How would you feel? Vent SIL

[lulugirl]

I wouldn't have been upset at all, in fact I would have laughed in her face.
Sounds like SIL is either trying to get a rise out of you or she's very childish and somewhat delusional.

 

[mommasita]

Since they aren't particularly close...it would really irritate me. She has a lot of growing up to do....good luck!!

Thank you, agreed.

 

[MamaLema]

No, it wouldn't upset me. You have to know that if your DD gets married one day, YOU are the one she is going to want to help her plan her special day.

 

[stargrazer]

Edited for Off Topic

 

[mommasita]

I agree. Something that's at least a decade a way is not worth getting worked up over.

You are right of course, it is far away, if it is to be. I am not that upset, as I even laugh about it at times. I am so glad most of the time, we are a great close family, but at other times it is too much..

Her comment ALL the time is, I hope you don't get mad when I keep saying that Briana looks just like me? I LOL to her, and say, no dear, she may look like you, but she is MY daughter,on the inside, in such a voice, she has no response to....

 

[Nicolepa]

I wouldn't let it bother me. If I were to say anything I'd say something to the effect of, "If you want to plan it you pay for it..."

 

[mommasita]

Okay, not trying to steal your thread but I, too, am having a SIL issue and would like some thoughts.

How would you feel if you had a SIL that you really didn't like but could tolerate enough to keep the peace; say she called your house and told your hubby that she was coming on your next vacation with you? Didn't ask if she could come, told you she WAS coming (heard about vaycay from MIL)...and hubby said OK? Even if hubby KNEW you didn't want to spend your vaycay with her because you just spent the LAST one with her? And now hubby getting frustrated because YOU are frustrated?

We are leaving Saturday to meet in the mountains, and I will be nice (I even offered for her family to stay with us since they will be there every freaking minute of the day anyway might as well save money) but I hate to say I am literally DREADING my vacation...give me some words of advice!!!

OOh, no problem, come over. I would be very upset as well...VERY...However, suck it up, do it, it is one time. We did this with other SIL once, and had the worst vacation of our lives. Was it awful? YES. But we learned to NEVER do it again. The one you really need to speak to IMHO is your DH..

There is never an easy way to deal with this. At this point I would do it, or have DH call to explain that he wants a FAMILY vacation, his family.

Hope all goes well.

 

[mommasita]

I wouldn't let it bother me. If I were to say anything I'd say something to the effect of, "If you want to plan it you pay for it..."

I am always a day late and a dollar short. While at home later I think, I should have said this or that. My Mom always taught me though, to just smile at situations like this, it drives the other person nuts...But, I will give this retort in the future..

 

[va32h]

My sister cannot have children, and she spoils my three very much. She really does love them, and I think at times she has probably pretended that they are hers.

Sometimes it does bother me - she gives them more at Christmas than I do, more even than Santa!

But my mom said something a long time ago that I just keep reminding myself.

You are mommy, and you are irreplaceable. No matter who they love, or who loves them, you and you alone wear the title and honor of mother.

So I let my sister have her fun, and try not to let it get on my nerves too much. I do think it will be good for them to have another adult that they are close too, for those times when they don't want to come to me.

 

[lulugirl]

I wouldn't let it bother me. If I were to say anything I'd say something to the effect of, "If you want to plan it you pay for it..."

I like this!

 

[Cindy's Mom]

If she brings it up again just retort back in a "joking manner" - "Hey that's my job - get your own daughter to spoil on her wedding day." That should tell her to back off while still being non confortational about it - kwim?

Hey, you stole my response . Although this Italian would not have said it an a joking manner - I would just say, "hey, get your own kid and leave mine alone, I'm her mother and I'll plan her wedding". END OF STORY. Been there, done that. Will that stop your SIL - not in the least, does it stop me from saying it each and every time....NO. My SIL big thing was diamond earring for my DD. I said NO about a million times to her. I said that DH and I want to buy her first diamonds for her when she's 16. Last Christmas (D)SIL gave earrings to my DD and they appeared to be diamonds. I shot a glance at my SIL that would kill. She said "no, they are Cubic Zirconia" the next couple days later, I took them to a jeweler, they WERE diamonds and I returned them to SIL and told her not to EVER betray my wishes with MY DAUGHTER AGAIN. So far, so good.

 

[stargrazer]

OOh, no problem, come over. I would be very upset as well...VERY...However, suck it up, do it, it is one time. We did this with other SIL once, and had the worst vacation of our lives. Was it awful? YES. But we learned to NEVER do it again. The one you really need to speak to IMHO is your DH..

There is never an easy way to deal with this. At this point I would do it, or have DH call to explain that he wants a FAMILY vacation, his family.

Hope all goes well.

Thanks!! I posted it on another thread so I wasn't stealing, lol.

I have made that clear...the last one we took (in July) was to visit her and the other family there. We compromised - got our own hotel, but she ended up coming and staying in our hotel room.

I don't know what it is with this situation but he feels powerless to tell her NO (that, or he just doesn't want to). He is the youngest and I can't sort out if he is like this because he doesn't want to hurt her or if he's doing it to keep me in my place.


EDIT - I won't take up any more space in this thread with my drama since I started my own, LOL

 

[mssocks]

Well the voice of opposition here. I don't think she should have gone on and on about the wedding business. Poor judgment for sure. And I am guilty of telling my sister I was taking my nephew to WDW hours after he was born. But now she shares her kids with me which is very generous since I will never have children of my own.

In general, she should back off the "mine" syndrome. not nice. Someone once mistook me for my nephew's mom - I replied "I really wish he was". For a moment I felt special. But then I'm not 26 anymore. Is she dating? Is there a chance she will ever be a Mom? Just feeling torn on what to say here.

 

[mommasita]

Thanks!! I posted it on another thread so I wasn't stealing, lol.

I have made that clear...the last one we took (in July) was to visit her and the other family there. We compromised - got our own hotel, but she ended up coming and staying in our hotel room.

I don't know what it is with this situation but he feels powerless to tell her NO (that, or he just doesn't want to). He is the youngest and I can't sort out if he is like this because he doesn't want to hurt her or if he's doing it to keep me in my place.

I don't know your DH, but keep you in your place I hope not..This sounds very very very passe, and should never have been then..

Is he a workover? I know my DH is with his 2 sisters, however he has learned, or I have showed him the way, that HIS family is #1..He even tells them that now, you are my sisters, but my wife and kids are my main priority..I hope it works out as best as it can...

There are nice ways to explain..We work all year, never see each other, our vacation is only for us..I do hope you understand, as we are so busy during they year, etc..

Again, hugs to you

 

[mommasita]

Well the voice of opposition here. I don't think she should have gone on and on about the wedding business. Poor judgment for sure. And I am guilty of telling my sister I was taking my nephew to WDW hours after he was born. But now she shares her kids with me which is very generous since I will never have children of my own.

In general, she should back off the "mine" syndrome. not nice. Someone once mistook me for my nephew's mom - I replied "I really wish he was". For a moment I felt special. But then I'm not 26 anymore. Is she dating? Is there a chance she will ever be a Mom? Just feeling torn on what to say here.

SHe married last year. ALways talking about having them, but finishing her degree first...I often wonder if she actually will.. I really hope so, when her time is right..

 

[mssocks]

SHe married last year. ALways talking about having them, but finishing her degree first...I often wonder if she actually will.. I really hope so, when her time is right..

Ahhh! That changes my response then. She's a brat and no excuses!

 

[horseshowmom]

You are right of course, it is far away, if it is to be. I am not that upset, as I even laugh about it at times. I am so glad most of the time, we are a great close family, but at other times it is too much..

Her comment ALL the time is, I hope you don't get mad when I keep saying that Briana looks just like me? I LOL to her, and say, no dear, she may look like you, but she is MY daughter,on the inside, in such a voice, she has no response to....

Now this adds a different perspective to it. Before I would have been annoyed but just have considered her spoiled and self-centered (where everything that happens in her universe should revolve around her - even YOUR DD's wedding which is ridiculous to even be discussing so adamantly at this point).

However, the fact that she makes the comment that I bolded (ALL the time, as you said) speaks volumes. I think she's purposely trying to make you uncomfortable and would probably love the chance to "play" the offended party if you spoke rudely to her.

I'd just look at her like she'd lost her mind every time she says something stupid like that and go on to change the subject quickly (no matter how much she resisted).

Good luck!

 

[WilmaBud]

Wow, I guess I'm in the minority. This wouldn't bother me at all. It sounds like she gets a kick out of your daughter and the fact that she looks like her. She's probably just being light-hearted - how serious could wedding talk be for an 8 year old? She's probably just trying to "bond" with her.

Doesn't sound like a big deal at all to me. Then again, I'm not easily offended. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

[shirleyb]

This reminds me of when my first DS was born and my in-laws had practically planned every birthday party, vacation, etc until he was 10! I remember then going on about doing this and doing that, and thinking to myself, wait, I am his mother, don't I get a say in this? Then I realized it was all just talk and let it go, and of course none of it ever came to pass.

I think she's trying to push your buttons, and while I know I'd be annoyed, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

 

[ilovejack02]

LOL

I prob would have been astounded that she said it, but come on .... its funny as heck!!!!

It wont come true and try not to get all fired up. She is young, not a mom and just talking out of her behind.

Its pretty funny for her to think that will actually come true
What a silly girl she is!!!