my opinion. Regardless, I still will always love them, miss them and be grateful for them giving me life.

 

[lukenick1]

I don't know if hypocritical is the word I'd use. From the OP's posts it sounds like maybe her father wasn't much use for support when she was a child. Her mom worked two jobs to make ends meet, which makes it sound like her father didn't pay much if anything in support. I can understand a mother in that situation feeling like an inheritance form the deadbeat parent would make up for a little of what the child was owed from those years of neglect.

You are absolutely right, although he was in my life and supported me with love, he never gave my Mom a dime!!!! He had no money, he was living off his wife. They did, however, pay for my Catholic Education. So they contributed.

 

[lukenick1]

Hugs to you OP. I am so sorry you are going through all of this and are being attacked for venting. Certain posters here seek out threads like this just so they can say nasty and rude things, and they do it over and over and over again. I can think of much better ways to go about my day, that's for sure. But, there's a thing called Karma! Try not to let those people bother you.

Thank you....there are always sour grapes in the bunch

 

[DisneyJules]

I've never understood why children feel "entitled" to their parent's money once they've passed. I wouldn't expect a dime. That's my parents decision to make. Would you feel differently if she had left her money to an institution?

 

[lillygator]

Thank you that is exactly how my DH parents view him and his brother (They are European). My Mom or Dad never helped me financially as an adult EVER. I guess I should have expected this outcome. It wasn't their obligation to support me as an adult but as a parent it should have been a priority to help their kid. Just my opinion. Regardless, I still will always love them, miss them and be grateful for them giving me life.

I'm confused by this...you mean help them when they are an adult?

 

[Disneyrsh]

.

 

[lukenick1]

I've never understood why children feel "entitled" to their parent's money once they've passed. I wouldn't expect a dime. That's my parents decision to make. Would you feel differently if she had left her money to an institution?

Not sure how I would feel about that.....that's not the case here.

 

[lukenick1]

I'm confused by this...you mean help them when they are an adult?

Yes as an adult....I know lots of people who parents help them with a house, finances, etc. I wasn't one of those people nor did I "expect" it. However, I would have hoped that I would have inherited some kind of something from my Mother when she passed. If she were still married to my Dad and left everything to him I would not have cared. This is not the case.

I am over it, just continuing to answer questions and comments on this thread.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Yes as an adult....I know lots of people who parents help them with a house, finances, etc. I wasn't one of those people nor did I "expect" it. However, I would have hoped that I would have inherited some kind of something from my Mother when she passed. If she were still married to my Dad and left everything to him I would not have cared. This is not the case.

I am over it, just continuing to answer questions and comments on this thread.

my parents never helped me financially when i moved out of the house. tbh my mother wanted me to start paying rent once i turned 18(and once i got a job at 15 they stopped paying for things like my clothes and school supplies) so that's another reason why i don't think i'd expect anything from them.


maybe if my parents had helped me out a bit more, i would think i would get something once they passed. it all honestly depends on the individual, you know? did you ever talk to your mom about stuff like that while she was still alive? i know it's morbid, but it is good to know beforehand. like i said, i'm not even in my parents' will, so i'm expecting pretty much nothing.

then again....i didn't have the "ideal family" so my story probably doesn't really apply to you.

 

[1stluvispooh]

Yes as an adult....I know lots of people who parents help them with a house, finances, etc. I wasn't one of those people nor did I "expect" it. However, I would have hoped that I would have inherited some kind of something from my Mother when she passed. If she were still married to my Dad and left everything to him I would not have cared. This is not the case.

I am over it, just continuing to answer questions and comments on this thread.

Can I ask why??? Would you feel different if you had never known your dad and grew up with your mother's spouse as a parent? Just asking.