How would you feel? Vent SIL

[mommasita]

I would like to preface this story by saying DH and I are the ONLY ones with children on both sides of the family:

We ALL went out to eat Sunday night to celebrate DS Bday..DSIL26 (just married last year) says to me, by the way Briana (MY DD8) and I were talking today, and when she gets married, I will go with her to pick her dress, shoes, etc..I will pick out the hall, the everything basically. It will be so much fun as she looks exactly like me, and people will think I am her mom (she totally does look liker her, not me)...I am sitting there stunned, stunned I tell you..I don't know what to say, or how to say it, so I say nothing. I think Ok, breathe through the nose, she is young, just blabbing..

Ten minutes later, she brings it up again, saying that she will do her hair, her makeup at her house..I mean come off it, the kid is 8 next month, her wedding may never even happen. IT just infuriated me..SHould it have? I am such a quiet person, and said to myself, why bother, she is young, don't ruin the supper, etc...She just does this all the time...Saying are you sure she is your daughter (like DUH) as she looks nothing like you, only me. DSIL is a great gal, I love her, we get along, but she is obviously quite immature...

Would anyone else get upset? I mean I think of it now, and am less annoyed, but still slightly so. Hopefully she has kids in the next 20 years... ...

 

[Alicnwondrln]

sounds like she was trying to push your buttons

 

[meeskamouska]

At twenty-eight she should be mature enough to know when to let soemhting go.....but, she is not a parent and once she becomes hopefully she won't feel the need to step on your toes.

Are she and your DD exceptionally close?

 

[Boo'sMom]

sounds like she needs a barbie doll, not a niece.

 

[CarolG]

Well, I don't know - is she going to pay for your daughter's dress, shoes, the hall, etc?

I think I'd be annoyed, too, though.

 

[Pigeon]

I'd be irritated, too. I'd probably try to laugh it off by saying something like, "After you've paid for her college tuition, we'll talk about it."

 

[holycow]

Was she drinking? She is just trying to p#ss you off...your DD is 8 you've got lots of time to move very far away from DSIL(just kidding) Now if she has you sign something saying you give up all rights to your DD then I would start to worry.


Good luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She sounds like a looney!
I don't know if I would put her in the "great" category.

 

[mommasita]

At twenty-eight she should be mature enough to know when to let soemhting go.....but, she is not a parent and once she becomes hopefully she won't feel the need to step on your toes.

Are she and your DD exceptionally close?

She is the child that was born 15yrs after her bro and sis, and SPOILED rotten. Everyone feels badly as my MIL died early, and she was only 19, but she is really into material things bigtime. I don't mean to belittle her, she is very kind, giving, etc, but was extremely spoiled as her parents were MUCH better off at her time of birth, and DH and other DSIL both had part time jobs...

She is not exceptionally close to my DD at all. Very good, kind, would do anything we asked if needed (never ask her)...She is just so out of this world with the fact that DD looks exactly like her, which as stated above, she does.

I am hoping that, when and if, she has kids, she will be more focused on that...

 

[ElizaB39]

It is irritating yes, I would not make a random comment, but be ready for when she brings it up again, and play it off as a great big JOKE, because that is what it is. I agree with the poster that she is a button pusher.

 

[MareQ]

Nah - wouldn't upset me in the least - it's not like the wedding is right around the corner and she's horned her way into your role. DD is only 8 and SIL is trying to pretend to be her mom. It is VERY immature on your SIL's part though.

If she brings it up again just retort back in a "joking manner" - "Hey that's my job - get your own daughter to spoil on her wedding day." That should tell her to back off while still being non confortational about it - kwim?

 

[stargrazer]

Sounds to me like she's just ribbing you. Either that or she has an over-the-top need to feel like an important and/or accepted part of the family...maybe she sees your DD as the link she feels she 'needs'?

Maybe she's having issues with wanting her own kid. Or maybe she's cookoo-koojoo...

Usually when people act this way it has 100% to do with some inadequacy they are feeling and 0% to do with you...IMO.

Hang in there!

 

[mommasita]

I'd be irritated, too. I'd probably try to laugh it off by saying something like, "After you've paid for her college tuition, we'll talk about it."

I shall remember this one, and put it in my back pocket

 

[ElizaB39]

Sounds to me like she's just ribbing you. Either that or she has an over-the-top need to feel like an important and/or accepted part of the family...maybe she sees your DD as the link she feels she 'needs'?

Maybe she's having issues with wanting her own kid. Or maybe she's cookoo-koojoo...

Usually when people act this way it has 100% to do with some inadequacy they are feeling and 0% to do with you...IMO.

Hang in there!

agree.

 

[mommasita]

sounds like she was trying to push your buttons

One would think. My in laws are Italian, and eat every Sunday supper together, while I work (don't feel bad for me ), and DH tells me she is doing this every time..I just went this week, as it was for my DS. I think she is just into herself a little too much.

 

[ElizaB39]

Nah - wouldn't upset me in the least - it's not like the wedding is right around the corner and she's horned her way into your role. DD is only 8 and SIL is trying to pretend to be her mom. It is VERY immature on your SIL's part though.

If she brings it up again just retort back in a "joking manner" - "Hey that's my job - get your own daughter to spoil on her wedding day." That should tell her to back off while still being non confortational about it - kwim?

Good one.

 

[mommasita]

Was she drinking? She is just trying to p#ss you off...your DD is 8 you've got lots of time to move very far away from DSIL(just kidding) Now if she has you sign something saying you give up all rights to your DD then I would start to worry.


Good luck!

No, she was not drinking...

 

[mommasita]

Nah - wouldn't upset me in the least - it's not like the wedding is right around the corner and she's horned her way into your role. DD is only 8 and SIL is trying to pretend to be her mom. It is VERY immature on your SIL's part though.

If she brings it up again just retort back in a "joking manner" - "Hey that's my job - get your own daughter to spoil on her wedding day." That should tell her to back off while still being non confortational about it - kwim?

I have said something similar on occasion. I am just easy going..Never wanting to ruffle feathers, but it is starting to get to me...I do KWIM exactly...I should say something now, before it gets

 

[Bob Slydell]

Nah - wouldn't upset me in the least - it's not like the wedding is right around the corner and she's horned her way into your role. DD is only 8 and SIL is trying to pretend to be her mom. It is VERY immature on your SIL's part though.

I agree. Something that's at least a decade a way is not worth getting worked up over.

 

[meeskamouska]

She is the child that was born 15yrs after her bro and sis, and SPOILED rotten. Everyone feels badly as my MIL died early, and she was only 19, but she is really into material things bigtime. I don't mean to belittle her, she is very kind, giving, etc, but was extremely spoiled as her parents were MUCH better off at her time of birth, and DH and other DSIL both had part time jobs...

She is not exceptionally close to my DD at all. Very good, kind, would do anything we asked if needed (never ask her)...She is just so out of this world with the fact that DD looks exactly like her, which as stated above, she does.

I am hoping that, when and if, she has kids, she will be more focused on that...

Since they aren't particularly close...it would really irritate me. She has a lot of growing up to do....good luck!!